Back to nature...

Its back to nature day for us. We headed to Butano State Park in Pescadero. It is located about 40 miles along the coast. We always love driving along the coast, very breathtaking!

Food again? I made some jemput2 (or cekodok orang M'sia kata) pisang and a pot full of macaroni goreng. Jalan tetap jalan, makan tetap makan!

Cows Crossing!!!

Ely and Banana Slugs

Our picnic site

Masturah and banana slug

Kids in/under a redwood tree

The stream

The mom, the dad and the diet...

Its been fun having mak and bapak at home. I can say that my dieting has been sabotaged severely, by mak’s cooking. That’s OK Ely can restart her regiment when mak and bapak goes home (hopefully I don’t have to lose too much!).

On the first day, she cooked mee siam and epok2.
The day after the LA trip, mak cooked mee goreng and kueh lapis.
After my Reno trip, mak cooked dalcha and more goreng pisang.

Today we’re going to have visitors, Lilac and family and Mardiana. Whats cooking? Nasi beryani, palak paneer and epok2. Yum yum kan?

Don’t get me wrong, not that I can’t cook, but when mom is here, she tends to ask my kids what they’re craving for and she will cook for a month. OK, let mak enjoy my kitchen and for me to enjoy her cooking.

Besides cooking, mak and bapak has been spending a lot of time, sleeping! The jet lag has not been kind to them. They don’t sleep till late at nite and wake up in 2 hours. Now that we’re done cooking and waiting for our visitors, mak is in La La Land and my eyes are getting droopy….after eating 2 epok2, hehehe.

So let me lay down now and enjoy the lazy Saturday afternoon before it gets hectic.

6 hours later...

OK the guests came and left, we had great fun!

Here are the pics...Lilac, sorry, we forgot to take pictures together.

Me, Alya & Mardiana

The spread!!!

Cyber Friends

Anedra, OOD and I were chatting at my Kedai Kopi when the other two ladies were talking about their first phone call to each other. Yang satu kata she was nervous, yang lagi satu, excited. And then I asked them if it were their first time calling and eventually meeting up with a cyber friend. They both said yes, and then they asked me, and I said that all my friends that I have met in the US were all met via the internet. So then OODY has been harrassing (hehe) me to blog about internet friends.

Hmmm, where should I start, I met my husband through the internet. But that was 2 years after being an active internet chatter and meeting a new girlfriend who lives in Singapore and we were never seperated thereafter, her name was Siti. She is a therapist for SGH and a very smart lady. She like me, had a few internet boyfriends. We used to meet up and talk about nothing but internet chatting. So much fun!

Since I keep promising myself that I have to make this posting as short as possible (cos if I type in detail, my previous posting will be drowned!). So let me get back to how I met my husband. Yes, through Yahoo messenger. At that time, you could pick and choose on who you wanted to chat with, depending on their interests. We were chat buddies for exactly 12 months when I went to San Francisco to see a girlfriend from Canada (another internet buddy) with my kids in tow. Remember, the husband and I were NOT internet lovers. We were just 2 bullish humans who loved to outsmart each other. Sometimes we would argue over something stupid and not chat for ages…but made up again and started talking about anything under the sun.

But when we met, the attraction was phenomenal. Loved his eyes, his beautiful smile and his truthfulness and sincerity about himself. How did I gauge his truthfulness and sincerity? Cos he was what he said he was when we were chatting on the internet. Its like we had known each other for ages. We just started chatting in person on where we left chatting online! Yeah yeah, took us only 14 days to decide that we're inseparable. The kids love him, I love him, so the only hurdle was just my parents. HUGE gigantic hurdle OK…that part, look out on my future posting.

When I moved here, I was introduced to rantauan.com. The owner (Issy) is my old best friend's sister. I was the third member to join the website. The website proved to have made a change in my life being so far away from home. Issy and I used to chat every morning cos we were 2 ladies, who were not working at that time and were bored to death! We spoke on the phone every so often and eventually met up with 2 other rantauan members in LA, who are my bestest and closest sisters here. By then, we had known each other so well, that we just sat and talked.

Through rantauan.com, I met many many friends online and eventually in person when I went back to Singapore, or when they moved to San Francisco. I can say that ALL my friends here in San Francisco and LA, we all met through the internet.

I would like to salute one of my longest internet friend, Kak Teh. We've known each other for more than 3 years. She has given me the inspiration to be strong when I was away from home and the kids. She also has been giving me endless tips on a happy marriage and again I wish to repeat this again, if not for her, I wouldn't be a blogger and meet more wonderful friends. I am sure when we get the REAL chance to meet in person (the day will come Kak Teh), we would be like long lost relatives!

Yes, at first, meeting a cyber friend for the first time can be a nerve wrecking experience. At one time, my husband refused to meet anymore of my 'imaginary' friends but I guessed he got used my reason for wanting to meet up with my chat friends…to be happy, to hang on to my roots and feel that I belong somewhere .

One tip about being a cyber friend, be honest, be yourself and do not ever try to be someone that you are not. You will be amazed that being youself online is not a difficult task to do. When you have chatted with someone for a while, talk on the phone and then meet up, you will not feel the difference.

Inilah kehidupan seorang perantau, nak make friends pun kena gunakan internet!

LA Trip

Besides taking mak and bapak to LA, our ultimate reason on going there was to visit our friend, Elva, Peter and their daughter Sofiah for the last time before they head to the UK. Peter is pursuing his Masters in Computer Animation for a year before they decide if the were to stay there for a long time or go back to Canada, where Peter is a citizen. In short, we will not know when we will see our beloved friends again.

Usually, our trips to LA have always been visiting our friends and the husband’s cousins. But when we were doing touristy activities, the husband and I were surprised to know that Hollywood is indeed the summer party hub. Freeways get backed up and all hotel rooms get snapped up.

One thing that I don’t like, people in California who claim that they are diversed are not really what they claim to be. On the way back on highway 101 to San Francisco, we stopped at this Danish little town called Solvang. Mom was with me in the bakery and the lady working there was not friendly at all to my mom. So, when I ordered the pastries from her, I was loud and snobby (the husband was wondering why I was loud). After I ordered, the lady asked my mom is she was ready to order. Biasalah, mom doesn’t really understand English, so I told the lady in a loud voice, ‘No, she is with me. LET’S GO MOM!’.

So what did that mean? That scarved muslim women get second class service? This better not happen in front of the husband and I or the shop keepers will get earfuls from us!

Here are the pictures of the trip.

Family on Treasure Island

Elva & me

Elva's family & mine

Chinese Theater

Me in Donald Duck's Footprints

David & me on Hollywood Blvd

Mak & Bapak on the Walk of Fame

Ibu & daughter

Small Danish town called Slovang

The family (minus the husband)

Mak & Bapak

Mak & Bunga!

Ohhhhh, I forgot to mention this earlier. This is for Anedra. When we were in LA, we bought a Star Map (alah, the map that shows where the Hollywood stars live or use to live), what a rip-off! The stars either live in Hollywood, Sunset Blvd or Beverly Hills. Can only see their huge gates but thats it. Takperlah, they want privacy kan? I got so sick from driving in circles before we called it quits. Anedra, like I told you, I visited Tom Cruise's house for you. Huge gate, but I said hi to his lawn jockey hehehe. But we get to see Aaron Spelling's (90210 producer) rumah yang besaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar sekali! And no, I don't care about walking on Rodeo Drive waiting to run into Jessica Simpson or Britney Spears!

Back for the time being!

From here...

to here...

Hello my friends!

We just came back from LA. But I can't blog about my trip now as David and I are going to Reno, Nevada tomorrow. Ahemm...teeny weeny honeymoon lah katakan! Seize the chance while parents are still here eh?

We will be back on Wednesday night, thats Thursday morning for my kronies in Asia dan kawasan yang sewaktu dengannya.

Tengah penat nih, nak cuci baju and help mak masak. OH.....and I learned to make epok2 crust from mak the easiest way!

So long again, love you all!

Ely's away...

My family and I will be away this weekend through Monday or Tuesday. We are going to Los Angeles, California. This would be our 15th time to LA but Mak's first time.

Nak sangat Mak tengok Hollywood. So she will experience the walk of fame and Chinese Theater. There is a heat wave in LA now. But I love heat and lots of water!

I shall come back with a nice report with pictures, look out for it OK!

Especially to my twin, Intan Nazhrahayu, take care my dear. Will message you as soon as I get home. To my regular chat kaki's, Anedra and OOD, will chat soon and Kak Teh, take it easy, jangan terlalu stress OK.

So long...

This blog will be on 'sleep' mode starting now...

What have I learned?

A very typical day, Ely blog hops and gets different insights of others on their side of the world.

I see a blogger ‘s recipe on Cekodok Pisang, then I see one who has a very intriguing entry today ( I didn’t know how to comment on that! Hehehe) and there then theres one who still has her old entry up since time began (dia sibuk kot!). Ada juga yang tengah merindu, ada yang tengah dilemma dan ada yang saja jer blog for the sake of it, nothing to say (nothing wrong with that, that’s very natural!).

So duk sini fikir, nak cakap pasal apa hari nih eh? How about talking about myself? Again….? How about what I discovered on life lately?

I felt myself changing lately, since the year 2005 began. I went through so much changes in my career and apparently, it changes my perspective in life too…as in, how I handle crisis and how to stay calm should a crisis arise.

What kind of crisis are we talking about? Anything, from tackling a super duper complicated problem to a mere, ‘what to wear’ problem. Just 7 months into the year and I have jumped over so many hurdles. From work to the kids (that one is the emotional part lah). And how had it benefit me? A whole lot…not even money can buy.

Working with the management team had taught me one thing, to be strong, be firm and that everyone makes mistakes. In what way did that affect me? Confidence…I gained tremendous confidence from it. If there is a problem and it needs to be addressed, I also learned to sit down and ask myself why would I need to address it? What will I gain from it? Do I just want to whine or make a change? The answers are all up to me. So far, none of my suggestions to them had been thrown out the window….phew!

I also learned some social behavior at work too. Do not let anyone hook you emotionally. If they have something nasty to tell me, I always give it a pass and tell them, ‘it is what it is’. I also learned not to analyze emotions too much. Life goes on, we all need to get along in order to work for what we’re trying to achieve kan?

Home…my kids are going through so much in their life right now…or so they said! Growing up, is a true pain in the a*s for the husband and I. From truancy in school to skipping homework to lies to scandals (remember the love note?). Any problems that have to do with them can be very emotional. The ibu will cry cos she’s hurt, the kids will cry cos they get spanked and the paps face turns red when he gets mad and gives a day long lectures.

What did I learn from there? I learned my kids’ feelings better. That they’re growing up and that they want to treated as a tiny adult and not as tiny kids. That they have their side of complicated and emotional growing up problems as well. We also learned to be extra firm with them. To control situations when they’re tiny buds rather than wait till it gets bigger. No such thing as ‘kids will be kids’.

And then Ely started blogging in the month of May (cayang Kak Teh). MasyaAllah, I made super duper friends. I still love them ALL. We tend to talk about anything under the sun, from books to FOOD, to just about anything. I learned that I can be addictive and that some just simply can’t stay away from me! And I discovered that I have a twin, separated at birth. We have the same ideas, same thoughts, same appetite and our husbands seem to behave in the same manner! Who knows among the happy times, some issues turned to negativity circumstances, which is inevitable. It is so hard to express ourselves through blogs and not offend anyone kan? Cos we don’t see their facial expressions and tone of voice when they address issues.

And I learned something important out of that. That blogging is intangible but can give you a heart attack like a sword through your heart. Some postings can be piercing and hurtful to others, even without mentioning names. And what do we do with this? How do we stop this? Truthfully, we all know that we can’t. But we could choose to give it a pass and not take it to heart and analyze it too much. Everyone has the right to express, but its up to you to give them the right to hurt you kan?

So this is Ely today. She is the stronger lady. She is not often bothered by negative attitudes around her. She also learned that things happen for their reasons. She is also more confident with herself, that her thoughts are worth sharing and that no small thoughts are useless. She also learns that a good friendship is hard to come by so treasures them in her hearts. Her kids are more precious than her own life. That her husband is the most wonderful that had ever happened to her.

Seems like 50% of my New Year’s resolution has been fulfilled.

Bla bla bla...

"Huff huff huff huff, puff puff puff puff, crunch crunch crunch crunch", that’s Ely doing her tummy crunch. Nope, not sit ups, it’s the crunch that you lay in bed, not moving a muscle except your tummy. I call it the half crunch, but the husband calls it the quarter crunch. 'Lazy crunches, let me know tomorrow if you're going to do the REAL sit ups and I'll hold your feet!'. Heh..sit ups? No need, half crunches seem to be working good for me. Tak lah mcm Cik Tenah kita, semangat hari2 pergi gym, ada exercise berjemaah lagi. I don’t have the time and money to run the treadmill and pump that iron, just running my mouth at home is good enough!

Update on my diet? I can say that I have lost at least 6 lbs and I have at least 6 more lbs to go. If you see me everyday, you will not see the difference. Maybe cos I gained more that I have lost eh? Another 6 lbs should do the work. No secrets to this, I did not cut myself off any of my favorite foods. Just a portion of what I eat, salads or just meat for lunch and dinner as usual. And TONNES of water to cut off sinful cravings. I still eat them chocs but not as much. Like Nazrah said, just a bite will do!

Sigh…2 more days before Mak and Bapak come to town! Last weekend, we put the curtains up. Dah bertahun duk kat rumah nih, barulah sibuk nak pasang langsir time mak bapak nak datang! Its not that my parents were not here before. They were but my mom does not like blinds, she says blinds make the house look so botak. Alah mak eh, blinds no need to wash but curtains must wash every few months! But that’s OK lah, must make good impression right. The husband has been doing home improvements, same thing, 1.5 years since bapak visited us last, the husband didn’t even care to seal that wall by the heater. But that’s OK, everyone tengah semangat nak memperbetulkan rumah, nanti terencat dek orang tuh, satu haram dia tak nak buat! The yard is on the way to being manicured. It won't be as nice as Anedra's yard but enough to make it look decent lah.

By tomorrow, the house should be ready for my VIPs to stay here for 30 days. Best nya…how I miss my mommy so much!

I am getting a lot of questions about my son, Mat and his Abby. Well, the latest gossip is that, Abby still does not believe that Mat wrote the letter. Now, everytime when Abby sees Masturah, she would ask about Mat. That irritated Masturah and she finds Abby annoying. Kesian si Abby tuh, last night she called Mat and asked if Masturah was mad at her. I don’t know what the deal is, Masturah needs to be nicer to her friends kan? But that’s OK, I shall handle the matter when I get home.

That’s my happening for the week. When mak and bapak get here, I might be quiet for a bit, we're going to LA on Saturday, mak wants to see Hollywood, kesian dia datang kelmarin tak sempat nak jejak Hollywood. Besides that, I am also going to be so busy eating my mom's cooking (there goes my 6lbs!). But not to worry, for those who are so hopelessly addicted to me (muahahaha), email me and I will catch with you soonest. I'll bring my laptop with me when we go to LA.

OzzFest 2005

I have always loved Ozzy Osbourne. Not his stupidity and lack of IQ words, but I love his classic songs and performance.

Since I missed last year's OzzFest, I begged the husband to please consider buying the tickets for us to go. But the tickets were way to expensive ($89 per ticket, lawn seats). So this weekend, the ticket agent announced that all tickets at the Shoreline Theatre are going on sale. The OzzFest tickets were going for $39! What a breakthrough! Then David went on ebay and negotiated with a ticket agent. And we finally got the tickets at $45 for 2!

'OzzFest 2005, August 13th 2005'

Yes, I am very excited. I have always wanted to watch Ozzy and his gang perform. Since the fest is a whole day event, there will be Iron Maiden and also Rob Zombie performing on that day.

Take a look at the groups performing at OzzFest yaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!!! Thank you my husband for listening to my plight :)

p.s. need to beg Masturah if I could borrow her studded belt and bracelet *winks*

Dear Abby...

If you can't read the words, it says :

“Wus up Abby,

I m sorry I can’t be there to tell or ask u dis but would u b my girl? I know u have been waiting so long 4 me to ask u dat. So would u be my love at least till the end of da summer?

Please giv me da answer on the bottom of dis page.

PS : Do not show it to anyone!

Peace Love: Mat

C U Soon!”

Yup… and the ibu is letting the whole world see it!

That was my son’s first love letter to his crush, Abigail. Abby is Masturah’s friend from the Summer Park & Recreation Program at the neighborhood park. Mat also goes to the Program and they happen to be in the same group. Now that they’re bigger, they tend to pay more attention to their friends from the opposite sex. Not also saying that Masturah does not have a crush! She was caught with a boy’s name written on her wrist!

Back to the letter, Masturah was the messenger and after Abby read the letter, it was passed around to the other girls in the group. When I asked Masturah if Abby said yes, she said, ‘Well, we girls thought that it is so ‘gay’ for a guy to send love letters to a girl.’ Gay???? Of course kids know what gay is but they don’t know the characteristics of being gay…sure…gay, happy whatever (you know she didn’t mean 'happy'!).

The husband and I decided to just let them grow and be normal. We wouldn’t want to interfere with their childhood (unless something negative starts to come out of it). The kids would usually bring their friends over after the Program and we get to observe the kids and their friends.

I know that this is just puppy love. No harm…yet. But we shall not hold our breaths when the kids get older.

p.s. we told Mat that he needed to write love letters using proper english, not sounding like a thug, sheesh!

Pompuan Melayu Samseng...geddit?

OK, it's that time of the month again. The PMS or should I say, the monthly 'Pompuan Melayu Samseng' has appeared.

That is when I could feel that my blood pressure tend to fluctuate faster than normal, my face tend to show more redness when I am mad, when I hit the panic button more than once in a day and my natural 'loud hailer' is turned on full blast!

No nonsense will be tolerated within this period of time. No fights will you win with me either. And this is also the time when the friendly Ely will turn into the monstrous and drama mama Ely.

Sometimes, even my husband feels the tension and dia pulak yang ada PMS! Nih yang tak boleh lawan tokey nih! Sepatut nyer Ely rules the scene for now, not him!

Besides craving for sweets and carbs, I feel the tiredness attacking me. Can't even think of what to blog about…now that's not good. Sometimes the migraine will attack me every other month, this month, the migraine seems to even be afraid to even land on me, that’s good news.

On the physical side of me. Lets try not to mention the water retention of at least 2lbs, plus the cravings of sweets and carbs, that will add another 1.5lbs. So far, the pants are still fitting nice and easy and looser. I have been dousing myself with water each time when I have the craving for diet soda. Even when I think of a piece of cheesecake, nice creamy, think awesome cheesecake…nope…where's the water? How about that soft flan? Aiyoh…the sugar, hmmmm…where's the water again???

Now that I am feeling and looking frumpy, this week better go by quick or I might just explode!

Funny how my co-workers can identify PMS looks. And what do they do? Make me feel worse and they're very good at it. Makes me kinda laugh too tho cos they're women and they know which buttons to push and which not to.

On a lighter note : Ely can still smile and be friendly, just don’t cucuk her with fire, she is more flammable than normal…ROAR!!!

The 'not so happy' times...

OOD’s posting triggered me to write this.

WARNING : this is a long posting with no commercials. If you're ready for a long read...please proceed.

Some might say that I am washing dirty linen in public. But my whole purpose of this posting is to share my experience with others. Manerlah tau satu hari nanti, someone would write to me and tells me that I have inspired this person to look on the brighter side of life. That life is not all about sadness and problems. Problems will always be there, but its how you handle it kan?

I was only 17 when I met my ex husband. By 18, I was married. Get this…I was just out of school, an Anglican Mission School and I used to be the ‘liberated’ and open minded girl in school. I did now know what came to me to have married someone who was so the opposite of me. Nothing was common between us.

He was a guy who was happy on what he was doing and had no vision in life. Always being the ‘pee on’ by his friends and siblings and still didn’t know how to stand for his own rights. To stand for his own dignity. And me? When I married him, I was the one who had to interfere on how his brothers and sisters treated him.

And I was the one who had to make decisions on money, on where the kids were going to school, on making sure that the kids could read the Quran at age 5.

Being married to him had been a human cage to me. Despite having to make vital decisions for my family, I was however not allowed to make decisions for my life. He said that a wife’s life is up to the husband. Husband says stay home and care for your kids, that’s what you do. Husband says you don’t visit your parents, that’s what you have to do.

I didn’t know why I didn’t say no and just leave him when I was feeling that way in the 1st place. I was then 22 and felt that my life was being wasted. Mom volunteered to care for the kids, he said no. he said that his wife should care for the kids. He expected me to be like his late mom. From head to toe mesti layan. I am so sorry, but I am no slave!

Marriage is togetherness, understanding each other and loving each other no matter how bad your attitudes can be at times.

Not in my previous marriage. He didn’t like me talking to his friends, he would say that I was being a flirt. I was not allowed to attend any courses to enhance my career. No such thing. I felt so stupid, angry and knew that I had to do something about my own life…for myself.

What triggered me to just sit down and tell him that I had to move on? When my best friend went through a divorce, I was the one who was with her everyday. To comfort her and telling her that it was not the end of the world. When her divorce was finalized, I just felt the energy she gave me. That happiness is in myself. I had to make it happen or I would be miserable for life.

Took me 6 months to decide. I got pretty quiet in my marriage. I started telling my ex that my daughter was 5 and it was time for me to go out and resume my career. But he said no. That was when I felt that I had to do something for myself.

After much argument, he let me work for my previous insurance company. I was so happy…for a bit. Then he started calling me every hour. I would come home fighting with him…being accused of not being at work but gallivanting with other men (Allah sajalah yang tau).

That was enough to push me out of the marriage. Enough to just put my foot down and tell him that I had it! No more of marriage his style! No more…

So I sat him down on a Saturday afternoon. Told him, ‘I don’t know how else to tell you this. But I really cannot go on with this marriage anymore’. Seram sejuk after I said that….he was 6 feet and me 5 foot 1, what if he just turned around and bantai me? Tak ker aniaya?

He asked me why? I said that this was not the marriage that I was looking for. Memang, orang kata, most divorce come from infidelity, but not anymore. Women are getting more educated and women know that we could go on with life on our own if the need arises. Now that’s me. He kept asking, ‘Why divorce me without infidelity?’. I said that I didn’t need that at all! If I said that I could not continue, I meant that it was over, kaput, no more.

No, I did not say that he was this and that, that he was not the one for me and all that. I don’t like to talk a person down like that as I was part to blame. Tepuk sebelah tangan takkan berbunyi. All I told him was that he needed to analyze himself. Ask himself how the marriage had been for him. And I told him that this marriage had been a failure to me.

Got the ex mad. He left the house with my daughter hanging by the house gate screaming for him. I could take the hate he shows me but not the hurt he gave to my kids. And I promised that the hurt he gave my kids, he would get in return. What goes around comes around kan?

In the end, dia jatuhkan talak satu in front of my parents. MasyaAllah, sungguh lega rasanya. Call me evil but, the next 3 months of iddah, hari2 I doa supaya dia tak rujuk kembali. Supaya ia berjalan lancar.

What hurt me most during the divorce was seeing my kids getting hurt. They cried a whole lot, missing their dad, who refused to visit them. But I tried not to cry in front of them cos they could only handle their own feelings at that time. My feelings was secondary. I was relieved to have not had the ex in my life. But the kids getting hurt, enough to tell myself that I will never ever hurt them anymore in my whole life. We used to sleep in each others arms, my girl crying to sleep, my son avoiding the emotional pain.

If not cos of my parents and sister, memang lah the kids would not have recovered emotionally quickly. They filled in the gaps of sorrow and emptiness in the kids life.

2 years of being single again had been fun. No I wasn’t really looking for a replacement, after the bad marriage? Oh so tidak.

I dunno…sesungguhnya takdir menemukan David and myself….6,000 miles away. That will be in another posting ok!

So there, my life is not all happy. I went through great unhappiness in life too. At the tender age of 27! But I kept gripping my fist and telling myself to get up and go, get up and go. All for the sake of the kids and myself.

Sesapa yang dah menangis tuh, sorry, tissue not provided…

What IF...?

I received a message on YM from my friend Iffa. She said,’Ely are you there? I need to talk to you’.

So I went, ‘Yes, I’m here wussup?’

She said, ‘Ely, my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer! And she has 1 year to live!’

OK…so how was I supposed to react? Firstly, I said that I was so sorry. Iffa was typing line after line on how it happened and how her mom is doing and when she’s going back to Singapore to visit her mom and being so pregnant at the same time.

It turned out that Iffa’s mom had been coughing badly since the past 2 years. The Dr’s said that it was just mere bronchitis and nothing to worry about. Then lately, her mom discovered a lump on her arm. Dr made some tests and discovered that she has lung cancer, and it has spread to her body and brains….stage 4. She will start radiation and chemo next week.

Now the plan is that Iffa is going to Singapore next week for 9 days, return to the US to give birth and then go back to Singapore after. If her mom feels well, then she will come to visit.

Iffa is so upset. She cried for 2 days but has not come to terms with the situation (trust me, you will never be able to come to terms). She is in Seattle, Washington and me, San Francisco, California. I couldn’t run there and give her a hug. But I could just be here and listen to her online. Or call her to make sure that she was OK. I do feel for her. The feel of panic, sad, angry and everything. And that kind of reflects the feeling back to me.

Since I moved here a few years back, knowing that I would be so far from my parents, what if there comes a time when my parents need me? What if something happens to them and I would not be there to give 1st hand help or catch their last breath? What if …what if??? What if Iffa’s scenario had been shifted to me instead of her? Would I pack right now and move back to Singapore so that I could be with my mom for the rest of her life, regardless of when she is going to go? Believe me, I have been asking myself that a few times over, and never find the answer. But I told my husband that if such things were to happen to my parents, we have to move back and my parents will have to come first.

I guess that I will never find the right answer. Hoping everyday that my parents are well even though Allah could just take our health, wealth and happiness we have in a split second.

But for now, Iffa and her family are in my heart. If you’re reading this Iffa, my heart goes out to you and your family. You know that I am just a holler away…will always be here whenever you need me. Hugs…

Think Pink!!!

In about 7 weeks, my cat number 7, Pinky, will be 1 year old! She’s no longer a baby anymore. When she was a tiny kitten, she used to snuggle up on my neck but now that she’s more than 6 lbs, she could suffocate me with her fluffy fur…

Watching her grow was a such joy…like having a baby. The first year is always the best year. She was so tiny, with huge ears. Now, she has grown into her ears, her pinky little ears.

She is very popular among our older cats. She is not territorial, but loves to bicker with the older cats. She loves watching the slug crawling up the window. Loves car rides and loves sleeping in clean unfolded laundry.

She is my fine Pinky Baby…I LOVE YOU PINKY!!!

To cuti or not to cuti...

that is the question. Fridays have always been the worst day of all work days for me. Well, I do not quite like Mondays but its always not as chaotic as Friday.

Fridays are always days when new deadlines for projects are being emailed. And my boss makes general requistions through me especially on Fridays. Don't as me why but it seems like I have to work so hard to earn that weekend!

Today has been tremendously busy. My boss was physically not in the office since yesterday. He is on military duty for 2 days. I thought that I could clean my desk for when he comes back to give me more stuff to do. But I thought wrong.

Thursday : Boss called first thing in the morning when he woke up. He said that he had something (or should I say a list of stuff) for me to do. From calendaring to sending out emails to the whole office to changing of some telecommunication lines to eh...tak habis cakap lah!!!

Friday : Nasib baik dia tak call!!! But he was on email! More brand new projects, spreadsheets, etc etc etc...

AAAAARRRGGGHHH!!! I was so overwhelmed today that I had to kick myself out of my desk in order to take a break.

I was supposed to be on vacation today...but had to cancel it as I had a rehearsal Powerpoint Presentation for the Asian Connection Group General meeting on Tuesday. So I moved my vacation time to Monday. But as I was slogging today...I was asking myself if I should cancel Monday's vacation?

But then I thought again, 'Nah, my work can wait, but my sanity can't'. So there, I think I deserve the one day break from work so that I would be mentally recharged on Tuesday!!!

Yaaayyy to me!!! Happy Weekend Everyone :)

Semalam aku bermimpi...

Last night, I had a dream (hold on to your seat husband!). I dreamed that my husband took on a 2nd wife! Yeah OK guys, you can laugh all you want. Sounds funny eh? It sure was not funny when I was dreaming at that time. It was hurt, nothing but hurt.

In the dream, when I asked my husband why he married another, he said, ‘I don’t know. She needed someone to take care of her’. No, don’t know why, there was no scene ala ‘Madu Tiga’ where the husband was weaving in and out of the rooms and apek telujun pokok. But I was calm. Crying quietly, I just turned around and all of a sudden, I realized that I was in a rich green meadow. Punyalah sedih hatiku dirobek, felt like in bollywood. Change of scene in a split second…

After walking in the meadow for a while, the scene changed again. Like a powerpoint presentation, I was in an oil refinery…you know, with large metal oil ‘building’ containers with spiral staircases? All of a sudden, I had my daughter with me and I was holding her hand trying to climb the staircase (don’t ask me where my son was) with my husband chasing after me. Yes, I was still crying, so sedih. Then when I turned, the metal containers blasted around me. And then I didn’t know what happened to my husband…

It was just a dream, permainan tidur. I woke up still feeling hurt, but it didn’t affect my feelings for my husband (but if it really happened, life goes on kan?). When I told my husband about my dream, he said, ‘So was she fat and ugly?’ very funny!!!

Maybe semalam tak basuh kaki or tak cuci muka. Sebab tuh mimpi suami kawin lagi :)

Introducing...

'Masturah's House of Fun' !!!

After observing my habitual blog updating each day, my 11 year old daughter has decided to make a point...that she can write too!

Of course, I am the housekeeper for her blog. Keeping things intact, making sure that she has a banner (waiting for the taukeh banner to kasi siap) and also making sure that she has some of her links redirected to mine hhehehe.

It is something new for her to express herself electronically, to encourage creative writing. So there won't be snazzy animations on each of her blog OK. Just short colorful, expressive words.

Take a look...

What is...

'Diversity'? According to a website, it means 'point or respect in which things differ'. In this country, diversity is relevantly used as accepting others of a different color, culture and background. I am an active member in the Asian Diversity Group. But today, we volunteered and helped the BEA (Black Employees Association) to sell tickets for their Scholarship Award that will be held next week.

Eventhough I can be a familiar face at the cafeteria (4 buildings in all and 90 district offices in North California), they might also be asking themselves…why an asian at the BEA booth? It wasn’t as thought they gave me a weird look, but I was asking myself if they would ask the same question to themselves (like self conscious lah).

Anyway, back to my initial topic, I was asking myself especially after the volunteer work this afternoon…'How diversed am I?'. I think that I am 'kind of' diversed, to start by marrying someone who is not from my own ethnicity, but then again, others might say that american cultures are easy to adopt. Not really.

I realized that asians tend to be 'shy' but said to be 'unfriendly' by americans as we were brought up to not look into someone's eye directly out of respect, tend to not speak out our opinions when we have one, our of respect (sorry, I don’t have that character!) etc etc. I had to also train myself never to interrupt when a person speaks, which I didn’t know that I had that poor habit until I married my husband (my dad and a few asian friends tend to have that habit too).

I had problems making friends with others when I moved here almost 4 years back. Color coded at first? I have no comments. Maybe I was unfamiliar with my surroundings? Maybe I didn’t know how certain community would react when we talk to them? Or maybe I might sound a little too loud for people?

In order for us to train our kids to live a life of diversity, we had to train ourselves first kan? As parents, my husband and I had to tolerate each others' cultural habits, good or bad, and then we move on to another totally different culture.

Knowing California, it is not just made up of mainly Chinese, Indian and Malay…but, 5 different types of Hispanics, Chinese, about 4 groups of African Americans and about 20 or more groups of the white people, including 5 or more different groups of Jewish group and...malay? What is Malay? Is it near China? That's the question that almost everyone would ask me.

Some would think that I am hispanic and start speaking spanish to me when they see me. Some think that I am filipino (close enough!) which I wouldn’t mind at all being mistaken for that and some know that my husband is jewish by looking at my last name (can't disclose that, sorry…and no, it is not Schmuck!).

Oh and don’t forget the gays and lesbians. I know, some would come to me if they could and say shhhh! I can't cos I am in San Francisco! This city is so diversed that it has a special district called the Castro District where gays and lesbians hang out and have fun, get married and live in that area. I have to admit that I was not at all diversed about it when I just moved here. But I have learned a word and attitude called 'tolerance' living in a community. They are normal people who are mostly proffesionals, who could be your kids' teachers, proffessors, our family Drs, or even our bosses. To me, they is no handicap in them and what they do in their lives have got nothing to do with ours except for their services that we need everyday from them. Some of my close co workers are gays and they can be such darlings when it comes to tackling emotional problems. And they're known to be solid customers too!

So really, how diversed are we?

When? What?

Sigh…I have to admit that this forgetfulness in me is getting worse by the day. I know that I am not THAT old to be such a forgetful person. I also know that I don’t have a bad memory since at least 6 months back.

Could it be because of my overwhelming tasks at work that makes me forgetful? Like the memory just oozes out of my brains and through my ears and nose and eventually my mouth? Disgusting eh? But really…I just can't seem to remember things! Luckiest thing though, I have not missed any project deadlines…yet! Thanks to my Outlook Calendar. But to keep myself efficient for on my everyday tasks, I have my shorthand book to list the things to do (no, I don't do shorthand).

Ok..let me see what I have forgotten so far, if I can remember (hahaha). Meetings..lunch meetings for the Asian Connection Club that I have missed, like 2 times already. And I also missed one of the Asian Connection Events, thank goodness they didn’t press the issue on me. And being late for an early morning meeting for underwriters last week (good thing I came at 8am and was 7mins late!), my team lead asked why I was late and I said,'Well you know me, I am seldom late! Why do you think I was late? '….the answer speaks for itself! It also took me 3 days and 10 of the kids' reminders to bring back their weekly allowance!

And then today, I received this reminder email saying,'Reminder : HEALING SESSION 12-1pm today. Bring your favorite dish!'. And here I was, IM ing my co worker asking her where to go for lunch. I was also thinking of that de-stress power walk but when I received the reminder message, not just did I have to shoot that walking idea down, I did not bring any dish for the potluck!

So there I went, asking Monica what to bring…should I bring doughnuts (icky!) or just bring salad and chips. I'll eat the salad and share the fats with them?

Then comes the boss who asked me if I did a request order for an IT problem we had for a new rep. And I wonder what else have I forgotten?

This Tuesday morning is beginning to feel like Monday after the July 4th long weekeend…arrrghhh!!! So tidaaaaaaaaakkk!!!

*Breath Ely breath….*

Ok, better now, I think I need a 15 minute walk during break. I need to gain my memory back, maybe I dropped them on the sidewalk along the way.

Why oh WHY...

Never in a million years would I have thought that I would one day move to a country so far away from home for the sake of love. LOVE…nothing but good ole love. No money, no house, no nothing but just pure love. Just one man…and he’s not a magician, not a millionaire either.

When I sit back and look at what I had done the past 4 years, sometimes I shudder and say to myself, ‘Oh my, did I really do that? Why did I decide to come here? Was I really that brave?’

Well, I hope that you are not thinking that love is blind. After my first marriage, heck no, I stopped saying that Love is Blind. Just don't get blinded by love. I think David and I share the common goal in love, he lets me be who I am and love me even for my not so postive points. So that makes us good for each other :)

Not did I just move myself here, but I moved my kids and get this…even my Singapore cat! If I could uproot my apartment to the US, I surely would!

I could not remember that I was so ready to leave Singapore until my friend told me one day, on one of my memorable Singapore visits. When I was going through the nasty divorce 5 years back, I told her that after the divorce, I would like to live so very far away. Away from the eyes of my ex-husband and his relatives. Not to run away from them, but not to deal with them. Their sneers, their gossip and his ignorance and lack of responsibility towards my kids. Kata orang tuh, makan hati berulam jantung? Eh aku nih macam pandai pulak cakap berkias :)

Now that I have lived in a place that I call home, it really would not matter if I would still be living in Singapore, Florida, Africa or San Francisco, as long as my kids and husband are with me, I wouldn’t even care if we lived on the moon.

I do miss my country, my parents, my girlfriends and anything that I could call mine there. But sometimes when we visit Singapore, I would think of San Francisco as back home. As this is where I am now. This is where I gain happiness and this is where I am given the chance to be myself, and giving my kids the chance to show what they really are.

I cannot see myself in future if my kids are going to stay here when they become adults. They can go back to Singapore after they have graduated and I am totally with their ideas should they feel that way. I cannot even see myself if I would choose this place to retire, and spend the rest of my life in a foreign land. Would I want to go back to the good ole Singapore that I love so much? Or should I just live the rest of my happy life here?

Maybe I should not think about it now but live my life the fullest. Enjoy every joyful moment with my husband that I love and the kids that I love more than my own life.

And then again, I would think and say, ‘My, how did I get so brave to move here just because of love?’