I know you might think that I am nuts when you read this entry. A posting in my regular portal triggered me to write this.

So…what is the difference in marrying someone who is not of your very own ethnicity? Ok ok, like being married to a white guy. How about marrying someone who is of totally different religion? I know that some asians will feel very proud of marrying white guys or foreigners and tells all that white guys are nice, romantic, understanding, etc etc and guys of their locale are controlling, backward, etc etc.

You know, to me, being married to a white, brown, black or whatever does not make a difference. I was married to a malay guy for 9 years. It was very unfortunate that the marriage did not last…it was my choice that it did not last.

I did not want my personality and life to be controlled by someone who was non better than me, someone who never treated me as his equal. Yes, the truth was, sure…I had the biggest phobia about marrying someone of my own kind UNLESS he is one of those 'far and in between' guy that could treat me like how I would like to be treated, why not right?

But you see, I dated a few guys shortly after the divorce. At that time, I had a phobia of marriage. No more men in my life except my son! I can find kinks and dings on the guys personality, always a fault. 'Too timid, too quiet, no backbone, hes scared of me'…those were some of my remarks about the guys whom I dated. Some even said that I am too bold, opiniated or even stubborn for asian men. They said that I need to find myself a foreigner who can think like me, someone who is more bullish than me. So…I became the 'reject' of my own people hahaha.

It was rather easy to 'change channel', from locals to foreigners, that’s the beauty of internet. You can find people from every corner of the world. Just type in the place, and voila!

Well anyway, back to my whole point of writing here. I think there is truly no difference in being married to a white guy. The difference is 'who' exactly I married. I married someone who loves me for what I look like, my personality, my stubborness, my ugliness (should there be any) and he accepts my badness as part of what I am. Now this, men of any ethinicty could have this kind of thinking yes? Its just that my husband happens to be white.

There are tonnes of abusive white guys here in america. Drunks, drug addicts, gamblers, wife beaters, murderers, sometimes even worse than what we think they are. I have also seen many many many obnoxious white men (itu dah macam dorang lah), loud and mannerless ones too.

In short, men are men, regardless of what color they are. I am just lucky (or sometimes I feel lucky) to be given a second chance to marry someone who loves me for me…and my kids too.

***Oh GAWD…I don’t know why I am writing this when my hsuband is not on my A list right now!!!