To those of you who can't see the animation pictures at the top, it says,

'Think Pink!'....'Its a girl!'

Geddit!

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UPDATE!!!

Monday, 07/03/06

I guess I was too excited to type a proper blog eh? Well, heres a short one.

Friday, the Dr weighed me in and guess what? I gained 8 freakin' pounds heavier! The Dr said that I have gained a total of 14lbs which is on the high side. Aiyooooo, I know it must have been the pancakes that I have been having every morning!

So the Dr said to me,'Cut the carbs, cut the sugar and fruits. Do not eat for 2, etc etc'...everything was a blur as she went on and on. She knows that when I get to Singapore, my diet will be gone! But I shall try my best to cut down from now on. I have been good...no pancakes for 3 days already. Only one serving of fruits so far and now...I am wondering how to eat Nasi Sambal Goreng w/o the nasi? How?????? But hey, I am not gonna fret. I shall eat 'sparingly' (note the "). And how to say no to pancakes at McD?????

I will have to see the Dr again 3 days after I return from Singapore. Hmmm...I was already showing the guilty face before I left her office hehehe. Alah takperlah, diet next month also can. Makan Nasi Sambal Goreng and Mee Goreng Mamak is a rarity...priceless!

I know, I have not updated this page for your amusement hehe. I have been too busy at work to update especially when I am going to be on vacation next week . New 'flash' projects need to be completed before end of Monday as Tuesday is Independence Day and I will be gone on Wednesday.

In the meantime, have a good long weekend and 4th of July for those who live in the US and will have Monday off (lucky you!). My next entry could be this weekend or even not until I get to Singapore.

To those whom I have intended to connect and meet up, insyaAllah, I shall try my best to contact you. My days are limited (although 30 days sounds like long eh?). KL trip, insyaAllah, you will hear from me online, if I make that trip to KL, I shall connect the 'head of communication' there ok!

Again, Happy Weekend Everyone…me love you ALL!

Life without the neonates...

Have been pretty peaceful, quiet, blissful and godsend (should I be punished for typing the last word?). Its been a week since they left.

The husband put the dining chairs up the table and that will be a permanent fixture until we all come back from Singapore in August. This will enable easy access to dirt and cleaning and also enable us to chase our cats and grab them in case they do not feel like being smothered by their mommy and daddy, hehehe.

Believe it or not, the cats have indeed started to bunk in our room since the kids have not been around to entertain them. I think they got tired of sleeping on the sofa and Mas' bed and the kids never returned. So when we go for our late night 'relief' just be careful of cat land mines. They're everywhere on our floor!

The kitchen counter has been clean all the time since they left. No food on counter (except every too often when paps got lazy and left the dishes on the counter, w/o soaking them and putting them in the dishwasher!) except again…pet paw prints or sand and mud! That’s ok, they're cats, forgiveable.

So we have been eating out since. Each time when we thought of cooking, the husband would say,'Yeah ok, we'll cook for 2 and whos gonna clean up?' so forget it…we eat outside do not have to worry about cleaning up the kitchen when done.

That also justifies our grocery shopping pattern. Only $20 last weekend when we were at the Asian Market. Just the bare essentials like my instant Mi Goreng, tonnes of fruits. No snacks for the kids, no extra milk or cereal for the kids…just 2 bags of groceries…how much easier can we get?

Most importantly…I HOPE THE HUSBAND IS READING THIS!!!
Sex life…eh no…relationship between the husband and I have been very nice. Very intimate, just the 2 of us. Like when before the kids moved here. Just him and me, me and him. We split chores in feeding the cats, mopping the floor and other chores. Mainly, he carries and does the heavy stuff and me the light stuff. I get more attention from him when I whine or when my tummy starts to hurt especially with the growing uterus and weight! I enjoy every moment with him. I know he will miss me for 2 or more weeks when I make my way to Singapore first. He will denifinitely miss me…right paps?

'Si bunting' reporting...

I am getting heavy…does that sound familiar yet? Besides the husband saying so, I surely am feeling heavier. Can't climb up the stairs as fast as I could now….mengah! Some days I feel light but some days like today, I feel heavy!

I have gained 10 lbs so far. Not too bad for someone whos 4 mths preggy. I know this is just the beginning. The husband's co workers wife is 4.5 mths preggy with their first child does not even have her belly as big as mine. But hey, that’s her first baby, her tummy muscles are still strong and firm unlike me, jiggly wiggly and the baby has tonnes of room to grow after the other 2! But I told the husband I am happy that my tummy is big, who cares if I am bigger than someone who's 5 mths preggy, I am preggy and that’s all that matters yeah?

I had to sleep bottomless last night. #1, it was hot! #2, no pajama pants could fit me! The only ones I have that can still fit me, is in the laundry basket. It’s a size M which I bought from Victoria's Secret. Others, nope, can't fit no more. Tried the husband's boxers, nope, not stretchable enough for my movement. The butt still fits but the tummy wouldn’t! So there, bottomless, such liberation like what Nazrah says hehehe.

My appetite is bottomless too, but I only eat 3 meals a day with very little snacks. The thing is, when I start eating, I don’t stop. I think I can complete a 3-4 course lunch with no help needed! And then that’s when after it I would hunt for fruits or sour gummy worms. The baby will start doing somersaults 30 mins after food. Jabbing, jumping, kicking, boxing, whatever it can do it say thank you to me hehehe.

Sleeping is my favorite pastime as we all know. I can take 3 hour naps without feeling guilty. And then still sleep at 8pm. The only problem I have is stuffy nose. Theory says that pregnant women tend to get rhinitis, swollen mucus membrane when they're pregnant which means that there is mucus forming 'down there' too which they say is good? Well, I am having difficulty breathing every night and that’s good? I can't take Sudafed as it is not encouraged to be dependent on drugs when you're pregnant, Saline nose drops don’t work, so the ultimate solution now is nasal strips, which sometimes don’t work if you don’t place them properly on your nose to open up your air passage.

Oh and I tend to realize that my nails, hair and hair (ahemm) grow faster than usual. Thanks to the multiple hormones. So my razor has been busy every morning just so that I could wear my sleeveless tops and dresses to fight the hot weather. Please don’t even think of looking hard at my eyebrows…way too bushy…not going to the salon till next week, before Singapore trip.

20 more minutes to lunchtime. I need my lunch time brisk walk (not that 'brisk' now but still a walk lah) and I need to smell the air outside. Tummy rumbling…still don’t know what to eat.

Ghazal Untuk Rabiah...

I was walking by myself to the bus stop this morning, with the iPod turned on with the song 'Ghazal Untuk Rabiah' by Jamal Abdillah and M Nasir…it touched me. The song did not touch me but it reminds me of someone who was meaningful in my life some 10 years ago. She was my late 'ex' mother in law….well she was not my 'ex' then as she passed away while she was still my mother in law. Mak Som loved this song! So I thought I would like to share this feeling with you all…

Mak Som was a happy 60 year old nenek with about 17 grandkids including mine and 8 children. She married my father in law when she was about 16… when bapak was then a sailor. She was such a baby factory that each time when bapak left her to go to sea, he would come back with a surprise addition to the family. What could he say. Gone for 9 months, missed his wife, came back, boom…product of their lovemaking! The 'misi' (nurse) at that time kept telling Mak to start taking birth control pills when she gave birth to child #6. But nooooooooo….she said 'Camner aku nak makan pill? Laki aku balik setahun sekali…buat aper makan pill? Anak banyak pun banyaklah!'. Until she gave birth to the ex…the last in the brood, the brat in brood (lets not talk further about this).

Then bapak got promoted. Head of sailor to sea captain. Lots of money! At that time, bapak could bring Mak Som everywhere, you name it, Saigon, China, Thailand…all by sea but in the asian continent as Mak Som couldn’t leave her precious kids home by themselves for too long. Bapak made tonnes of money, while Mak Som cared for the kids…no no, let me rephrase this, while she coddled the kids. Mak Som was everything to the 6 boys and 2 girls. Apparently, the 2 girls turned out to be the champions in life (as in tough) and knew how to care for themselves better than the boys. Imagine this, the ex husband had NEVER boiled water until he married me, NEVER cooked rice till he married me (heck! Someone needed to learn somewhere!).

When I mentioned that the 2 girls tend to be tougher in life, I really meant it. They were more independent financially and they didn’t run to Mak Som all the time unlike the boys….who ran to their mom especially for money.

Money….king of all evil. Do you believe that there is a King behind all kings? Well, bapak then made tonnes of money that he literally threw money to the boys when they needed some. Bapak paid for their duit hantaran (means he could afford 6 wives?) and the weddings for all the kids. He was also like a family bank. Everybody swarmed to him for money…easy money.

One day, it was time for bapak to retire. He was about 70 then. CPF was long taken out of his account…about $700k in total…all shared among his ungrateful kids (why lah he shared…sigh!). Bapak then had lost his source of income…no more earning at least $8k per month. Guess what? No money, no honey yeah? No honey, no ants yeah? His kids stopped visiting him. Yes…stopped. All the kids buat hal sendiri.

Bapak sold his apartment long time ago, cos who knows, when he retired, his kids could care for him yes? No! So Mak Som and bapak stayed at their anak perempuans house…taking turns. Sometimes, a few of them would not want to take them in…cos husband and wife working lah, no time lah, itu lah ini lah. When the parents need money…semua orang senyap! The worst part was that, the brothers do not know how to work hard for their money. The way they were being brought up, it was easier to borrow and beg than work harder. One of them even had the cheek to borrow money from my parents!

Anyway…Mak Som and bapak were so sad beyond believe. That their kids turned their backs on them. There was once when Mak Som wanted so much to help this elder son out of debt…Mak Som went to one of the daughter's house to beg for money. She was turned away. The daughters then didn’t want to speak to their mother as they girls thought the mom was giving that son too much face. It was afterall the son's debt…the parents jadi susah kan?

Then the parents moved to the older son's house. Mak Som came to my house every other day to mengadu nasib. Kesian I tengok. She cried saying that now the parents were broke, takder orang sayang dia. I was at that time not that close to Mak Som…cos of all these problems lah. But I was there to layan her, talked to her, gave her some emotional support. I tried speaking to the sisters, to stay by their mom…keras hati pulak the sisters nih.

Mak Som's heart was so bengkak. She fell sick. Apparently she had a blockage in her artery and the Dr recommended for her to go for bypass. Mak Som didn’t want to do it and the brothers said 'Dah orang tua tuh tak nak sudah' what? How can the kids do that? Of course all parents do not want bypass surgery but hello? Anyway, not for me to say. I was just the wife (the EX wife ok) fo the youngest bratty son.

Anyway, so they let Mak Som be in pain. Only one or 2 brothers visited her, the 2 daughters were still mad at her. Then Mak Som's health deteriorated. The ex kept in close touch with her. I advised the 2 daughters to go visit Mak Som cos I had the hunch that she was not going to be around for too long. Mak Som had started to throw up and was in bed for 1 week not being able to breath. The daughters said that they would visit on Saturday….it was Tuesday when I told them. Hmmm…not good.

Mak Som passed away on Thursday, my birthday. When I called one sister, she thought that I was joking. But she scrambled to the older brother's house. Both sisters weeping….regret! Me? It was like I was watching a soap opera…in person. I was just an extra, a bystander.

2 weeks after Mak Som passed, bapak was still sad. Bapak then decided to move from the older brother's house to my house (don’t ask me why). I am the bo chap daughter in law who hated to interfere with their family problems….besides, I was not happy with my own marriage. I was trying to get out of it, but that’s another story.

So anyway, I shall stop my story here as this blog was about my mother in law. The lady who was once so loved by her kids, but not when she was with no money, no wealth to share. She left the world in total sadness…

Ghazal Untuk Rabiah…a song that speaks a thousand words for me. Now you know why this song is so haunted to me.

ps...I think it was a blessing that she passed before my divorce or I might be the ultimate reason for her passing! Deep down, I still say to her 'Maaf Mak Som, kerana tidak dapat meneruskan jodoh ini'.

Just paps, cats and me...

I just got back from the airport. Singapore Airlines, the plane which the kids have boarded, will take off in 10 minutes.

At first I was happy for them that they're leaving, first day of their summer vacation and they're in a REAL BIG vacation. Then I walked back to the car...all by myself. Senyap pulak, noone to yell at, noone calling me Ibu every 10 seconds. The 10 minute ride back was the quietest and kinda sad for me. My babies are flying 8,000 miles away. My babies....they still will be my babies no matter how old they will get.

I got home, Tuco the fat cat, meowed at me. I think he could sense that the kids were leaving this morning. He followed the kids all the way to the car and started meowing. Now that I walked into the house by myself, he followed me into the bedroom, purring and meowing. Maybe he understood that his Ibu is feeling the same way as him...house too quiet.

Mas told me to keep updating my blog cos she would want to read about me everyday. The boy? Dah lah, dia tuh...tak boleh pakai. All he said was a fake 'I will miss you mommy', nak lempang ada, nak ketawa pun ada.

Sigh...my babies. I will see them in 2 weeks. Good break for me, but I will still miss them lots.

Dear paps...

Its been almost 5 years since you became a stepfather,
Something which you would have never thought of before you met me...

But you have been such a good stepfather to my kids,
The courage and happy spirits you have to share within the family,
They're all nothing but good...

The kids may not know how to show proper appreciation for your tender loving care for them,
But you know that they love you so...

You have been such a wonderful paps to the kids,
You have been such a wonderful husband to me,
And you know that you will be a great father to our little munchkin...

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY PAPS!!!
And many more good years to come...

Love...Ibu

Picture speaks louder...

at almost 16 weeks

than words. As per Nazrah's request...taken 10 minutes ago, after a halal thai restaurant binge dinner. Looking tired, big but happy :)

I was standing in front of my Barry Manilow beach towel by the way...hehe!

HAPPY WEEKEND!!!

Telur ikan & hati ibu...

Aaaaahhhhhh, finally satisfied my craving for telur ikan!!!! It was so hard when you're craving. Went to chinatown, no trace of telur ikan. Good thing, a cousin was coming here with his family for vacation again and he brought me 6 large pieces of telur ikan, siap dah masak suma!

So as soon as he touched down and checked into the hotel, the husband and I went to meet her at the hotel. Aiyooooooooooo, so happy to see the cousin and his family. We could talk forever I tell ya! Cos this cousin of mine is one of the closest to my family.

After the hotel visit, I couldn’t resist the wait and scarfed a big piece of telur ikan in the car. The husband, who does not favor stinky stuff just could not say anything to a craving woman except making me promise to never bring the telur ikan into the bedroom. Oh hey, I wasn’t listening when he said that.

The cousins are going to Lake Tahoe today and shall return to the city for 2 days before heading to LA. This is not their 1st trip here and they're pretty road savvy when it comes to travelling. Tomorrow night, we're going to have a big dinner at our favorite indian restaurant, yay!

Hmmm…serious talk now.

The kids are flying to Singapore on Monday. The daughter is nervous about flying without her parents. Eventhough the brother says,'Well, your BIG brother will be here with you!'…like that’s going to make her feel better...

Another reason why she is nervous is cos of her father. She has been pretty 'hard hearted' with her father for many reasons. It is a pretty sore subject to her where her father's concern. But last night, bapak called and told me the latest news about their father. That hes living with a divorcee (God knows if he married the woman cos the last time bapak asked he was not married to her) with 3 kids. As you know, my network of family is HUGE…a cousin said that she saw my ex with 2 kids and a boy called him 'ayah'.

Anyway, bapak is concern about the kids visiting their father due to his marital situation. He does not want the kids to be confused. As you know, this ex matter is also my sore subject. So I told him that I would discuss this matter with the husband who is more experienced in this.

The husband, being american and seeing that cohabitation is not an issue here says that we should tell the kids on whats happening to their father before bapak says it and makes it sound negative. Well…that kinda made sense to me.

Long talk…the truth was said, the son was happy that his father found another. Who cares if hes married cos son says that that’s not his business. But he will be happy to meet their father. The little lady on the other hand was crying when she heard the news. Not cos her father has found a woman but the hurt….the hurt that she has been feeling from the divorce never left her.

Again, this is a sore subject to me. I could not say a word when she was bawling. I had to signal the husband indicating that she was uncontrollable. So there the husband again, comforted her and put some senses in her. All she said to us was,'WHY do I have to go see him? Where was he when I was 7? Where was he when he promised to see us every weekend when we were there? He also did not give us child support!'. As you know, I get emotional when this happens.

This morning, I asked the daughter how she was feeling. She said,'I don’t know, still sore but a little better'. I tried to talk to some senses into her telling her that she should see her father just to keep in touch and it is good for her father to have found another woman. Then she said,'You know that I love you the most and noone can replace you right?' Now wasn’t that sweet? And I said,'I know, and I will always love you too. But I will feel so happy if your father's girlfriend loves you too. More people to love you!'. We left the conversation as that.

So now our main project before the kids leave for Singapore is to try change the daughter's adamant mind about not seeing her father. But if it fails, then she had been told that noone will ever force her to see her father. When paps goes to Singapore, paps could take her to see her father.

My kids are so precious to me. Yes, I admit that I do get very possessive with them especially when it comes to their father. But I cant deny that they have a father and they deserve to get to know their father instead of growing up with ill feelings toward him ('the ex being always a jerk' aside).

The last visit, I was not allowed to meet the ex in person as the husband says that I would have a shouting match with him (from experience). But maybe my attitude would change this time. Maybe I will get to see the woman who is making him happy…not to judge, but at least to feel relief that the ex is finally picking up his pieces, which I had done more than 5 years back. Maybe this time, the visit will also be an eye opener for me, who knows.

Hormonal Neonates

Kids with bapak in March this year

How do you deal with kids of whom are turning 14 in a few months time and another whos 12, whose hormones are everywhere, uncontrolled and could I say 'out of whack'? Sounds like me, the pregnant mommy? Heh…it gets harder when you're pregnant with raging hormones while raising kids who are just going through the same hormonal issues like you!

Oh how much I love my kids but sometimes, I wish I had the energy to jump up and down like them, not pregnant to play catch rugby ball with them at the beach, and run for the bus every morning instead of missing it (they run for the bus for me and tell the driver to wait for their pregnant mom to come…in a few seconds!).

With one whos 13, going on 14 in just a few months, this boy is a raging teenager. A good boy as the husband and I always try to convince ourselves but can a teenage parent reader here please support my statement that teenage boys do not think full time? They do what they think is cool and get into trouble with parents over something that they thought they would not get caught on, forgetting that at least one of their parents were born and grew up in the US and knows the 'bull cr*p' of teenagers? Heh…we sometimes tell the son that he has to be a little smarter to outwit their parents.

But the good side of this dearest son of mine is that, he is very considerate to his mom. Lets mom walk in front of him, opens door and carries bag for his mom and also offers drinks for his mom (if he doesn’t forget!). My 'showoff' munchkin!

Now, what should I say about the other girl who is still 12? She gets raging hormoes during PMS time. Her brother's her closest victim followed by her mom (poor old me). Of course, I do not keep track of her period dates. We let her be wicked, give her warnings until we're at the end of our thread and threaten to punish her when the next day she says,'Ibu, my period came this morning'. So that explains it! But how long do we have to deal with this monthly hormone rage? Till she moves out I guess! We also have been asking her too many times if shes having voice tone or hearing problems cos she speaks at high decibals when she communicates with a member of the family. It was as if, her brother was at the backyard but in fact, right next to her when she 'yells' and not speak, to him. Again we tell her,'Act like a young lady not like a street walker!'

The good side of her is that, she tucks me in when I am not feeling well, shares her feelings with me when shes in dilemma and does care for everyone in the house including the cats. My little love ball!

I know that I will not have issues when I have the little munchkin at the end of the year. Help will be in hand when I need it and I am sure the little munchkin will get lots of love from his/her bigger siblings.

I am grateful to Allah for my kids and the little one coming.

As for the husband (you must be wondering why you're not mentioned in this entry). Hang on, Father's Day is just around the corner…be patient, you know I love you!

Do I have to give you a hint that you have offended me?
Why do I have to let you know that you have done so?
If you are a friend, don’t you need to know this?

Here's one thing about me, I am a giver ,
But sometimes I am a taker too, especially from friends
I do not expect the highest mountain in the world,
Nor do I expect a bag of gold…

All I need is gratitude
I am tired of being treated as a doormat
All I did for you was give, give and give
But in the end, I get nothing out of it…it was like I never helped

It is more than just being a friend,
More than just sharing happiness,
But remember, your friends are not doormats!
They are here when you need help,
But they can also run away when they feel like they have run out of favors for you,
We are also not 'courts in waiting'

Try asking yourself why your friends are doing this to you,
Is it cos of YOU?
Or is it cos your friends?

Think about it…if you still don’t get it,
Then THINK HARDER!!!

Here comes the Sun...

Ahhh its Friday….bright and sunny Friday! There will be no softball or baseball game tonight and no cats or kids to run to the vet and the field. This evening will be a quiet early Friday (finally!).

Just wanted to share my joy about my beloved son. Yesterday was a good day for him. His school team that he's in won the inter school softball league championship. He also brought back his Poetry Award that he won last month within the school district. His poetry was selected and posted at the Daly City (that’s our city) library. That’s my boy!!!

Saturday will be a busy busy busy day for us. Starts with the daughter and her Eye Dr appointment, followed by the son's baseball game and then pick the cat up to go to the ophthalmologist (he has a growth in his eye). So much to do with so little time.

Happy Weekend!

So the 'glutton monster' has gone back to its cave. Now that I am in my 2nd trimester, my morning sickness has almost (but not fully) recovered. I do not have to eat ramen everyday for breakfast anymore and I am starting to eat whole wheat toast with melted cheese for breakfast and nasi with kicap and sambal tumis with anchovies and fried peanuts….yummy! The more basic the better! Good thing, I am still not craving for anything sweet like cookies or ice cream (the taste of sweet makes me yak!). But I do love them fruits…the more sour the bettah!

Let's see whats in my 'care package' ('tah pao' Harrod's bag) today :
2 tiny red apples
1 low fat yogurt
1 slice of Texas cookie (just in case)
Oh and don’t forget Tums for that gasey feeling!

My energy is starting to come back too. I am a happier person now (with occasional hormone bursts at times…shuddup husband!) and have more energy to last till 10 pm.

I can already feel the baby moving (as per my 2 previous entries). The baby loves food! So 30 minutes after every meal, it starts to do acrobats. It also wakes up when I wake up! Such a wonderful feeling.

Today will be the Dr's appointment. We will hear the heartbeat and if we're lucky, another ultrasound! The kids are anxious to know the sex of the baby which is still too early, but we'll never know!

I told the co workers that I am starting to take wagers for the sex of the baby hehehehe.

In the meantime…
The City Hall of San Francisco (which has our cute mayor working there) has been closed since 7:30am today due to 3 suspicious packages (a bomb threat). Our office is only 1.5 blocks away from City Hall. Our Disaster Response Team (I am one of the member) says that this will not effect our daily operation…dang…wish we could all evacuate and go picnic in the sun! Anyway, I am sure the scare is just a scare…especially since 9/11, anything is a scare!

Have a great week ahead people!

To my dearest friend...

My friend whom I have known for over a year but seems like forever,
You have always been here for me,
Never running out of ideas and ways to make me happy,
I think we have been destined to be friends...

I wanted you to know that you have been such a good friend to me,
A friend whom I will keep for the rest of my life,
I love every bit of you,
Every sound of you...your voice is like the ripples of the ocean, peaceful and melodious...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAREST KARMAALMITRA aka Nazrah
My greatest friend on earth...

I LOVE YOU!!!

**thank you to KT for 'matchmaking' us. you know that we love you KT!!!**

GO GIANTS!!!

This weekend is the long Memorial Weekend. Mat was invited to be honored as a Junior Giant at the San Francisco Giants' Game today. He and other Junior Giants were given the chance to be on the field and meet up with a player in person. Being that, of course, the family was invited.

It was a very hot and beautiful day. Barry Bonds hit his home run #715, over-writing Babe Ruth who hit 714 home runs. It was a very weird conincident...we were at the game when Bonds hit #700 last year and here we were again at #715. Read article here.

Here are the pictures of the game....and me, a day short of 13 weeks.

Click on the pic to see Mat (he's the short one in front of player#17)

Lalalalala....

I wanted to say thank you for your kind comments in my previous entry.

I think this week has not been going pretty well. Besides having the 'evening' sickness visit me after 4 weeks of not visiting, past 2 days had not been that smooth sailing for me.

Support : that’s one emotional element that I had been giving support…to my 2 co workers.

For the closer co worker whos on bed rest and had lost one of her set of twins, I have been calling her every morning to make sure that shes ok. She seems to be getting better and better each day. Being on bed rest is not a fun thing to do. All she could do is watch tv, read a magazine and whenever she gets up to make breakfast or anything else, she would feel guilty and jumps back in bed. This is for the sake of the other baby that’s still in her. All I said to her is to relax. And when she comes back to work on Tuesday, she needs to be ready and hopefully her sadness would somewhat be kept far behind her head as she has another baby in her to grow and be happy. If she were to be sad and mope overt her loss, then she will distress herself and the baby might be at risk.

As for the other one…the first time mom. She called me at work from the off site class yesterday. Hmmm…she is not believing what the Dr said. She had an ultrasound on Monday…the baby grew a lil but there was no heartbeat. My co worker says that she is not believing it yet till she sees the blood test result and see another gynaecologist. Although the Dr says that it will be a waste of time, I suppose that my co worker has the right to do it. But I told her one thing,'Remember, things might not go your way after all this. It is not the end of the world. You're still young and you can try again. It is just not meant to be and you know that we all here will be here to support you'. Now…would that make a person bawl? She did. It is hard sometimes being a friend. We share the happiness and sadness in life, but the fact of life still needs to be advise upon should things don’t go their way. A friend can't just keep consoling but a friend also need to give a factual theory of life yes?

This is me. My friends can find me anytime they want…a friend who is ready to give advise and support…provided that they do the same when I need them.

On a lighter note : The evening sickness kinda came and went. I cannot wear my pre pregnancy pants…can't button, can't hook, can't zip the pants! So I am wearing my maternity clothes and other bigger tops that could sustain the growth of the munchkin. Oh and I have been getting maternity 'hand me downs' from a co worker's wife….phew! At least I wouldn’t have to spend anymore money on clothes that I am going to wear for 6 more months! This morning, the munchkin is fighting for space in the tummy. The slight cramps on the side of the tummy had thrown me off guard sometimes. But I know theres going to be more to come.

The 'unexpected' day...

Monday had not been a good day. Remember I mentioned in the previous entry about my office having 3 of us being pregnant? Well Monday was like a day of 'takdir'(fate).

Firstly, my new co worker, the first time mom and being 10 weeks pregnant lost her baby. She was in an offsite class but had made the 2nd appointment to see the gynae as the gynae suspected that there was something 'not good' when she saw the ultrasound and blood tests on Saturday. 2 hours later, she called the office, bawling beyond control, saying that she had lost the baby.

Then my closer co worker, she was expecting twins...lost one of the babies on the same day. She is currently 13 weeks pregnant.

The one who was a first time mom is back on offsite class and will see the Dr again on Friday. I won't see her till 5 weeks later as the class is a long one. She is still upset...but I choose not to call her till Thursday, to give her space to compose herself.

As for my closer co worker, she is on bedrest. She sounded upset this morning. But all I could do was to give her strong encouragement and support, which she really needs now. I shall call her again tomorrow and every morning to see if she is OK. We promised each other that we shall go through this together (we planned/coordinated our pregnancies, again, takdir for us to get pregnant at the same time).

Yes, of course I am worried for myself and the baby. I am in my 12th week of pregnancy and theoretically, the risk of miscarriage had been reduced by a significant percentage. But the point is that, Allah is great. Things can happen and cannot happen according to his wants. Anything can change in a minute or two.

Redha...thats all I can say.

To my 2 co workers...my prayers are with you and your angels in heaven.

Possessed...

Hmmm…where should I start? OK OK...I turned into a possessed pregnant wife over the weekend. I was overly 'possessed' that I get overly mad with the husband and get overly teary eyed. No Bollywood movie could match this drama. No Bollywood or Jalan Ampas movie star could match my drama mama (the actresses do not have raging hormones to be drama mama like me!).

I felt that I had a bomoh siam (the husband was the bomoh) to take the demon out of my body. But I was rewarded with Banana and Coconut Blended Crème from Starbucks at the end of the day.

But please do not be worried, I am ok now. Very tired, still teary eyed at times for no rhyme or reason. Its beautiful outside which is a big help to my emotions.

Sigh…I wonder what will possess me next…maybe a food machine!

Its the WEEKEND!!!

The husband will not be home tonight. He has gone to Las Vegas for a business convention. We were thinking that I could come along for the weekend and watch Barry Manilow (yes BARRYYYYYYYYYYYY!) singing at the very hotel that he's staying. But it will deem unfeasible if I were to go cos 1) the kids will have to spend their night at their respective friends houses 2) Matt would have to come home 2x a day to feed the kitties 3) a gf would have to come by the house 2x a day to give Tuco the diabetic cat, insulin. So…forget it, ibu stays home to keep the house together.

The kids are already asking what we're doing for dinner tonight. Knowing them, when Paps is not around, they always want to drag me to the mall no matter how tired or what time it would be. I told them,'Let's just order pizza and sit in front of the tv and watch a movie!'. Both of them went 'Urrrrgghhhhh!!!!'. But we will have an early day tomorrow, sending Matt to the dugout for his baseball practice at 8:30am and then the game at 9:30…that would still be ibu's sleeping time on weekends!

The mall….forget the mall….ok trying to forget the mall. After paying the American Express more than $3.2k on airline tickets and miscellenious today, I need to avoid the mall. But how to forget the mall then I need more maternity clothes?

But my Saturday would not be over until I pick the husband from the airport late tomorrow. I wonder what I would be cooking for him…or maybe not.

HAPPY WEEKEND YA ALL!!!

The pump, the bump and the 'hummpph'...

'Hey, would you like to buy a breast pump machine from me? Its top of the line brand and my wife used it only a few times', a male co worker asked.

'Oh yea? You might want to bring the pump with you here and give me a demo!'…of course that was me talking.

That was my co worker who was trying to sell me his baby stuff. Yes the pump is indeed a top of the line brand. He bought it for $350. So we came up with a price…$150. Good deal to me! Then I messaged the husband about having 'bought' a breast pump for $150 and he asked,'Does this one make milk shake too?'.

Last year was also a baby booming year in my office. But they were all husbands expecting their babies….all boys! So this year, 3 ladies are pregnant in my office. One is a first time mom, one a second time mom who still has her preggy clothes and baby stuff and the other one (that’s me!) a third time long lost mother who owns only 5 pieces of maternity clothes when this entry was written!

Since I am closer to the crowd in this office (how to not get close when I nag them everyday?) I seem to be getting more offers from these people trying to sell me stuff. Knowing them having good high taste, I trust the products they buy. I am also getting food and 'gagging' offers (they start to gag when they see me looking sick just to tease me). I hope that one of the offer would be a Baby Hummer or a Toyota Mini Van hahahaha.

I almost went on a cruise to Vancouver that 6 of the ladies in the office went last week. But I backed out a minute before they booked the cruise as I knew that I would be more of a trouble than fun for them. Gotta take care of Ely…what if she gets sick? But one of the ladies said,'That’s ok that you're not coming with us, you'll be sleeping the cruise away if you came with us! Frances (the other preggy co worker who is always tired too) is already with us, don’t want double trouble!'. Great!

Did I fail to mention that I am still in 'denial' of trying to squeeze into my normal work clothes eventhough I am bursting out of my pants, the knitted blouses riding up my tummy and the teeny sweater just wouldn’t button up around the waist? Besides waking up one morning feeling as though someone put huge stones in my tummy (like the wofe story remember?) and feeling tired, this clothes issue is something that I really dread.

I have collected 5 tops and one (yes one!) maternity pants so far. The pictures in the previous blog, was the first one that I bought and no I haven't worn it to work yet. I was thinking of waiting till next weel when I hit the 12th week to start wearing maternity clothes. So I guess Ely has to hussle and go shopping again…which I really really dread!

As the uterus gets bigger, the cramps come and go intermittently. Same goes with my energy and mood. One minute I am hyper and another, I feel drained. One minute I am happy and another, I get moody. The husband sometimes just could not grasp the concept of being pregnant. He always thinks that I am mad at him for some reason and would throw tantrums before I could tell him that I do not feel well. He told me yesterday,'Next time when you're not feeling well, please let me know'…Hello???? Maybe I should have a mood or pain sensor on my head yeah? I cannot explain it myself when this will happen. But what can I say. I cant help others if I can't even figure myself out?

I guess I also forget to tell you that the gynae says that this baby will definitely be born at more than 8lbs cos according to my babies' birth weights, my 1st one was born at 6.2lbs, the 2nd at 7.9lbs and this one, at least another pound more. Yeaaahhhh....it surely wasn't funny when she told me that eh? And I am still NOT laughing!

Tickets to Singapore have been bought. The kids are flying in a month and me, in 6 weeks. The husband is already weeping, that he will miss us a bunch, which means that he will buy his ticket soon to join us (we only bought 3 tickets cos he thought he wasn’t going, yeah right!).

I am making a list on food…what to eat while I am there!