Sigh, here I go again with this song from Avenged Sevenfold...Seize the Day. No wonder I love metal music, they express how I feel. I love metal since I was 13. When I feel angry or emotional, I have it at full blast. I remember going to work on the train in SF, with metal music blasting in my ears. Love it!

I feel do emotional today. Not the emotional cry baby feel but I feel that I miss everyone in my life today...EVERYONE...even the husband who's working right now.

I miss my son
my mak and bapak
my sister and nieces
my twin nazrah
my cousin Aliah
my relatives in Singapore


Have you ever felt like when you live so far away, one day, you wake up and miss everyone? But you're not sad, just have this sense of longing. Like you wish they're a phone call away and then tell them to meet you at pasar Geylang for some nasi padang in 30 minutes.

Many a times when I drive home, drive by the school the son used to go to, I see the teenage boys, how I long to just jump out of the car and hug one of them, any of them, like my son.

Many a times, I wish I could just pick the phone and tell Nazrah my twin to get ready cos we're going to color our hair today and lets eat lunch before we do that hehehe.

Maybe I am just going through this post-PMS crap.

Note to self : I hit Target yesterday, wooohooo, few more days to hit achiever target. Not sure if I can hit it.

Bumped my head against the edge of a metal shelf yesterday at work while bending over to grab my laptop bag. I thought I was going to pass out when that happened. A co worker came up to be from behind to say hello and when I turned and told him what just happened, he said that I literally had a dent on my forehead. Painful??? Can't explain. Walked back to my desk and told my other co worker what happened, she was so concerned and started checking up on me every few minutes, just in case I turned to be delirious. No...I did not speak Russian after that but I saw stars and was sore for hours.

Another co worker told me that I might have a minor concussion. She said that if I went home, not to go to sleep as that would lead to coma if I really had the concussion...thanks for letting me know! This morning, another co worker who works in the city messaged me. I told her what happened to my head yesterday. She said 'You better go see a Dr, Elly. My aunt passed away 12 mths after she hit her head, she had clood clot'...I panicked and made an appointment to see the Workers Compensation Dr.

The Dr saw me and started laughing. She said that I am fine. Just a tiny bump, yes she squeezed the damn bump like a zit...OUCH...I said. She said 'its nothing!'. She dismissed me and said that I do not have to panic.

Who knows that a dent on my forehead would attract so much attention in my office.

Sales this month has been pretty slow, but I am hitting target. A couple for thousands to go and I'd hit that bonus target. I sound so calm eh? Heck, I did not behave this way 2 weeks ago. I was neurotic, so afraid that I would be below target. Alhamdulillah, Allah seems to love me and my family. Apart from the rezeki thrown to us, He managed to keep this 'hamba' sane!!!

Pampered myself a little bit today. Eyebrow and lip wax, pedicure. No shopping...can't think properly when I have this 'dent' on my forehead.

Suraya is learning new things now. She whimpers like a little puppy when she wants something. So irritating that I had decided to let her know that it is not okay to whimper. Amazingly, she listens...at times, okay, most times she listens. She has learned a new way to express herself when shes mad. By throwing her toys everywhere on the floor and then looks at me. What an angel!

Nothing much to blog about really. Nothing eventful has happened. Just stress and more stress from work. Sometimes I ask myself, why lah I decided to go into the Sales force when I have a baby force at home?

I dont know. Its not like I work till 8pm everynight. In fact, the latest I get home is 6:30pm and it takes only 8 minutes for me to get home. But I sacrifice at least 2 hours on Saturdays to go to work just to make phone calls. 2 hours does not seem alot but it is enough to make me feel guilty for leaving my kids.

Some single agents think that married agents like me have balance in our lives. We work hard and play hard. We have 8 hours to make the best out of a day and come 5:30-6pm, we force ourselves to turn our laptops off, bring our laptop home and spend time with our family. 90% of us who have families do not work from home (how to???). As for the singles, sometimes, they do work from home, work till 7pm and half of Saturdays. They go home, think about thier production numbers (I do too!) and then feel miserable. Good thing the kids makes it impossible to think about the numbers.

Sigh...maybe I am going through a transition. I have a history of moaning and whining through transition, kicking and screaming when it gets hard but always manage to hit the target.

Maybe next month, I can handle this stress crap better...InsyaAllah.

In the meantime, I am so happy to have spent the entire weekend with my girls without working on Saturday (next week must work Saturday tho). 48 whole hours of being surrounded by my girls and giving them unconditional love...priceless!!!

Also in the meantime part II, the husband has been working ALL weekend. I hardly see him. But we do talk on the phone a lot. I do miss him so much but what to do. Work is work, at least he came back from work with chocolate covered donuts this morning.

My daughter is in awe, as to how I have lost this much weight (30 lbs or more?) by eating junk all weekend? Take a doze of stress, sure to burn your fats and brains!

Suraya is a pro in walking now. This morning, I forgot to put the gate up by the kitchen entrance. I came out of the bathroom, she walked out of the kitchen and handed me a glass that she had taken from the glass cabinet. She was smiling and I was freaking out! Dont know why she loves the kitchen. If the cats love the kitchen why not the baby eh?

Kakak Mas has been such a couch potato since spring break last week. But she is making good money babysitting Suraya. So much money that she went on a shopping spree last weekend and I just watched, my money gone to her babysitting fees! Perfect sister she is...wish her brother is here too.

Abang Mat is doing very well in school. We are surely on the road to recovery in terms of relationship. We talk on the phone at least once a week, email once a week. He speaks to everyone at home. The other day, he called and said that he was out sick from school. Sakit kepala, so he said. But all was well my dad said, Mat was just getting the blues we thought. We all miss him to death. Believe it or not, he has a girlfriend now. Very mentel right? A girl from CHIJ, her parents are police officers. Good, at least I know he will be in 'good hands' hehehe.

My kids, believe it or not, I miss or should I say LONG to have the 3 of them in front of me....sigh!

Here's Suraya taken last weekend. Isn't she an angel? How to marah her when she does something bad? Those angelic eyes.

This is how you drink bubble tea from the straw...geddit?

Shes a pro in book flipping, she loves to read!

Tell me, how to get mad at her with that face? She smiles 24/7!

This was yesterday. 8 bands played to give me a total taste of Chaos. As much as not a concert person that I am, I love metal and alternative. This one was pretty perfect for me. The kids were standing for 6 hours at the floor near the mosh pit, while I sat at the upper arena, the stadium seats waiting for me and the stage was at eye level.

This is my FAVORITE song

Awesome!!! Will be back when my hearing recovers. In the meantime...

Is it time to update yet? Been 3 weeks since the last one eh?

Work is great! I did pretty good last month, but this month, I have barely lifted off the ground. I made a mistake. I stopped prospecting after I hit my target last month resulting a halt in sales hmmmppph!!! But I have been getting good omens so far. Allah has been giving me good vibes and good signs.

I spent Saturday morning at work, making phone calls. I made 7 calls and I get 1 quote, 2 appointments. A co worker who did 20 calls with only 1 appointment thinks that I have the magic touch in this job cos I always seem to use little time to gain a sale. I dont know, maybe being a chatterbox or having dealt with insurance for more than 10 years has shown that I am THE person to talk to when it comes to insurance.

But...my numbers are still low. 3 applications had been mailed, expecting good sales from them, but my theory is that, when they're not mine, I cant confirm the numbers, arrrghhh! I told the boss that I need business, he says 'You said that last month but you made top numbers, so I dont believe you!' but I was telling the truth. Maybe he knows that I know what I am doing. But geez, I do need to hussle more this week, thats for slacking 1 week ago.

Anyway, last week, I went to visit the San Francisco office where I used to work. A few could not recognize me. Some apologized to me as they did not intend to ignore me. They said that I have lost so much weight, I look different. Yer ker??? I told them 'If you want to lose weight, be an insurance agent, no time to eat!'. I meant it in a good way though. But hey, kinda nice for people to say that I lost weight eh? What I need now is to upgrade this diamond ring...eh no, get a smaller sized wadrobe hehehe. I have no freakin' idea what my size is. No...am not a size 2, husband tells me not to 'diappear' on him. Meat is good hehehe....

Oh before I go, let me ask....

Anyone wants insurance? Anyone???? If you buy insurance from me, I'll be your Fab Agent! Hehehehe...