I was walking by myself to the bus stop this morning, with the iPod turned on with the song 'Ghazal Untuk Rabiah' by Jamal Abdillah and M Nasir…it touched me. The song did not touch me but it reminds me of someone who was meaningful in my life some 10 years ago. She was my late 'ex' mother in law….well she was not my 'ex' then as she passed away while she was still my mother in law. Mak Som loved this song! So I thought I would like to share this feeling with you all…
Mak Som was a happy 60 year old nenek with about 17 grandkids including mine and 8 children. She married my father in law when she was about 16… when bapak was then a sailor. She was such a baby factory that each time when bapak left her to go to sea, he would come back with a surprise addition to the family. What could he say. Gone for 9 months, missed his wife, came back, boom…product of their lovemaking! The 'misi' (nurse) at that time kept telling Mak to start taking birth control pills when she gave birth to child #6. But nooooooooo….she said 'Camner aku nak makan pill? Laki aku balik setahun sekali…buat aper makan pill? Anak banyak pun banyaklah!'. Until she gave birth to the ex…the last in the brood, the brat in brood (lets not talk further about this).
Then bapak got promoted. Head of sailor to sea captain. Lots of money! At that time, bapak could bring Mak Som everywhere, you name it, Saigon, China, Thailand…all by sea but in the asian continent as Mak Som couldn’t leave her precious kids home by themselves for too long. Bapak made tonnes of money, while Mak Som cared for the kids…no no, let me rephrase this, while she coddled the kids. Mak Som was everything to the 6 boys and 2 girls. Apparently, the 2 girls turned out to be the champions in life (as in tough) and knew how to care for themselves better than the boys. Imagine this, the ex husband had NEVER boiled water until he married me, NEVER cooked rice till he married me (heck! Someone needed to learn somewhere!).
When I mentioned that the 2 girls tend to be tougher in life, I really meant it. They were more independent financially and they didn’t run to Mak Som all the time unlike the boys….who ran to their mom especially for money.
Money….king of all evil. Do you believe that there is a King behind all kings? Well, bapak then made tonnes of money that he literally threw money to the boys when they needed some. Bapak paid for their duit hantaran (means he could afford 6 wives?) and the weddings for all the kids. He was also like a family bank. Everybody swarmed to him for money…easy money.
One day, it was time for bapak to retire. He was about 70 then. CPF was long taken out of his account…about $700k in total…all shared among his ungrateful kids (why lah he shared…sigh!). Bapak then had lost his source of income…no more earning at least $8k per month. Guess what? No money, no honey yeah? No honey, no ants yeah? His kids stopped visiting him. Yes…stopped. All the kids buat hal sendiri.
Bapak sold his apartment long time ago, cos who knows, when he retired, his kids could care for him yes? No! So Mak Som and bapak stayed at their anak perempuans house…taking turns. Sometimes, a few of them would not want to take them in…cos husband and wife working lah, no time lah, itu lah ini lah. When the parents need money…semua orang senyap! The worst part was that, the brothers do not know how to work hard for their money. The way they were being brought up, it was easier to borrow and beg than work harder. One of them even had the cheek to borrow money from my parents!
Anyway…Mak Som and bapak were so sad beyond believe. That their kids turned their backs on them. There was once when Mak Som wanted so much to help this elder son out of debt…Mak Som went to one of the daughter's house to beg for money. She was turned away. The daughters then didn’t want to speak to their mother as they girls thought the mom was giving that son too much face. It was afterall the son's debt…the parents jadi susah kan?
Then the parents moved to the older son's house. Mak Som came to my house every other day to mengadu nasib. Kesian I tengok. She cried saying that now the parents were broke, takder orang sayang dia. I was at that time not that close to Mak Som…cos of all these problems lah. But I was there to layan her, talked to her, gave her some emotional support. I tried speaking to the sisters, to stay by their mom…keras hati pulak the sisters nih.
Mak Som's heart was so bengkak. She fell sick. Apparently she had a blockage in her artery and the Dr recommended for her to go for bypass. Mak Som didn’t want to do it and the brothers said 'Dah orang tua tuh tak nak sudah' what? How can the kids do that? Of course all parents do not want bypass surgery but hello? Anyway, not for me to say. I was just the wife (the EX wife ok) fo the youngest bratty son.
Anyway, so they let Mak Som be in pain. Only one or 2 brothers visited her, the 2 daughters were still mad at her. Then Mak Som's health deteriorated. The ex kept in close touch with her. I advised the 2 daughters to go visit Mak Som cos I had the hunch that she was not going to be around for too long. Mak Som had started to throw up and was in bed for 1 week not being able to breath. The daughters said that they would visit on Saturday….it was Tuesday when I told them. Hmmm…not good.
Mak Som passed away on Thursday, my birthday. When I called one sister, she thought that I was joking. But she scrambled to the older brother's house. Both sisters weeping….regret! Me? It was like I was watching a soap opera…in person. I was just an extra, a bystander.
2 weeks after Mak Som passed, bapak was still sad. Bapak then decided to move from the older brother's house to my house (don’t ask me why). I am the bo chap daughter in law who hated to interfere with their family problems….besides, I was not happy with my own marriage. I was trying to get out of it, but that’s another story.
So anyway, I shall stop my story here as this blog was about my mother in law. The lady who was once so loved by her kids, but not when she was with no money, no wealth to share. She left the world in total sadness…
Ghazal Untuk Rabiah…a song that speaks a thousand words for me. Now you know why this song is so haunted to me.
Mak Som was a happy 60 year old nenek with about 17 grandkids including mine and 8 children. She married my father in law when she was about 16… when bapak was then a sailor. She was such a baby factory that each time when bapak left her to go to sea, he would come back with a surprise addition to the family. What could he say. Gone for 9 months, missed his wife, came back, boom…product of their lovemaking! The 'misi' (nurse) at that time kept telling Mak to start taking birth control pills when she gave birth to child #6. But nooooooooo….she said 'Camner aku nak makan pill? Laki aku balik setahun sekali…buat aper makan pill? Anak banyak pun banyaklah!'. Until she gave birth to the ex…the last in the brood, the brat in brood (lets not talk further about this).
Then bapak got promoted. Head of sailor to sea captain. Lots of money! At that time, bapak could bring Mak Som everywhere, you name it, Saigon, China, Thailand…all by sea but in the asian continent as Mak Som couldn’t leave her precious kids home by themselves for too long. Bapak made tonnes of money, while Mak Som cared for the kids…no no, let me rephrase this, while she coddled the kids. Mak Som was everything to the 6 boys and 2 girls. Apparently, the 2 girls turned out to be the champions in life (as in tough) and knew how to care for themselves better than the boys. Imagine this, the ex husband had NEVER boiled water until he married me, NEVER cooked rice till he married me (heck! Someone needed to learn somewhere!).
When I mentioned that the 2 girls tend to be tougher in life, I really meant it. They were more independent financially and they didn’t run to Mak Som all the time unlike the boys….who ran to their mom especially for money.
Money….king of all evil. Do you believe that there is a King behind all kings? Well, bapak then made tonnes of money that he literally threw money to the boys when they needed some. Bapak paid for their duit hantaran (means he could afford 6 wives?) and the weddings for all the kids. He was also like a family bank. Everybody swarmed to him for money…easy money.
One day, it was time for bapak to retire. He was about 70 then. CPF was long taken out of his account…about $700k in total…all shared among his ungrateful kids (why lah he shared…sigh!). Bapak then had lost his source of income…no more earning at least $8k per month. Guess what? No money, no honey yeah? No honey, no ants yeah? His kids stopped visiting him. Yes…stopped. All the kids buat hal sendiri.
Bapak sold his apartment long time ago, cos who knows, when he retired, his kids could care for him yes? No! So Mak Som and bapak stayed at their anak perempuans house…taking turns. Sometimes, a few of them would not want to take them in…cos husband and wife working lah, no time lah, itu lah ini lah. When the parents need money…semua orang senyap! The worst part was that, the brothers do not know how to work hard for their money. The way they were being brought up, it was easier to borrow and beg than work harder. One of them even had the cheek to borrow money from my parents!
Anyway…Mak Som and bapak were so sad beyond believe. That their kids turned their backs on them. There was once when Mak Som wanted so much to help this elder son out of debt…Mak Som went to one of the daughter's house to beg for money. She was turned away. The daughters then didn’t want to speak to their mother as they girls thought the mom was giving that son too much face. It was afterall the son's debt…the parents jadi susah kan?
Then the parents moved to the older son's house. Mak Som came to my house every other day to mengadu nasib. Kesian I tengok. She cried saying that now the parents were broke, takder orang sayang dia. I was at that time not that close to Mak Som…cos of all these problems lah. But I was there to layan her, talked to her, gave her some emotional support. I tried speaking to the sisters, to stay by their mom…keras hati pulak the sisters nih.
Mak Som's heart was so bengkak. She fell sick. Apparently she had a blockage in her artery and the Dr recommended for her to go for bypass. Mak Som didn’t want to do it and the brothers said 'Dah orang tua tuh tak nak sudah' what? How can the kids do that? Of course all parents do not want bypass surgery but hello? Anyway, not for me to say. I was just the wife (the EX wife ok) fo the youngest bratty son.
Anyway, so they let Mak Som be in pain. Only one or 2 brothers visited her, the 2 daughters were still mad at her. Then Mak Som's health deteriorated. The ex kept in close touch with her. I advised the 2 daughters to go visit Mak Som cos I had the hunch that she was not going to be around for too long. Mak Som had started to throw up and was in bed for 1 week not being able to breath. The daughters said that they would visit on Saturday….it was Tuesday when I told them. Hmmm…not good.
Mak Som passed away on Thursday, my birthday. When I called one sister, she thought that I was joking. But she scrambled to the older brother's house. Both sisters weeping….regret! Me? It was like I was watching a soap opera…in person. I was just an extra, a bystander.
2 weeks after Mak Som passed, bapak was still sad. Bapak then decided to move from the older brother's house to my house (don’t ask me why). I am the bo chap daughter in law who hated to interfere with their family problems….besides, I was not happy with my own marriage. I was trying to get out of it, but that’s another story.
So anyway, I shall stop my story here as this blog was about my mother in law. The lady who was once so loved by her kids, but not when she was with no money, no wealth to share. She left the world in total sadness…
Ghazal Untuk Rabiah…a song that speaks a thousand words for me. Now you know why this song is so haunted to me.
ps...I think it was a blessing that she passed before my divorce or I might be the ultimate reason for her passing! Deep down, I still say to her 'Maaf Mak Som, kerana tidak dapat meneruskan jodoh ini'.
18 comments:
i am pretty sure you have a special place in her heart when she was alive.it's good that u share this part of your past with your kids(assuming they can tear themselves away from the great singapore sale that is).
it is very telling how special she is to you. bingkisan doa untuk arwah, semoga aman di alam barzakh dan kekal bersama orang-orang yang hampir denganNya.
tapi tajuk ganas seh...
u know, each time the iPod comes to this song, i skipped it cos it haunts me. but this morning, i chose to listen. this song sure is haunted as it brought back violent memories of Mak Som. her pain, her tears, her ache, and i was not close to her to begin with but i am glad that i was part of her and was thought of when she was going thru this, u know what i mean? it was like i was walking back into the past...couldnt feel my feet on the ground, the cold air aurrounding me.
i wish i could make a difference in her life. but i was just a bystander.
ely. that was an touching entry about your ex-MIL. It just shows how your bring up your kids could affect how they treat you later on.
iffa, it was indeed a lesson in the making when it happened right before my eyes. then i knew that i would nvr hurt my parents to death.
sometimes parents give too much and this story turned out to be real but if u dont give, this story would turn out as well yeah?
ely, semoga roh mak osm di cucuri rahmat. i'm sure whe was blessed to have someone like you being a part of her life.
This sounds like some soap opera. So sad that its true life. :( Yeah Ely, bringing up the kids is such a fine balance eh? Too much love oso kenot, too little oso kenot, too much discipline kenot, too little kenot, too much freedom kenot, too strict kenot, I could go on and on.
a good lesson lah kak ely, for sharing this story...
i believe she's a great mother, cuma anak2 yg tak pandai menilai..
take care kak ely
macam drama tapi betul...iiskk...sedih pun ada juga...thanks for sharing
dear readers, thank you for even reading this entry. i know, it was looooong! but this story of someone's family was such a good lesson to be learned.
one thing that i learned fm this family is that, the parents should nvr make it easy money for the kids at all times. everything needs to be earned and nothing falls to ur lap kan?
then the perspective of parents having to give give and give hence when the parents got broke, the kids nvr learned to give in return.
i hear many stories like this and it saddens me that children dont take care of their parents. imagine Mak Som has 8 kids, yet no one wanted her or her husband. You give everything and get nothing back. Yeah,money is evil. When it becomes so central in one's life, its the only 'life' there is to a relationship. My best friend is going through somewhat the same thing. Now her mother has passed away, but she has to support and house her useless bro. :( peace and blessings be unto the soul of Aruah Mak Som.
thank you maknenek. u know it angers me each time i think abt it.
yang buat i marah tuh, the kids tend to pick up a bad habit of berhutang (now u can guess why i decided to divorce).
That's lovely how u remember Mak Som when u have Ghazal untuk rabia.. may she be in the safekeep of Allah..
and be blessed
tho' she was bereft
Thanks for sharing Ely love
Ely... that's so sad. Can't believe the children can be so ungrateful ... lebih teruk dari Si Tanggang!
Ely, that is really sad, and it's unforgivable what the children did to their parents, after all that they've done for them. I know the parents spoiled them whilst they had money and all, but you would think that they would have enough common sense to at least "jenguk-jenguk" lah the parents right? How's Bapak now? Hope he's ok?
CB, when i was listening to the songs, i just had to rush to work and blog about it. i was burning with feelings just to pour out.
actually i am get tonnes of comments regarding this post offline. i think this post touched my readers including me!
qoth, if Allah turned them into tanggang, mak som will have at least 6 of them in her house!
blabs, exactly! bapak, i have no idea. i think he was bitter about the split between the ex and me and the monetary battle part of it. bapak ran into my parents in mekah some 6 years back...he NEVER asked how the kids were doing. then again he ran into my dad 2 yrs later at the market, nvr asked about his grandkids either. oh well, maybe its the money factor again that keeps him away from my kids. only Allah knows.
i never read anyone saying something this touching about their mum-in-law...just made me feel like wanting to hug my mum-in-law right now...
hmm..well...mebbe later. :D
Wow this post made me cry, don't ask me why, you're a good person Ely, that's all I can say. I am reading your blog trying to catch up.
Love
Mona, the jobless bum from Benicia
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