I received a message on YM from my friend Iffa. She said,’Ely are you there? I need to talk to you’.
So I went, ‘Yes, I’m here wussup?’
She said, ‘Ely, my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer! And she has 1 year to live!’
OK…so how was I supposed to react? Firstly, I said that I was so sorry. Iffa was typing line after line on how it happened and how her mom is doing and when she’s going back to Singapore to visit her mom and being so pregnant at the same time.
It turned out that Iffa’s mom had been coughing badly since the past 2 years. The Dr’s said that it was just mere bronchitis and nothing to worry about. Then lately, her mom discovered a lump on her arm. Dr made some tests and discovered that she has lung cancer, and it has spread to her body and brains….stage 4. She will start radiation and chemo next week.
Now the plan is that Iffa is going to Singapore next week for 9 days, return to the US to give birth and then go back to Singapore after. If her mom feels well, then she will come to visit.
Iffa is so upset. She cried for 2 days but has not come to terms with the situation (trust me, you will never be able to come to terms). She is in Seattle, Washington and me, San Francisco, California. I couldn’t run there and give her a hug. But I could just be here and listen to her online. Or call her to make sure that she was OK. I do feel for her. The feel of panic, sad, angry and everything. And that kind of reflects the feeling back to me.
Since I moved here a few years back, knowing that I would be so far from my parents, what if there comes a time when my parents need me? What if something happens to them and I would not be there to give 1st hand help or catch their last breath? What if …what if??? What if Iffa’s scenario had been shifted to me instead of her? Would I pack right now and move back to Singapore so that I could be with my mom for the rest of her life, regardless of when she is going to go? Believe me, I have been asking myself that a few times over, and never find the answer. But I told my husband that if such things were to happen to my parents, we have to move back and my parents will have to come first.
I guess that I will never find the right answer. Hoping everyday that my parents are well even though Allah could just take our health, wealth and happiness we have in a split second.
But for now, Iffa and her family are in my heart. If you’re reading this Iffa, my heart goes out to you and your family. You know that I am just a holler away…will always be here whenever you need me. Hugs…
So I went, ‘Yes, I’m here wussup?’
She said, ‘Ely, my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer! And she has 1 year to live!’
OK…so how was I supposed to react? Firstly, I said that I was so sorry. Iffa was typing line after line on how it happened and how her mom is doing and when she’s going back to Singapore to visit her mom and being so pregnant at the same time.
It turned out that Iffa’s mom had been coughing badly since the past 2 years. The Dr’s said that it was just mere bronchitis and nothing to worry about. Then lately, her mom discovered a lump on her arm. Dr made some tests and discovered that she has lung cancer, and it has spread to her body and brains….stage 4. She will start radiation and chemo next week.
Now the plan is that Iffa is going to Singapore next week for 9 days, return to the US to give birth and then go back to Singapore after. If her mom feels well, then she will come to visit.
Iffa is so upset. She cried for 2 days but has not come to terms with the situation (trust me, you will never be able to come to terms). She is in Seattle, Washington and me, San Francisco, California. I couldn’t run there and give her a hug. But I could just be here and listen to her online. Or call her to make sure that she was OK. I do feel for her. The feel of panic, sad, angry and everything. And that kind of reflects the feeling back to me.
Since I moved here a few years back, knowing that I would be so far from my parents, what if there comes a time when my parents need me? What if something happens to them and I would not be there to give 1st hand help or catch their last breath? What if …what if??? What if Iffa’s scenario had been shifted to me instead of her? Would I pack right now and move back to Singapore so that I could be with my mom for the rest of her life, regardless of when she is going to go? Believe me, I have been asking myself that a few times over, and never find the answer. But I told my husband that if such things were to happen to my parents, we have to move back and my parents will have to come first.
I guess that I will never find the right answer. Hoping everyday that my parents are well even though Allah could just take our health, wealth and happiness we have in a split second.
But for now, Iffa and her family are in my heart. If you’re reading this Iffa, my heart goes out to you and your family. You know that I am just a holler away…will always be here whenever you need me. Hugs…
18 comments:
mmg i tak sanggup merantau lama2 ely, belajar 4 tahun pun rasa lama ya amat. but then home is where the heart is kan.
Sorry to hear about your friend's mom. I hope she is and her mom is coping well in this situation. Berat mata memandang berat lagi bahu memikul ni kan.
massy, i know, isnt it scarey for us who live so far away from our parents.
tenah, i know. but kalau jodoh dah jauh tuh, dah tak boleh nak balik camner kan? tawakkal lah.
auntyN, iffa's mother is a very positive lady. i am sure that she will cope pretty well. memang berat kalau dgr berita camnih.
what is wrong with this world? sooo many people I know have cancer! my heart goes out to Iffa and family. Insya-Allah, her mom will be able to fight it!
Iffa,
i am in anti-cancer vaccine research. as scary as cancers may be, it is very very very possible to survive cancer. Have faith and jangan putus doa and usaha. And take care of the little one jugak. And take care of yourself too.
Elly,
sayang mak-abah tak berubah kan walaupun kita ada family sendiri? I pon kirim doa that you will be there with them dalam apa keadaan pon. Mintak tolong dengan Dia that you will be given the peluang to berbakti to orang tua no matter where you are, in whichever form.
That's one very difficult dilemma to deal with! I feel for Iffa... Insyaallah her mom will quickly recover. We can only hope for the best and pray for them. How many months pregnant is she anyway?
ely, do u think u cud hook me up with iffa via YM. my mom has advanced metastatic cancer as well. maybe we can exchange ideas.
mammal, thank you. i know, maybe lebih banyak cobaan untuk kita semua kan? btw mammal? where have u been? i emailed u belum balas pun.
ood, looks like iffa's mom is very positive. she is not emotional effected by her condition. iffa says that her mom seemed to be wanting to fight it which is good. i admire her mom for her strong courage. thank you so much for the doa, i doa for the same thing everyday too, huggs.
hartini, i think iffa is almost 7 mths preggy. its a girl! so she is looking forward to going back but not looking forward to coming back here, cos it is going to be so hurtful to leave her mom.
ayu, thanks dear. right now, i pray for iffa and her mom's strong courage. insyaAllah.
nazrah, yeah, let me send her a msg and tell her to add u? thank you so much for your concern, i am sure u could help her in handling this situation.
hey ely!! I've been around tapi a bit busy lah! waddaya mean I haven't replied yr mail?? I dah balas petang tadi..you didn't get it ke?
we'll all doa for her. I have friends yang dah stage 4, Alhamdulillah masih ok. doa.
hey mammal, time u reply my msg tuh i tidur kot? kata time difference beb! i dah reply dah, jgn marah hehehe.
thank you kak teh. insyaAllah iffa's mom will be ok. she has the will to fight it! thank tou for ur doa.
7 mths? I dunno how the airlines work currently, but I used to hear that they don't allow very pregnant ladies on-board the plane for fear that she might get into labour while flying. I hope I am wrong though, coz I would definitely want her to visit her mom, just so she can deal with this.
Hope your friend Iffa bersabar..I can relate your concern, Ely..my cousin in Canada didn't get to see her father during that last breath...but at least you have thought about it and that's already a preparation. I believe Allah will ease things for you...insyaallah.
n.
p.s. check out my apple background! ;)
hartini, tak tau pulak if she is in the 6th or 7th mth. but she is in the OK range of travelling.
hey apple, thanks for visiting. i will nvr find the answer to my question :(
Hopefully your friend's mom will be ok..I will pray for her.
Ask her not to give up till the last second.
fishy and englee, thanks for visiting. giving up is not in ther mom's vocab. so fight she will!
Elly, this is Jul from SD. You introduced me to Iffa and we had chatted a few times. Please let her know that I feel her pain. If she wants to talk, I am here for her. I went through the same thing last year. My mother had been sick and I had to go home three times last year. It was hard and I didn't know where I found the strength to deal with the pain. Each time my family called, they said, "mum can't make it and she is waiting for you." Each time I rushed home, she managed to pull through. Sadly, my dear beloved mother passed away in October. I did went home for the final good-bye. It was hard, but I know she is in a better place and not suffering. I do miss her dearly and I still cry for her. Iffa, I know your pain. Especially when you are expecting a baby at the same time. Trust in God and there is always hope and miracle. Take care and we are all here for you.
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