Sometimes I thought that things could just be forgotten....easily
But it isn't so
Sometimes I thought that things could just jump back up to normal as if nothing happened
But it isn't so

The hurt, the pain, the sorrows the betrayal, the intrusion
All of the above are not even enough to describe how the heart feels.

Do I think that one day things will get better?
I really don't know
With so much feelings hurt and trust broken
It will be a long while...a long while.

This is the hurt of a mommy who feels violated
A mommy who use to trust everyone in the world...but is finding a hard time doing so now.

She's eating!!!

She will be 4 months this Friday and guess what? She has started eating solids!

Suraya has a hefty appetite. Nothing wrong with that but Mak says that she is drinking 6 ozs of milk and is always hungry. So on Saturday, I have decided to 'test run' and see if she is ready to accept solids. So here's the new mommy who went to target and got her her own bowls, baby spoons, some cereal and some packed Gerber mashed fruits like Applesauce, Pears and Sweet Potatoes.

We got home, sat her on her rocker and tried feeding her some applesause, she took it like a charm! No spit outs, no gagging. She opens her mouth and swallows the half spoonfuls of applesauce. I say that she is truly ready to start solids! I was so excited that I could not sleep on Saturday night thinking that my baby has grown!

Suraya had some cereal yesterday at 10am and a little bit of applesauce at 5pm. She seems to be taking solids pretty well...I am so proud of her!

Yessss, Ely has been frustratingly busy that she almost was in distress yesterday. Luckily there is this process called 'scream, yell, kick and jump' that made me feel better this morning.

I am getting into the groove of the super fast pace of the office (and getting pulled on many sides) and the fast pace of having a baby at home. There were times when I felt such a failure, underachieved as all I had been doing were doing things for others. But like I said, that abovementioned process worked really well for me and now I have been feeling more refreshed...or maybe cos the management was not in the office today (but boss managed to find me on MSN somehow) and tomorrow and I get to concentrate on other stuff.

In the meantime, Suraya has learned yet another new skill yesterday that is..eating her favorite book that Alya had given to her when she was born. She loves her cloth book that each time we read to her this book, she would coo with us, reaches for the book and puts it in her mouth. Her new motto 'If you like it, eat it!! If u restrain her hands from holding the book, she found another way, to lean forward and put her mouth to the book! It is almost comical to see her do that hehehe. Of course apart from this book, she has few other books that Alya had given her and some others that we rotate reading to her. We have ordered more books online and I can't wait to see her library collection grow!




Kakak Mas has also bonded beautifully with her litle sister. Each time kakak Mas comes home from school Suraya would get so excited as her sister loves to amuse her with dancing, making her dance too, ticking her and talking to her. It warms my heart each time I see that. Such genuine and relationship, my 2 girls bonding and my Mas having another sibling...all over again. She now feels that she is not lonely anymore.




Needless to say about the husband, he is the professional daddy in SF now. He is Suraya's favorite man in her life, like me hehehe. Suraya loves being with her daddy and gets really excited when her daddy returns from home as thats her time with daddy. But sometimes paps/daddy has to rotate his attention between his little girls as on Tuesdays, he takes Mas to guitar lessons and waits on her till shes done and also takes her on her regular CD shopping at Amoeba Records (as ibu does not like to do CD shopping, thats paps' department!). The husband has done a great job, such a wonderful husband, such a wonderful daddy/paps.



Did I hear someone asking about my Mak? Of course she's still here! She never gets enough of Suraya. Dare I repeat this again, that she has been such a blessing to us for being here. My mak will always be that beautiful, peaceful and non invasive favorite lady in my life. Mak and I could talk for hours without end, just talking about tv shows, food, cooking, gossip...anything. I love mak so much.

Oh and I need to say something important before I pen off...SALUTE TO THE MAKERS OF FOOTLESS BODY SHAPERS. These non living creatures are the super thick hosieries that really tucks your post pregnancy tummy and smoothens your hopelessly teruk/koyak and thunder thighs to fool others making them think that I have lost that last 10 lbs that I had to. If not for them, I might still be walking around in my work pants looking like a deflated balloon!

Aaaaah, what wonders can garlic pills do to you? They're perfect anti oxidants for me, helped me pull through the cold in 24 hours.

Work has been crazy. The move will be in 1.5 months and I am being pulled in all directions. I am being briefed on how to run this new office (HR wise, function wise) and in the meantime, picking up new service function skill in the office so that I could be an 'all rounder' leader and at the same time still doing some work for the boss. YES...I sometimes get into a daze at the end of the day.

In the meantime, Suraya has learned to do the flip!!! I called mak today and she said that this little munchkin flipped twice. Now I can't wait to get home and see this!

Glad its Saturday tomorrow. I badly need to go to the hair salon to retouch my roots and get my hair trimmed. I have been having my hair pulled back in a pony tail just so that the grays will not show.

In the meantime, I keep staring at the window...oh how beautiful it is outside. But I am still in here working.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!!!

Now I am having a cold. Chills down my spine since last night. It could be my body getting adjusted to ther changes. But another co worker called in sick...could it be a bug? I don't know but I wonder why the heck I am in the office when I am not feeling well? Maybe not for too long. I might have to go home to recover.

Ely seldom falls sick...maybe this time Ely has admitted defeat!!!

Sigh...

I finally have the time to blog...from work.

Sigh...the pressure is starting to hit me now. Pressure starting from work, to baby and looking for the perfect daycare/babysitter for Suraya.

From trying to finish my chores in the morning to coming home and finishing even more chores. The past few nights, we have been visiting daycares after work, sometimes spending up to 45 minutes at each daycare just to interview the care provider, lots of things to look at, inspect and consider in every aspect. Getting the hunch that the particular daycare is the right one for Suraya can be tiring. BUT finally, we have found a daycare that is up the hill, only a block away from home.

At the same time, pressure at home can be domineering. Having mak taking care of Suraya is such a blessing. But you know, most times, I have to make sure that my mom is very well taken care of and I have to control what I feel most times. Don't take me wrong, mak has been wonderful. Its just that, I have to tone down with my bad attitudes.

I think since I gave birth, I do not have time to relax, emotionally...in the sense of not having to visit or see anyone and let me hang loose, with my bad attitudes and laziness, you know what I mean?

I am not regretting of having my beautiful baby. I am loving each and every moment being a new mother again and also having a companion relationship with Mas, but sometimes, I wish I am given the chance to not have to put up a face (like putting a prop on my face) in meeting someone or visiting anyone for a long period of time...it is really tiring. Its like making everybody happy except myself.

But I shall recover. I'll get my positive zen back...I hope.

1st day at work

Me and my sippy cup

My first day at work was yesterday. How did it go eh?

It was a mixed feeling at first. Well, a sad feeling when I nursed Suraya in the morning. I cried...told Suraya that Mommy wouldn't be around to take naps with her during the day and she MUST drink from the sippy cup. But that's okay, Ely could cry only once and the day goes on yes?

Can't believe the 1001 things that I need to do from now on before I head out to work. Feed the baby, take a shower, get dressed, put on make up, feed the cats, give Tuco his diabetis jab, pump milk, get sippy cups ready, feed Suraya again, put on shoes and go to work! Yes, alot of things to do!

But as soon as I left home and took the train, I started to feel rejuvenated...I could not explain the feeling. Happy that my life is semi back to normal, with my own friends and career, sad to leave Suraya but in good hands of mak. As I get closer to work, I get the adrenaline rush. Yes, you guys might think that I am crazy, for missing work. But I did! It felt so good to be back.

Its hard being popular...now I know how Britney Spears feels hahaha. Seemed like everyone missed me, from the Credit Union Bank (needed to get money mah), to the Engineering guys, to the cafeteria ladies, to the boss and of course, my co workers. I turned on my work MSN and boom....I get up to 10 instant messaging, some even as far as in Livermore (60 miles from SF) to welcome me back. To add on to the warm welcome, I was given a promotion in December (I was the last one to know about this, duh) and given another raise yesterday. So not bad, 2 raises in one day. Happy? Well, I felt that the promotion was long overdue. Raises? Since I don't pay the bills, I might not know the difference, but when the husband tells me how much MORE I would be able to spend, then I can feel happy, am I making sense? hehehhe...

Pumping milk in the office was not difficult. Twice a day 2 bags full. I think it is such pleasure being able to provide milk for my baby eventhough I am busy at work reading 200 unread emails. If you can't deal with the unread emails, just hit 'delete', hows that???

The day ended to be very hectic too. It felt soooooooo good to have Suraya in my arms again. She looked so glad to see me as well and heck, she was immediately latched onto the 'milk machine' the minute I got home. It felt so heartwarming having my baby stare at me after the feed and smiled at me in appreciation.

Since my mom was so pooped out from taking care of this chunky baby, I took the honors of cooking dinner, cleaning the kitchen and while dinner was simmering, the husband and I and the baby took off to Target to get Suraya's essentials. Well, it started with just getting her diapers, then came the wipes, then a new bathtub, then sun hat, sunglases, spring time shoes and a couple of toys for her. Isn't it great to dress up little girls? They're still too young to say that they do not like what we got them hehehe.

Its almost 5am now, guess what? I woke up at 2am this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. So here I am, ready to start my day again.

Where did I get the energy from? Thanks to the Dark Roast Coffee at the Cafe which caffeined me out yesterday morning...I am ready for more!

Its all about timing...

AlFateha to my beloved friend's, Nazrah's, mom who passed away on Friday, 3/2/07. Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat Allahyarhamah, InsyaAllah.

============================================

Taken 3 days ago at 6am, both in our robes :)

The time has come...for me to return to work in a few days, waaaaaaaaah!!! Oh so tidaaaaaaaaak!!!

I have been away from work since November last year. Oh what a wonderful time it had been. I had time to relax and slum before Suraya was born. I had the time to just do nothing at all.

After Suraya was born, I can say that I did quite a whole lot...let me see :

Delivery - Hello? That was the reason why I am away from work anyway yes? And that the reason how the following actions came about. Epidural is the best invention in the whole wide world.

Breastfeeding - Allah's greatest gift to humans, the breast milk. I am sooooooo happy to be able to feed Suraya with my own manufactured milk shake. Suraya is almost 15 lbs just by drinking my milk. The top shelf of the freezer is stuffed, almost full with my milk. She still has not taken on the bottle...but she is happily...yes happily drinking from the sippy cup (no choice! she has to drink). I will be lugging the electric breast pump to and from work everyday in order to keep giving Suraya milk. Let's see how long this will last!

Travel - We went to Florida, Reno, Napa and even Santa Cruz after she was born. Went to tonnes of buffet restaurants and numerous trips to the sushi bar/restaurants.

Visitors - We had 3 distinctive visitors, one before Suraya was born. We had Emi, Abang Wan and Mak whos still here. AND we were visitors to my father in law, grannies in law, cousins in law and mother in law. I say that the baby has truly brought the whole family closer.

Got fixed? - Yes...after delivery comes the fixing part. We (I really wouldn't mind one more kid but..) had decided that our production factory will be officially closed. Bye bye Size 1 Huggies Diapers...forever and bye bye birth control pills. Whoever's thinking of an alternate tubal ligation, look up Essure...no incision, no anaesthesia.

Let me talk more about getting myself fixed. Yes like I said in the earlier paragraph, I really wouldn't mind another baby but senses tell me that my body is done in this department. Dah lah, dah tua rasanya, compared to when I had a baby some 13 years back. But like I told the husband, getting myself irreversibly fixed brings a sad feeling to me...which means that I will be forever barren. Its like this in humans don't you think? Sometimes you still want to make a choice 'just in case' you change your mind. But oh well, I will be 35 this year...I think I need to concentrate on letting my kids blossom to beautiful adults and menopause in some 20 years or so hahaha!

#7 - Time with Mak

This shall be my LAST post of blogging with no pictures. Frankly, I really have enjoyed creative blogging. But heck, I am so NOT going to do this anymore...geddit Moby???

Mak has been here for almost 3 weeks. Mak is nothing but a blessing to us for being here.

Mak and I had a weird (not a bad one) relationship when I was young. Mak was the quiet, demure and loyal homemaker who filled her time being a seamstress, a caterer and a cookery teacher. Everyday when I came back from school, I would see mak busy sewing someone's baju or cooking in the kitchen. She was so quiet that we hardly spoke when we were home except for the occasional 'Jangan degil nanti mak sebat baru tau!'.

As I get older, my relationship with mak got closer. We had more things in common to talk about. I subconsciously had picked up the interests and skills of cooking and baking from helping her with catering and her cookery classes and we bonded by me wanting to experiment cooking an impossible dish or just by helping her out in the kitchen. We even would divide our tasks or cooking for Hari Raya...she would cook 3 dishes and me 2.

As I get older, mak and I were able to have heart to heart talks. When she had arguments with bapak, I would be her lending ear. Most times, I tried to be the peacemaker. I don't keep my opinions about whos wrong or right cos I always ended up talking to either one who could have said something that he/she had said. Maybe that made us bond even stronger.

Now that mak is here, we had long long talks about our family. How 'last summer's' incident could have been avoided. Mak updated how my son was doing, how mak is parenting my son who obviously still pines for his ibu but too scared to admit. Mak and I talked, laughed, cried, talked again, laughed again.

So it is true that when you are in the deepest pit of your emotions, you do need your mom. Like me needing my mak, and maybe my son needing me (though he never admits it). I am glad that mak is here to listen. She is so levelheaded and her ulterior motive of being here is to be with me, Kakak Mas, the husband and especially, Baby Suraya.

We all love mak being here...our angel!

#6 : Another Tag

Got tagged by dearest Mr Hangloose CB

6 weirds things about me.

I am psychic - I dream when any of my close family members or friend are sick or in trouble, especially my mom. She and I have this telepathic relationship. When she was in Mekah, I dreamed that she was in bed, under the covers shivering. I called her cell phone and asked her if she was sick, she said yes. Then I asked if she was wearing white, and was shivering under the covers, she said yes. Eerie yes? To me, this is a gift from Allah. I get dreams when something not too good is going to happen. My son whos thousands of miles away, I get senses of what hes up to. If I dream of him, it means that he is up to something not good.

If I am psychic, I can also gauge others' personality - Which means, when I meet someone, I can gauge if I could trust this person to be a good trusting friend or not. The husband first thought that I was a judgemental person. No I am not, I love making friends, but I can also see if this person is weird, untrustworthy, full of sh*t or sincere. Most times, I am right but I still make mistakes... some people can be full of good and bad surprises.

The husband and I are twins - To me this is kinda weird and the husband and I will never get over it. We think of the same things at the same time almost everyday and we say things at the same time too. Sometimes, I would yell at the kids in malay and 2 seconds later, the husband yells at them in english and the kids would go,'Paps, ibu just said that in malay already, you don't have to repeat'. Maybe thats why our relationship is very very close...the BEST I ever had!

I am Lefthanded - Is being lefthanded weird? Some say that its a specialty, some say that we do things with tangan cebok. Who cares, some americans here also cebok with their right hand...yucks!

Chocolates are for sniffing - Yes you all know that I LOVE chocolates. But when I am on a diet, I would still buy them chocolates, put them in my drawer and SNIFF! Ahhhh, it feels good just smelling them!

Love them thongs - Yes, I wear G-strings, thongs, butt floss, whatever you call it. I even wear them when I was pregnant. So comfortable, so non invasive (to me) cos there's no panty lines.

I kill my own cats' fleas - Gross eh? Believe me, I can catch fleas in the dark and kill them too. But I stopped that habit once we have the baby, we use Advantage to mass kill the fleas.

=======

Who wants to be tagged, will get tagged. Whoever thinks that they have enough weird characters to blog about, please go right ahead and then let me know so that I can read your weirdness!

Maybe next time they should have a tag of 6 habits that you have...I am sure everyone would jump on it!

#5 : Touchy subject with Happy Ending

The husband told me yesterday that my blog does not sound as fun and emotional as before. I sounded more 'general' when I post and he does not get the 'feeling' of my expressions anymore. I did not realize the impact of this particular reader when he reads my blog until he told me.

It is true that I somewhat had curbed a good amount of my expressions when blogging since I came back from Singapore last year. Too much things happened, too much emotions were expressed and too much trust were broken. With the healing process which took months for me to even reach the 'sanity' level and still am trying to heal, my blog has turned to be just a notebook and not a monologue of my feelings anymore.

I have lost my touch. Lost the feeling of expressing in my blog. I looked back in my previous post. My first post said 'Blog virgin', then other silly short posts which sounded fun and happy. Then came the Summer blogs...of my kids. How happy I was expressing how well they were doing, how much they had achieve since they moved here. But one incident just switched the tempo of my writing. Dare I say that I am still not over the incident and never will.

To my readers, sorry if I sounded distant in my previous blogs. I am sure this page will be different once I return to work.

**************************************

ON A LIGHTER NOTE (must have happy ending right?)

Suraya is sleeping throughout the night since 2 weeks ago! Wooohoo? Its more like THANK GOD!!! We did not know how it happened and no, I had not been surpressing her milk intake during the night okay! She has a fixed schedule now, cuddles at 7pm, sleeps at 8pm and good morning time at 5 or 6am. But there's a catch. This baby does not sleep during the day. If she does, 30 minutes maximum naptime is all that she would take. I know, very tiring during the day but at least we get full night's sleep.

I can't wait to get back to work. I miss my life outside home. I miss the work stress...my brains need some exercise! With mak being here, sometimes I ended up speaking malay even to my husband. Sorry, it takes a while to do the auto 'change channel' lingo mode at times.

But then...I will miss my baby, she will miss me terribly too. I know that she will not be any babysitter's dreambaby during the first couple of days...she will adapt.

As for Kakak Mas, she complains that I have not been blogging about her much lately. Girls!!! They whine when you blog about them, they whine when you don't blog about them!

Mas has colored her hair with red streaks...yes,RED. Got the hair done at my hairdresser's salon after she made me promise to not even dare attempt to streak her hair (what? I got no talent meh?). When she was at the salon, Le, the hairdresser asked her what color she would like, she said 'Anything loud, as PUNK as possible okay'. So there...red, thats the only color that would last long compared to blue, purple or orange. Mas is still not done being punk. She has been picking up guitar notes from her guitar teacher who happens to be a little punky like her and had been strumming her guitar with punk songs. Whatever makes her happy.

As for the husband, he is still busy being that exemplary worker, and the perfect husband/stepdad/dad. His mother says that he's the mother hen in the house. He surely is! We do still have our occasional arguments but we both get too busy with the baby, sometimes we forget to pick fights on each other.

Mak, she is adapting very well being here. She has invaded the kitchen since she came here. So we had mee rebus, laksa, nasi tomato, mee goreng, epok2, kueh lompat tikar (yes, it exists!) and many more since she came here. She has bonded with Suraya so well that I would have no second thoughts of leaving Suraya with her when I go to work. But one thing about mak...she's always sejuuuuuuuuuk (cold)! She's even too afraid to go for a stroll in the neighborhood as its too cold, according to her. But it would not make her think twice if I bribe her with the trip to the mall and Starbucks!

#4: Snowy trip to Reno

So the grandmommies met for the first timeat Reno. One asian, one jewish...this picture says it all. It was weird to see 2 besan (in laws) meeting for the first time with totally different backgrounds. But in the end, they both have one great interest in their lives...their new granddaughter, Suraya.

The drive to Reno was a smooth one although the weather had been threatening to be severe by the end of the day. Seemed like we were not perturbed by it. It was beautiful when we reached mom in law's place...we could see the thick back clouds hovering over the sierras.

When we left at 5:30pm, snow chain law was already enforced at Donner Summit. That was when the REAL DEAL started. We had to pay the chain installers to install the whEel chain for us as the husband's hands were frozen from the snow. We had to drive at 22 mph for 50 miles and it took us about 3 hours to complete just 50 miles. The total driving time from Reno to SF was a whopping 7 hours and got home at 12:15am. For the hundredth time, I can say that travelling with a young baby is 5x more tiring than normal...sigh!

Thank God its Sunday today. The husband and Kakak Mas get to rest the entire day before returning to work and school the next day. For me, I have about one more week (waaaaah!) being home with the baby before I start working again.

#3 : American Idiot...eh no Idol

What is up with this American Idol Fever??? The only part that I love about American Idol is the preliminary audition round where you can see the good, the bad, the ugly and the wannabes. To tell you the truth, I never liked American Idol since it started few years back. The kids were also not keen on watching them UNTIL this year when mak is here to Idolize the Americans!!!

Its like the invasion of mak at home. At first she was the only one so hooked on American Idol, Mas and I have no choice but to sit and watched with her just to be social...little did we expect for that stupid show to get us hooked like her!

But geez, 8pm is 'husband and wife' time for the husband and me as he sleeps at 9pm every night. So no chance nak tengok...but I do get sneak peeks or updates from the 'people outside' in the living room. That asian guy from San Jose...aiyoh, luckily he's not labelled as a representative from the Bay Area...sungguh tak sedap suara dia, he might be able to sing better with shoes on hahaha! I think I could sing Careless Whisper 10x better than him. Till this minute, I am still telling myself 'Geez, what the heck am I doing?'.

We're off to Reno tomorrow, if the snow chain law is not enforced for all cars. Time to visit the mother in law. This visit will be different though. The 2 grannies shall meet! This will also be mak's first time experiencing the fresh powdery snow.

#2 of Takdak Gambar...

Note: Since I can't put a picture, I have increased the font for easy reading, hehehe...

Suraya has outgrown her Size 1 size of Huggies Diapers and has transitioned to Size 2. Same goes with her Onesies, can't button the crotch and her ibu was scrambling in the closet taking out her '3-6 month' size of her clothes. Some specifically indicated '3 months' and Suraya has about 4-5 more wears on them before they look like 'sarong nangka'.

Besides outgrowing her clothes, Suraya is beginning to coordinate her moto skills, learning to reach out and grab. Her cooing and gurgling has also improved. I don't know if it was just the husband and me or that we're crazy, that Suraya gurgles and coos, mimicking our sounds. It surely is amazing to us!

The husband has given me a job that I have never before done in my life...to go to a Lube Shop and get an oil change for our Mazda5. What makes him think that I am so ready to go when he asks me to? I am even too lazy to fill up gas, inikan lagi change oil? Oh well, since I am the one not working, guess I'm it.

In the meantime, I have 2 freakin' strips of metal vials at the back of my 2 shoulder blades for allergy testing. They will only be taken out tomorrow. Imagine me living with these 2 strips on my back, can't sleep in comfort, can't even take a shower, just sponge bath...which means, I can't wash my hair today!

Picture-less entry #1

Yes, I have been challenged by Moby/Ajab's Daddy to this...'Creative writing without Pictures'. So in the next 14 days, a minimum of 7 posts, this blog will have no pictures posted, but there will be picture links okay? Sorry folks, I am sure you will enjoy reading my blog just like looking at pics in the previous posts.

============================================

I will be back to work in less than 2 weeks...yes less than 2 weeks! Excited? Happy? Yes and no. Yes, cos I miss my co workers, the fast pace of working life, the work stress and the 'pakai baju kerja' fashion (got new pair of boots yeeehaaa!). NO...I will terribly miss my baby Suraya, she has not quite successfully been bottle fed. She does it only when she feels like it but she doesn't cry anymore when we put the bottle in her mouth. She just needs to depend on the bottle now to feed (which most of the time doesn't happen as she throws a fit wanting her ibu's booby). Mak says that she will take on the bottle insyaAllah, I trust my mak, I trust my mak.

Going back to work after being absent from it for 4 months needs alot of preparations you know. I have to go to the hair salon to retouch my roots, arch my brows and maybe buy a couple of new tops (depending on my budget) to physically prepare for my return, without charging any on credit cards. The husband has imposed a 'no credit card usage anymore!' campaign to restructure our spending habits.

I have totally stopped looking into my work email just cos I want to mentally be surprised of the happenings in the office. My office is going through massive restructuring, so I know that I will hear at least a couple of juicy ones from my boss.

We are also looking for a babysitter for when mak returns home in May. We put up on Craigslist...most of them wanted $15/hr. Can't afford it! But got some 'lobang' from girlfriends recommending fantastic sitters for $600/mth. Ahemm, sounds alot? Not here in Northern California. So we will be interviewing these $600/mth sitters pretty soon and stick with the ones we feel safe with. By then, Suraya will be 5 months old and I am sure she will not have bottle feeding issue as she would be eating solids and drink from sippy cups if she refuses the bottle.

I have more to write but will save it for the next post...urrgggh!!! Thanks Moby hehehe.

We do not have the Chinese New Year Holiday here but coincindentally, its a long weekend for most of us here as its the President's Day Weekend. For the kids, its the President's Week as they will be off all week this week.

The weather was so beautiful last weekend. So we went to the Golden Gate Park and down Highway 1 to Santa Cruz the next day to enjoy the sun.

Like people always say, mom knows best about their kids. No matter how far your kid may be, mom will always know how the kid is feeling and what he might be up to. No matter how much the kid might have hurt the mom, the mom will always think of her kid. But I do believe in fate, I do believe in Allah who knows that the truth will prevail one day.

On a lighter note, here's Suraya taken a few days ago.

In the meantime, Kakak Mas is busy practicing her guitar. She is very excited to have learned more after every lesson. We are so very proud of her.

What is Valentine's Day? To the husband and me, everyday is Valentine's Day. Almost 6 years that we have been married...each time this day comes, we tend to not even plan it as a special day but always end up going out to dinner, just to have some alone time together without the kids. This year, mak is around, so this means that we could go out to dinner, just the 2 of us. Hopefully Suraya will take on the bottle soon when ibu's not around.

Dear husband,

Its this time of the year again,
Dare I admit that this is just an ordinary day,
Not our anniversary neither is our birthdays,
Each time when we do not want to celebrate,
We end up going out to dinner,
But to me, everyday is a special day for you and me,
And I hope that you feel the same

Oh well, for Valentine's Day sake, I should say that...

I Love You and always will!!!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Taken last weekend

Suraya had her 2 month check up yesterday. She has gained 3.5 more lbs making her weighing in at 12.5 lbs. Its amazing how breastfeeding could make her grow like that too. Dr says that babies normally grow at a rate of 1-2lbs per month...but this little munchkin has hit the growth highway! But the Dr says that Suraya is very healthy and her weight growth is amazing. Must be the M&Ms that I had been indulging past 2 weeks as....I did not lose anymore weight since last month due to this junk indulgence. So no more candy for me. This mama needs to lose more weight before she goes to work in 4 weeks, eeek!

Suraya also had 4 shots on her thighs yesterday, making her the fussiest baby on earth last night with a slight fever. But thats okay, I am sure she will pull through as soon as we take her out for a drive this weekend.

I am trying to bottle feed this little one with my breast milk. Mak says that this girl is too sedap with her ibu that she has no patience for the bottle. But thats okay, this mama will make sure that Suraya likes the bottle soon!

Now we're thinking of enrolling her for Baby Gymboree...I am sure Kakak Alya will have good advise for us :)

Mak is here! Mak is here!

As we all know, when we have a relative or a friend come to visit us from home, its like they came with a container load of food. This time, mak brought us her homemade pineapple tarts, choc chip cookies, kueh lopes, tapai ubi, kueh baulu (or bahulu like what Kak Teh says) and many other gifts for us.

It was so nice to see mak at the airport. Of course, she cried when she first met her newest grandchild. Tears were rolling down her cheeks, I had to divert her emotional feelings to asking how her flight was. Suraya took a liking to mak right away. She must have felt that mak and her ibu is somewhat the same. Same voice...same feel but one wears glasses the other one doesn't. Mak will be of such great help when it comes to Suraya.

In the meantime....

HAPPY 13TH BIRTHDAY KAKAK MAS!!!

13 years ago, this day was a miracle day for you and me,
You woke me up at 6am in the morning wanting to come into this world,
It was the eve of Chinese New Year and there were no available taxis to ferry me to the hospital until an hour later,
It was a painful but fast delivery...3 hours into labor and you were born at 7.7lbs,
But that was 13 years ago...now you are such a beautiful and loyal daughter,
Smart and musical too...
I love spending every day with you and forever...

We all love you Kakak Mas,

Love,
Ibu, Paps and Suraya