Reading OODy's blog reminded me so much about myself. Sometimes I wonder, if this indentity crisis 'friend' will ever stop bugging me.
When I was in primary school, I have to confess, that I never fit in. I only loved chinese girls and boys and played with them. It wasn’t that I didn’t have any malay friends, I did, I played with them a bunch but then most of the time, I would stray away and play with them chinese girls. I did have best friends here and there…they're malays. Loved them to death!
Then went to secondary school. The identity crisis got stronger for me. Since it was a mission school, you could count the malays with just your 2 hands. So I had tonnes of chinese friends, loved them all! But then came the problem of 'forgetting' to mix with the malays. OK OK, I did not forget, I chose not to hang out with them as they had the minah rock attire with 2 braids on their heads, long socks that I called stockings and ultra short skirts. Errrr…that sure did not sound like Ely! I was the new wavey hairdo, fashion and loved roller skating at the noon disco where all the Ah Bengs hung out. Oh how I loved that moment! The malays started to call me 'belacan terselit', eksen bagus, tak mengaku melayu. But but but (Ely stammering)…Ely doesn’t like looking like a malay red indian either! But the crisis went on. Me and my ah mois and the malays jeering at me.
Note : Never got invited to any beach parties of bbq's by the malays…they said I am too kental. But that's OK, I was busy burying my nose in the books and learning to speak mandarin!
To make the story short, I had the worst indentity crisis when I moved to San Francisco where 51% are asians. Since we live in Daly City, the statistics change…I can say that it is 75% filipino. At work, customers speak to me in Spanish, when I was learning to drive, my driving instructor spoke to me in Tagalog (turn left? Hallo? Why I turned right?), some said Aloha to me. One day, I went home and asked the husband, 'When you looked at me for the first time, do I look hispanic, filipino or hawaiian?'. The husband went,'Are you having an identity crisis?'. Took me a moment to answer him but yeah! I AM HAVING AN IDENTITY CRISIS…can someone help me? If I colored my hair very light, I would look like hawaiian and if I colored my hair very dark, I become hispanic. How about green? Then I'll turn into a gothicky white gurl hahaha.
Sigh…4 years later, I learned to deal with this crisis thingy. I learned to get use to saying 'No habla espanol', 'not a filipino but close' and 'aloha (as in bye bye) back to you'! And when someone asked me what I am? I would say 'Whatever you want me to be as long as you don’t make me speakah your language!'
When I was in primary school, I have to confess, that I never fit in. I only loved chinese girls and boys and played with them. It wasn’t that I didn’t have any malay friends, I did, I played with them a bunch but then most of the time, I would stray away and play with them chinese girls. I did have best friends here and there…they're malays. Loved them to death!
Then went to secondary school. The identity crisis got stronger for me. Since it was a mission school, you could count the malays with just your 2 hands. So I had tonnes of chinese friends, loved them all! But then came the problem of 'forgetting' to mix with the malays. OK OK, I did not forget, I chose not to hang out with them as they had the minah rock attire with 2 braids on their heads, long socks that I called stockings and ultra short skirts. Errrr…that sure did not sound like Ely! I was the new wavey hairdo, fashion and loved roller skating at the noon disco where all the Ah Bengs hung out. Oh how I loved that moment! The malays started to call me 'belacan terselit', eksen bagus, tak mengaku melayu. But but but (Ely stammering)…Ely doesn’t like looking like a malay red indian either! But the crisis went on. Me and my ah mois and the malays jeering at me.
Note : Never got invited to any beach parties of bbq's by the malays…they said I am too kental. But that's OK, I was busy burying my nose in the books and learning to speak mandarin!
To make the story short, I had the worst indentity crisis when I moved to San Francisco where 51% are asians. Since we live in Daly City, the statistics change…I can say that it is 75% filipino. At work, customers speak to me in Spanish, when I was learning to drive, my driving instructor spoke to me in Tagalog (turn left? Hallo? Why I turned right?), some said Aloha to me. One day, I went home and asked the husband, 'When you looked at me for the first time, do I look hispanic, filipino or hawaiian?'. The husband went,'Are you having an identity crisis?'. Took me a moment to answer him but yeah! I AM HAVING AN IDENTITY CRISIS…can someone help me? If I colored my hair very light, I would look like hawaiian and if I colored my hair very dark, I become hispanic. How about green? Then I'll turn into a gothicky white gurl hahaha.
Sigh…4 years later, I learned to deal with this crisis thingy. I learned to get use to saying 'No habla espanol', 'not a filipino but close' and 'aloha (as in bye bye) back to you'! And when someone asked me what I am? I would say 'Whatever you want me to be as long as you don’t make me speakah your language!'
11 comments:
so seriously you jennifer lopez you,
what are you?
Do you have a red indian name? Big Cloud, Praying Tiger or Slap Loud? Can you speak mandarin? Wo ai ni? Do you mabuhay or aloha?
you know you are just Ely to me!
Oh, i cant roller skate you know.
i can skate alright, spread eagled on the tarmac.
of course u r malay Ely!but i understand, rootedness can get confused at times.
Ely, kau lah Ratu Melayu Tulin yang tinggal di atas bukit Bandar Jembatan Pagar Emas! Susah nak dapat title tu beb!
Anyway,recently a renowned prof from Malaysia hypothesised that a kemelayuan ada 3 faktor pengukur - bahasa, agama dan satu lagi aku tak ingat. You have both.
Yang ketiga yang aku lupa tu, mari kita cipta sendiri. Bahasa, Agama dan Makan?! Heeee...
minah kental ya?? hehehe! first time I dengar that term!
Ely, I can relate to that :) I too, went to a mission school (Methodist Girls), and there was only me and another Malay girl thru'out my 10 years there. My 'geng' were mostly Indians though, but I got along with everyone and everyone got along with me. But one thing not good was, because of the school's influence as a collective, everyone wanted to be a Mat Salleh!!! *LOL* My friends Jess and Seetha still mention about that to this day! I only had Malay friends when I went to JC. But then I realized that the Malay girls could be bitchy, jealous and full of drama. No difference with the Chinese and Indians, but it was more pronounced with this group. And if we were a little different, ada aje lah diorang nak comment... Sorry, no offence to the Malay community here - just my experience. :)
So anyway, I just want to point out that it's good we have a circle of friends who are of different nationalities - it makes us whole and we get to learn more abt their language and culture.
It doesn't matter if they think you're Hispanic, Hawaiian or Filipino [been there as well - but get mad when I say Singaporean and they think I'm from China]. We are all Adam and Eve's children after all ;)
oody, dil tu pagel hey. gasak aku lah ckp hindustan!
twin, saya orang melayu, tapi kalau dah uproot, mesti get confused myself!
uja, like i told u my hubby ckp i nih Ratu Kepala Batu!
dena, kental means lame hehehehe
hartini, yeah the china part! its like halo...here's the ATLAS!!!!
we are the children of the world hehehe.
ayu, u're always so cute!
kak ely,
kat sini,org siam..(yg keje kt saloon or thai food)slalu cakap kelantan n siam to me.they will ask 'kak..melayu ke?' @ 'kak org thai ka?' and bila tanya balik..they say i look like org siam!!.. skin kot..ikut belah tok from pattani..
macam2..
*belacan terselit*
ha ha ha
funny but brutal
nadya, so thats why u're so pretty :)
tenah, yeah heck of brutal man!
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