Now where should I start? So much to talk about as usual.

Remember I told you before that I would be working all the way till the baby decides to pop? I was very adamant about it, saying that I would really be okay? Well, I lied. As of Saturday, I realized that I am REALLY beginning to S-L-O-W...down. The need for a bench or a chair is so great after every 20 minutes of walking. The constant trips up and down the aisle in tbe office is enough to make me huff and puff when I reach a co worker's workstation and then only to yawn and almost fall asleep as we are talking about work. I get tired at any time of the day and my bladder gets tickled by the little munchkin even when its empty and laying in bed when I am home. When I sit down, the tummy feels crunched up and the baby would stretch for more space, cramping my ribcage. Fun? Can't comment on that!

So what has been pre-determined as I reach 36 weeks of pregnancy? That I will go on early Disability to stay home and wait for the egg to hatch. I have no choice as I know that my body will denfinitly not allow me to run around that much. At least that will give me the chance to be home, in bed, get our bedroom+nursery ready and the only exercise I would get might be the constant visitations to the mall (what? I could hear the husband yelling at me saying 'Give me those credit cards!!!').

The boss is ready for my early take off. Maybe cos he can't stand seeing me waddling and yawning each time I see him. He is also learning to delegate tasks to his 2 other assistant managers so that I could 'dissolve' slowly while being cross trained.

In the meantime, I can't count how many times we have visited Ikea in the past 3 weeks. Can I say 3 times? Yes 3 times. From getting some essential furniture, to the baby's dresser, dining chairs, etc etc. As for the last visit last weekend, it was hard for me not to sit down when I was trying my best to complete my round at the showroom. It was HARD. The discomfort is not on the back or hips but more on the tummy, the weight of the tummy throws me off balance and gives me the stitches. Even the trip to Costco was such hardship for me, only to feel better when I told myself that I could be eating the Kosher hotdogs at their Deli after paying for the groceries!

So we have decided not to change the flooring for the bedroom but just call Stanley Steemer again to steam the carpet. Then we're going to set up the baby's dresser, crib and the husband's new computer desk. With the early disability leave that I intend to take, the room should be ready to go by the time the baby arrives. Oh and we're also going to put an old rocker in the bedroom and a glider in the living room. My new 'butt resting' nests after the husband's comfortable new living room chair!!!

Like this one...please ignore the red chairs to my right, they will be out of the house by this weekend!

Such a sucker for personal goodness I am! Especially when I in a 'round the clock discomfort'.

I was at the Hair Salon promptly at 10am. Le, my hairdresser was already busy doing someone's hair. 'A few more minutes okay'...she yelled to me and I said okay. I went to the store and got myself a bottled water and then sat on the only available chair in the waiting area, holding my Life & Style magazine...ahemm, wanted to show Le... Jennifer Lopez's picture, to look like her...eh no, to have the same haircolor like her!

While I was flipping the pages, a 4 year old who sat next to me asked,'Excuse me, could I have that magazine when you're done?' Eh eh budak nih...so I said,'Well, I need this magazine to show to the hairdresser how I want my hair to look like'. Thinking that I am some kind of nut, she said 'Ohhhhhh, okay' but she kept poking her head in front of me to see the pages as I was flipping through them. NO...I am not giving her my magazine!

Le's few minutes turned into 30 minutes. Not that I really care...I could see her straightening this 4 year old mom's hair, and then said hold on to her and took in another customer to do her eyebrows and then went back to the mom. Busy busy busy.

Then it was my turn, and at the same time, a regular customer nyonya came in and said that she needed her hair colored and wanted it quick. This lady is always there when I am. But Le, attended to me first, I showed her the Jennifer Lopez picture, dark base color with skinny streaks. I told her 'I want this haircolor but you really do not have to make me look like her!'. To make the story short, the whole process was about 2.5 hours, which I did not mind at all.

I loved my hair and scalp being massaged, my head put into that hairdryer bubble thingy that almost put me to sleep. Then the manicure/pedicure girl came up to me and asked me for the 6th time when I am due to deliver (she asks me each time I come by) and asked me if I would like a pedicure while my head is in the bubble. No, I really could not spend more money!

By the time I was done, the manicure/pedicure girl was on her way to selling me a ceramic straightening iron that costs $100...errr...'No sister, I really do not need that iron as I have one at home' (though not as good as hers lah).

But I left the place happy, feeling pampered and having the haircolor like Jennifer Lopez...and a substantial amount of money poorer.

At least when I was at a gf's birthday party after that, they all said that the haircolor looked great!

Remember the last time I colored my hair at the salon in Singapore with Makcik Hopes? Well, I have grossly outgrown on the color and the roots have grown up to 4 inches in length and I surely do look like a skunk. Time for me to spend the money on a different color and highlights again! Of course, it will not be as cheap as when I did it back in Singapore.

The husband was asking why I am not coloring my hair out of the box like I use to do. My answer? Cos I am pregnant and this is the only way for me to make myself feel that I am trying to make myself look better. Well it is not a lame excuse right right right? I do need to feel good about myself especially during the last few weeks of this pregnancy when I am feeling fat, full and heavy. Also, I know that the husband will be taking tonnes of pictues when the baby is born so hopefully, the colors and highlights will not be outgrown and my hair would still look perfect when the time comes!

So I have made the appointment to see Le, my hairdresser. 10am Saturday morning. I am excited!

Everyone's talking about raya preparation especially when you are living back home I have read some bloggers posting about Roti John, kueh Badak Berendam, Kueh keria and all. And some bloggers are already posting about how much they have covered for raya preparation. Baju raya warna aper, kain sampin warna aper. And me??? All I talk about is work and pregnancy eh?

Sigh...it is surely different when you live in another part of the world. Life goes on of course, puasa tetap puasa (not me lah but the rest of my family members), buka tetap buka. But no bazaar, no baju raya (I can't fit into mine) and maybe plans to visit a few friends on that raya weekend. Very quiet ramadan and very quiet Eid for us. Sometimes if Eid falls on a weekday, I do go to work and the kids go to school (of course this does not sit well with one of my parents who think that we do not respect Eid).

Do I wish now that I would be home to celebrate Eid? Not this year. With happenings back home, I also sometimes wonder why I went back 2 months ago, only to come home with hurt and depression.

Now that we're busy preparing our home for this little munchkin, I have to avoid from feeling depressed for fear of pre-term labor. 8 more weeks to go, I am always 10 days early so can I say that I have 6 more weeks to go? We'll see...

To readers back home and anywhere in the world, happy preparing for raya okay. Ingatlah daku ketika makan rendang dan lontong tuh. Don't worry, rendang and lontong will be on our table on raya, not forgetting sambal goreng too!

ps : ooooh, I know that I have to call our friends here to meet up for buka puasa. Sorry ladies, insyaAllah, I will call soon, just need to find time and put my Swiffer duster and garbage bags away!

Is this nesting too?

Like I mentioned in my previous post, the home improvement stops on weekdays and we really mean it.

But my progression of being cross trained in 3 job skills within a time period of about 8 weeksn from now, is 1/3 off the ground. I have completed the training in cashiering, now I am going to the 2nd stage of cashiering. That would take me 2 weeks to complete (as its more complicating) and then proceed to another job skill which is totally different but involves money too.

Imagine me, a person who never carries more than $100 in cash (only ATMs and credit cards please) being trained at the front line to receive cash everyday, sometimes large amounts to balance at the end of the day. I thought I was going to be a nervous wreck when I started doing it but seems like I was enjoying it. Counting money which is not mine and not having to think on how to spend it (hahahahaha...!), and then putting them into the huge safe.

But what amazes me is being in my last trimester of pregnancy, with huge tummy hanging out and with a bad bad bad memory (pregnancy brain) and keeps dropping her pens and papers expecting co workers to pick them up for me, but can still absorb and learn new skills. Of course, I have to write them ALL down, every step and procedures.

Forgetfulness...it is so bad that

• I forget to go lunch with a co worker and went with another instead

• forget to order business cards for the new office which opened last week, only to remember 2 days before opening (boss had to bite his tongue and he knows I have the pregnancy brain but he was pissed as hell!)
• forget to water my office plants a few times that some leaves turned yellow (but they decided not to die)
• and guess what...even forget to take my 15 minutes coffee breaks!

My co workers jested saying that I will forget what I have learned just as fast. But God help me please....I hope not!

I guess I am nesting at work too eh?

The nesting begins...

I have approximately 9 more weeks before the baby arrives. Yes...9 more weeks. So much to do and so little time.

We are 95% completed on the hard wood flooring project in our living room, with just the wood siding to be fixed. The husband painted the living room with a very warm orange. We brought down all the wall deco and are going to start over including the drapes. We need to change the futon mattress to a fluffier one. Then we need to get 2 armchairs to complete the furnishing. We also need new lighting.

And then we have our bedroom to change the floorings on, maybe paint it, buy a new king sized bed and then baby furniture.

Realistically, we do not do home improvement on weekdays. So we're down to about 8 weekends...thats 16 days in total. Do you think we can complete all these in 9 weeks?

We'll see...

Firstly, RAMADAN MUBARAK TO ALL MY READERS here. Didn't mean to ignore such a much gifted month from Allah at all. But the spa experience was too much for me to miss blogging about :)

3rd day of Ramadan here. So far so good. Being 7.5 months pregnant, I would be lying if I say that I have been fasting. But I shall not go into further details to give respect to those who are fasting.

It has been a quiet Ramadan. Unlike in Singapore or even Malaysia where gerai makan would be opened after zuhur to let the muslims be feasted their eyes on food, food and abundance of food. Not until I moved here when I realized that you can literally swim into a reservoir of food during Ramadan and Eid. Except unless we visit our Arabic foster parents when we get the dates, samosas and dessert from them.

The husband doesn't cook dinner till 30 minutes before Iftar. Simple dinner tonight, pasta. Maybe pasta for Sahur as well. Then the daughter would go back to her books, she has a Science quiz tomorrow and the husband looking at the living room walls...trying to think if he should paint the living room walls tonight or maybe not. Seems like the answer is the latter one.

In the meantime, work has been unkind and kind to me at the same time. I have exactly 10 weeks before the baby arrrives and I have those 10 weeks to be cross trained before I go on maternity leave. In order for me to move to another office and run it, I would have to be able to know the functions of the office. 3 job skills in 10 weeks, mainly something that has to do with CASH apart from the insurance skills that I already have.

Easy? Today was my first day being cross trained. I was put with the cashiers, taking insurance payments, run credit cards and observe balancing of cash. After 2 hours of observation, I was already taking in payments. I was excited! I am always excited with changes. Some people might think that I am nuts but hey...I love changes. By the time it was 2pm, I was tired. My brains were tired, too much fun, too much laughing, too much figures.

It's 8pm now and I have Stinky the cat climbing on my shoulder, Puffy nudging his head on my elbow asking for love and Pinky sitting in front of me, waiting till I am done with the laptop to give her attention. How more relaxing can this be?

ps, just reminded Uja that she needs to come back in 12 weeks so that she could come visit me when I have the baby.

The best Anniversary ever...

No really, I did not expect anything from dear husband when this day approached this morning. 'Just another day, the day that we were married'. Like previous years, the husband would suggest to take the kids for our anniversary dinner which I usually reminded him that it is our anniversary and not theirs. Last year, we managed to go out alone at a Thai restaurant when my close co worker walked in on us and we ended up at their house!

But Friday night, before I went to bed, he said that he would be taking me somewhere special and we had to be there at 8am. My overwhelming curiosity was too much that I didn't have twist the husband's arm to tell me what was up his sleeves.

Its a prenatal spa...no wait...a LUXURIOUS Prenatal Spa at Huntington Hotel on Nob Hill . Ooooooooooooooooh...I was very excited! Maybe that was why I slept like a baby.

Got there at 7:45am, luxurious hotel which we knew that we would never afford to stay a night at this hotel. The husband checked me in and the lady walked me through the spa. Aaaaah, of course, yours truly has never been to a luxurious spa like this before. I was assigned a locker to keep my stuff and a nice robe and slippers. Slipped into them and waited at by the Facility Room (see the picture above) to wait for my masseuse, drinking decafed tea by the heated pool, with a couple of other ladies (pst, they're asians too hehehe) sitting on their own lounge chair waiting for their masseuse.

Helen, my masseuse, came promptly at 8am and we went into a private therapy room. Very quiet, very dimmed with songs of nature. Of course, she couldn't make me lay on my tummy but to my side with all the stylo mylo special pillows for pregnant women, very nice...surrounded by pillows. Then there was this pregnancy therapy oil (dont ask me what it was) which smelled so good.



The 50 minute massage was HEAVENLY. Not like the Mak Joyah and Mak Minah's massage at home smelling of minyak gosok. But very relaxing, I almost fell asleep. Helen really found the tender points of pregnant women, the legs and the hips! Sedaaaaaaaaap! By the time she was done, I was not ready to leave...hello!



Oh heck, I left the therapy room and went for my shower, weighed myself (yeah i gained 4 lbs past 4 weeks), and was contemplatng if I should sit in the steam room, just so to say that I did it. But no, I had my shower and the husband was already waiting. But the whole process of getting dressed with the music playing and the quiet ambience...heavenly.

By the time I saw the husband, I sounded so mellow and happy! Got home at 9:40 and guess what I did? Went back to sleep with numerous pillows surrounding me and imagined that I was still at the Spa.

What did I get for the husband? I can't afford that Spa for him, maybe on his birthday eh? But got him a couple of stuff that he needed, 1/4 of the price that he paid for my spa!

Next time when if I were to go there, I would plan for another massage, a medicure and pedicure and maybe with a facial. Ahemmm...hear that husband? Hehehe...

But the day was not over yet. We went to Trader Vic's in Palo Alto for a late dinner or should I say berbuka puasa. This restaurant is Hawaiian influenced serving fusion asian food.

The atmosphere of the restaurant was splendid, good for a mellow, pleasant and long dinner. The food is overpriced, but I guess we were paying for the atmosphere eh? Nice seafood and jumbo shrimp!

By the time it was 9:30pm, we were stuffed and tired and I was ready to sleep...now that's a sign of age and that our marriage has matured...hehehehe.

Thank you husband for the lovely day. You know that I could not have enjoyed it without you :)

Dearest Best Friend...

Us...5 years ago

Another year…has gone by
5 years since you became my best friend
5 years since you came into my life
5 years since we said our vows

But the time has not changed my love and trust for you
If they have, the feelings are just even stronger.

Thank you for being a wonderful husband and stepdad

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO US…my best friend!

Love you always…your wife.

Do you believe in standing up for your own rights when you feel that your rights have been violated or are you a pushover (let others push you around)?
Would you do it only to the people closest to you or are you a natural when it comes to this?
Do you feel guilty when you stand up for your rights or do you regret after that?

Just some points to ponder upon...

To me, I am 'yes' to all except for the last one. Don’t ask me how I adopted this behaviour but it is definitely not through being married to an american (or so people say that I might have picked this attitude from him). I dare say that I married an american due to my behaviour! I have been like this since I was in school. I stuck out like a sore thumb just because I 'said my piece' (besides that 'new wave' hairdo and that ala 'Pretty in Pink' outfits…so not malay!) and then I feel good about it. But not every 'standing up' works for me. Some backfire but that’s when we learn to understand others better. Do you believe that I tend to 'stand up' for someone else too? Call me busybody but it bugs me to no end when I see someone gets trampled upon.

But don’t get me wrong, this does not mean that I am quarrelsome. I can be the most rational person to work and get along with. Just don’t catch me whining at the wrong time hehe.

So…why am I talking about this in this posting? Cos I feel good about standing up for my rights now and and still standing up for it.

Do I sound like a rebel yet?

ps : maybe these Dansko clogs on my feet makes feel like I 'stand' 2 inches taller hahaha.

My Danskos!

Finally, finally, FINALLY, I own a pair of Dansko Clogs!!!

I know, some of you might be asking if I am insane, happy to buy a pair or Danish Clogs for US$114.

Here are some reasons as to why I decided to buy a pair for myself:
- Cos I am pregnant. Comfort is the ultimate priority right now.
- I know that I can't wear kitten heeled boots due to my fat ankles especially when pregnant, so need to make up for the 'loss'.
- I bought a pair of dark gold ballet flats, love them but still need more comfort.
- Bought myself a pair of Skechers Mary Janes, love them too, but still need another indulgence.
- Bought myself yet another pair of Scholls Airpillow sandals, which are so comfortable but...
- Fall is coming, errr no, summer in San Francisco is like fall, what am I talking about...so I need to cover them toesies.

Enough reasons/excuses already? These pair of clogs are so comfortable! Took me a few weeks to justify if I would really spend that much for a pair of clogs. A co worker who owns the clogs says that these clogs last for years (well, at least 2 years). She's never pregnant but it really is a pair of comfortable shoes that could add to her boots collection.

Well anyway, Ely needs to stop her excuses for buying a pair of US$114 clogs (guilty babe!). Here's another pair of Danskos that I would die for...maybe for the next fall.

My gem...

Sometimes being a mom, you do not know what kind of gem you have given birth to regardless of how many kids you have. No… let me rephrase that. Every kid is a gem to a mom. You can have 20 kids but each and every one of them is different and special in every ways and you love them all the same, but in a unique way yeah?

My daughter has so far been my strength and will to drive to positivity in life. She has shown such loyalty and love towards me. Her attention to me and her efforts to keep me happy had always been felt from her.

She once told me when we were going through hard times…that she will never turn her back on her ibu. She will stay loyal to her ibu no matter what. I like to not take her seriously and say,'Yeah yeah, you're just saying it! Then you forget ibu just like that!'

When I am down and crying, she will make fun of me and say 'Alah, dia nangis pulak! Dah lah ibu, don't cry! Stop being a cry baby!' then I would start laughing. But there are also times when she would just tell me 'Ibu, its not your fault okay. Things happen and theres nothing we can do. Other people can be so stupid you know! Feel better okay!'.

I remember when she was only 9 and I was sick. She just moved to San Francisco and when she came home from school, she saw me sleeping in bed. She came up to me, kissed me on the cheek and pulled the covers on me and said,'Feel better ibu!' and checked on me every hour to see if I was still breathing.

You know, sometimes we do not realize how good we get from our kids until we sit down and think of them. How they also tend to be as nurturing as how we have been to them. Only this time, it’s the other way round, that they can also love us the same way as we love and care for them.

Thank you Masturah, thank you for being such a wonderful friend and daughter to me. You have been my strength and my light of hope for your paps and me.

Sympathy pregnancy...on the internet, psychologists say that this is due to husbands trying to take the pain away from their wives. It is also said that this is bonding time between, the husband, wife and the baby.

Why did I even mention sympathy pregnancy? Cos it is getting more apparent now that the husband is growing more than me. The circumference of his tummy is 3 inches larger than mine. Some friends are beginning to ask if it was him whos pregnant or me. Cos it also seems like he is the one whos craving instead of me and he was the one feeling so 'out of the weather' in my first trimester compared to me. (ps. I am craving for apple pie now!).

So yesterday the husband asked,'So in December, my weight should go away when the supposedly sympathy pregnancy is over right?' and I said,'Well, I lost 27 lbs before I got pregnant but you didn’t. I am sure I would lose my weight after I give birth, don’t know about you!'.

Theres nothing much to update about my physical factor right now besides feeling depressed of not being able to buy more clothes just cos I don’t fit into the regular clothes. Can't buy them fall boots cos I am too clumsy for them, can't even walk in the mall for too long cos I would feel lightheaded and would prefer the bed instead. Bed? Can't sleep in one position for too long as my hips and legs would hurt. And the queen sized bed is definitely too small for us and the cats now that I have been nagging for a bigger bed!

Am I whining too much already? Wait I have more...I waddle and can't walk fast but I can surely walk long distance. This means that my body is telling me to slow down. I am also due for a 'promotion' (ahemm) which needs to be done before I go for my maternity leave as I would be moved to a totally new office in the city when I come back to work. Which also means that I have to be moved to a totally new section and learn new things. We will be interviewing the lady who supposedly will be replacing me this week and I would be included in the panel interview. The boss told me that I will be fully responsible in looking for the 'perfect replacement' for him and he does not want any skill glitches when I move to another section. Actually, I know secretly he does not want me to move but he has no choice and needs me in another office to be his 'eyes and ears'. Besides the 'pregnancy brain' (absentmindedness) that I am having, I am sure learning new things at this time will be oh so dandy!

Enough of pregnancy talk, we had a good time last weekend. Besides grocery shopping and potential bed shopping, we went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium to see the great white shark which is in captivity. Nothing great about it...this little guy was tiny. Yes…little…I think the sea turtle was bigger than this one! Here are some pictures. No sun by the ocean…just some fog as usual until we reached Gilroy.

Anchovies!

We took similar picture at the same spot 5 years back, before we were married hehe!

Do I look big yet?

The child has spoken…Mas wants to go to a musical High School in 2 years. This would be her 5th year playing the flute and she wants to study music full time.

Hmmm…that leaves paps and me thinking, does she really want to do it? We also told her that if she were to go to a music school, it will be Chamber Music…classical and not the Singapore/American/Whatever country Idol and not a punk rock music school either. We know that she is going for guitar lessons this fall and we told her that she surely is not going to play rock guitar if she were to go to that school as she will be auditioned on her best talent. She says 'Okay, I'll go!'.

Next comes the cost. Over here, the school will be called the San Francisco Conservatory of Music. It’s a wholely private school where the students range from high school kids to post graduates. They will also be academically educated with music being the main major. Sounds good? Lets look at the tuition fees….

US$26k per year which breaks down to about $2.2k per month. A lot? YES…but according to the website, 80% of the students are either on scholarship/aided or on loan to go through the courses. Hmmm…we also have the 'jewish granny' scholarships if we tried hard eh?

First things first, Mas will not be going to high school until the year 2008. By then she would then have made the decision of going to the Conservatory or not. Whichever choice she might choose, we're here to fully support her decision. I remember 3 years back when she was in soccer, her soccer coach told me that from Mas' movements and agility, she is musically inclined and should go to the Conservatory. How did he know that? Our optametrist said the same thing too. Maybe someday she will be the flute version of Vanessa Mae or even an artist. Some girl she is…

The boy? He has other dreams. He is more inclined in sports and academic. He is the more 'matter of fact' kind of person who would fit being either a sports star, an accountant or a scientist. He loves being challenged, that’s his cup of soup…or so he says.

The baby? Too early to tell. With the jewish blood that she will be carrying, hopefully she will start a family business in 20 years.

27th week today. According to Alya's mommy, I really do not look that big. But I do feel big, huge, heavy and breathless.

Last Friday was the gynae appointment. Had the Glucose Tolerance Test and I gained a whopping 8 lbs past 4 weeks! Yeah...got yelled at by the Dr, she says 'Cannot...must gain only 4 lbs per month okay! All these weight goes on to the baby you know, big baby can be harder to give birth'. Love this Dr so much! She says that doing the South Beach Diet is okay as long as I drink 3 cups of non fat milk each day. Aiyoh, I so cannot gut too much meat this time, all I want is rice, noodles, and other carbs! She says that she will look at my Glucose result and if I do have gestational diabetes, yours truly will have to go on that South Beach Diet!

Its a holiday today. Need to hit the mall, need more maternity pants!

This is what we did yesterday...at Alya's, Sam's and Sal's place. Thank you for the lovely time. Alya never fails to amaze me :)

I really need this. I know it will cost at least US$75 for an hour session but I am sure it will be worth it. The thing is, once I get it started, I might want more!

Heck, its all about me now right right right???????????

Maybe I need to touch up my roots in a few weeks time too, and I need some nice pedicure just to have someone rub my feet and cut my toenails since I can hardly see that part of the body these days.

Heck, its all about me now right right right???????????

HAVE A GREAT LONG LABOR DAY WEEKEND Y'ALL!!!

Craving for...

I am typing in front of the computer and all of a sudden, I could see cupcake images floating in front of me.

Lunchtime today, will be a mission to look for that perfect cupcake! Its hard when I am in the city as the supermarket is not within walking distance...but cupcake I shall find, if not this afternoon then tonight will be the night!

UPDATE : THURSDAY 08/31/06
Its a late update but I DID find the ultimate cupcake yesterday, just a few hours after blogging about it.

Went to Citizen Cake and got myself and my good friend a chocolate cupcake each. The cupcakes were not cheap...$2.50 per tiny cake but heck...I was happy cos it was good and the cake was moist! Yummy!

Newest craving....another Coach purse muahahahahaha!

I think I am back for now. Yup, the hormones of a pregnant woman, one day she's like a crazy woman, sad and hurt beyond believe and another, she's back to her own self. Believe me, I think I will go through a few more of this before it might (I repeat. MIGHT) go away for good (which I doubt). But I know that I can't stay miserable forever yeah?

Listening to Barry Manilow makes me feel better. Then I discovered this romantic comedy movie called The Wedding Date...watching Dermot Mulroney kinda cheered me up (no husband, you're still the cutest to me!). I also have been watching Shall We Dance (Richard Gere and JLO) for the upteenth time. Besides that, work has not been kind to me, busy to the brim of my 'inbox' in my Outlook email at work. Yes I get busy through emails as my boss works on the 1st floor.

Our San Francisco office is branching to 5 different offices and last week was the 1st move. No, I am not scheduled to move yet but somehow or rather, I get dragged into this process. Listening to the boss whining, asking for opinions of mine (might as well they pay me to be a manager eh?) and dropping last minute (which says 'I need the spreadsheet sent to Real Estate TODAY) bombs to me. Well, made my work week go by very fast, no time to think of high emotions.

I will be 26 weeks pregnant tomorrow. How have I been doing? Heavy, achey, stretchy in the tummy and wobbly. Hungry? At times, and I try very very hard not to eat too much empty calories as my Dr says that 4 lbs of weight increase per month is good enough. I don't know, maybe this time am 5 lbs fatter cos I feel huge!

Some maternity clothes are in their last days use, can't stretch as much as my tummy anymore. The baby has been very merciless to me. Stretching and kicking as and when she pleases. Last night, she kept me up every hour while she was doing her aerobics and bhangra moves. I wonder if the cat could feel the kick as the cat had her head leaning against my tummy!

I just discovered something unique when pregnant:
1)that my tummy is a good 'dock' for putting post it notes when I am away from my desk or having a meeting while standing up.

2) that things would fall off my hand and onto the tummy before hitting the floor, so if I am fast, I could catch it and not have to bend down!

3) that my tummy can be a good cup holder.

4) that I put my dining napkins on my tummy instead of my lap, as the food falls onto my blouse on the tummy instead of the lap.

5) the laptop does not fit on my lap anymore...it gets pushed out by the belly.

6) the cats and kitten love sitting/sleeping/perching on me when I sleep on my side as the belly makes my side wider. Most will end up on the side of my belly...like papasan chair.

7) my loafers that I did not wear for 5 months seem to be 1-2 sizes smaller!

Again, some say that I look like I am having twins, the husband also said the same thing (yes, I am bigger than the other lady who is due for delivery in 4 weeks!). But I am enjoying every moment of being pregnant, except for some discomfort I get while sleeping.

We did also receive some bad news about our friend who were about 28 weeks pregnant. The wife lost her baby boy at 28 weeks. Didn't know how it happened, its just fate. So she was at the hospital last week...I am sure it was an induced labor to remove the fetus. It is sad, as they bought the baby crib and clothes a week before this happened. Thats why I do not prepare for the baby until my 8th month of pregnancy due to this. All this is Allah's destine, I won't be certain that I will have this baby until I deliver and bring the baby home.

I shall try to coax myself to take an updated picture of my body 'bouy'. So stay tuned.

As days go by, I know that life will get better
Like I mentioned before, my emotions are like a roller coaster

For now, I have nothing to say except words of comfort for myself
I don't want to talk about what I feel for now, or how to solve my problem
All I want to do is to start over again and heal...
Maybe until school term starts

Till then...



Honesty by Billy Joel

If you search for tenderness
It isn't hard to find
You can have the love you need to live
But if you look for truthfulness
You might just as well be blind
It always seems to be so hard to give

Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you

I can always find someone
To say they sympathize
If I wear my heart out on my sleeve
But I don't want some pretty face
To tell me pretty lies
All I want is someone to believe

Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you

I can find a lover
I can find a friend
I can have security
Until the bitter end
Anyone can comfort me
With promises again
I know, I know

When I'm deep inside of me
Don't be too concerned
I won't ask for nothin' while I'm gone
But when I want sincerity
Tell me where else can I turn
Because you're the only one that I depend on

Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you

It is not easy to eliminate and heal the hurt
Sometimes when I feel that I am okay,
It turns out that I am not okay
Alot of things will trigger the hurt.

The neighborhood around me
The school....school term is starting in a week
The situation will not be what it is giong to be
Of what I have always taken for granted for it to be.

A mom will always be a mom
She will never forget
She will still love her 'treasure no matter what
Her treasure will always be in her heart.

Hurt, I am feeling the hurt now...
But I have to be strong,
But...I am human after all...

BIG BIRD Nesting...

I still feel that I need more sleep. The jet lag is gone but I just could not seem to get enough sleep!
Since I got back from Singapore, I felt as if I have so much to do! We need to finish the border of the hardwood floor that we had installed before we went to Singapore, then we need to change the flooring in our humungous room before we start changing the bed and buying baby furniture.

Cleaning frenzy…am I starting to indicate the 'nesting' period already? I want the kitchen and the living room cleaned all the time! Can't stand clutter on the counter, the armoire or even the floor. Each time I see dishes in the sink, I would rinse them and put them in the dishwasher. The husband can't keep up with me cos I seem to have a sensor when there are dishes in the sink…one minute and dishes are in the dishwasher! But my room is still messy. Sorry to say this but it cant be helped as most of the stuff are NOT mine (geddit husband?). We plan to have a bigger bed and put the baby crib in our room. The daughter also said that she wouldn’t mind us putting an extra playard in her room just in case the baby wants to sleep with her (would mostly be the other way around).

Shopping frenzy…not that I have 're adopted' the shopping habit again, but when I came back, like I mentioned in my previous posting, I needed to replenish my makeup. Die die today I had to go during lunch. So I went to Sephora, first time buying my favorite makeup products under one roof at a place without persuasive sales people. I left the place happy, $55 poorer, but knowing that I have 2 more major products to buy still, excluding makeup brushes (wait till next week lah).

Back to how I look now….arrgghh! Some are asking how come I am not 'bloating' as they had expected. Well actually, my tummy has been growing but my face hasn’t. They wanted to see me grow all around, which I am blessed with the that kind of bloating resistance (for now). Some say that my tummy is huge, thinking that I am having twins. All I could say is 'Ohhhh, wait, I have 3 more months to go…hold on to your seats ok'.

Went to Benihana in Japantown last night for teppanyaki (where the chef cooks in front of the griddle for you). Wasn’t our first time there so we were not that excited to see the spatulas flying around and the onions turning into volcano. We just wanted our food! The funniest part was when there were birthdays for the patrons. They had the Japanese drums and sang the happy birthday song in japanese. You see, each time the drums were played, the baby started dancing and kicking! So there were up to 5 birthdays last night and by the time I was ready to go, the drums were going off right across our table…I could not take the shaking in me and we all ended up laughing.

Here's a lame...or the husband would say SUPER LAME song/video from Barry Manilow. I love Barry and there's nothing you can do about it :)

Glad its Wednesday. The sun is melting the fog in the city. Happy Hump Day!

I did miss San Francisco after being away for at least 4 weeks.

The cool weather, the peace in my neighborhood and the half empty malls here. No trampling of people trying to get the same sutff as I do, no one cutting my line when I am lining up for food, and cars here slow down for pedestrians (ahemm, besides the point that pregnant women walk slow).

Please do not get me wrong, I do love my country. But now I remember why I vowed to myself that I shall live far from home when I grow up. Even my favorite cousin says that I have the 'Most likely to stay abroad' tag pasted on my forehead since I was little. He knows me so darn well. And with the crisis that came upon me on my last visit, being away from home helps alot in terms of sanity and recuperation. Noone here to bother me, to say bad things in front of me (at least I wouldn't hear them) or even 'snatch' my precious things from me.

When Uja came to visit and we sat in Union Square itself drinking Diet Soda, it was scattered with tourists but the feeling was very serene, hearing the cable car running every minute and the bells ringing. We could sit there for hours with Uja repeating herself saying that its oh so beautiful here in SF and me kept saying 'Kau tak tinggal sini Uja, suma nampak wangi lah' ('you dont't live here Uja, everything looks beautiful here). But she still could not hide the truth that San Francisco is a beautiful city by itself.

If you dont like the crowd, then take the car and drive 20 more minutes to the cliffs and the beach. Our family's favorite place to sit and rot during the day, provided there's sun to keep us warm. Still bored? Lets go hiking, 10 more minutes of coastal driving and we're there to climb down and the cliff, explore the untouched beaches and then climb back up. (No wonder Ely's so fit eh? Still can climb and walk when shes oh so big now).

Let's snap back to reality. Ely and family has not finished unpacking...no we have not. Why? Cos we're too lazy and tired. Our first week getting back to work was such a joy to the husband and me...as long as we don't touch the luggage. Its Sunday now and what am I doing? We just watched an Alfred Hitchcock movie marathon since last night. The husband went to see a client who's selling his vintage car via eBay ($5k potential earning for us) and the daughter is rotting in front of the TV with pretzel crackers in her hands. No topic of the untouched luggages has been mentioned. In fact, the cats have been making the luggages their temporary bunk!

But I know that I need to update on my makeup...my foundation is almost at its last drip and the compact is sitting to its side container and the makeup brushes look more like used toothbrushes now. So this means that Ely needs to go shopping right? Just yesterday, I went for my haircut. My hairdresser was appalled to see my colored hair with split ends...she managed to cut the ends but still keep most of the length on my head. Looks so much better!

We have also found another halal buffet indian restaurant in San Mateo (15 minutes drive from our place). The food was heaven! Setting of the restaurant was also like heaven, siap dengan langsir and Bollywood dvd. Good place to bring Mak when she comes here in December.

Did I also mention that half of my maternity clothes are very fitting now? Yes, the baby just had growth spurts since I got home and she is kicking her way out of the maternity clothes. Eventhough I just gained 4 lbs from the trip, the baby surely is telling us that she had absorbed most of my food intake. So this means that I need to go get more clothes which I am violently resisting. I have 3 more months to go...I am so NOT going to spend more money on clothes that I am going to wear for a few more weeks. Oh wait! This reminds me that I DID buy a maternity pinafore when I was in Singapore...now i just need to go find it!

Now I feel that I need to sweep and mop the living room and the kitchen. Alah, malaslah...the cats are sleeping on the bed...maybe I should join them!

Things happen for a reason. Allah has His reasons to determine when this person needs to be tested, to make the person stronger? Or even to give inner strength to this person?

To me, every bad thing comes with something good. I have not seen it yet but I am a strong believer of it. That’s how I force myself to stay positive, to maintain the strength in me.

It does get harder when I have another soul in my body. Which means that healing takes longer time. To me, the process of healing is feeling the maximum hurt, cry about it, mourn over it…and then get over it slowly. But I can't allow the experience of maximum hurt due to my condition. And so the hurt gets intense gradually. Each stage of intense came with much tears.

I guess I have reached the maximum hurt and cry and I am coming to terms with it. I feel stronger, more positive and focused on how I am going to deal with this situation. Do you also believe that after the hurt comes anger? Thats seemed to have been happening too.

For now…at this moment, I feel at peace, that I am able to get into deep sleep since a few nights back. Alhamdulillah, may the strength always be with me and my precious family.

To readers out there who are going through healing for your own reason, I feel for you and you're not alone. Stay strong…its all from within you.

*************************************************************************

Readers, please do not worry for me. I am OK, I promise. I am getting stronger each day and I have promised myself that I have to think of happy things.

My baby is kicking harder each day. Maybe she wants me to be okay and happy as when I am happy, she is too. It hard when you are half dazed and quite not awake yet and have your tummy working like a tumble dryer!

My rendezvous with Uja? Heh...we get to meet up 3 days in a row, last night being our last supper together (pancakes, hashbrowns and eggs for dinner last night?). Shes flying to Vancouver right this very minute. She also had a day with Mas on Wednesday. Ran the juice out of my girl who was out of energy when I picked her up! But Mas had a great time with Uja. She said that she had never seen anyone as funny as Uja (which Uja said that she is no different from me!). Having Uja and Ajun (yes Ajun, you rock too babe!) here was a Godsend to me, like I had Nazrah when I was in Singapore. Great friends hard to find.

Anyway, here's my favorite song from my favorite band, Cake...my version of 'I will Survive'. You need to turn up the volume a little bit to hear the song.

I have an announcement to make. My daughter has updated her blog for the summer and she is seeking audience to comment on her blog.

Don't forget to visit her HERE.

*okay, ibu's amanah has been fulfilled hehe

Yes, I know that everyone's worried for me and I truly thank you for your concern. At least I know that I am in your hearts.

I told you that I would bounce back soon. I am on the way to emotional recovery, as the days progress, I tend to feel better.

Here's prove to say that I am better...Uja and me, last night, in San Francisco.

Haven't gotten enough of Uja yet, we're meeting again tonight and maybe tomorrow night before she returns to Vancouver.

I have returned to San Francisco.

Firstly, I would like to apologize to my blogger friends in KL and Singapore as I did not have the time to meet up with you guys as planned. I had my reason...

Actually, I came home with a heavy heart. Something beyond my control had happened and I am recuperating from it.

Since this is my journal, I know that I have every right to write whatever's in my heart. Not yet...time will determine my 'luahan' from my heart in this blog.

If you do not see me updating, I might have taken a break. InsyaAlah, I shall return when I am stronger.

ps - its not my baby, she is still going strong.

The 'walking' lady

Whatelse could a pregnant woman do when she's on vacation? Nooooooooo, not so much in eating...but walking! I think my walking habit in SF has been put to good use when I get here as all I have been wanting to do since I got here is walking, walking and more walking. There are some days when I feel that the body has caught on to me...too much walking. Thats when I feel that my tummy starts to hurt when I move, can't balance (walking like a drunkard) and body starts to feel lethargic. But give Ely half a day and she's ready to bounce again!

On Wednesday, I met up with Hartini at Causeway Point. That was hours AFTER meeting up former co workers for lunch and window shoppipng. 3 hours of talking and talking and talking (now I realize that I could talk a lot too!) over laksa, bbq chicken with rice and ice cream at Cavana. There were lots to talk about...lots I tell ya!

Happy kids with ice cream!

Thank you sweet Hartini for the wonderful dinner and time. Such a sweet girl you are, just like how I have known you from your blog :)

Talk about walking. I think I have given myself and some blogger friends a taste of my walking habit. Yesterday. met up with my twin (Makcik Hopes, whoelse...sorry BTB, you can't seprate her from me!), Atenah (YES....cik Tenah kita tuh!) and CK for lunch at Selero Bundo on Kandahar Street.

Ohhhhh, the food was super dee duper good. With a nice typical shophouse atmosphere with aircon (thats very important ok). I had my treat of tapai (how to resist that thing sitting in the fridge staring at me)...as soon as i finished the tapai, my tummy started to heat up!

We then walked to Bugis Junction and sat at Starbucks. Cik Tenah with her high endurance in talking and CK catching on to her with Makcik Hopes and me catching breaths and trying to catch up with the talking marathon.

And how nice of CK and Makcik Hopes to have a baby shower for me. Think pink...pinky stuff and more pinky stuff!

I have been commented for my stamina in walking. Sorry ladies. I just love walking. In this hot weather, it feels soooooooo good to walk!

I have truly enjoyed my day with the ladies and their respective girls. CK is such a wonderful sweet lady with lots of energy bursting with sense of humor, never failing to make me laugh. Cik Tenah with lots of energy in talking, she loves to talk, Nazrah and I were amazed...in a good way. Shes so gentle and wonderful and a very nurturing lady. Nazrah? Alah, must say also? I am addicted to her! Can never get enough of her. We are so alike, so in sync and its having my online best friend in person here!

Thank you so much for your time ladies. InsyaAllah to CK and Cik Tenah, we shall meet again.

ps : Note that only pics of Nazrah and mine are published. CK and Cik Tenah shall remain anonymous (mystery ladies...ahhhh!)

Don't we look good together?

The 'date' I will never forget...

Tah daaaaah...its my turn to update my blog in response to Makcik Hopes' blog (hurry! go read hers! SID_PRESLEY...your name was mentioned!).

As per my previous entry, Thursday was the 1st time I went to see Nazrah Makcik Hopes. As we never get enough of each other, we decided to meet up with on Saturday, this time with no kids but with a tourguide hehehe. Thats our Baby Naz.

It happened that Baby Naz and Makcik Hopes went way back a few years ago, just like me...as much of a pair of confirmed twins and Makcik Hopes and I are. Nazrah and I had tosay together, until Baby Naz popped by out of nowhere, she tercegat kat depan mata aku! It was like seeing a long lost sister.

Maybe I should talk a little bit more about Baby Naz...my precious one. We met online at rantauan.com. There were not more than 20 members then. Sometimes she and I would send postings after postings, on top of Yahoo Messenger and we would chat for hours. That was some 4 years back when she was in Australia, being a student and me, the lonely mom whos kids were back in Singapore. We would chat everyday and about everything. So close we were/are that even the husband knows who she is (on top of my other then Anak ABU chat buddies!). We met for the first time 2 years back and this time again. I could say that with her being with Nazrah and me on Saturday, she truly lit the gathering up cos she grew up in Little India. Tak sesia aku bawak kau Naz!

Meeting up with Anedra was a pleasant surprise. We did NOT expect to see her until she called. Adoi, peluk2 mcm 100 tahun tak jumpa, padahal tak pernah jumpa hehehe. Mammal (Anedra lah) is as loving and sweet as how i have known her online and over the phone. Sigh...such nice 15 mins 'quickie' with her! InsyaAllah, we hope to see you again this Saturday Anedra!

Now I wish my family could relocate back here so that I could be with Nazrah. She has been my best friend off and online. Always checking on me if I was okay everyday. I love you Nazrah...!!!

Since Makcik Hopes' blog says the details of our gathering, here are the pictures to supplement hers.

Aishah, Nazrah and my beloved sister

Rocker chic (my daughter), the son, and my niece (the one with food in her mouth of course!)

No need intro for us lah ok!

Arifah and Aishah

Meanwhile, back home in San Francisco, California, USA

• Believe it or not, the husband is done packing. Something that I will never see myself do!
• The husband had also hired a part time 'housekeeper' to clean our house for $65 so that he wouldn't feel guilty about leaving the house without cleaning, for the sake of our catsitters.
• The husband is also still in denial about missing me. But in actual fact, he ate lamb beryani from our favorite restaurant, Chutney cos he misses me so much! I miss you much much too dearest husband!
• Oh and he has also been talking to my gynaecologist to ask questions about my blood test results and pregnancy. Something that I seldom see a husband do.
  

The update...

The husband asked me why I had not been updating my blog. There are millions of reasons why which I had to condense this entry to just plain basic.

I have been spending all my money on food and cab rides. No, I have gotten NOTHING for myself. No maternity clothes that I like. I didn't want to buy summer sandals as when I get back to SF, fall would be coming already. No baby clothes yet cos I am waiting for the husband to come and we could do it together. Okay, an outfit for Mas, for when she returns to school next month. And okay, some tiny baby towels which are so cute and cheap but will shrink to a size of a quarter when taken out of the drier. Apart from that, nooooooooo...I have bought NADA for myself and I am getting frustrated!

But today, I am going to meet up with my twin...Ms Nazrah Makcik Hope. Our meeting few days ago was too short and I was too tired to enjoy the meeting. So we're going for a 'Rejuvenating Session' at Little India. We're going to string our eyebrows, maybe get some Mehndi Art on our hands and I might get a hair treatment as well. But we then need to complete this process with new makeup yes? I woke up at 3am today cos I am so excited to see her again! Yaay...

Oh yes, to my beloved Nadya, thank you for your gift. Don't worry, I made sure there was no dust when Ms Makcik Hope brought it to me hehe.

Meeting up with my gfs have been fun. But they go to work and can't catch up with my galivanting speed...one of my gf is waiting for the husband to come so that we could double date and do some crazy stuff (with pregnant Ely? okay lah! I think she wants to take us to Clark Quay where the expats are hahaha). Going out with mak, sister and my nieces have been fun too. I am loving the weather now that all I want to do is stay out!

My swellings have gone down. Thank God it attacked me for only 2 days.

There is also a darker note to this visit...which I will only express when I am calm and ready or maybe when I return to SF, where I feel that the environment is safer. Don't worry, my baby's okay. In fact, she can hear her surroundings now and starts doing the flying kick when she hears the mall crowd (are you nervous yet paps?).

Thank you to a couple of my blog friends who have been calling and talking to me with words of valued encouragement which means a lot to me. You guys know who you are. Online friends can truly be real good friends.

Meanwhile, back home in San Francisco, California

• The husband is missing me like crazy. He will start packing today. He is till not admitting that he needs his wife!
  
• My pinky has been missing her mommy but made do with sleeping with paps for the time being.
• 1 Sales representative got fired for violating insurance code of conduct.
• 2 of my closest co workers are leaving the office...one for a better paying job and one to Insurance Claims which will not be in SF.

Heat, food, jet lag, etc...

HEAT...the sweltering heat! Being pregnant, the heat has not been kind to me. My feet and fingers are swelling up since yesterday due to this. I think I have drank tonnes of water to stay hydrated.

FOOD...is still the main attraction to me regardless of the heat. Isn't it amazing when its hot plus spicy food, how it gives the inner kick (including the baby whos appreciating the spice!). I would never miss mak's daily visit to the market...of course, we have to go to the food court first to feed me or she wouldn't get my company to the market the next day hehehe.

JET LAG...still trying to deal with this! I would have to take this mandatory nap at 12pm for 2 hours, and then go to bed at 9pm waking up at 3am looking for food. Well, I don't like to fight this jet lag as laying in bed with the swelling hands, feet and belly is not a comfortable thing to do! At least with the World Cup fever, I wouldn't have to stay up at 3pm by myself.

SHOPPING...can't believe that maternity clothes are expensive! I am not going to pay $39 for a plain ole maternity t shirt when I have 4 different colors of the maternity tops at US$8 each. Well, I don't need more maternity clothes anyway (Ely comforting herself). Baby clothes are still cheaper than back home, so I would have something to shop for!

HUSBAND, I still miss my husband. So kesian, him being home alone with the kitties. Menyampah as much as you want readers, but me love me husband and we can't live too far from each other for too long! Less than 2 weeks to go before I see his sweaty face here!

Thats all I have to say for now. I am running back to the front of the fan...too cool myself!

Yes...I am in Singapore now. A total of 16 hours of flight. It was a good flight, very impressed with SIA, made my journey a little easier.

It has been a very nice visit so far. But deep down I am missing my dearest husband whos all alone back home. This baby kicking in me is a guarantee that he is here with me :). I know, you guys must feel so menyampah when I say this. We have been married for almost 5 years, but we are so close that we're not use to being separated. So I really can't wait to see him here!

Anyway, again, the KL trip is still tentative. Knowing that I have so many relatives, it can be so hard trying to leave town on a weekend to meet my blogger friends in KL. I am still trying....InsyaAllah, kalau ada rezeki kita jumpa ok.

I shall try to get some sleep tonight, its hard when you're jet lagging.

To those of you who can't see the animation pictures at the top, it says,

'Think Pink!'....'Its a girl!'

Geddit!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

UPDATE!!!

Monday, 07/03/06

I guess I was too excited to type a proper blog eh? Well, heres a short one.

Friday, the Dr weighed me in and guess what? I gained 8 freakin' pounds heavier! The Dr said that I have gained a total of 14lbs which is on the high side. Aiyooooo, I know it must have been the pancakes that I have been having every morning!

So the Dr said to me,'Cut the carbs, cut the sugar and fruits. Do not eat for 2, etc etc'...everything was a blur as she went on and on. She knows that when I get to Singapore, my diet will be gone! But I shall try my best to cut down from now on. I have been good...no pancakes for 3 days already. Only one serving of fruits so far and now...I am wondering how to eat Nasi Sambal Goreng w/o the nasi? How?????? But hey, I am not gonna fret. I shall eat 'sparingly' (note the "). And how to say no to pancakes at McD?????

I will have to see the Dr again 3 days after I return from Singapore. Hmmm...I was already showing the guilty face before I left her office hehehe. Alah takperlah, diet next month also can. Makan Nasi Sambal Goreng and Mee Goreng Mamak is a rarity...priceless!

I know, I have not updated this page for your amusement hehe. I have been too busy at work to update especially when I am going to be on vacation next week . New 'flash' projects need to be completed before end of Monday as Tuesday is Independence Day and I will be gone on Wednesday.

In the meantime, have a good long weekend and 4th of July for those who live in the US and will have Monday off (lucky you!). My next entry could be this weekend or even not until I get to Singapore.

To those whom I have intended to connect and meet up, insyaAllah, I shall try my best to contact you. My days are limited (although 30 days sounds like long eh?). KL trip, insyaAllah, you will hear from me online, if I make that trip to KL, I shall connect the 'head of communication' there ok!

Again, Happy Weekend Everyone…me love you ALL!

Life without the neonates...

Have been pretty peaceful, quiet, blissful and godsend (should I be punished for typing the last word?). Its been a week since they left.

The husband put the dining chairs up the table and that will be a permanent fixture until we all come back from Singapore in August. This will enable easy access to dirt and cleaning and also enable us to chase our cats and grab them in case they do not feel like being smothered by their mommy and daddy, hehehe.

Believe it or not, the cats have indeed started to bunk in our room since the kids have not been around to entertain them. I think they got tired of sleeping on the sofa and Mas' bed and the kids never returned. So when we go for our late night 'relief' just be careful of cat land mines. They're everywhere on our floor!

The kitchen counter has been clean all the time since they left. No food on counter (except every too often when paps got lazy and left the dishes on the counter, w/o soaking them and putting them in the dishwasher!) except again…pet paw prints or sand and mud! That’s ok, they're cats, forgiveable.

So we have been eating out since. Each time when we thought of cooking, the husband would say,'Yeah ok, we'll cook for 2 and whos gonna clean up?' so forget it…we eat outside do not have to worry about cleaning up the kitchen when done.

That also justifies our grocery shopping pattern. Only $20 last weekend when we were at the Asian Market. Just the bare essentials like my instant Mi Goreng, tonnes of fruits. No snacks for the kids, no extra milk or cereal for the kids…just 2 bags of groceries…how much easier can we get?

Most importantly…I HOPE THE HUSBAND IS READING THIS!!!
Sex life…eh no…relationship between the husband and I have been very nice. Very intimate, just the 2 of us. Like when before the kids moved here. Just him and me, me and him. We split chores in feeding the cats, mopping the floor and other chores. Mainly, he carries and does the heavy stuff and me the light stuff. I get more attention from him when I whine or when my tummy starts to hurt especially with the growing uterus and weight! I enjoy every moment with him. I know he will miss me for 2 or more weeks when I make my way to Singapore first. He will denifinitely miss me…right paps?

'Si bunting' reporting...

I am getting heavy…does that sound familiar yet? Besides the husband saying so, I surely am feeling heavier. Can't climb up the stairs as fast as I could now….mengah! Some days I feel light but some days like today, I feel heavy!

I have gained 10 lbs so far. Not too bad for someone whos 4 mths preggy. I know this is just the beginning. The husband's co workers wife is 4.5 mths preggy with their first child does not even have her belly as big as mine. But hey, that’s her first baby, her tummy muscles are still strong and firm unlike me, jiggly wiggly and the baby has tonnes of room to grow after the other 2! But I told the husband I am happy that my tummy is big, who cares if I am bigger than someone who's 5 mths preggy, I am preggy and that’s all that matters yeah?

I had to sleep bottomless last night. #1, it was hot! #2, no pajama pants could fit me! The only ones I have that can still fit me, is in the laundry basket. It’s a size M which I bought from Victoria's Secret. Others, nope, can't fit no more. Tried the husband's boxers, nope, not stretchable enough for my movement. The butt still fits but the tummy wouldn’t! So there, bottomless, such liberation like what Nazrah says hehehe.

My appetite is bottomless too, but I only eat 3 meals a day with very little snacks. The thing is, when I start eating, I don’t stop. I think I can complete a 3-4 course lunch with no help needed! And then that’s when after it I would hunt for fruits or sour gummy worms. The baby will start doing somersaults 30 mins after food. Jabbing, jumping, kicking, boxing, whatever it can do it say thank you to me hehehe.

Sleeping is my favorite pastime as we all know. I can take 3 hour naps without feeling guilty. And then still sleep at 8pm. The only problem I have is stuffy nose. Theory says that pregnant women tend to get rhinitis, swollen mucus membrane when they're pregnant which means that there is mucus forming 'down there' too which they say is good? Well, I am having difficulty breathing every night and that’s good? I can't take Sudafed as it is not encouraged to be dependent on drugs when you're pregnant, Saline nose drops don’t work, so the ultimate solution now is nasal strips, which sometimes don’t work if you don’t place them properly on your nose to open up your air passage.

Oh and I tend to realize that my nails, hair and hair (ahemm) grow faster than usual. Thanks to the multiple hormones. So my razor has been busy every morning just so that I could wear my sleeveless tops and dresses to fight the hot weather. Please don’t even think of looking hard at my eyebrows…way too bushy…not going to the salon till next week, before Singapore trip.

20 more minutes to lunchtime. I need my lunch time brisk walk (not that 'brisk' now but still a walk lah) and I need to smell the air outside. Tummy rumbling…still don’t know what to eat.

Ghazal Untuk Rabiah...

I was walking by myself to the bus stop this morning, with the iPod turned on with the song 'Ghazal Untuk Rabiah' by Jamal Abdillah and M Nasir…it touched me. The song did not touch me but it reminds me of someone who was meaningful in my life some 10 years ago. She was my late 'ex' mother in law….well she was not my 'ex' then as she passed away while she was still my mother in law. Mak Som loved this song! So I thought I would like to share this feeling with you all…

Mak Som was a happy 60 year old nenek with about 17 grandkids including mine and 8 children. She married my father in law when she was about 16… when bapak was then a sailor. She was such a baby factory that each time when bapak left her to go to sea, he would come back with a surprise addition to the family. What could he say. Gone for 9 months, missed his wife, came back, boom…product of their lovemaking! The 'misi' (nurse) at that time kept telling Mak to start taking birth control pills when she gave birth to child #6. But nooooooooo….she said 'Camner aku nak makan pill? Laki aku balik setahun sekali…buat aper makan pill? Anak banyak pun banyaklah!'. Until she gave birth to the ex…the last in the brood, the brat in brood (lets not talk further about this).

Then bapak got promoted. Head of sailor to sea captain. Lots of money! At that time, bapak could bring Mak Som everywhere, you name it, Saigon, China, Thailand…all by sea but in the asian continent as Mak Som couldn’t leave her precious kids home by themselves for too long. Bapak made tonnes of money, while Mak Som cared for the kids…no no, let me rephrase this, while she coddled the kids. Mak Som was everything to the 6 boys and 2 girls. Apparently, the 2 girls turned out to be the champions in life (as in tough) and knew how to care for themselves better than the boys. Imagine this, the ex husband had NEVER boiled water until he married me, NEVER cooked rice till he married me (heck! Someone needed to learn somewhere!).

When I mentioned that the 2 girls tend to be tougher in life, I really meant it. They were more independent financially and they didn’t run to Mak Som all the time unlike the boys….who ran to their mom especially for money.

Money….king of all evil. Do you believe that there is a King behind all kings? Well, bapak then made tonnes of money that he literally threw money to the boys when they needed some. Bapak paid for their duit hantaran (means he could afford 6 wives?) and the weddings for all the kids. He was also like a family bank. Everybody swarmed to him for money…easy money.

One day, it was time for bapak to retire. He was about 70 then. CPF was long taken out of his account…about $700k in total…all shared among his ungrateful kids (why lah he shared…sigh!). Bapak then had lost his source of income…no more earning at least $8k per month. Guess what? No money, no honey yeah? No honey, no ants yeah? His kids stopped visiting him. Yes…stopped. All the kids buat hal sendiri.

Bapak sold his apartment long time ago, cos who knows, when he retired, his kids could care for him yes? No! So Mak Som and bapak stayed at their anak perempuans house…taking turns. Sometimes, a few of them would not want to take them in…cos husband and wife working lah, no time lah, itu lah ini lah. When the parents need money…semua orang senyap! The worst part was that, the brothers do not know how to work hard for their money. The way they were being brought up, it was easier to borrow and beg than work harder. One of them even had the cheek to borrow money from my parents!

Anyway…Mak Som and bapak were so sad beyond believe. That their kids turned their backs on them. There was once when Mak Som wanted so much to help this elder son out of debt…Mak Som went to one of the daughter's house to beg for money. She was turned away. The daughters then didn’t want to speak to their mother as they girls thought the mom was giving that son too much face. It was afterall the son's debt…the parents jadi susah kan?

Then the parents moved to the older son's house. Mak Som came to my house every other day to mengadu nasib. Kesian I tengok. She cried saying that now the parents were broke, takder orang sayang dia. I was at that time not that close to Mak Som…cos of all these problems lah. But I was there to layan her, talked to her, gave her some emotional support. I tried speaking to the sisters, to stay by their mom…keras hati pulak the sisters nih.

Mak Som's heart was so bengkak. She fell sick. Apparently she had a blockage in her artery and the Dr recommended for her to go for bypass. Mak Som didn’t want to do it and the brothers said 'Dah orang tua tuh tak nak sudah' what? How can the kids do that? Of course all parents do not want bypass surgery but hello? Anyway, not for me to say. I was just the wife (the EX wife ok) fo the youngest bratty son.

Anyway, so they let Mak Som be in pain. Only one or 2 brothers visited her, the 2 daughters were still mad at her. Then Mak Som's health deteriorated. The ex kept in close touch with her. I advised the 2 daughters to go visit Mak Som cos I had the hunch that she was not going to be around for too long. Mak Som had started to throw up and was in bed for 1 week not being able to breath. The daughters said that they would visit on Saturday….it was Tuesday when I told them. Hmmm…not good.

Mak Som passed away on Thursday, my birthday. When I called one sister, she thought that I was joking. But she scrambled to the older brother's house. Both sisters weeping….regret! Me? It was like I was watching a soap opera…in person. I was just an extra, a bystander.

2 weeks after Mak Som passed, bapak was still sad. Bapak then decided to move from the older brother's house to my house (don’t ask me why). I am the bo chap daughter in law who hated to interfere with their family problems….besides, I was not happy with my own marriage. I was trying to get out of it, but that’s another story.

So anyway, I shall stop my story here as this blog was about my mother in law. The lady who was once so loved by her kids, but not when she was with no money, no wealth to share. She left the world in total sadness…

Ghazal Untuk Rabiah…a song that speaks a thousand words for me. Now you know why this song is so haunted to me.

ps...I think it was a blessing that she passed before my divorce or I might be the ultimate reason for her passing! Deep down, I still say to her 'Maaf Mak Som, kerana tidak dapat meneruskan jodoh ini'.

Just paps, cats and me...

I just got back from the airport. Singapore Airlines, the plane which the kids have boarded, will take off in 10 minutes.

At first I was happy for them that they're leaving, first day of their summer vacation and they're in a REAL BIG vacation. Then I walked back to the car...all by myself. Senyap pulak, noone to yell at, noone calling me Ibu every 10 seconds. The 10 minute ride back was the quietest and kinda sad for me. My babies are flying 8,000 miles away. My babies....they still will be my babies no matter how old they will get.

I got home, Tuco the fat cat, meowed at me. I think he could sense that the kids were leaving this morning. He followed the kids all the way to the car and started meowing. Now that I walked into the house by myself, he followed me into the bedroom, purring and meowing. Maybe he understood that his Ibu is feeling the same way as him...house too quiet.

Mas told me to keep updating my blog cos she would want to read about me everyday. The boy? Dah lah, dia tuh...tak boleh pakai. All he said was a fake 'I will miss you mommy', nak lempang ada, nak ketawa pun ada.

Sigh...my babies. I will see them in 2 weeks. Good break for me, but I will still miss them lots.

Dear paps...

Its been almost 5 years since you became a stepfather,
Something which you would have never thought of before you met me...

But you have been such a good stepfather to my kids,
The courage and happy spirits you have to share within the family,
They're all nothing but good...

The kids may not know how to show proper appreciation for your tender loving care for them,
But you know that they love you so...

You have been such a wonderful paps to the kids,
You have been such a wonderful husband to me,
And you know that you will be a great father to our little munchkin...

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY PAPS!!!
And many more good years to come...

Love...Ibu

Picture speaks louder...

at almost 16 weeks

than words. As per Nazrah's request...taken 10 minutes ago, after a halal thai restaurant binge dinner. Looking tired, big but happy :)

I was standing in front of my Barry Manilow beach towel by the way...hehe!

HAPPY WEEKEND!!!

Telur ikan & hati ibu...

Aaaaahhhhhh, finally satisfied my craving for telur ikan!!!! It was so hard when you're craving. Went to chinatown, no trace of telur ikan. Good thing, a cousin was coming here with his family for vacation again and he brought me 6 large pieces of telur ikan, siap dah masak suma!

So as soon as he touched down and checked into the hotel, the husband and I went to meet her at the hotel. Aiyooooooooooo, so happy to see the cousin and his family. We could talk forever I tell ya! Cos this cousin of mine is one of the closest to my family.

After the hotel visit, I couldn’t resist the wait and scarfed a big piece of telur ikan in the car. The husband, who does not favor stinky stuff just could not say anything to a craving woman except making me promise to never bring the telur ikan into the bedroom. Oh hey, I wasn’t listening when he said that.

The cousins are going to Lake Tahoe today and shall return to the city for 2 days before heading to LA. This is not their 1st trip here and they're pretty road savvy when it comes to travelling. Tomorrow night, we're going to have a big dinner at our favorite indian restaurant, yay!

Hmmm…serious talk now.

The kids are flying to Singapore on Monday. The daughter is nervous about flying without her parents. Eventhough the brother says,'Well, your BIG brother will be here with you!'…like that’s going to make her feel better...

Another reason why she is nervous is cos of her father. She has been pretty 'hard hearted' with her father for many reasons. It is a pretty sore subject to her where her father's concern. But last night, bapak called and told me the latest news about their father. That hes living with a divorcee (God knows if he married the woman cos the last time bapak asked he was not married to her) with 3 kids. As you know, my network of family is HUGE…a cousin said that she saw my ex with 2 kids and a boy called him 'ayah'.

Anyway, bapak is concern about the kids visiting their father due to his marital situation. He does not want the kids to be confused. As you know, this ex matter is also my sore subject. So I told him that I would discuss this matter with the husband who is more experienced in this.

The husband, being american and seeing that cohabitation is not an issue here says that we should tell the kids on whats happening to their father before bapak says it and makes it sound negative. Well…that kinda made sense to me.

Long talk…the truth was said, the son was happy that his father found another. Who cares if hes married cos son says that that’s not his business. But he will be happy to meet their father. The little lady on the other hand was crying when she heard the news. Not cos her father has found a woman but the hurt….the hurt that she has been feeling from the divorce never left her.

Again, this is a sore subject to me. I could not say a word when she was bawling. I had to signal the husband indicating that she was uncontrollable. So there the husband again, comforted her and put some senses in her. All she said to us was,'WHY do I have to go see him? Where was he when I was 7? Where was he when he promised to see us every weekend when we were there? He also did not give us child support!'. As you know, I get emotional when this happens.

This morning, I asked the daughter how she was feeling. She said,'I don’t know, still sore but a little better'. I tried to talk to some senses into her telling her that she should see her father just to keep in touch and it is good for her father to have found another woman. Then she said,'You know that I love you the most and noone can replace you right?' Now wasn’t that sweet? And I said,'I know, and I will always love you too. But I will feel so happy if your father's girlfriend loves you too. More people to love you!'. We left the conversation as that.

So now our main project before the kids leave for Singapore is to try change the daughter's adamant mind about not seeing her father. But if it fails, then she had been told that noone will ever force her to see her father. When paps goes to Singapore, paps could take her to see her father.

My kids are so precious to me. Yes, I admit that I do get very possessive with them especially when it comes to their father. But I cant deny that they have a father and they deserve to get to know their father instead of growing up with ill feelings toward him ('the ex being always a jerk' aside).

The last visit, I was not allowed to meet the ex in person as the husband says that I would have a shouting match with him (from experience). But maybe my attitude would change this time. Maybe I will get to see the woman who is making him happy…not to judge, but at least to feel relief that the ex is finally picking up his pieces, which I had done more than 5 years back. Maybe this time, the visit will also be an eye opener for me, who knows.

Hormonal Neonates

Kids with bapak in March this year

How do you deal with kids of whom are turning 14 in a few months time and another whos 12, whose hormones are everywhere, uncontrolled and could I say 'out of whack'? Sounds like me, the pregnant mommy? Heh…it gets harder when you're pregnant with raging hormones while raising kids who are just going through the same hormonal issues like you!

Oh how much I love my kids but sometimes, I wish I had the energy to jump up and down like them, not pregnant to play catch rugby ball with them at the beach, and run for the bus every morning instead of missing it (they run for the bus for me and tell the driver to wait for their pregnant mom to come…in a few seconds!).

With one whos 13, going on 14 in just a few months, this boy is a raging teenager. A good boy as the husband and I always try to convince ourselves but can a teenage parent reader here please support my statement that teenage boys do not think full time? They do what they think is cool and get into trouble with parents over something that they thought they would not get caught on, forgetting that at least one of their parents were born and grew up in the US and knows the 'bull cr*p' of teenagers? Heh…we sometimes tell the son that he has to be a little smarter to outwit their parents.

But the good side of this dearest son of mine is that, he is very considerate to his mom. Lets mom walk in front of him, opens door and carries bag for his mom and also offers drinks for his mom (if he doesn’t forget!). My 'showoff' munchkin!

Now, what should I say about the other girl who is still 12? She gets raging hormoes during PMS time. Her brother's her closest victim followed by her mom (poor old me). Of course, I do not keep track of her period dates. We let her be wicked, give her warnings until we're at the end of our thread and threaten to punish her when the next day she says,'Ibu, my period came this morning'. So that explains it! But how long do we have to deal with this monthly hormone rage? Till she moves out I guess! We also have been asking her too many times if shes having voice tone or hearing problems cos she speaks at high decibals when she communicates with a member of the family. It was as if, her brother was at the backyard but in fact, right next to her when she 'yells' and not speak, to him. Again we tell her,'Act like a young lady not like a street walker!'

The good side of her is that, she tucks me in when I am not feeling well, shares her feelings with me when shes in dilemma and does care for everyone in the house including the cats. My little love ball!

I know that I will not have issues when I have the little munchkin at the end of the year. Help will be in hand when I need it and I am sure the little munchkin will get lots of love from his/her bigger siblings.

I am grateful to Allah for my kids and the little one coming.

As for the husband (you must be wondering why you're not mentioned in this entry). Hang on, Father's Day is just around the corner…be patient, you know I love you!

Do I have to give you a hint that you have offended me?
Why do I have to let you know that you have done so?
If you are a friend, don’t you need to know this?

Here's one thing about me, I am a giver ,
But sometimes I am a taker too, especially from friends
I do not expect the highest mountain in the world,
Nor do I expect a bag of gold…

All I need is gratitude
I am tired of being treated as a doormat
All I did for you was give, give and give
But in the end, I get nothing out of it…it was like I never helped

It is more than just being a friend,
More than just sharing happiness,
But remember, your friends are not doormats!
They are here when you need help,
But they can also run away when they feel like they have run out of favors for you,
We are also not 'courts in waiting'

Try asking yourself why your friends are doing this to you,
Is it cos of YOU?
Or is it cos your friends?

Think about it…if you still don’t get it,
Then THINK HARDER!!!

Here comes the Sun...

Ahhh its Friday….bright and sunny Friday! There will be no softball or baseball game tonight and no cats or kids to run to the vet and the field. This evening will be a quiet early Friday (finally!).

Just wanted to share my joy about my beloved son. Yesterday was a good day for him. His school team that he's in won the inter school softball league championship. He also brought back his Poetry Award that he won last month within the school district. His poetry was selected and posted at the Daly City (that’s our city) library. That’s my boy!!!

Saturday will be a busy busy busy day for us. Starts with the daughter and her Eye Dr appointment, followed by the son's baseball game and then pick the cat up to go to the ophthalmologist (he has a growth in his eye). So much to do with so little time.

Happy Weekend!