Firstly, RAMADAN MUBARAK TO ALL MY READERS here. Didn't mean to ignore such a much gifted month from Allah at all. But the spa experience was too much for me to miss blogging about :)

3rd day of Ramadan here. So far so good. Being 7.5 months pregnant, I would be lying if I say that I have been fasting. But I shall not go into further details to give respect to those who are fasting.

It has been a quiet Ramadan. Unlike in Singapore or even Malaysia where gerai makan would be opened after zuhur to let the muslims be feasted their eyes on food, food and abundance of food. Not until I moved here when I realized that you can literally swim into a reservoir of food during Ramadan and Eid. Except unless we visit our Arabic foster parents when we get the dates, samosas and dessert from them.

The husband doesn't cook dinner till 30 minutes before Iftar. Simple dinner tonight, pasta. Maybe pasta for Sahur as well. Then the daughter would go back to her books, she has a Science quiz tomorrow and the husband looking at the living room walls...trying to think if he should paint the living room walls tonight or maybe not. Seems like the answer is the latter one.

In the meantime, work has been unkind and kind to me at the same time. I have exactly 10 weeks before the baby arrrives and I have those 10 weeks to be cross trained before I go on maternity leave. In order for me to move to another office and run it, I would have to be able to know the functions of the office. 3 job skills in 10 weeks, mainly something that has to do with CASH apart from the insurance skills that I already have.

Easy? Today was my first day being cross trained. I was put with the cashiers, taking insurance payments, run credit cards and observe balancing of cash. After 2 hours of observation, I was already taking in payments. I was excited! I am always excited with changes. Some people might think that I am nuts but hey...I love changes. By the time it was 2pm, I was tired. My brains were tired, too much fun, too much laughing, too much figures.

It's 8pm now and I have Stinky the cat climbing on my shoulder, Puffy nudging his head on my elbow asking for love and Pinky sitting in front of me, waiting till I am done with the laptop to give her attention. How more relaxing can this be?

ps, just reminded Uja that she needs to come back in 12 weeks so that she could come visit me when I have the baby.

The best Anniversary ever...

No really, I did not expect anything from dear husband when this day approached this morning. 'Just another day, the day that we were married'. Like previous years, the husband would suggest to take the kids for our anniversary dinner which I usually reminded him that it is our anniversary and not theirs. Last year, we managed to go out alone at a Thai restaurant when my close co worker walked in on us and we ended up at their house!

But Friday night, before I went to bed, he said that he would be taking me somewhere special and we had to be there at 8am. My overwhelming curiosity was too much that I didn't have twist the husband's arm to tell me what was up his sleeves.

Its a prenatal spa...no wait...a LUXURIOUS Prenatal Spa at Huntington Hotel on Nob Hill . Ooooooooooooooooh...I was very excited! Maybe that was why I slept like a baby.

Got there at 7:45am, luxurious hotel which we knew that we would never afford to stay a night at this hotel. The husband checked me in and the lady walked me through the spa. Aaaaah, of course, yours truly has never been to a luxurious spa like this before. I was assigned a locker to keep my stuff and a nice robe and slippers. Slipped into them and waited at by the Facility Room (see the picture above) to wait for my masseuse, drinking decafed tea by the heated pool, with a couple of other ladies (pst, they're asians too hehehe) sitting on their own lounge chair waiting for their masseuse.

Helen, my masseuse, came promptly at 8am and we went into a private therapy room. Very quiet, very dimmed with songs of nature. Of course, she couldn't make me lay on my tummy but to my side with all the stylo mylo special pillows for pregnant women, very nice...surrounded by pillows. Then there was this pregnancy therapy oil (dont ask me what it was) which smelled so good.



The 50 minute massage was HEAVENLY. Not like the Mak Joyah and Mak Minah's massage at home smelling of minyak gosok. But very relaxing, I almost fell asleep. Helen really found the tender points of pregnant women, the legs and the hips! Sedaaaaaaaaap! By the time she was done, I was not ready to leave...hello!



Oh heck, I left the therapy room and went for my shower, weighed myself (yeah i gained 4 lbs past 4 weeks), and was contemplatng if I should sit in the steam room, just so to say that I did it. But no, I had my shower and the husband was already waiting. But the whole process of getting dressed with the music playing and the quiet ambience...heavenly.

By the time I saw the husband, I sounded so mellow and happy! Got home at 9:40 and guess what I did? Went back to sleep with numerous pillows surrounding me and imagined that I was still at the Spa.

What did I get for the husband? I can't afford that Spa for him, maybe on his birthday eh? But got him a couple of stuff that he needed, 1/4 of the price that he paid for my spa!

Next time when if I were to go there, I would plan for another massage, a medicure and pedicure and maybe with a facial. Ahemmm...hear that husband? Hehehe...

But the day was not over yet. We went to Trader Vic's in Palo Alto for a late dinner or should I say berbuka puasa. This restaurant is Hawaiian influenced serving fusion asian food.

The atmosphere of the restaurant was splendid, good for a mellow, pleasant and long dinner. The food is overpriced, but I guess we were paying for the atmosphere eh? Nice seafood and jumbo shrimp!

By the time it was 9:30pm, we were stuffed and tired and I was ready to sleep...now that's a sign of age and that our marriage has matured...hehehehe.

Thank you husband for the lovely day. You know that I could not have enjoyed it without you :)

Dearest Best Friend...

Us...5 years ago

Another year…has gone by
5 years since you became my best friend
5 years since you came into my life
5 years since we said our vows

But the time has not changed my love and trust for you
If they have, the feelings are just even stronger.

Thank you for being a wonderful husband and stepdad

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO US…my best friend!

Love you always…your wife.

Do you believe in standing up for your own rights when you feel that your rights have been violated or are you a pushover (let others push you around)?
Would you do it only to the people closest to you or are you a natural when it comes to this?
Do you feel guilty when you stand up for your rights or do you regret after that?

Just some points to ponder upon...

To me, I am 'yes' to all except for the last one. Don’t ask me how I adopted this behaviour but it is definitely not through being married to an american (or so people say that I might have picked this attitude from him). I dare say that I married an american due to my behaviour! I have been like this since I was in school. I stuck out like a sore thumb just because I 'said my piece' (besides that 'new wave' hairdo and that ala 'Pretty in Pink' outfits…so not malay!) and then I feel good about it. But not every 'standing up' works for me. Some backfire but that’s when we learn to understand others better. Do you believe that I tend to 'stand up' for someone else too? Call me busybody but it bugs me to no end when I see someone gets trampled upon.

But don’t get me wrong, this does not mean that I am quarrelsome. I can be the most rational person to work and get along with. Just don’t catch me whining at the wrong time hehe.

So…why am I talking about this in this posting? Cos I feel good about standing up for my rights now and and still standing up for it.

Do I sound like a rebel yet?

ps : maybe these Dansko clogs on my feet makes feel like I 'stand' 2 inches taller hahaha.

My Danskos!

Finally, finally, FINALLY, I own a pair of Dansko Clogs!!!

I know, some of you might be asking if I am insane, happy to buy a pair or Danish Clogs for US$114.

Here are some reasons as to why I decided to buy a pair for myself:
- Cos I am pregnant. Comfort is the ultimate priority right now.
- I know that I can't wear kitten heeled boots due to my fat ankles especially when pregnant, so need to make up for the 'loss'.
- I bought a pair of dark gold ballet flats, love them but still need more comfort.
- Bought myself a pair of Skechers Mary Janes, love them too, but still need another indulgence.
- Bought myself yet another pair of Scholls Airpillow sandals, which are so comfortable but...
- Fall is coming, errr no, summer in San Francisco is like fall, what am I talking about...so I need to cover them toesies.

Enough reasons/excuses already? These pair of clogs are so comfortable! Took me a few weeks to justify if I would really spend that much for a pair of clogs. A co worker who owns the clogs says that these clogs last for years (well, at least 2 years). She's never pregnant but it really is a pair of comfortable shoes that could add to her boots collection.

Well anyway, Ely needs to stop her excuses for buying a pair of US$114 clogs (guilty babe!). Here's another pair of Danskos that I would die for...maybe for the next fall.

My gem...

Sometimes being a mom, you do not know what kind of gem you have given birth to regardless of how many kids you have. No… let me rephrase that. Every kid is a gem to a mom. You can have 20 kids but each and every one of them is different and special in every ways and you love them all the same, but in a unique way yeah?

My daughter has so far been my strength and will to drive to positivity in life. She has shown such loyalty and love towards me. Her attention to me and her efforts to keep me happy had always been felt from her.

She once told me when we were going through hard times…that she will never turn her back on her ibu. She will stay loyal to her ibu no matter what. I like to not take her seriously and say,'Yeah yeah, you're just saying it! Then you forget ibu just like that!'

When I am down and crying, she will make fun of me and say 'Alah, dia nangis pulak! Dah lah ibu, don't cry! Stop being a cry baby!' then I would start laughing. But there are also times when she would just tell me 'Ibu, its not your fault okay. Things happen and theres nothing we can do. Other people can be so stupid you know! Feel better okay!'.

I remember when she was only 9 and I was sick. She just moved to San Francisco and when she came home from school, she saw me sleeping in bed. She came up to me, kissed me on the cheek and pulled the covers on me and said,'Feel better ibu!' and checked on me every hour to see if I was still breathing.

You know, sometimes we do not realize how good we get from our kids until we sit down and think of them. How they also tend to be as nurturing as how we have been to them. Only this time, it’s the other way round, that they can also love us the same way as we love and care for them.

Thank you Masturah, thank you for being such a wonderful friend and daughter to me. You have been my strength and my light of hope for your paps and me.

Sympathy pregnancy...on the internet, psychologists say that this is due to husbands trying to take the pain away from their wives. It is also said that this is bonding time between, the husband, wife and the baby.

Why did I even mention sympathy pregnancy? Cos it is getting more apparent now that the husband is growing more than me. The circumference of his tummy is 3 inches larger than mine. Some friends are beginning to ask if it was him whos pregnant or me. Cos it also seems like he is the one whos craving instead of me and he was the one feeling so 'out of the weather' in my first trimester compared to me. (ps. I am craving for apple pie now!).

So yesterday the husband asked,'So in December, my weight should go away when the supposedly sympathy pregnancy is over right?' and I said,'Well, I lost 27 lbs before I got pregnant but you didn’t. I am sure I would lose my weight after I give birth, don’t know about you!'.

Theres nothing much to update about my physical factor right now besides feeling depressed of not being able to buy more clothes just cos I don’t fit into the regular clothes. Can't buy them fall boots cos I am too clumsy for them, can't even walk in the mall for too long cos I would feel lightheaded and would prefer the bed instead. Bed? Can't sleep in one position for too long as my hips and legs would hurt. And the queen sized bed is definitely too small for us and the cats now that I have been nagging for a bigger bed!

Am I whining too much already? Wait I have more...I waddle and can't walk fast but I can surely walk long distance. This means that my body is telling me to slow down. I am also due for a 'promotion' (ahemm) which needs to be done before I go for my maternity leave as I would be moved to a totally new office in the city when I come back to work. Which also means that I have to be moved to a totally new section and learn new things. We will be interviewing the lady who supposedly will be replacing me this week and I would be included in the panel interview. The boss told me that I will be fully responsible in looking for the 'perfect replacement' for him and he does not want any skill glitches when I move to another section. Actually, I know secretly he does not want me to move but he has no choice and needs me in another office to be his 'eyes and ears'. Besides the 'pregnancy brain' (absentmindedness) that I am having, I am sure learning new things at this time will be oh so dandy!

Enough of pregnancy talk, we had a good time last weekend. Besides grocery shopping and potential bed shopping, we went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium to see the great white shark which is in captivity. Nothing great about it...this little guy was tiny. Yes…little…I think the sea turtle was bigger than this one! Here are some pictures. No sun by the ocean…just some fog as usual until we reached Gilroy.

Anchovies!

We took similar picture at the same spot 5 years back, before we were married hehe!

Do I look big yet?

The child has spoken…Mas wants to go to a musical High School in 2 years. This would be her 5th year playing the flute and she wants to study music full time.

Hmmm…that leaves paps and me thinking, does she really want to do it? We also told her that if she were to go to a music school, it will be Chamber Music…classical and not the Singapore/American/Whatever country Idol and not a punk rock music school either. We know that she is going for guitar lessons this fall and we told her that she surely is not going to play rock guitar if she were to go to that school as she will be auditioned on her best talent. She says 'Okay, I'll go!'.

Next comes the cost. Over here, the school will be called the San Francisco Conservatory of Music. It’s a wholely private school where the students range from high school kids to post graduates. They will also be academically educated with music being the main major. Sounds good? Lets look at the tuition fees….

US$26k per year which breaks down to about $2.2k per month. A lot? YES…but according to the website, 80% of the students are either on scholarship/aided or on loan to go through the courses. Hmmm…we also have the 'jewish granny' scholarships if we tried hard eh?

First things first, Mas will not be going to high school until the year 2008. By then she would then have made the decision of going to the Conservatory or not. Whichever choice she might choose, we're here to fully support her decision. I remember 3 years back when she was in soccer, her soccer coach told me that from Mas' movements and agility, she is musically inclined and should go to the Conservatory. How did he know that? Our optametrist said the same thing too. Maybe someday she will be the flute version of Vanessa Mae or even an artist. Some girl she is…

The boy? He has other dreams. He is more inclined in sports and academic. He is the more 'matter of fact' kind of person who would fit being either a sports star, an accountant or a scientist. He loves being challenged, that’s his cup of soup…or so he says.

The baby? Too early to tell. With the jewish blood that she will be carrying, hopefully she will start a family business in 20 years.

27th week today. According to Alya's mommy, I really do not look that big. But I do feel big, huge, heavy and breathless.

Last Friday was the gynae appointment. Had the Glucose Tolerance Test and I gained a whopping 8 lbs past 4 weeks! Yeah...got yelled at by the Dr, she says 'Cannot...must gain only 4 lbs per month okay! All these weight goes on to the baby you know, big baby can be harder to give birth'. Love this Dr so much! She says that doing the South Beach Diet is okay as long as I drink 3 cups of non fat milk each day. Aiyoh, I so cannot gut too much meat this time, all I want is rice, noodles, and other carbs! She says that she will look at my Glucose result and if I do have gestational diabetes, yours truly will have to go on that South Beach Diet!

Its a holiday today. Need to hit the mall, need more maternity pants!

This is what we did yesterday...at Alya's, Sam's and Sal's place. Thank you for the lovely time. Alya never fails to amaze me :)

I really need this. I know it will cost at least US$75 for an hour session but I am sure it will be worth it. The thing is, once I get it started, I might want more!

Heck, its all about me now right right right???????????

Maybe I need to touch up my roots in a few weeks time too, and I need some nice pedicure just to have someone rub my feet and cut my toenails since I can hardly see that part of the body these days.

Heck, its all about me now right right right???????????

HAVE A GREAT LONG LABOR DAY WEEKEND Y'ALL!!!

Craving for...

I am typing in front of the computer and all of a sudden, I could see cupcake images floating in front of me.

Lunchtime today, will be a mission to look for that perfect cupcake! Its hard when I am in the city as the supermarket is not within walking distance...but cupcake I shall find, if not this afternoon then tonight will be the night!

UPDATE : THURSDAY 08/31/06
Its a late update but I DID find the ultimate cupcake yesterday, just a few hours after blogging about it.

Went to Citizen Cake and got myself and my good friend a chocolate cupcake each. The cupcakes were not cheap...$2.50 per tiny cake but heck...I was happy cos it was good and the cake was moist! Yummy!

Newest craving....another Coach purse muahahahahaha!

I think I am back for now. Yup, the hormones of a pregnant woman, one day she's like a crazy woman, sad and hurt beyond believe and another, she's back to her own self. Believe me, I think I will go through a few more of this before it might (I repeat. MIGHT) go away for good (which I doubt). But I know that I can't stay miserable forever yeah?

Listening to Barry Manilow makes me feel better. Then I discovered this romantic comedy movie called The Wedding Date...watching Dermot Mulroney kinda cheered me up (no husband, you're still the cutest to me!). I also have been watching Shall We Dance (Richard Gere and JLO) for the upteenth time. Besides that, work has not been kind to me, busy to the brim of my 'inbox' in my Outlook email at work. Yes I get busy through emails as my boss works on the 1st floor.

Our San Francisco office is branching to 5 different offices and last week was the 1st move. No, I am not scheduled to move yet but somehow or rather, I get dragged into this process. Listening to the boss whining, asking for opinions of mine (might as well they pay me to be a manager eh?) and dropping last minute (which says 'I need the spreadsheet sent to Real Estate TODAY) bombs to me. Well, made my work week go by very fast, no time to think of high emotions.

I will be 26 weeks pregnant tomorrow. How have I been doing? Heavy, achey, stretchy in the tummy and wobbly. Hungry? At times, and I try very very hard not to eat too much empty calories as my Dr says that 4 lbs of weight increase per month is good enough. I don't know, maybe this time am 5 lbs fatter cos I feel huge!

Some maternity clothes are in their last days use, can't stretch as much as my tummy anymore. The baby has been very merciless to me. Stretching and kicking as and when she pleases. Last night, she kept me up every hour while she was doing her aerobics and bhangra moves. I wonder if the cat could feel the kick as the cat had her head leaning against my tummy!

I just discovered something unique when pregnant:
1)that my tummy is a good 'dock' for putting post it notes when I am away from my desk or having a meeting while standing up.

2) that things would fall off my hand and onto the tummy before hitting the floor, so if I am fast, I could catch it and not have to bend down!

3) that my tummy can be a good cup holder.

4) that I put my dining napkins on my tummy instead of my lap, as the food falls onto my blouse on the tummy instead of the lap.

5) the laptop does not fit on my lap anymore...it gets pushed out by the belly.

6) the cats and kitten love sitting/sleeping/perching on me when I sleep on my side as the belly makes my side wider. Most will end up on the side of my belly...like papasan chair.

7) my loafers that I did not wear for 5 months seem to be 1-2 sizes smaller!

Again, some say that I look like I am having twins, the husband also said the same thing (yes, I am bigger than the other lady who is due for delivery in 4 weeks!). But I am enjoying every moment of being pregnant, except for some discomfort I get while sleeping.

We did also receive some bad news about our friend who were about 28 weeks pregnant. The wife lost her baby boy at 28 weeks. Didn't know how it happened, its just fate. So she was at the hospital last week...I am sure it was an induced labor to remove the fetus. It is sad, as they bought the baby crib and clothes a week before this happened. Thats why I do not prepare for the baby until my 8th month of pregnancy due to this. All this is Allah's destine, I won't be certain that I will have this baby until I deliver and bring the baby home.

I shall try to coax myself to take an updated picture of my body 'bouy'. So stay tuned.

As days go by, I know that life will get better
Like I mentioned before, my emotions are like a roller coaster

For now, I have nothing to say except words of comfort for myself
I don't want to talk about what I feel for now, or how to solve my problem
All I want to do is to start over again and heal...
Maybe until school term starts

Till then...



Honesty by Billy Joel

If you search for tenderness
It isn't hard to find
You can have the love you need to live
But if you look for truthfulness
You might just as well be blind
It always seems to be so hard to give

Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you

I can always find someone
To say they sympathize
If I wear my heart out on my sleeve
But I don't want some pretty face
To tell me pretty lies
All I want is someone to believe

Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you

I can find a lover
I can find a friend
I can have security
Until the bitter end
Anyone can comfort me
With promises again
I know, I know

When I'm deep inside of me
Don't be too concerned
I won't ask for nothin' while I'm gone
But when I want sincerity
Tell me where else can I turn
Because you're the only one that I depend on

Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you

It is not easy to eliminate and heal the hurt
Sometimes when I feel that I am okay,
It turns out that I am not okay
Alot of things will trigger the hurt.

The neighborhood around me
The school....school term is starting in a week
The situation will not be what it is giong to be
Of what I have always taken for granted for it to be.

A mom will always be a mom
She will never forget
She will still love her 'treasure no matter what
Her treasure will always be in her heart.

Hurt, I am feeling the hurt now...
But I have to be strong,
But...I am human after all...

BIG BIRD Nesting...

I still feel that I need more sleep. The jet lag is gone but I just could not seem to get enough sleep!
Since I got back from Singapore, I felt as if I have so much to do! We need to finish the border of the hardwood floor that we had installed before we went to Singapore, then we need to change the flooring in our humungous room before we start changing the bed and buying baby furniture.

Cleaning frenzy…am I starting to indicate the 'nesting' period already? I want the kitchen and the living room cleaned all the time! Can't stand clutter on the counter, the armoire or even the floor. Each time I see dishes in the sink, I would rinse them and put them in the dishwasher. The husband can't keep up with me cos I seem to have a sensor when there are dishes in the sink…one minute and dishes are in the dishwasher! But my room is still messy. Sorry to say this but it cant be helped as most of the stuff are NOT mine (geddit husband?). We plan to have a bigger bed and put the baby crib in our room. The daughter also said that she wouldn’t mind us putting an extra playard in her room just in case the baby wants to sleep with her (would mostly be the other way around).

Shopping frenzy…not that I have 're adopted' the shopping habit again, but when I came back, like I mentioned in my previous posting, I needed to replenish my makeup. Die die today I had to go during lunch. So I went to Sephora, first time buying my favorite makeup products under one roof at a place without persuasive sales people. I left the place happy, $55 poorer, but knowing that I have 2 more major products to buy still, excluding makeup brushes (wait till next week lah).

Back to how I look now….arrgghh! Some are asking how come I am not 'bloating' as they had expected. Well actually, my tummy has been growing but my face hasn’t. They wanted to see me grow all around, which I am blessed with the that kind of bloating resistance (for now). Some say that my tummy is huge, thinking that I am having twins. All I could say is 'Ohhhh, wait, I have 3 more months to go…hold on to your seats ok'.

Went to Benihana in Japantown last night for teppanyaki (where the chef cooks in front of the griddle for you). Wasn’t our first time there so we were not that excited to see the spatulas flying around and the onions turning into volcano. We just wanted our food! The funniest part was when there were birthdays for the patrons. They had the Japanese drums and sang the happy birthday song in japanese. You see, each time the drums were played, the baby started dancing and kicking! So there were up to 5 birthdays last night and by the time I was ready to go, the drums were going off right across our table…I could not take the shaking in me and we all ended up laughing.

Here's a lame...or the husband would say SUPER LAME song/video from Barry Manilow. I love Barry and there's nothing you can do about it :)

Glad its Wednesday. The sun is melting the fog in the city. Happy Hump Day!

I did miss San Francisco after being away for at least 4 weeks.

The cool weather, the peace in my neighborhood and the half empty malls here. No trampling of people trying to get the same sutff as I do, no one cutting my line when I am lining up for food, and cars here slow down for pedestrians (ahemm, besides the point that pregnant women walk slow).

Please do not get me wrong, I do love my country. But now I remember why I vowed to myself that I shall live far from home when I grow up. Even my favorite cousin says that I have the 'Most likely to stay abroad' tag pasted on my forehead since I was little. He knows me so darn well. And with the crisis that came upon me on my last visit, being away from home helps alot in terms of sanity and recuperation. Noone here to bother me, to say bad things in front of me (at least I wouldn't hear them) or even 'snatch' my precious things from me.

When Uja came to visit and we sat in Union Square itself drinking Diet Soda, it was scattered with tourists but the feeling was very serene, hearing the cable car running every minute and the bells ringing. We could sit there for hours with Uja repeating herself saying that its oh so beautiful here in SF and me kept saying 'Kau tak tinggal sini Uja, suma nampak wangi lah' ('you dont't live here Uja, everything looks beautiful here). But she still could not hide the truth that San Francisco is a beautiful city by itself.

If you dont like the crowd, then take the car and drive 20 more minutes to the cliffs and the beach. Our family's favorite place to sit and rot during the day, provided there's sun to keep us warm. Still bored? Lets go hiking, 10 more minutes of coastal driving and we're there to climb down and the cliff, explore the untouched beaches and then climb back up. (No wonder Ely's so fit eh? Still can climb and walk when shes oh so big now).

Let's snap back to reality. Ely and family has not finished unpacking...no we have not. Why? Cos we're too lazy and tired. Our first week getting back to work was such a joy to the husband and me...as long as we don't touch the luggage. Its Sunday now and what am I doing? We just watched an Alfred Hitchcock movie marathon since last night. The husband went to see a client who's selling his vintage car via eBay ($5k potential earning for us) and the daughter is rotting in front of the TV with pretzel crackers in her hands. No topic of the untouched luggages has been mentioned. In fact, the cats have been making the luggages their temporary bunk!

But I know that I need to update on my makeup...my foundation is almost at its last drip and the compact is sitting to its side container and the makeup brushes look more like used toothbrushes now. So this means that Ely needs to go shopping right? Just yesterday, I went for my haircut. My hairdresser was appalled to see my colored hair with split ends...she managed to cut the ends but still keep most of the length on my head. Looks so much better!

We have also found another halal buffet indian restaurant in San Mateo (15 minutes drive from our place). The food was heaven! Setting of the restaurant was also like heaven, siap dengan langsir and Bollywood dvd. Good place to bring Mak when she comes here in December.

Did I also mention that half of my maternity clothes are very fitting now? Yes, the baby just had growth spurts since I got home and she is kicking her way out of the maternity clothes. Eventhough I just gained 4 lbs from the trip, the baby surely is telling us that she had absorbed most of my food intake. So this means that I need to go get more clothes which I am violently resisting. I have 3 more months to go...I am so NOT going to spend more money on clothes that I am going to wear for a few more weeks. Oh wait! This reminds me that I DID buy a maternity pinafore when I was in Singapore...now i just need to go find it!

Now I feel that I need to sweep and mop the living room and the kitchen. Alah, malaslah...the cats are sleeping on the bed...maybe I should join them!

Things happen for a reason. Allah has His reasons to determine when this person needs to be tested, to make the person stronger? Or even to give inner strength to this person?

To me, every bad thing comes with something good. I have not seen it yet but I am a strong believer of it. That’s how I force myself to stay positive, to maintain the strength in me.

It does get harder when I have another soul in my body. Which means that healing takes longer time. To me, the process of healing is feeling the maximum hurt, cry about it, mourn over it…and then get over it slowly. But I can't allow the experience of maximum hurt due to my condition. And so the hurt gets intense gradually. Each stage of intense came with much tears.

I guess I have reached the maximum hurt and cry and I am coming to terms with it. I feel stronger, more positive and focused on how I am going to deal with this situation. Do you also believe that after the hurt comes anger? Thats seemed to have been happening too.

For now…at this moment, I feel at peace, that I am able to get into deep sleep since a few nights back. Alhamdulillah, may the strength always be with me and my precious family.

To readers out there who are going through healing for your own reason, I feel for you and you're not alone. Stay strong…its all from within you.

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Readers, please do not worry for me. I am OK, I promise. I am getting stronger each day and I have promised myself that I have to think of happy things.

My baby is kicking harder each day. Maybe she wants me to be okay and happy as when I am happy, she is too. It hard when you are half dazed and quite not awake yet and have your tummy working like a tumble dryer!

My rendezvous with Uja? Heh...we get to meet up 3 days in a row, last night being our last supper together (pancakes, hashbrowns and eggs for dinner last night?). Shes flying to Vancouver right this very minute. She also had a day with Mas on Wednesday. Ran the juice out of my girl who was out of energy when I picked her up! But Mas had a great time with Uja. She said that she had never seen anyone as funny as Uja (which Uja said that she is no different from me!). Having Uja and Ajun (yes Ajun, you rock too babe!) here was a Godsend to me, like I had Nazrah when I was in Singapore. Great friends hard to find.

Anyway, here's my favorite song from my favorite band, Cake...my version of 'I will Survive'. You need to turn up the volume a little bit to hear the song.

I have an announcement to make. My daughter has updated her blog for the summer and she is seeking audience to comment on her blog.

Don't forget to visit her HERE.

*okay, ibu's amanah has been fulfilled hehe

Yes, I know that everyone's worried for me and I truly thank you for your concern. At least I know that I am in your hearts.

I told you that I would bounce back soon. I am on the way to emotional recovery, as the days progress, I tend to feel better.

Here's prove to say that I am better...Uja and me, last night, in San Francisco.

Haven't gotten enough of Uja yet, we're meeting again tonight and maybe tomorrow night before she returns to Vancouver.

I have returned to San Francisco.

Firstly, I would like to apologize to my blogger friends in KL and Singapore as I did not have the time to meet up with you guys as planned. I had my reason...

Actually, I came home with a heavy heart. Something beyond my control had happened and I am recuperating from it.

Since this is my journal, I know that I have every right to write whatever's in my heart. Not yet...time will determine my 'luahan' from my heart in this blog.

If you do not see me updating, I might have taken a break. InsyaAlah, I shall return when I am stronger.

ps - its not my baby, she is still going strong.