UPDATED : Terkenan kan si dia tuh....

Does this ring the bell? If you like or hate a certain person when you're pregnant, your baby will grow up to be like that person. I remember my late ex mom in law, who terkenan kan this indian boy who was selling mee rebus at her doorstep. When she was pregnant with the ex husband, she bought mee rebus from this boy every day without fail. When the baby was born, the ex was the only dark skinned person among his siblings.

There was also an incident about my cousin. The cousin and his pregnant wife was at the airport in Singapore, sending a relative off. While they were bidding goodbye, a white blonde boy fell in front of his pregnant wife. The cousin helped the little boy up and rubbed his forehead. 4 months later, the baby was born with a patch of blonde on his bangs and I kid you not…the color still exists and hes almost 20 years old now!

So that’s why the old people would advise for pregnant women and their husbands to be nice to others, don’t hate anyone, don’t torture animals and so on.


But I wouldn’t mind if I had a son, that my son would look like the Rock hehehehe.

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Update : Sunday 2pm

Ahhhh, Ely's feeling better today. Took the gynae's advise to continue taking Vitamin B6 and half of Unisom (sleeping aid pill) every night and the morning sickness would be reduced. Indeed it has, besides me feeling sleepy and trying to get use to taking Unisom earlier at night so that I could rise at 5:30am on weekdays.

So...Saturday, I craved for Nasi Lemak. Malas nak masak so the husband brought me to the Singaporean Restaurant...sedaaapp!!! Tak sedap pun rasa macam sedap tekak orang mengandung nih. $6 for a huge plate of Nasi Lemak...gasak lah.

Sunday, I am craving for roti jala and curry. So I went to the supermarket, get the stuff for the roti (thank goodness the husband bought meat from our arabic mak angkat the night before) and here I was 'jala' ing with my daughter being the back up.

Then the husband says that we have to cook the ground beef that had been sitting in the fridge for days. He suggested Sheperd's Pie...SURE...I made not one but TWO Sheperd's pies and put them in the fridge for tomorrow's dinner. The other pie maybe we could split them in 4 so that we ALL could take a portion to work/school for lunch.

Haaaaahhh.....puas hati! Bayar niat tak dapat masak since many weeks ago!

Oh yeah, if you're curious on how to make delicious Roti Jala and Sheperd's Pie, go visit my Recipe Blog ok!

Akan Datang (Coming Soon) -- My first prenatal visit to the gynaecologist...watch out for it!

Wek wek and more wek

5:30am – woke up, dear husband handed me a piece of bread (to supposedly ward of morning sickness)
6am – in the bathroom, face in toilet bowl, felt like I threw up my whole nerve system, including my eyes, mouth ears and all that.
7am- all dressed up, face all green. I knew that I wouldn’t make it to work without being sick.
7:30am- called office to tell them that I will not be in the office. How nice, my co worker, volunteered to feed my fishy (yes, I have a fishy at work) a few times a day. Kesian mamat tuh lapar mummy dia takder kat ofis.
9:30am – I knew that I couldn’t eat ANYTHING without throwing up but had to eat. So I cooked ramen noodles with very little seasoning.
10am – threw up what I ate. Aiyoooooo….so weak. Couldn’t even watch tv as its under the turning ceiling fan…mabuk!
10:30-1pm- slept, nak makan for sure keluar balik.
1pm-4pm- slept again.
4pm- kids came back from school, asking me if I ate, I said no. the daughter urged me to eat. So I had a toast. Rushed to lay in bed, hoping that the toast would stay in my tummy.
6pm- husband cooked dinner. Grilled chicken and some rice pilaf. The smell of the grilled chicken, enough to kill my respiratory system. The sell of the pilaf, eeewww.
7pm- time to eat. I chewed on a broccoli and 2 spoonfuls of pilaf. Husband, had a plate of pilaf and 2 huge chicken breasts. I ran straight to the bathroom, head in the bowl. The broccoli and the pilaf just came back out. Nothing much in there…
7:30pm- went to the pharmacy, got some Vitamin B6 (known to reduce dizziness and nausea).
8pm – had 25mg of the Vitamin B6, felt better in 20 mins. Had some Healthy Mom bar for pregnant ladies bought by dear husband.

In short, I only managed to have 2 bars of Health Mom health bar which have a total of only 52 gm of carbs for the day. I know, its not good at all. But I woke up feeling better today. Its only 6:30am, had another 25mg of Vitamin B6 and a bar of Healthy Mom. If I have to eat Healthy Mom everyday…who cares, as long as the food stays in me.

At least I am not feeling dizzy now, but still not feeling great. Still feeling dehydrated from not eating yesterday. Still not going to work, need another day to hydrate myself.

Tomorrows, going to be a somewhat long day. Early morning visit to the vet for Tuco, who needs a blood curve test or his diabetes, leave him there and to work. Appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow.

Cravings, something that I thought would not even cross my mind especially when I am having my morning sickness…no, let me correct that, not morning sickness but ‘all day sickness’!

Yes, no kidding, this sickness strikes at any time of the day. Mostly mornings, but other days., it could be at 12pm, 3pm, 5pm, after dinner and even 3am! These sea bands that I am wearing sometimes do not work at all. Ginger ale does not work, whole wheat bread in the morning before getting off bed works for only an hour but does not take the nausea away. But yesterday, I discovered Preggy Pops, which somewhat helped a little bit. No toilet bowl incident yesterday, so that’s a progress right?

But it can be a chore eating food nowadays. Nothing tastes right to me. I was craving for mee siam, cooked some yesterday with my heart and soul. All ready to eat, but after 5 bites, I had to put it aside. Just couldn't swallow it! Same goes with any noodle soup that I could be craving for. The only food that I can stomache right now is plain rice and sushi. Sigh...

Back to cravings, I have one minor (which can turn into a major one if not tended) craving. Frozen chocolate covered bananas!!! I knew that I could get them at Trader Joe’s and my cravings would be fulfilled. But hey, they were out on that those frozen bananas. That was wrong wasn’t it? So my gf called me over the weekend and I deployed her to go to her Trader Joe’s to see if she could get them frozen bananas for me….no luck! It could be a county wide out of stock for frozen bananas at Trader Joe’s.

Then Ely’s craving turned into code red. Ely must have frozen chocolate covered bananas. Tak boleh tahan! So, then I decided to make my own. Bought some bananas, froze them, melted the semi sweet chocs, dipped them bananas, voila! Jadi jugak!

I have been cravings for bananas lately…tak kisah lah how the bananas come in, fried, steamed, dipped or whatever. Maybe I am expecting a boy hehehehe.

Bummy Tummy...

1st born : tummy did not really show at 9 months
2nd born : tummy REALLY showed at 9 months, baby was almost 8 lbs
3rd coming : almost 7 weeks along, pants fit fine, but the tummy area is bursting.

Do you believe in that? According to theory, when a mother is pregnant and if its not her 1st born, her tummy tends to show sooner than her 1st born due to lack of elasticity. Of course the theory refuses to say that its due to the extra paunch and skin that we get from the other previous newborns.

I know that I can't fit into my low rider Levis and GAP jeans as it will pinch my bladder to the bathroom. So now I am relying on my work clothes, which I guess still has an inch or 2 for the baby to grow. But I already have a pair of maternity pants ready…which is too big after washing and drying them. The sales assistant says that it would surely fit me sooner or later but hello…I need them jeans NOW not later geddit?

As for the boobs problem. Now I have to wear a pair of sports bra to support them girls when I go to sleep without feeling the cut of them underwires. I know the sports bra would not last me much longer as them girls are running in different directions PLUS the weight.

Do you smell raging hormones here? Hmmm, I thought I wasn’t raging much until the husband says,'Its ok Ely, calm down, here give me a hug…everything will be ok'. And I was like 'what the heck is he doing?'. He said that I had been yelling a lot lately and I said 'WHO SAYS THAT I HAVE BEEN YELLING?' ooopss, I guess I did huh? Maybe my ears are getting deaf due to pregnancy besides forgetting a few things here and there at times. Thank goodness the savior boss understands my situation when he sees me yawn when hes talking, or when I totally do not get what he is talking about…I'm getting spacey. Kesian aku…

Anyway, nothing much else to report about. Its only 11:45am here and I am already thinking of bed sweet bed!

GREAT WEEKEND EVERYONE!

I tend to realize again...

Do you believe that every change in your life comes with a reason? Does it make you do a self reflection?

As soon as I saw the pregnancy test and the result was what we had been waiting for, we were all delighted. Unlike being a first time mom, I was not afraid, not nervous…just excited that our family is growing. Growing into a bigger happy family.

Then after a few days, the self-reflection began. Is our family going to be bigger, stronger and happier? And what have I done and will do in my part to make my family as such? With the bundle of joy, this little one will be LOVE by itself. Like peope say, big stuff come in small packages!

Also, while I am going through a body change, turning into one huge potato and eventually walk like a penguin before the little one burst out in due time, I tend to feel…a feeling that only mothers could feel….the love for my kids.

I realize now that I love my kids so much, that no other material could replace them. What made me realize this? Well you know, in our everyday lives, we tend to take things for granted. We know that we love our kids ands spouse but sometimes a good significant change could make us realize that we love them THAT much!

The kids' response to the pregnancy, the way they treat me extra special, panicking when I start throwing up and making sure that I swallow that cookie, though I am trying not to eat junk food in this early stage, is enough to show that they love me, they care and that they want to be part of the pregnancy. But this does not make them perfect kids…they still bicker, don’t listen to their parents at times and tend to slack in their chores.

And all I have to say about my lovely kids is that, Ibu loves you more than anyone else in this world!!! And I know that our family will definitely be bigger, stronger and happier.

No, how can I forget the husband…who is part of this conception? Priceless as his expression was when he first saw the digital pregnancy test, he has been the wonderful husband that I have dreamed of all my life (ahemm, am I sounding fake yet? Hehe). He's there to hear me whine 'Oh I have lost 5 more lbs, how can that be?', 'Oh I am not feeling good…I am sleepy…now I am nausea!'. And he's the one in the kitchen getting me that whole wheat bread at 5:30 in the morning to contain the morning sickness. I think I have also heard him saying to the kids,'Now, make sure your ibu does not do laborous chores. You need to help her whenever you can OK?'.

I went to the Motherhood boutique the other day and was looking at maternity outfits (must 'aim' which ones I like first!) and the sales assistant asked if I would like to to try some outfits on. I said 'Nah, the husband's waiting outside, don’t want to rage him'. The sales assistant then said,'Oh don’t worry, he will wait. Husbands are nicer to pregnant wives you know!'. Aaaahhhh. How right she is!

So last night, I was browsing on the internet looking for walking shoes. The husband said,'You have already bought that Coach purse online today…what are you looking for now?'. And I responded,'But husband, I am pregnant! I need a pair of walking shoes!!!' Hah! That’s exactly what the husband said…hah! Ooooh, now I need to find a Coach wallet to match the purse too!

Why is the world spinning?

The morning sickness has begun. Thats why the font of this entry is purple...just like my face.

I thought that I could escape from this, like when I was having my 2nd child.

Oh how wrong I was.

Ely is trying to find a way to prevent/cure this morning sickness. She's on a mission...

I had bread 30 minutes before I got out of bed. That seemed to work. I might try the 'sea sick' band today and see if it works wonders for me like others. But first I must survive the bus and train ride and the walk to the pharmacy to buy the band.

If I seem to be 'missing in action' in the next few days...please understand that I am fine...just sick as a dawg!

But I shall not forget you...

Taaa...

ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZ...

Have you ever fallen asleep while sitting with friends and having a conversation at a restaurant?

Have you ever fallen asleep when your boss turns away from you and is having a conversation with a co worker? You don't want to get caught sleeping on the job...but you can't explain why you doze off in a snap of a finger.

Have you also ever felt so sleepy, that whatever the people around you were talking about, you felt like you were still in dreamland?

Well people...thats what I am feeling now...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...eerrr sorry i fell asleep.

As the journey begins...

The crave was with a reason
The PMS was a sign
The late period I thought was like last month
But what do you know, it surely was a surprise….

You see, my second precious one is 12 now. Imagine, being pregnant again after 12 years! I am like a dummy all over again!

The kids were very ecstatic when they heard the news. The daughter has chosen a name if it was a girl. I secretly have chosen a name if it was a boy. The husband? He was so excited on the day that I did the 2nd pregnancy test, went to work and broadcasted to the entire office!

I am almost 6 weeks along. Changes in my body? Well…I think my PMS has gone away, sometimes moody but most times sleepy. I would sleep at every chance I get. Sleep during lunch time, nap 3x a day on weekends and bedtime is like 9pm for me.

My lower back is aching, can’t sit for too long. And I need to walk every 20 mins or I would fall asleep. I am tired all the time but not feeling hungry all the time yet. I don’t think I have gained any weight besides feeling bloated and seeing the boobs expanding (milk factory on the way!). I think I have even lost more weight past weeks as my regular pants are lose in the groin…like they aren’t mine.

It seems like I wouldn’t have to go too far from my diet. According to the pregnancy book that I bought (yes I am that pathetic…I need a book!), it is advisable to eat low sugar, low carb food and lots of salad. Sounds like me. BUT 4-5 servings of whole wheat bread or noodles…that’s kinda hard for me. I have to remind myself that I have to eat bread more than I did. I still have not exercised for a week, guilty! I don’t think I will till the next dr’s appointment which will be in 2 weeks. In the meantime, I am just enjoying the long long long walks during lunch…if I decided not to sleep instead!

My face looks tired all the time. Some co workers say that I always look tired (they don’t know that I am baking a bun) and I told them that I have not been feeling well lately.

12 years, that was a long time ago since I got pregnant. It was like starting all over again, but with 2 babysitters this time :)

Update : Same day, 2:30pm

Received the prenatal blood tests from the Dr. Not that I REALLY know how to read it well. But according to the blood level that I have and the scale given, all my levels in the blood are good. The HCG level is fine, as per how far along I am (meaning: the further along I am in the pregnancy, the higher the HCG level will be). Now I can sleep better...knowing that everything is fine, insyaAllah.

ps....don't you just love the beauty of sushi buffet???????????

There is...

a bun in the oven...

More stories to come...

Mahalo...

We have an event at work today for our AAA members. Its called 'Mahalo Event'. This is to promote our Hawaiian Vacations for the travel agency. Everyone is encouraged to wear a hawaiian shirt and jeans to work to celebrate the event.

Now now…this got Ely thinking…hard. Being born and raised and even bred in the lovely sunny island of Singapore, I always feel that dressing up hawaiian is very tacky. Something that omputih does a lot to adopt this tropical thingy. In short…no, I don’t have a hawaiian shirt! (ps : I do have several hawaiian sundresses but shirt?). So OK, since I feel that way, I am going to wear what I feel like wearing. I am not running the event anyway, so I know it would not effect me…right??????????

What is Ely wearing today? Well, you see, it rained hard this morning and it was cold. So I have my 'heavy metal' concept outfit today to work. Meaning : Black long sleeved netted blouse with black tank top underneath. Black pin striped pants and black pointy (and I mean at least 2.5 inches pointed out) with kitten heel boots. OK aper kan?

Came to work…the lady assistant boss says 'Good morning Ely…lets see what you have on today….BLACK!!!'. OK when she said that, it hit me…I did not realize that I am wearing totally the opposite of what the office is doing. So I told the lady boss, 'Well, I don’t have a hawaiian shirt. I do have my tank top and sarong skirt and thongs to wear if we go to hawaii'. She said while laughing out loud,'Ely, you're something else. Would you like our company hawaiian shirt?'. Heck NO…corporate hawiian shirt is down right UGLY. What could I say? Hahahahaha….

Ely likes wearing black at times. Now Ely is looking at herself again…hmm black, on a Mahalo Event day, hehehehe.

The 'negative' zone...

Update : Tuesday, 03/28

Ahhh, Tuesday morning. I am feeling better. Thank you to those who had given me encouraging words.

Thats the wonder of blogging. You get mad, you typed, you felt better.

My 'flash' project was finally completed! So now I have the ongoing project that I have to manage and at least I won't feel that crazy today. But then again, you never know!

Emotional feelings...I think I have gotten over it. I don't get mad for too long. Life goes on, and I am happy again.

I still get to keep my son, keep my beloved father and about the ex friend...who is he again?

Cheers everyone!

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Sometimes it gets hard when you have to handle too many things at a time. From work to personal accounts. Do you also believe that you can get so dogged down by so many nitty gritty stuff that could just turn into someone negative momentarily?

From my son doing a little mess at school and needs make up work for some of the assignments he had missed, to a friend who turned into an EX friend due to his hypocricy, to my dad who always thinks that his grandkids parents sits on a pile of money to the management thinking that I have 6 sets of brains, 10 sets of hands and can finish 3 projects in one swipe and to the reps who thinks that I should be responsible for their mis'data'd' numbers in the system. All these are just so overpowering to me that I feel that I just wanted to sit by the beach and not even hear anyone's voice.

My son is still getting his back supported by me and the husband. Sure kids mess up in school. Sometimes they think that could get away with missing assignments when their parents were not looking. Maybe kids should remember why report cards were created long time ago. In America, missed assignments reflect at the end of the term on their report cards. All missed assignments will be noted. With that, parents get mad, wishing that they could shake the heck our of their kids, spank the juice out of them. And if that ever happened, parents tend to console the kid's cries and turn it into something positive. It sucks being a parent sometimes…they can lie to us and disappoint us…unfortunately, we still love them and will never lose faith in them. Sigh…

A friend. What is a friend? It surely is an open end answer eh? I was born trusting everyone and anyone once. But then I thought I was smarter…a little trust and a little faith but I still get burned by a friend. Not burned in a sense of money but burned in the sense of betrayal. I shall not talk in detail about this as I do not want to stoop as low as this friend. Pity, as much as he has disrespected my family and me, I still have the humanity to not disrespect him. May Allah bless my family's and my heart for that. I know that another friend is reading this blog and knows what I am talking about. My note to my dearest friend : I know that you mean well. But I do not condone that ex friend making you the middle person of this dilemma. I shall never drag you into this mess and I want you not to make him do this to you too. May our friendship last forever…insyaAllah. I am sure everyone hates hypocrites? That word itself makes my heart burn. If this EX friend were to ever read this? Hmmm...time to do a self reflection dude! If you can't see yourself, you might want to ask some of your friends...oh no...ex friends.

Bapak…please ampun my soul should you read this and get mad at me. I know that you love your grandson to bits. Please put trust on us as parents. That parental love does not come in terms of how many pairs of shoes they have, or how much money is spent on them. The love, care and attention on your grandkids are priceless. Why can't all grandparents think of it that way? You know that you brought me up that way too.

Work…it had buried me to the state of 'drowning' me. Now…how come I still have time to blog? Heh…taking a big break after a 'flash' project so that I could take on another ongoing project that is due anytime (means : when the boss 'hollers' means that that’s my deadline). Help? I'll be darned if I get even a teeny bit of help. Can't get help from co workers as 70% of my job is confidential. The rest of the 30% is the daily routine that throws me off. Yes…I do get frustrated. How am I to finish a project when I get another call for another 'flash' (means : now and don’t miss a minute…deadline means NOW). So the boss called and asked me how I am doing with another project…my answer? 'I am still buried with the current one…and I need help'. What does 'help' mean to the boss? Hopefully he could read my mind right now…it means : Do not call me till tomorrow OK?

OK am done abusing my blog.

How to attend 5 meetings in a day and still be alive...

I was ‘invited’ (or should I say 'assigned') to scribe all 5 sessions of the same meeting in our district office by the management today. It was about an Employee’s Survey that was conducted in Northern California in my company some 2 months ago. All employees from the District Office where I work at were invited to this mandatory meeting for 'in person' feedbacks.

Here’s what I have learned on how to survive them:

• Attend the full session of the first meeting to get the ‘hang of the meeting content’. After that, you can start disappearing after doing the roll call for 20 minutes...go get that fresh air or something.
• Make sure that I understood what I scribed cos the boss will revisit the issue after each session.
• After the 3rd session, Ely is showing signs of ‘disorientation’ cos it was her session for feedback. When questions were directed to her, she blanked out and said ‘Huh?’.
• After the 4th session, boss sensed that I gave feedback that was way rarely someone would share with the management (eg no teamwork from team, bad leadership from some leaders. Some were to scared to share). Boss also sensed that I was very drained from attending 4 meetings and took me for a walk..while asking me what I thought of the sessions. More thinking! But with walking...OK lah.
• 5th session, after the walk on the streets of SF, Ely’s ready to go again. Got juicy scoop from boss…I love juicy scoop! *Ely’s busy scribing*

Tomorrow this poor ‘yours truly’ will try to make sense on what she wrote today, consolidate the minutes and feedback and type them into one proper document. SWELL….!!!

Now Ely is ‘meetinged out’ and is ready for bed. TGIF tomorrow!

Nafsu makan tak tertahan...

Note : I had to change my entry title from 'Mengidam ker' to the current one, just so that there is no anticipation. Hehehe...

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How do you handle cravings when they start haunting you?

Do you :

A) Go with the cravings
B) Count to 10 and pray that it will all be over
C) OK…have a little bit of it, don’t follow your heart too much!


Somehow or rather, this month, my craving is craving orang gelojoh. I wanted so much to eat lunch at that halal mediterrenean restaurant…die die must go today. So a co worker obliged cos she had never been to this place.

8am…I was already thinking of it. Hmm, what should I order eh? Maybe a gyro plate of the 'special'. Come 9am, the co worker said that she might not be able to make it cos no one was going to cover the hotline if she went to lunch at 1pm. She suggested tomorrow…how dare she said that to me! Dang…I MUST make this work! Must go today! She finally worked it out for us to go lunch at 11:30 am instead…whatever babe…as long as I get to go.

I think you would have never ever seen me walk so fast before. These boots just did not deter this woman from walking fast. Glad the restaurant was not crowded yet. Ordered the special…they had Veal cooked in masala, cous cous, rice, mediterrenean salad and pickled cabbage…good enough. Who cares what the co worker ordered. I quickly got my order, rushed to a table and geez…please do not picture how I ate the meal! I ate most of the cous cous but very little of the rice and the bread. Can't curb the carbs, can't eat all the carbs either.

Burp…alhamdulillah! It surely was good. Whats next? Sushi! The husband suggested for us to have sushi tonight…just bring it on babeh!

*This is Ely in action when she's in the craving mode. Sometimes I would crave for humungous salads for days…sometimes stir fried veges for days too! I do get carb cravings too though not much. When I hit the carb binge, I just take a few bites and then the guilt will lurk and stops me from eating them too much. *

Cold...

Aaaahhh, its the weekend. After 2 'not too happy posts', I have decided that its time for a happy post as usual eh?

I had caught the daughter's major cold. 5 of her classmates were absent from school and 2 of them went home in the midst of class. So hey, she came back coughing and sniffling and what do you know...the Ibu caught the cold!

1st day of being sick, I still went to work. There is also that cold virus lurking in the office. But I didn't want to waste that vacation time you know...saving for that Singapore trip. The next day, Ely simply could not hold her head up. It was Friday, so at least if I were to call in sick, I would have the whole weekend to recuperate. Poor boss/es would have no Ely to call upon hehehe.

I was in bed all day Friday. In an out of consciousness till about 5pm. DayQuill every 6 hours, Vitamin C every 3 hours...water every 30 minutes, sleep every minute! Then the husband came home. Ahhhh, he was sniffling and said 'Thanks for the cold..I got it now!'. So I ended up cooking dinner (just chicken soup for the sick bodies) and let the husband rest.

Its Saturday, the husband and son are going out in a few minutes for haircut and then to baseball practice. I am still sniffling and coughing but feeling better than yesterday. I am wondering if I should go to the mall...

HAPPY WEEKEND Y'ALL!!!

From : Mrs Sniffles

Que Sera Sera...

--Each time when I think of my kids and their dilemma with their father, I would remember this Que Sera Sera song--

-------------------------------------------------

February 8th 2006, it was my daughter's 12th birthday. There was a package received on February 5th, when we were in Florida. Bapak who was in town at that time, said that he received the package on my daughter's behalf. Bapak said that the package was from Singapore...the sender being the father of my kids.

When we reached home, my daughter opened her package and found a birthday gift from her father, together with a gold chain and a pendant, custom made with her name on it.

That was the nicest material that my daughter had received from her father since the divorce, about 7 years ago. She put the chain and pendant on and wore it to school every day.

To show appreciation to her father, my kids bought him a San Francisco Giants shirt with a card. Bapak volunteered to personally hand the gift to their father (besides bapak being so curious on how this guy is doing now) when he went back to Singapore.

Last Friday, we received a call from bapak. Apparently, bapak was with their father. They had a talk...60 seconds per kid. I asked the kids what they talk about with their father. The kids were oblivious over the phone call, one kid continued to watch TV, the other, back to her gossip magazine.

The next day, bapak called me to give me the full scoop of his meeting with their father. Their father had somehow gotten out of his post-divorce misery and is driving a cab at nights (so that explains how he got the money to buy her a gold chain). He sold his 2 bedroomed apartment and is renting a room and had bought a car too. So I asked bapak,'Orang tuh dah kawin ker belum?'. Bapak said maybe not.

Then when bapak talked to the kids about their father...again the kids were oblivious. The daughter came into the room and asked,'Ibu, yayi said that ayah bought a car and he would very much love to see us this summer when we visit Singapore. You know, I REALLY do not want to go see him'. What can I say. Couldn't say 'That's fine Mas, don't go'...could I? But in turn I said 'Well, why dont you just go visit him. He loves you and wants to see you. You don't have to spend the night at his place. I'll make sure that yayi would not force you OK'. The daughter, being a drama queen said 'Ibu! How to tell yayi? He would surely force me to spend the night! Yayi said that ayah now has a car...so what? Like I cared even if he owned an airplane'.

I could not utter a word after that. I was stumped...that she even said that! But I quickly changed the subject and talked about something else just so that the daughter would not get worked up over something that hasn't happened yet.

My say in this, I am glad that the ex had finally pulled himself out of misery (seemed like he got out of it after he sold his apartment and made some money. He was broke all the time...as usual) and is earning money (no, not hoping for him to even start paying child support). I hope that he would marry someone who is of what he would expect fom a wife....an obedient and gentle wife (I am not saying that I am not of that ok!). As much as I would not want to have anything to do with him, the fact still stays that he is my kids' father and he would still be in the kids' lives no matter what.

As for my beautiful kids, how my kids will feel towards their father will be determined by how their father is willing to regain their love for him (which has somehow dissolved since time began). The kids deserve for their father to show them love and I shall not stop them for getting more love. I know how hurt my kids are by their father's behaviour in the past years...but it really seems now that their father is trying to mend his relationship with his kids. I hope that my kids would accept him again someday...insyaAllah.

ps : The ex will always dislike me no matter what. He is so sore about me that he tells everyone, he hopes that I would be happy with my Mat Saleh husband, like what I had always wanted.

What is Good Parenting?

Sometimes I asked myself…what is good parenting? Does good parenting involve material or good parenting is attention given to the kids and ensure that they will grow up to be responsible and useful adults in future? I don’t know…this has been the question raised between the husband and myself, for many reasons on many occasions.

I can't make comparisons of parenting back home and parenting here. To me, parenting is parenting…same responsibility, same ole scenario just like when we were younger, only that it gets 10x more complicating at times.

Now that the kids are 12 and 13, they are more aware of how they look like, who they hang out with, what kind of songs they listen to and even what they want on their bodies. This is like 'monkey see monkey do' stage for them…excluding 'monkey see monkey do' from their parents. The bad influences are the easiest for them to follow and adapt, the good ones are the hardest (as we all know cos we've been through that ourselves!).

They're starting to go to sleepovers. When they come back, that’s when the kids tend to make comparisons of their friends' lifestyle to ours.

First example: Cellphones.
At such a young age, no where does this necessity of cellphones appear in their everyday lives? But my girl's friends each has a cell phone. We are the only parents to have been resisting the idea. Why? Cos we didn’t live with cellphones when we were 12. And what if there was truly an emergency for the kids and the didn’t have their cellphones with them? Would they know how to use the public phone? With the different area codes within the 2 cities that we're in, they need to know how to put the quarters into the slot and dial the right number instead of selecting 'Mom' or 'Paps' and the cellphone calls for them. Money is not the factor in this matter. It costs only $9 to add each kid to our Family Plan. So we are still being very adamant that kids should not have cellphones until they're bigger. My question : Is it wrong for a parent to think that way?

Second example : Responsible kids and parents
My girl had a misunderstanding with her best friend. This best friend of hers is an only child. One day, the girls were playing during PE and my girl accidentally hit her friend's face with a basketball (kids play, accidents happen). Her best friend got pretty mad and called her names. Was very nasty to her to the extend of making my girl feel bad about herself. The best friend also told everyone that my girl did it on purpose and that her apology was not a sincere one. Took us a total of 1 day and 2 hours to convince my daughter that she had done what she needed to do…that was to apologize. Then the next day, the daughter heard rumors that her best friend told her mother about the incident and that her mother was going to see the principal to complain against my daughter. Her being a kid, freaked out and told me about it. She also said that the best friend's mom talked bad about my daughter and everyone knew about it. My daughter used to go to their house every other week and they were nice. The husband decided to discourage the daughter from hanging out with this girl on weekends, for fear that the friend would do it again. They're back as being friends now but what bothers me was that, her friend never apologized for her rash behaviour. My question : Was it wrong for us to discourage her from hanging out with her former best friend? We explained to her why…that she and her friend might need some 'cooling off' period for fear that the same thign would happen again. And if it were true, why did the girl's mom even thought about complaining against my daughter?

Third example : Internet and parents' consciousness
Internet, the worst enemy for parent when it comes to parenthood. The kids are not allowed to surf the internet unless one of the parents are home. If they were to use it, only 20 minutes would be allowed when we're not home. Internet history will always be checked for security…MySpace and chat rooms are not allowed. Messengers are allowed and we scan the list of friends they have. One day, my daughter was at another girlfriend's house. We received an email notification stating that my daughter was on her messenger and she had changed her password. Afraid that it could be someone else trying to get into her messenger, we called her and she said that she had changed her password. Kids' passwords are for the parents to set up not the kids. So we picked the daughter from her gf's place. Apparently, no parent was around when they were 'chatting', just a 15 year old sister, her gf and her. Told the girls that they need to get their mom to call us when she got home. The mom didn’t call back, well the gf called back and said that her mom just came back from traffic school and was too tired to talk to us. But the mother never called back. The question : Is it us who watch our kids too closely or do parents just do not care what their kids do on the internet?

One last question : Do you as parents care what kind of songs your kids listen to? Do you happen to stop and listen to what the kids are listening to and indentify if there were bad language involved in the song and has bad influence like gang activities and racial issues? Rap songs are generally known to project negativity to adults…do parents care to even think that rap songs can be bad for kids? How about tv programmes? MTV…the 'in' thing now. If we don’t watch the kids, did you know that they don’t just play rap but also show videos showing gang activities? The reality show cops, if the kids were to watch it by themselves without adult supervision (its rated PG13 here), kids will think that those druggist and their tattoes and hats are cool? Trust me, we see our kids sometimes follow bad stuff on tv too. Again, was it just us or we're just being over controlling?

These are just one of our concerns that tend to make us feel as if we're the overprotecting ones, the caring parent or are other parents not as caring as us?

Would anyone like to share this with us?

Shopping...jangan tak shopping...

So…its bonus time. Hmmm, call me an ingrate cos I tend to make comparisons of bonus payouts with when I was back in Singapore…can't beat that 3 months yearly bonus and a month of profit sharing bonus. But heck, syukur Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for blessing me with some wealth so that I could upgrade my cell phone and buy spring clothes (Astaghfirullah Ely…hehehe).

Let's talk more about the 'shopping binge' that I am going to have soon. Firstly, I am going to have to pay down my credit cards. Maybe some down to zero balance and hide them under my mattress. Then the husband agrees that if I were to do that, he would help sponsor part my shopping binge (don’t you back off on your offer dear husband!).

My phone is due for an upgrade (upgrade = Ely's tired of using the same phone for 12 months). It's really not that I have enough friends to call me on my cell or sms me like when I was back home. But hey, must update with the trend mah! I know that I don’t use it enough to upgrade to a Palm Treo (phone PDA system), how I so like it! But a Razr phone will be good enough for me.

Then a co worker started the 'destruction' process for me in terms of clothes and shoes. Handed me 2 catalogues of affordable shoes, clothes, pant suits, spring clothes…good for trip back to Singapore this summer! Cannot tahan…tapi takper, I have to wait till Friday (still Thursday here) to start fulfilling my wish list on the catalogue. I have marked all the stuff that I want…with Post It notes. Are you nervous yet husband?

What else should I do? Hmmm, maybe get some accessories for my iPod, I know I need a wall charger for it. I know, I know, some will say, 'Save your money lah Ely'. The husband has taken care of that department for me…so no worries.

Well anyway, I shall be so looking forward to this weekend. Sorry Ayu, too bad you're coming back on Sunday or I could take you along hehehe.

The more the BETTAH...

I am currently on a roll of blogging about my friends. Can't believe sometimes the people around me do effect my everyday life. And how much I love them so!

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I have a co worker who was adorably tiny (she STILL is!) when she first started working here. She's about a size 6 (or less) but could eat like a horse. When I mean that she can eat like a horse, I really mean it. She could eat rice for breakfast, McDonald's for lunch and another full meal in between. Everyone would die to have a figure like her and not gaining any weight from eating.

But…since she came back from the Philipines in January, she told me that she had gained 10 lbs from the visit, due to 'continuous' eating. When she returned to the US, she was still eating like when she was on vacation. Then the last time she told me, she had gained another 1 1/2 lbs.

For a very tiny petite lady who had gained weight, she surely is kind of happy as she says that she had gained more 'boob' size, more 'booty' size and she's now more like the 'Ohhh La La' kind (meaty babeh!) compared to the tiny petite one she once was. When she was tinier, she says that she would die to have boobs like the rest of us in the office and maybe fill out her pants with more fats in her booty. She has it now! To me, she looks great and happy!

So there, one happy little lady…so happy that she has gained some weight. She feels so achieved, so happy.

I wish I could be like her…work hard to gain weight than lose them weight.

Here's to my Wonder Char…and her new Ohh La La body!

*Just so everyone knows that this world is not one-track minded. Some are happy when they lose weight and some are happy when they gain weight!*

Here's to HAPPINESS...

I just kept in touch with a friend after 6 years of not hearing from her. She is divorced. None of which I knew about until she messaged me one day and told me about it.

How did I feel? Hmmm…at first I was mad, mad at myself for not even knowing that my closest friend went through what I did, not being able to give her emotional support when she needed it. But then it came out to reality…that when a person was going through a rough patch in life, they would have no time to discuss his/her problem until the aftermath, which I totally understand. But all the while when she was going through this nasty experience, she thought of me. She said that I have inspired her…to get up and go …with the strength that I have supposedly shown to her (did I say it right my friend? Please email me to confirm).

The reason for her divorce was totally different from mine. Mine was not due to a 3rd party but it was what we call ‘irreconcilable difference’. Like many people expect in a divorce, hers was due to infidelity.

She came out of this misery strong…for the sake of her kids. Now, she is relieved and happy, that she doesn’t have to deal with anymore guesses, uncertainties and anger which her ex husband once put upon her and her kids.

Then my ultimate question to her. Is she embarrassed that she is now what the malays call ‘Janda’ with a capital ‘J’? Now, why did I ask that? Why did I sound so bloody insensitive? Actually, she knew that I asked because I had gone through it once…I mean, the ‘J’ status. She said,’No, I am not embarrassed. In fact, if you could see my face now, I am a very happy lady. Am glad that I made that decision’. Good for her I thought…good for her. Cos I told her that not ALL women would feel the same about going through a divorce. Not all women dare to even stand up for their own rights of happiness and they would rather be cheated on and stay in the marriage, for the sake of her kids.

In this modern society (or maybe not), back home, of course the status of ‘jandaism’ is always being mocked upon. The general minds of society are :

• She doesn’t know how to take care of her husband hence, the husband found another.
• Why did they split? No third party involved, why can’t they just bite down and make the marriage work?
• Be careful, the next door neighbor is a janda. Jaga laki kau baik2. taulah orang lelaki nih pantang nampak janda dahi licin.
• Dia tuh kan janda…

Yes, when I was a janda, I did feel that. I felt weird, well I was comfortable with my decision but I stopped going to weddings and gatherings just so that I wouldn’t imagine getting glares from relatives or others who are of my parents’.

Now what is wrong with being a janda? Why are ‘jandas’ treated as second classed citizens in the asian world? OK OK, I know that ‘jandas’ are well known for being ‘marriage breakers’ or perampas suami orang. The fact also states that some married men find ‘jandas’ to be more interested for whatever reason that I could not even explain. Maybe the men feel that ‘jandas’ need tender loving care…’for free’. I dare say that I was once involved with a married man with 2 little kids 3 months after my divorce. Don’t worry, I ‘abolished’ him 9 months after as I did not want to live up to my status of being a ‘marriage breaker’. Nope, the wife never found out…I kindly 'returned' him to his family (which he thought that I was using him due to his high career status). I told him that his pregnant wife and little kids needed him more than me and that our relationship would be a waste of time.

To me, a woman divorces because there’s no way out. A woman divorced and it was her decision. No one would make the wrong decision to make hers or her kids’ lives miserable. She loves herself and her world now is about making HERSELF and HER OWN KIDS happy.

I respect the women who know and stand for their rights in being happy. Remember, not all women would have the guts to make the decision like you (and me) once made.

To my dearest friend and all women who had gone through this phase in life…”Here’s to happiness!”

ps - I am very proud of you my friend. And I am glad that I have unknowingly inspired you. Errr, please don't look at me regarding 'internet dating' ok, hehehe.

*Hope I am not a bad influence to some!*

Rush hour

Now that bapak is back in Singapore and the husband has started working normal working hours, the house becomes 'stormy' everyday in the morning and after 6pm. Stormy at home means...daughter's loud singing in the shower, cats screaming at each other, ibu yelling at kids saying 'manage your time guys!!!', son yelling at daughter, daughter yelling at son.

The husband is finally working again, after being on worker's injury for more than a year. This a new job with much much higher salary…on top of the eBay gig that he's currently doing. The painful part is that, he starts work at 6:30am…that’s the busiest time of the day for the whole family, including the kitties.

The first day after bapak left happened to be the first day that the kids started school after a week's break. So everything was topsy turvy. The kids need to feed themselves, feed the cats and then take their showers. Their schoolbags better get packed the night before or they will not hear the end of my nagging. I have to get dressed for work, open my blog (hehehe), feed myself and then give Tuco his daily injections. By the time its 7:15am, if I didn’t have time to eat, the toast would be in my hand, the kids in tow and we're all walking down the hill to catch our buses (I don’t drive to the train station, not paying an extra $4 per day!).

Come 6pm, the husband picks me up from the train station. If he has eBay issues, then I'd be 'it' in the kitchen. Masak aper eh? Got meat can cook. No meat cannot cook…and then we'd end up eating out.

Good thing is, the kids help us with chores and we would make our run to the grocery store for more food at times. Then they have reading too and some homework to consult us with. The cats need love. Most times, I would be watching Dr Phil while chatting with Nazrah or Ayu on my laptop, with a cat on my lap, another cat on each side of me on the bed and sometimes teaching the daughter how to finish her homework at the same time. Homework - I am the math department and the husband, the humanity, science and history department.

I have been neglecting the exercise due to my 'sick episode' and I need to make time for it now. Guilty guilty guilty!

How I wish I had a maid like when I was back home. But then again, like I told my kids…this is a group effort. We need each other to run the house. We even need the cats' cooperation to run the house…as in, they better come into the house by 8pm or we would not be able to lock the doors and windows if they're not in!

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Insight :

My principle in life, family comes first. Redefined : my kids come first on top of everything. So when I get ready for work, I make sure that they're ready first before me. I make sure that they eat first before me.

This rush hour struggle will be a bliss in a week. The walk down the hill has been a bonding session between the kids and me. When I mean bonding, I mean real bonding…we talk like friends and ask each other what we have planned for the day and the weekend. We also tend to share some thoughts which sometimes we never even thought that we would.

It makes an ibu feel good when bonding happens, you know what I mean?

No husband. I did not forget you!

The bond between the husband and wife did not have a good start at first. We were both tired and frustrated with the new schedule and both of us trying to do as much as we could before and after work. Like I told Count Byron in his blog, we always end up venting our frustrations hence, hurting the people closest to us. But we made up after we got over our 'stupidity' mode. Gotta make peace right?

Our family is whole again. Makes us all feel good!