What is Good Parenting?

Sometimes I asked myself…what is good parenting? Does good parenting involve material or good parenting is attention given to the kids and ensure that they will grow up to be responsible and useful adults in future? I don’t know…this has been the question raised between the husband and myself, for many reasons on many occasions.

I can't make comparisons of parenting back home and parenting here. To me, parenting is parenting…same responsibility, same ole scenario just like when we were younger, only that it gets 10x more complicating at times.

Now that the kids are 12 and 13, they are more aware of how they look like, who they hang out with, what kind of songs they listen to and even what they want on their bodies. This is like 'monkey see monkey do' stage for them…excluding 'monkey see monkey do' from their parents. The bad influences are the easiest for them to follow and adapt, the good ones are the hardest (as we all know cos we've been through that ourselves!).

They're starting to go to sleepovers. When they come back, that’s when the kids tend to make comparisons of their friends' lifestyle to ours.

First example: Cellphones.
At such a young age, no where does this necessity of cellphones appear in their everyday lives? But my girl's friends each has a cell phone. We are the only parents to have been resisting the idea. Why? Cos we didn’t live with cellphones when we were 12. And what if there was truly an emergency for the kids and the didn’t have their cellphones with them? Would they know how to use the public phone? With the different area codes within the 2 cities that we're in, they need to know how to put the quarters into the slot and dial the right number instead of selecting 'Mom' or 'Paps' and the cellphone calls for them. Money is not the factor in this matter. It costs only $9 to add each kid to our Family Plan. So we are still being very adamant that kids should not have cellphones until they're bigger. My question : Is it wrong for a parent to think that way?

Second example : Responsible kids and parents
My girl had a misunderstanding with her best friend. This best friend of hers is an only child. One day, the girls were playing during PE and my girl accidentally hit her friend's face with a basketball (kids play, accidents happen). Her best friend got pretty mad and called her names. Was very nasty to her to the extend of making my girl feel bad about herself. The best friend also told everyone that my girl did it on purpose and that her apology was not a sincere one. Took us a total of 1 day and 2 hours to convince my daughter that she had done what she needed to do…that was to apologize. Then the next day, the daughter heard rumors that her best friend told her mother about the incident and that her mother was going to see the principal to complain against my daughter. Her being a kid, freaked out and told me about it. She also said that the best friend's mom talked bad about my daughter and everyone knew about it. My daughter used to go to their house every other week and they were nice. The husband decided to discourage the daughter from hanging out with this girl on weekends, for fear that the friend would do it again. They're back as being friends now but what bothers me was that, her friend never apologized for her rash behaviour. My question : Was it wrong for us to discourage her from hanging out with her former best friend? We explained to her why…that she and her friend might need some 'cooling off' period for fear that the same thign would happen again. And if it were true, why did the girl's mom even thought about complaining against my daughter?

Third example : Internet and parents' consciousness
Internet, the worst enemy for parent when it comes to parenthood. The kids are not allowed to surf the internet unless one of the parents are home. If they were to use it, only 20 minutes would be allowed when we're not home. Internet history will always be checked for security…MySpace and chat rooms are not allowed. Messengers are allowed and we scan the list of friends they have. One day, my daughter was at another girlfriend's house. We received an email notification stating that my daughter was on her messenger and she had changed her password. Afraid that it could be someone else trying to get into her messenger, we called her and she said that she had changed her password. Kids' passwords are for the parents to set up not the kids. So we picked the daughter from her gf's place. Apparently, no parent was around when they were 'chatting', just a 15 year old sister, her gf and her. Told the girls that they need to get their mom to call us when she got home. The mom didn’t call back, well the gf called back and said that her mom just came back from traffic school and was too tired to talk to us. But the mother never called back. The question : Is it us who watch our kids too closely or do parents just do not care what their kids do on the internet?

One last question : Do you as parents care what kind of songs your kids listen to? Do you happen to stop and listen to what the kids are listening to and indentify if there were bad language involved in the song and has bad influence like gang activities and racial issues? Rap songs are generally known to project negativity to adults…do parents care to even think that rap songs can be bad for kids? How about tv programmes? MTV…the 'in' thing now. If we don’t watch the kids, did you know that they don’t just play rap but also show videos showing gang activities? The reality show cops, if the kids were to watch it by themselves without adult supervision (its rated PG13 here), kids will think that those druggist and their tattoes and hats are cool? Trust me, we see our kids sometimes follow bad stuff on tv too. Again, was it just us or we're just being over controlling?

These are just one of our concerns that tend to make us feel as if we're the overprotecting ones, the caring parent or are other parents not as caring as us?

Would anyone like to share this with us?

Shopping...jangan tak shopping...

So…its bonus time. Hmmm, call me an ingrate cos I tend to make comparisons of bonus payouts with when I was back in Singapore…can't beat that 3 months yearly bonus and a month of profit sharing bonus. But heck, syukur Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for blessing me with some wealth so that I could upgrade my cell phone and buy spring clothes (Astaghfirullah Ely…hehehe).

Let's talk more about the 'shopping binge' that I am going to have soon. Firstly, I am going to have to pay down my credit cards. Maybe some down to zero balance and hide them under my mattress. Then the husband agrees that if I were to do that, he would help sponsor part my shopping binge (don’t you back off on your offer dear husband!).

My phone is due for an upgrade (upgrade = Ely's tired of using the same phone for 12 months). It's really not that I have enough friends to call me on my cell or sms me like when I was back home. But hey, must update with the trend mah! I know that I don’t use it enough to upgrade to a Palm Treo (phone PDA system), how I so like it! But a Razr phone will be good enough for me.

Then a co worker started the 'destruction' process for me in terms of clothes and shoes. Handed me 2 catalogues of affordable shoes, clothes, pant suits, spring clothes…good for trip back to Singapore this summer! Cannot tahan…tapi takper, I have to wait till Friday (still Thursday here) to start fulfilling my wish list on the catalogue. I have marked all the stuff that I want…with Post It notes. Are you nervous yet husband?

What else should I do? Hmmm, maybe get some accessories for my iPod, I know I need a wall charger for it. I know, I know, some will say, 'Save your money lah Ely'. The husband has taken care of that department for me…so no worries.

Well anyway, I shall be so looking forward to this weekend. Sorry Ayu, too bad you're coming back on Sunday or I could take you along hehehe.

The more the BETTAH...

I am currently on a roll of blogging about my friends. Can't believe sometimes the people around me do effect my everyday life. And how much I love them so!

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I have a co worker who was adorably tiny (she STILL is!) when she first started working here. She's about a size 6 (or less) but could eat like a horse. When I mean that she can eat like a horse, I really mean it. She could eat rice for breakfast, McDonald's for lunch and another full meal in between. Everyone would die to have a figure like her and not gaining any weight from eating.

But…since she came back from the Philipines in January, she told me that she had gained 10 lbs from the visit, due to 'continuous' eating. When she returned to the US, she was still eating like when she was on vacation. Then the last time she told me, she had gained another 1 1/2 lbs.

For a very tiny petite lady who had gained weight, she surely is kind of happy as she says that she had gained more 'boob' size, more 'booty' size and she's now more like the 'Ohhh La La' kind (meaty babeh!) compared to the tiny petite one she once was. When she was tinier, she says that she would die to have boobs like the rest of us in the office and maybe fill out her pants with more fats in her booty. She has it now! To me, she looks great and happy!

So there, one happy little lady…so happy that she has gained some weight. She feels so achieved, so happy.

I wish I could be like her…work hard to gain weight than lose them weight.

Here's to my Wonder Char…and her new Ohh La La body!

*Just so everyone knows that this world is not one-track minded. Some are happy when they lose weight and some are happy when they gain weight!*

Here's to HAPPINESS...

I just kept in touch with a friend after 6 years of not hearing from her. She is divorced. None of which I knew about until she messaged me one day and told me about it.

How did I feel? Hmmm…at first I was mad, mad at myself for not even knowing that my closest friend went through what I did, not being able to give her emotional support when she needed it. But then it came out to reality…that when a person was going through a rough patch in life, they would have no time to discuss his/her problem until the aftermath, which I totally understand. But all the while when she was going through this nasty experience, she thought of me. She said that I have inspired her…to get up and go …with the strength that I have supposedly shown to her (did I say it right my friend? Please email me to confirm).

The reason for her divorce was totally different from mine. Mine was not due to a 3rd party but it was what we call ‘irreconcilable difference’. Like many people expect in a divorce, hers was due to infidelity.

She came out of this misery strong…for the sake of her kids. Now, she is relieved and happy, that she doesn’t have to deal with anymore guesses, uncertainties and anger which her ex husband once put upon her and her kids.

Then my ultimate question to her. Is she embarrassed that she is now what the malays call ‘Janda’ with a capital ‘J’? Now, why did I ask that? Why did I sound so bloody insensitive? Actually, she knew that I asked because I had gone through it once…I mean, the ‘J’ status. She said,’No, I am not embarrassed. In fact, if you could see my face now, I am a very happy lady. Am glad that I made that decision’. Good for her I thought…good for her. Cos I told her that not ALL women would feel the same about going through a divorce. Not all women dare to even stand up for their own rights of happiness and they would rather be cheated on and stay in the marriage, for the sake of her kids.

In this modern society (or maybe not), back home, of course the status of ‘jandaism’ is always being mocked upon. The general minds of society are :

• She doesn’t know how to take care of her husband hence, the husband found another.
• Why did they split? No third party involved, why can’t they just bite down and make the marriage work?
• Be careful, the next door neighbor is a janda. Jaga laki kau baik2. taulah orang lelaki nih pantang nampak janda dahi licin.
• Dia tuh kan janda…

Yes, when I was a janda, I did feel that. I felt weird, well I was comfortable with my decision but I stopped going to weddings and gatherings just so that I wouldn’t imagine getting glares from relatives or others who are of my parents’.

Now what is wrong with being a janda? Why are ‘jandas’ treated as second classed citizens in the asian world? OK OK, I know that ‘jandas’ are well known for being ‘marriage breakers’ or perampas suami orang. The fact also states that some married men find ‘jandas’ to be more interested for whatever reason that I could not even explain. Maybe the men feel that ‘jandas’ need tender loving care…’for free’. I dare say that I was once involved with a married man with 2 little kids 3 months after my divorce. Don’t worry, I ‘abolished’ him 9 months after as I did not want to live up to my status of being a ‘marriage breaker’. Nope, the wife never found out…I kindly 'returned' him to his family (which he thought that I was using him due to his high career status). I told him that his pregnant wife and little kids needed him more than me and that our relationship would be a waste of time.

To me, a woman divorces because there’s no way out. A woman divorced and it was her decision. No one would make the wrong decision to make hers or her kids’ lives miserable. She loves herself and her world now is about making HERSELF and HER OWN KIDS happy.

I respect the women who know and stand for their rights in being happy. Remember, not all women would have the guts to make the decision like you (and me) once made.

To my dearest friend and all women who had gone through this phase in life…”Here’s to happiness!”

ps - I am very proud of you my friend. And I am glad that I have unknowingly inspired you. Errr, please don't look at me regarding 'internet dating' ok, hehehe.

*Hope I am not a bad influence to some!*

Rush hour

Now that bapak is back in Singapore and the husband has started working normal working hours, the house becomes 'stormy' everyday in the morning and after 6pm. Stormy at home means...daughter's loud singing in the shower, cats screaming at each other, ibu yelling at kids saying 'manage your time guys!!!', son yelling at daughter, daughter yelling at son.

The husband is finally working again, after being on worker's injury for more than a year. This a new job with much much higher salary…on top of the eBay gig that he's currently doing. The painful part is that, he starts work at 6:30am…that’s the busiest time of the day for the whole family, including the kitties.

The first day after bapak left happened to be the first day that the kids started school after a week's break. So everything was topsy turvy. The kids need to feed themselves, feed the cats and then take their showers. Their schoolbags better get packed the night before or they will not hear the end of my nagging. I have to get dressed for work, open my blog (hehehe), feed myself and then give Tuco his daily injections. By the time its 7:15am, if I didn’t have time to eat, the toast would be in my hand, the kids in tow and we're all walking down the hill to catch our buses (I don’t drive to the train station, not paying an extra $4 per day!).

Come 6pm, the husband picks me up from the train station. If he has eBay issues, then I'd be 'it' in the kitchen. Masak aper eh? Got meat can cook. No meat cannot cook…and then we'd end up eating out.

Good thing is, the kids help us with chores and we would make our run to the grocery store for more food at times. Then they have reading too and some homework to consult us with. The cats need love. Most times, I would be watching Dr Phil while chatting with Nazrah or Ayu on my laptop, with a cat on my lap, another cat on each side of me on the bed and sometimes teaching the daughter how to finish her homework at the same time. Homework - I am the math department and the husband, the humanity, science and history department.

I have been neglecting the exercise due to my 'sick episode' and I need to make time for it now. Guilty guilty guilty!

How I wish I had a maid like when I was back home. But then again, like I told my kids…this is a group effort. We need each other to run the house. We even need the cats' cooperation to run the house…as in, they better come into the house by 8pm or we would not be able to lock the doors and windows if they're not in!

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Insight :

My principle in life, family comes first. Redefined : my kids come first on top of everything. So when I get ready for work, I make sure that they're ready first before me. I make sure that they eat first before me.

This rush hour struggle will be a bliss in a week. The walk down the hill has been a bonding session between the kids and me. When I mean bonding, I mean real bonding…we talk like friends and ask each other what we have planned for the day and the weekend. We also tend to share some thoughts which sometimes we never even thought that we would.

It makes an ibu feel good when bonding happens, you know what I mean?

No husband. I did not forget you!

The bond between the husband and wife did not have a good start at first. We were both tired and frustrated with the new schedule and both of us trying to do as much as we could before and after work. Like I told Count Byron in his blog, we always end up venting our frustrations hence, hurting the people closest to us. But we made up after we got over our 'stupidity' mode. Gotta make peace right?

Our family is whole again. Makes us all feel good!

Got bun or no bun?

Last week I was sick as a puppy. But I still went to work eventhough my face was green and my head was spinning. This happened for 3 days. When the co workers saw me, they said that I had a 'bun in the oven'.

Yeah sure, we have been trying, but I did not expect for it to happen too soon. But it was 4 more days to go before my period was to begin. So everyone was speculating…they said from the way I looked, the way I was so lemah longlai, I sure was supposedly to be baking the bun.

The period day came. My girlfriend was saying 'well???' I said 'Nope, no period yet' and my face was white as a ghost. Friday, Saturday, Sunday….nothing. Monday, there were signs that I was spotting…another sign to indicate that I could be preggy. But…I didn’t want to hope…false hope. Everyone's holding their breath…I was getting nervous, unsure and not quite hoping.

Tuesday, the day came when the dam finally broke. So it was a 'bantut' bun in the oven! The sweet husband was excited all along. Now that he knows that it was a 'bantut' bun, he says that there are many other moments to capture the momentum.

Oh how the body can be so unkind to me. I was never late and this body just had to play tricks on me.

I am not disappointed. I did not hope for the quick 'reaction' to begin with. But these people around me just made me feel excited…for them hehehe.

So don’t hope yet everyone…the project is still on. I told everyone in the office to stop speculating me and let me live 'naturally' (literally).

Maybe Ailin and I could have a virtual baby shower if we time it right...right Ailin?

Bapak...

Believe it or not, it has been almost a month since bapak arrived in San Francisco. He will be leaving us on Sunday night.

I feel that this time, bapak's visit has been strictly 'rest and relax'. Since he has been here more than 5 times, he had not been requesting to go to LA, nor the sierras to see snow, nor anywhere. If he wants to go downtown, he would walk down the hill, takes the bus and roam around for a day and then come home. He surely is more bus savvy than me who takes the train everywhere I go.

But he sure had his agenda for the husband and me…to complete the remodeling of the laundry house for Mat. NO, let me rephrase that, bapak has been aggressively keeping us on our toes on remodeling the laundry house expecting the house to be completely remodelled and move in before he leaves…which is impossible. But he is just being our bapak. The laundry facilities had been moved to the garage. The new wall had been replaced last weekend. The walls painted and the tiles 10% laid. With work and me haven't been feeling too well, it is hard for us to keep working on it unless it was the weekend. But bapak is 'kind of' happy that it is 80% done now.

This last week of bapak being here, the kids happened to be off from school…due to President's Week. So, it was bonding week for the cucu and their yayi. They went to the mall, the movies and today, they're going to the mosque for bapak's last Friday prayer here. He might take the kids to the Fisherman's Wharf…but he might have gotten sick of the Wharf!

I might shoo bapak to take the kids out tomorrow, to spend time with him and then take him out to dinner.

It sure have been nice having him around. It was a good bonding session for him and me when we were painting the laundry house. It was nice to have someone to talk to before going to work, just like when I was back home when I had mak and bapak to talk about nothing before and after work.

Thank you bapak for everything. We love you and will always think of you…till July. Big hugs from your 'anak kecik'.

Bedak dan gincu...

This is Makeup...the Ely way, not the proffessional way.

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What is natural beauty? Hehehehehe, pardon my laughter cos it reminded me of the chat Ayu, Nazrah and I had on Friday night. Ayu decided that she would like to do a makeover on herself…eerrr, not extreme makeover lah (can't afford the plastic surgeon), just a 'kemas kemas' look on her side.

I think she might have regretted for thinking out loud and sharing with Nazrah and me cos the kakak2 surely could not stop typing…trying to give her tips on how to look beautiful. Hehehe…again I am laughing cos it was such a sweet moment between the 3 of us.

So here I am sharing what Nazrah and I had shared with Ayu, 'follow' us if you're interested :

Skin deep - Before anything else, whether you're a makeup wearer or not, you MUST (I repeat Ayu) must..take care of your skin. Wash, tone (if you must) and moisturize (that’s a must to me). The wash will clean your makeup or dirt that you might have picked up at the fast food restaurant, dandre that you might have picked up from that mamat who had acne, etc etc. The tone, will close up your pores after washing to 'tighten' the skin and the moisturizer, to make your skin supple. The tricky part is that, not all skincare products are good for you. Everything is trial and error.

The color - You do not have to love makeup to apply it. You also do not have to be a beautician like 'The Nanny' to put that makeup on. For that natural look, firstly, ensure that your skincare products are reacting well and you have the habit of using it before even thinking of makeup. But sometimes, makeup can force you to care for your face kan?

For natural look…very easy, get compact (I like bronzer) or loose powder (Nazrah likes this!) and a big powder brush and brush it on your face. Why a brush? So that it will be applied evenly without caking your face and look like wayang. You can also use foundation or tinted moisturizer of you feel that you have the confidence to evenly spread that stuff on your face. Remember, all these colors MUST match your skin color. As in, when you put the powder or foundation on your test wrist, the color should not appear on your skin at all…do not get anything too dark or too light or you will look like someone else (trust me on this, and I am not talking about any beauty queen).

Some will feel that foundation will make your makeup look heavy which is untrue. It will cover the open pores on your skin and make your face look 'naturally' smooth. Do not overapply this stuff or it will look heavy. Ensure that it blends into your skin. Oh and good skin care is important to remove it at night.

The eyes - Nazrah likes eyeliner (shes very complicating, uses up to 3 colors on the eye) and I love using eyeshadow as eyeliner. Depending on what kind of eyeliner you use, some eyeliners make your eyes look smaller. So I like the natural look, I use the dark colored eyeshadow to contour the top and bottom of my eyes…looks smokey kan? Again, you do not have to be an artist to 'draw' your eyes. Use a very very light glowey color on the top of your eyelids to the bottom of your eyebrows. This will make your eyes look dewy and fresh. Next, use the same color that you used to contour the bottom of your eyes to color the contour of the top of your eye. This will 'pop' your eyes out…not in a scarey way and no…not like Bambi's mom (so says Ayu).

The cheeks - again, the blusher is not meant to 'show up' at all. It should be natural color. The purpose of it is to give you that glow. One stoke, 2 strokes…oklah…don’t get carried away. If you can find a liquid blusher, even better, will definitely make you look glowey.

The lips - we all know that true red is NOT the color for anyone. I like 'icey' pink or 'icey' brown, depending on your skin tone. Lip goss with lip pencil is fine too. Wear bold colors only if you feel like you're confident with the color, if not, don’t even think about it.

Hair - If you're not wearing tudung and have not visited the hairdresser past 6 months, you might want to think about saying hi to them. Layering your hair will give it some body and keep you look 'maintained'. Rebonding your hair (for those who have the mullah) will make that curls go straight like china doll! The right shampoo and conditioner is the most important. Again, hair does not grow on your head naturally beautiful unless you're aged 5 and under (baby hair's the best!). Hair needs tender loving care too.

You must be wondering how long I take to get dressed for work? Mandi- 15 mins (kalau basuh rambut, kalau tak 10 mins), makeup-10 mins, dress up - 5 mins (kalau gosok baju, add 10 mins), hair - 2 mins (dry) or 5 mins (wet…must hairdry and put gel what!)

So there…I am not a beautician, neither am I known to be a makeup artist (I can't shade my eyelids too well for nuts compared to my co worker who could 'design' her eyelids!) but I can share some 'natural look' tips!

For those who still do not like makeup…do not feel obligated to do so (I know, banyak sangat steps), as long as the skin is taken care of, nothing else matters :) . And I don't judge my friends for their faces. I love them for their personality.

Oh and why did I keep mentioning natural? Can you imagine if you make yourself up like some film star (or porn star as the americans say)…take that makeup off and mak datok!!! I'll let you put the thoughts in your head for now.

But to me, natural beauty is what you're born with, inside and outside.

How to be a couch potato

Anyone who visits the US longer than 2 weeks will realize that they turn into couch potatoes within a week of being here.

All they need are :
- a working TV, who cares, 14" or 60" HDTV, they all work the same
- the remote, this is a must, or you will have to move your butt and would not be able to concentrate on 'fermenting' to be a couch potato
- a nice thick couch, to get yourself situated strategically in front of the TV, without getting cramps on your back
- a side table, so that before a movie starts, you have your popcorn, shrimp chips, kerepek whatever and diet soda to put on.
Oh and of course…
- a good movie or short 'show after show after show'

When I mentioned 'show after show after show', I really mean show after show after show…as in, show marathon. Sometimes on a weekend, a certain channel would show South Park ALL DAY LONG. Don’t worry if you fell asleep while watching the 4th episode, you can catch up on the 5th one. OR if you really fall into deep sleep, some channels show Dirty Dancing ALL DAY LONG…so catch up whenever you can.

And then I mentioned the good show/movie. My favorites are Dr Phil (yeah babey!), The Chappelle's Show, South Park, Miami Ink (my father in law thinks that only crazy people watches it), Dirty Dancing (all weekend), Grease (all weekend), all the movies in the Lifetime Movie channel and dozens others. So, if are taking a break from the 'big people' show, go to Disney Channel and watch Lizzie McGuire all day or the COURTTV channel and watch Forensic Files. If you have short attention span, how about watching 'The Osbournes' or 'The Hogan' (remember Hulk Hogan?) family run their everyday crappy lifes. Then there's Video on Demand. Movies from HBO, Cinemax, Showtime and TMC…the movies don’t start til u hit the button…there's 'White Chicks', 'Casablanca', 'Harry Potter 3', 'First 50 Dates', and many more to choose from. Hey and don’t forget to watch 'Tom and Jerry' all day too!

If you get tired of watching the goggle box, don’t be wary, go to the mall and window shop, get some air …relax those eye muscles. And when you're ready, the TV will be right there to welcome your return!

It surely is not that hard to be a couch potato. I truly am a semi couch potato. I watch TV from my bed, with the laptop in front of me too. I drift in and out of sleep on a lazy Sunday morning just cos I feel that I need to be a 'vegetable' for a day before I start working the next day.

Application not needed, come join the couch potato club.

*Bapak is sitting in front of the TV watching a movie from 'video on demand'*

What can I say...

It is Friday...but the day can be deceiving,
It has not been a pleasant day to begin with,
Part of it is totally not my fault,
But what can I say, I can't stop people from having attitudes.

Apology has been said and the rest is up to you.

Just don't fight with me when I am having my PMS...cos you will never win!

Bossy boss

Eversince the boss moved to the 1st floor, things have changed. I am working with him virtually, we message each other and use the telephone to communicate…emails included. But then I have the assistant manager who is sitting at the boss' former office up here. She took over some tasks of what the boss was doing when he was here (in terms of insurance and Reps admin).

Day by day, I have been feeling a little depressed, a little underachieved as I don’t seem to be getting the daily 'up to the minute' admin scoop…which lead to misadministration and miscommunication at times. The assistant managers are mostly in their own worlds and come to me only in the 11th hour to complete a project.

Today, the boss proposed a new project to me. Before that we had a pep talk (after I complained that he's virtually bossy too!)…he said that I am doing a great job. Sigh…and I meant a huge SIGH cos I am really not feeling that I am doing anything great. I feel underachieved and underperformed. But hey, I did not want to sound like a whiner yet. I asked 'You think? I don’t feel so!'…then as usual, we got sidetracked on other issues and didn’t really talk about how I was feeling.

But as we both left his office (him to a meeting and me back to the 2nd floor), he mouthed 'Thank you' to me. And I said 'Sure sure…and stop being bossy'…and he said 'You better take them stairs instead of the elevator!'…HAH!

'V' day again?

Update : Feb 14th 2006

It has been such a beautiful day today. Lots of sun and everyone seems to be happy.

The office was cheery at 8:30am. Most are wearing dark red or pink just cos its Valentines Day. One brought a tray of glazed cinnamon buns, one bought a dozen of donuts. The corporate cafeteria was decorated with Valentines Day ornaments and ribbons...red and pink.

Went to Union Square today just to get some candy for the family. Crowded...the Lush boutique was also crowded. I didn't look into the jewelry store...don't know if it was crowded or not.

Nothing big planned for the day. Nothing REALLY special going on here. Maybe a dinner for 2 at the neighborhood sushi place. I warned the husband not to buy me flowers...save the money for dinner.

This morning the daughter said 'I HATE Valentines Day...it's garbage!'...maybe cos she does not have a Valentine (what a relief!) or maybe shes being a feminist for now...after a so called 'breakup' with a fellow class mate (she kinda dislikes boys for now). The boy's oblivious to this occasional 'national holiday' thingy.

The husband is on his way to the Dr's office for his shoulder check up. After the surgery, the shoulder has only been 20% better as oppose to supposedly 80% better. So the specialist will determine if (a) they operated on the wrong problem or (b) they need another Dr for a 3rd (yes hear me out...THIRD) opinion.

Whatever it is, the day is not over yet. I hope you all had a sweet V day yesterday..if not...dont worry...everyday can be a V day and thats the most important thing?

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Valentines Day…something that the husband and I think to be the tackiest day in the year, apart from Xmas. But then again, if I don’t get candy or flowers, I would feel dejected eh? So…maybe this time, I would like to write a love note to my husband, for those who don’t like chickflicks to begin with, please click the 'back' button or just the 'x' to exit.

There's truly nothing much to say apart from reconfirming that I love my husband still and have not kicked him out to the curb yet? Or should I say that we are still discovering ourselves and that we have stopped that regular fightings (we have not fought for almost a year!)? I don’t know…

Anyway dear husband…

It surely was a miracle on how we met,
Thousands of miles apart,
Out of millions of fish in the sea,
We picked each other almost instantaneously,
No regrets of my decision for you.

I know we are not 'mushy' people,
No 'smoopy', no 'honey buns', no 'sweet cakes' calling,
But just plain ole Ely and plain ole David,
Sometimes we call each other names that could in turn offend us (like psycho, crazy, silly) :)

So there, my love note for you,
Nothing to really sweep you off your feet,
But at least you would know that…
I LOVE YOU & HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!

Oh yeah…to all bloggers, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY to you too! Much love from moi!

Aftermath of the aftermath

Aaaaah, a new template...again! Hopefully this template would not crash anyone's wifi cell phone due to the stupid pop ups!

The aftermath of the trip was not positive. We came home on Tuesday, one thing weird about me is that, I count my cats to make sure that they're all ay-okay. But heck, it was 2.45pm and the weather was beautiful so most of the cats were out enjoying the day. Come 8pm, one by one started coming in like 'ayam pulang ke reban'. Okay...where's Pinky and Puffy. 9pm, 10pm, 11pm, no Pinky nor Puffy. The husband jumped out of bed and called out their names...Puffy came back in 30 seconds...still no Pinky.

Wednesday...no Pinky
Thursday...no Pinky
I was getting frantic and started to cry each time when I was thinking of her. Where could Pinky be?
Friday...
I cried even more. Started to make flyers to put up in the neighborhood and planned to knock on neighbors' doors to see if Pinky was 'domesticating' in their houses. No...no sign of Pinky by 7pm. Aiyoh...how can Ely live without Pinky?

I forgot to mention that the husband brought Tuco, our previously 17 lbs cat to the vet as he has been losing too much weight since the past month. Costed us $300 for this cat to be diagnosed. The vet called on Friday to let us know that Tuco is diabetic. We have to bring him in on Saturday for some insulin dosages and consultation on how to care for diabetic cat. The vet says that diabetes for cats are not neccessarily premanent and they could be cured and have a normal and happy life. Now the husband is crying. Sigh...double whammy surprise eh? Pinky is missing and Tuco is diabetic.

But life went on for me...Friday night is shopping night. The kids have their baseball and softball tryouts in the weekend and we need to buy them baseball/softball gloves. And then to Petsmart to get cat food. Sigh...I was at the verge of crying when I was at the petstore...Ely can't live without Pinky!!!

Got home, bapak was talking on the phone with his beloved mak. I went into the room and started crying uncontrollably. Ely can't live without Pinky!!! Then I decided that I needed to do something to cheer myself up...change this blog template. Think positive...think positive...

10pm...
I heard a tiny mew from the sliding glass door outside my bedroom, I turned around and waited ...another tiny mew...then came the white head...PINKY!!! Tears of joy this time while I opened the sliding glass door...my Pinky is back!!!

Yup, she smelled musty though not dirty. She sure had been accidentally locked up in a neighbor's garage for 4 days!

Aftermath...

It was a beautiful wedding, very jewish, very personable and very very memorable. I get to meet 'new' cousins of the husband's whom he had not seen for over 20 years. For the siblings, it was another reunion for us.

Firstly, I reached the in laws place with the in laws busy counting the number of gift baskets for each room of the hotel that they have booked for the guests in Miami Beach...40 rooms altogether. Yes, not 4, not 14 but 40. The bride (my sister in law) just left the house and she was frantic...frantic as in panicky. The next night, 2 nights before the wedding, Kimberly, the SIL (sister in law) was begging for help in tying the ribbons for the wedding program. Here comes the SIL made in heaven (me lah) shooing her from the MIL's house and telling her to go home and get some sleep. The bride, wanting her wedding to be nothing but perfect had been so emotional, she cried over every little thing that did not fall into place. Sometimes nak jugak rasa macam nak cekik budak nih suruh bawak bersabar.

(Skipping my kebaya part, refer to pictures)The ceremony was held that the jewish temple. Like I said, my first ever jewish wedding. It went so well, at the end of the ceremony, guess who was bawling away besides my brother in laws?

Then came the oh so wonderful wedding banquet. If you have watched the Wedding Crashers, thats the exact scenario of how my sister in law described it to be. Life music, the 'Hava Nagila' chair dance and tonnes of 80's live music to dance to. I think my kebaya outfit attracted the attention of the cameramen...ahemm, enjoy it while it lasted eh?

We had been having late nights preparing for the wedding, the rehearsal dinner, the wedding and the aftermath. Right now, my eyes are hardly open...begging for beauty sleep before work tomorrow.

I love my husband's family. They're a bunch of good people who loves me as much as I love them!

Enjoy the pics, ask me questions if you want to :)

The invitation


The Bride


The ceremony


Happily Married


With the Bride


With mom in law


Errr, the Ratu Kebaya and her kids


The husband and step brothers


The husband, the bride, the sister (she rocks!!!)


The dance

More pictures...click on the thumbnail and click next for enlarged slideshow.

The time has come...

for us to leave,
the wedding is over...oh how beautiful it was,
another day left before we go,
with all the nice memories that we will hold...
in our hearts...FOREVER

To Florida We're Going...

Hence, this blog will be on sleep mode until I return.

Packing for the family gets easier now when the kids are older. They can pick out their own clothes to wear and shoes that they think they might need when they get there.

Took me only 30 minutes to pack the suitcase…on my part. Any tank tops, summer skirts, dresses and t shirts go into the suitcase. A pair of slippers, strappy ones for the wedding and tennis shoes for when I do my daily exercise are already in there. My kebaya will go in last, since it has been pressed, I shall spread it in the suitcase so that it will have minimal crease.

Bapak has arrived, he is doing his activities as usual…of pampering the kids, and enjoying the neighborhood when the kids are in school. He has requested that rice is a mandatory existance at mealtimes. So we have to buy rice (yup, we have all have been on a no rice diet!).

Dad in law, on the other hand, has been calling almost everyday to ensure that our preparations are on time, so that we won't forget anything, and that we have enough decent wear for the dinner rehearsal, the night before the actualy wedding. He's also getting as excited as we are. I am sure even the grannies' pug (the dog) is also as excited as the grannies.

Thank you in advance to Sam and Lilac to be so kind as to giving us a ride to the SJ Airport and back. We owe you big time!

Pictures will follow….

So there, update of this blog before we all leave…so long!

Pediatrician Office Saga

Something rare happened yesterday.

I had to take the daughter to the pediatrician as she has been getting this weird 'itchy scratchy' spasms which last only 10 seconds each time. So I called the pediatric office 2 days before the appointment.

Myrna, the nurse : 'So, new patient, first time coming to this office.' (we just changed medical insurance plan).

Ely the mom : 'Yes'

Myrna : 'Which Dr would you like to see? We have 5 Drs, Dr Ananda, Dr Chin, Dr Cliff, blah blah blah'…literally.

Ely : 'Well, you know, this is my first time bringing my daughter. Could you recommend me one?'

Myrna : 'Hmmm, we don’t recommend Drs, you know what I mean. But I can help you choose…Dr Ananda is Asian, Dr Chin is Chinese Asian, Dr Cliff is White, blah blah blah'

Ely already laughing : 'Girl, you are so funny! Your description is way beyond your call of duty! But hmmm, Dr Ananda sounds good'

Myrna laughing : 'Ely, you're giving me problem here, now you want me to choose the Dr for you. OK Dr Ananda, but wait! What kind of asian are you? Filipino? Chinese? Indonesian?'

Ely : 'INDONESIAN? How did you know that I am one? OK, Dr Ananda then.'

Yes, my Singapore ID indicates that I am indonesian. It does not make sense as it does not describe ethnicity but more like nationality. But I do know dang well that my parents are Jawa Peranakan (hehehe).

So to the Dr we went. Met Dr Ananda, nice beautiful, big eyes and very very friendly. She could not diagnose the little lady as the itchy scratchy was not flaring when we were in the Dr's office. She asked the little lady tonnes of questions, from her habits to her food to her puberty etc etc. Then the Dr gave her some anti allergy toiletries for her to use as step one.

When the consultation was over, I asked her what ethnicity she was. She said that she is indonesian. So I told her that I am malay, but says indonesian on my ID. My great grannies were from Java and my parents could speak some javanese words but not me. That was enough to trigger her jump for joy….'ahhhhh, a fellow man' kind of joy, you know what I mean? Then we started talking…in english, as she speaks only splatters of Bahasa, that did not deter her from giving me a hug before I left the office.

It was a nice visit, a meaningful visit to the pediatrician. Went home, let the husband know what happened and he was amazed…its so rare to find someone who comes from my little island or somewhere close to it in our everyday lives. But when we do, we tend to stick together. Like the Indonesian Consular employee who still calls me for advise on her insurance and the Singapore Consular who calls to make changes on their insurance in exchange for some immigration questions I have hehehe. I do get Singaporean and Malaysian customers visiting me at the office just to say hello or just to say that they're in town.

Isn't that nice? Something that we totally take for granted when we're back home.

Isn't it Sunday?

The husband : 'Ely wake up, its 6am!'
Me : 'Why are you waking me up so erly? Its Sunday!'
The husband : 'OK, go back to bed then.'

Then I heard the daughter in the shower humming away…darn it! So it IS MONDAY! Eeeeeeeeeee, liat betul nak bangun nih. Should I call in sick? Cos I really am SICK and tired of working. How I wish I could just stay home and go to work when I am ready (like the husband) or not even come in just cos its Monday!

Consolation to me, boss is in Sacramento on site visit, he will still be there tomorrow for a class, including the other assistant managers. So at least I will have time to write this entry muahahhahahaha.

So…update on looking for a bigger house to move. We have cancelled the idea as we have decided to improve the condition of this 80 year old house. There is a detached structure at the backyard that we do laundry in hence, its called the laundry house. We have decided to move the laundry facilities to the garage downstairs and make that a room/house/pad for the son. Sounds easy? Not really, firstly, we have to shell out at least $1.5k to reverse the laundry piping to the garage (that’s from 'up the hill motion' to 'down the hill motion;, house is on the hill remember!), then we have to move the washer and dryer down the flights of stairs and into the garage, as we all know that the washer and dryer are not feather weight japanese branded ones. Then we need to paint the inside of the little house, redo the floor and buy furniture for him. And we also have to make sure that the skunks are fully moved from under that laundry house.

So when the son is out of the kids' room, the daughter deserves for the bunk bed to be out, and get her a new set of furniture. They're still arguing on who will get the computer.

After that will be the main house's improvement. We have decided to change the floor, from the wall to wall carpet to hard wood laminate flooring. With the weather so damp and 7 cats in and out of the house, the musty and kitty smell in the house has not been kind to us. The kitchen might get a new kind of flooring as well….all DIY…hey, welcome to America where you do things YOUSELF! Oh and don’t forget the doors. We need to change the doors too.

Landscaping will be the pain in the a*s for us. The front yard is somewhat OK…full turf. But the driveway needs to be patched up. The backyard and the terrace needs 200% tender loving care. You see, we live on a slope. When it rains, the soil runs down bypasses our house and down to the driveway. So we're thinking of how to tackle this 'soil sliding' dilemma. Tuh lah, nak tinggal kat atas bukit, tapi tak tau camner nak handle hehehe.

So that’s our agenda for the year 2006.

*ooopss, I better remind the husband to replace that dead dishwasher!*

Bapak.....and Mak

Bapak has volunteered to housesit when the family goes to Florida for a week. Since he is going to be here for a month, he says that he would love to housesit and roam the city by himself when we're not around. This would not be his first visit to San Francisco…more like 6th-7th time I think?

So bapak will be coming on the 28th, 3 days before we head to the Sunshine State. And then something hit me…as much as I am so looking forward to seeing bapak again, he is coming without Mak. And then it hit me again…that I miss Mak. I miss her so much that when I was thinking of her on my way to work that I got so teary eyed. Maybe cos Bapak said that Mak would be making pineapple tarts for us and maybe some homemade cookies…priceless gifts!

I wish that Mak would come along with Bapak on this trip, but Mak is still busy working (cos she loves working!). She says that she is saving money for my kids when they go there for the summer…and for us when we get there. Not that I am expecting the parents to pay for our every expense, but I am just letting the parents do what they wanna do…to feel important.

So Mak, if you're reading this, anak Mak sayang dan rindukan ibunya. Mak selalu di ingatan kami. Oh dan terima kasih atas kueh tart yang akan diterima hehehe.

Salad, bikini and Florida...

Rabbit food…another word for salad, as per my co workers. The people in my office still cannot get use to me eating huge salad for lunch everyday…yes everyday. Rarely do they see me eat real food like baked fish or tuna melt (hmmm tuna melt sounds good to me!).

I told them that I do not torture myself to eat salad everyday. It just became a habit for me to eat salad for lunch, so that I can eat real food for dinner. It is also to discipline myself, to ensure that I get enough vegetables everyday. Even my friends like Ayu and Lilac know that I am eating normal…right?

No, I don’t feel that I am skinny yet. No , I have not gone mental yet either and no…I am not an anorexic in denial. I still have at least 10 more stubborn lbs to go before I reach my goal. With the holidays recently, I could admit that I ate carbs that I wasn’t suppose to. Thank goodness with daily 400 calories exercise has managed to make me lose more weight instead of gaining the carbs.

Now that the Florida trip is just around the corner and the wedding will be at the beach resort, all the more I feel that I need to lose even more so that number 1, I could eat more at the wedding and number 2, so that I could slip myself into that bikini...eh no..summer clothes.

I think I have lost that tropical sense of fashion, of not layering myself, but am sure it will slowly come back. The malls here have not gotten their spring collection out yet, so capris and t shirts are not selling yet. But I do have a batik sundress for the tropical weather and the slippers too (Ely doesn’t need help looking for sandals for the beach!).

Then the make up…according to theory, we should change our makeup every 6 months. I am overdue for the change, but just looking for the right time to do so…like now! I know I need a baby blue shadow for the eyes, and more shadow colors. Pink shadow is the in thing now, and don’t forget that green! And then also might need new lipstick colors.

And the list goes on….

Luh ker gua yang gila?

When you are all by yourself, not reading a book, not watching tv and your husband is asleep (for those who are married lah), have you ever laid in bed and thought about yourself? Not the ah beng that pushed you on the bus, not that stupid female naggy boss or that blogger who was talking about nothing but her holiday in the carribean...but yourself?

What comes into your mind about yourself? Do you love yourself today? Is it cos you completed that project timely and then have enough time to blog? Or that you might have made a change to someone's life or just simply that you have felt the satisfaction of being a mom? Have you ever hated yourself on that day? Did you say something stupid to someone who are not talking to you now? Or did you have a fight with your other half over something so silly?

Overall...on most days, do you love yourself more than the other way round? If you do why?

Or do you really hate yourself now and are in desperate need to change youself for the better?

Sorry, I know that I have been asking a lot of questions. This is how I sound when I am thinking aloud.

Call me selfish, but I love thinking about myself. On how I feel about myself lately and how I could make myself better if I hated myself on that day.

Many a days, I always come home feeling nothing but mentally tired. If I get overly stressed about work on that day, I would work the cr*p out of myself on that stepper or go for 15 minutes walks on breaks. If I feel satisfied with work, I would still feel tired...but in a better mood when I see the family. But please, these moods DO NOT include PMS!

I remember a friend who hated herself so much a few years ago that she shaved her head bald! I thought she was kidding until she showed me her 'gondol' picture. Kesian budak tuh, but her hair has grown (after a few years) and even has the length to do 'rebonding' hehehe...if you are reading this my friend, jangan marah! But she did tell me that she felt so much better after the 'botak' ing incident.

One therapeutic way of destressing (besides retail therapy) , are my cats. They purr when they ask for attention, they give me body massages when they purr to show love to their mommy. How nice eh?

Did you know that I just adopted a Siamese Fighting Fish since December to keep me sane in the office? I have not named him yet...maybe Kenny (like in South Park...'Who killed Kenny!') or maybe Samdol...I don't know, but he sure has given me the 'hope' of staying sane while at work. I am not going to buy that Zen thingy that you can put on your desk, raking the sand and putting shells into the miniature pail and imagine that you're at the beach and then voila! you will feel better....cos my co worker has it. All I need to do is to just to to her office, and start picking shells and rake the sand on her desk!

Any therapeutic ideas on how to stay sane?

The 'take a breather' entry...

Work has not been that kind to me lately. Well...I am glad that my boss is back from his military duty in the gulf….but I was not glad when he decided to swap offices with another lady assistant manager and me, stuck here on the 2nd floor.

Work has not changed a bit here. I still handle his projects, coordinate his calendar and his other nitty gritty stuff. Its just harder assisting him when we're geographically on different floors. The stupid intercom keeps beeping more now. The msn messenger (we use that for the office) keeps dinging with messages from him and my inbox is getting more of his emails…drives me nuts cos now I even have to leave him voicemails to keep in touch with him apart from having to run to the 1st floor almost every 2 hours.

Since the boss was away for 4 months, it was catch up time for him…and me…ripple effect. On Monday, my workload was virtually drowning me beyond believe, on Tuesday, the workload did not subside but the tide seemed to get higher. Wednesday, the boss had to scope office space for the move and phew…4 hours of him being away from the office helped me cut my workload in half.

And then back to the 2nd floor, the 2 lady assistant managers…both in their 50s. One has a major power trip and the other, major tensed up attitude. I hear them bicker over little issues like where to bring the sales reps for lunch, which restaurant and where to put that stupid cabinets. As we all know, ladies want their say in anything, which I totally back off from all these bickerings.

One even went beyond her call of duty by asking me every minute on what I was doing. But Ely fixed that pretty quickly (don’t ask me what I did cos this entry would not end).

Anyway, right now, I am just taking some deep breaths by writing this. The sun is shining…good time for a good walk during lunch!

Those in the US, happy long Martin Luther King weekend!

Sleepovers...

Last weekend was our turn to host Masturah's sleepover night since she has been going to her friends' houses for Saturday night sleepovers. Managed to 'move' the son to his friend's house so that the girls could have more space without the 'male invasion'.

Little did I know that girls can be such picky eaters. No one protested when we ordered pizza, I mean, which kid does not like pizza? Then came dessert time…the husband suggested that we go out (in the cold) and get dessert with the girls. 3 girls, 2 wanted Krispie Kreme, 1 wanted Starbucks (cant resist that blended crème). After much loud giggly arguments, majority wins…donuts at 9pm.

By the time it was 10pm, 'the parents' (that’s us) were dead beat. The girls must have had the sugar rush from them donuts, still giggly, screaming and talking in the other room. I told them,'We're going to bed now. Do whatever you want, just don’t burn the house down and STAY QUIET!'. They did pretty well as I fell asleep right through the night and did not hear the kids blowing up their beds at 12:30 in the morning!

Then came breakfast…2 wanted pancakes, 1 doesn’t like pancakes. So scrambled eggs and a lil bit of meat for the picky eater and pancakes for the rest.

It was overall a very pleasant weekend with the girls, first time having the more than 1 of the kids' friends staying over. I am sure that when we move, the kids will be at our place more often that I can imagine!

The year Two Thousand and Six...

'Happy New Year & Welcome Back…it is a start of the new year. Thank you for the successful 2005. Our region has reached its goal and I am looking forward to 2006. More new good things will happen as we go along. New products, new offices in San Francisco and Redwood City and new training programs for our sales section.'…so says our Regional Director.

There will be so much changes in 2006. Work wise, our big office will split into 5 different offices in San Francisco. Major changes will happen. Personal wise, maybe more than we expect. We're still looking for that house to upgrade into. Maybe some new edition to the family after that? I don’t know…time surely is running out.

Not much of resolution here for me. Maybe lose that 13 more lbs that I am still working on (good God! The holidays have been the biggest killer), make more $$ and save more, lower that outstanding credit and be a better mom and wife.

The kids are teenagers now and I feel that this year will be a year full of surprises, especially when the son goes to high school in September and the daughter in middle school. More changes in their social life…or my co worker says, they have a 'social calendar' now.

Somehow or rather, I can sense that the husband and I have earned our 'dating time' back since the kids have sleepovers almost every weekend nights. What is dating to us? Hmmm, let me think hard….

So far, we have gone to rock concerts. We also go to dinner and sometimes just dinner at home, just the 2 of us…and the cats. No wailings of 'Ibu..' every now and then or words like 'be quiet you!' or 'I'll tell on you…IBU!!!'.

The kids have grown into little friends to me. A personal confidante to the girl and a 'supervisor' (as he calls me) to the boy. They still love me being around them and fooling around with them as much as I love their presence.

I am so not looking forward to them being young adults and then move away to college.

Oh, and not forgetting the jewish wedding in 4 weeks! The sister in law is getting married and we're still busy preparing for the trip. As we all know, visiting in laws is not like going on vacation (you can look ratty when you're on vacation but not when you meet in laws!). But I sure am going to enjoy this trip and the wedding of the year!

Perempuan melayu terakhir...

'Will the last malay lady please bring the malay flag!!!', that was what my husband said when I told him that a childhood friend got married yesterday, to a British dude.

You see, when I married my husband, I was not the first one to be married to a foreigner. I had 4 other immediate cousins who were 'speculated' closely by my relatives for marrying americans/british or someone from a faraway continent. And the practice didn't stop there, one cousin after another were migrating to either the US, Australia or the UK to be with their husbands.

Since I married the husband 4 years back, my mom has been this 'confidante' about how to handle emotions when their daughters were to go away. What if their daughters marriages don't work... and other 'what ifs' yang sewaktu dengannya. I am happy that my mom shares her experiences with her friends and relatives and gives advises to those who were as nervous as her when their daughters say that they wanted to marry a non malay.

One of the theory that she came up (and told me too) was that malay young ladies are now more educated, they have higher demands and are more independent. Internet has made anything possible and love can blossom from the internet, just be prepared if your young lady is at that legal age of marriage and all of a sudden you daughter is ready to move away. Never expect that to come out of my mom eh? And get this, my mom surely did not behave that way when I was the one doing it years back!

So anyway, back to the first paragraph, my husband says that foreigners like him has 'saturated' the malays and he is one of the guilty ones!

You say Po-tey-to, I say Po-tah-to

Being married to a person who has a totally different culture does not mean a bed of roses all the time. People think that being away from home, having someone to care for me and the kids and having a new life is like a life of a dream come true. Sometimes its not…

The culture. Being the 'orang melayu' who doesn’t have the foggest idea about what 'social grace' american version is all about, tend to sound so square and ignorant. Not being permitted to even step into a bar and clubs or even an all night concert when I was young also did not make me feel as if I was missing something when growing up. I think I have gained strong family relationships with my family, and that my parents at that time were my loyal companions. Yup, my curfew was 5pm on weekends.

When I moved here, the word 'clubs' and 'bars' and 'going out drinking and dancing' sounded pretty offensive to me. I mean, I was not brought up with all those. But I learned, as I get exposed with co workers who love to party. I learned to mingle and get to know the concept of 'having pure fun'. The visit to the bar was like an 'every 2 months' or celebration venue for birthdays, going aways or just pure innocent de stress. Yes, I have great fun when I go there. Being there for just an hour is always enough for me, when the husband would be waiting outside the bar an hour later (please, you might think that I would be too drunk to be going home by myself? Diet coke for me only please). I feel that I really do not have to drink to have fun…but sure is fun watching co workers get tipsy after a few drinks hehehe.

Another is…being 'clingy' to my husband. Yes, I am clingy to my husband. When I moved here, I could not be left alone by myself (the kids were still back in Singapore then). I would demand to be taken everywhere the husband would go. I am still not use to not having the husband next to me at bedtime and not having him around me when I am back from work. Sometimes I would get pretty irrationally moody when he has a task to do, like watching a musician friend perform at a local club or down in LA or even taking pictures of musician friends who are doing recording in the evening. But I am still not as bad as before, sometimes I would appreciate him not being around for a couple of hours in the evening :)

Emotional grief. Would that make you nervous? Back home, it is 'taboo' to show your emotions to others. You're to be seen and not heard. Keep feelings to yourself and deal with it yourself..but not here. People here tend to tell you when they don’t like you, swear at you when they hate you or even shove you away when they don’t want to see you. Rudeness? To asians, yes, way beyond rudeness, that’s what I call sometimes macam orang hutan, tak pandai mengawal emosi (cakap melayu supaya tak kena pelangkung dengan sang suami, but I didn’t mean him, you know what I mean). It can be a rather common scenario to find that some asians who don’t know how to speak up tend to get 'trampled on' by others. Lets exclude the 'nyonyas' who physically trample on others in the market Jadikan, sesungguhnya kita orang melayu sungguh berbudaya, bercakap halus dan kekadang sensitif. Samada kita suka atau tidak, kita harus memberanikan diri kita untuk 'put your foot down and tell them that we're normal beings like them'. Did you also ever hear that asian wives tend to look nice, gentle, docile and charming in public but can be such terrors in the house? The asian wives kalau dah naik loktang, that we're worst than the demon? Hehehehe…enough said about that.

In a nutshell : Beng married to someone who is totally different from my culture takes 200% effort to make a marriage work. Macam barangan 'made in China' versus 'made in America'…one is tougher than the other, one is totally different from the other. I love my 'made in America' husband and will always do :)

If I were to factorize every element here, this entry will be a 10 paged one. Lets stop here and let me think of more to share. Readers, do not hesitate to share if you have any in your mind!

Back for now...

I am still running around like a headless chicken. Visitors came and went, same goes with Christmas and the long weekend is almost over. I am having my pre-menstrual tension and seems like I am gong to bite someone's head for no apparent reason at all.

The sister in law's wedding is only 5 weeks from now. The daughter and I had to brave the post Christmas crowd this morning at 7am to get her a nice black outfit for the wedding. Now, we have the shoes to look for.

My kebaya that mak brought for me from Singapore does not fit anymore. The black dress that I wore to a friend's wedding 2 years back does not fit me either. So I will have to hit the stores to get an outfit for the wedding.

We managed to go for a long drive yesterday with Lilac and family to Bear Valley...GREAT FUN!!!

Busy busy busy

I know, I have been quiet lately. And I shall be quiet for the rest of the week due to these issues :

- There will be visitors all week this week. A friend from Singapore is coming on business and we're playing host. Another visitor will be coming on Thursday. Its my gf (founder of rantauan.com) from LA and here to spend time with us till Christmas Day.

- Due to the previous point, the cleaning brigade is hard at work. I will be on vacation on Wednesday, so that I could :

- Clean the house. Steam the carpet, clean my room, the kids room and the laundry house.

- Make some curry puffs for the holidays and bring to the office the next day.

- When the visitors come, we will be busy 'mencekik' at our favorite restaurants, and bringing them sightseeing. Thank goodness a Christmas party was cancelled and brought forward to New Years Party.

- I barely have time to breath…barely! Even at work!

- I miss Ayu already, I feel like crying. We had a great great dinner at her place….had so much fun! Now that shes not here, the phone will be so quiet. But she will get her car back from our house, with a trunkload of stuff, hehehe.

I will miss you as much as you will miss me (hehehe). Take care and have a great holiday!

UPDATE : Tuesday, 12/20/05

Busy day at work. Had a 7:30am meeting and our boss started his day here after being on military duty for 4 mths! I am soooooooooooo glad that he's back, I was in tears when I saw him!

Got a $200 holiday gift certificate. Applied for amazon.com and got myself an iPod Nano!!! Thanks to Gerald, for suggesting that I get the nano instead of the shuffle. So this will be my 2nd mp3 player. The first one is my 30gb Creative Zen mp3 player.

The first visitor is here. His name is Joseph, here for only 2 days on business. He's taking the 'David Tour' right now, in the midst of the rain and dinner tonight at our fave restaurant.

Its pouring outside! So can't go shopping. :(


2nd Update, Thursday night 12/22/05
Got back from work. Did my 400 calories burned stepper exercise. 2nd visitor has come! Issy brought loads of indonesian food, nasi bungkus, nasi urap and all. So what if i am on diet? Mencekik terus mencekik!

Fondue business...

The husband received a phone call from our singaporean friend, Winston. I know, this is follow up from the voicemail Mardiana left me. Sorry Mardi, your kak Ely nih asik terlupa jer nak call back!

So…Winston said that its going to be a Fondue dinner party. OK…(see Ely's eyes looking up the ceiling with a huge ? On her forehead) fondue…sounds like 'fun do'! I heard about this fondue business thingy but made the husband ask Winston, what EXACTLY will we expect from at this dinner? So the husband, very well trained darling here, asked him if its high carb (that’s my ultimate question!).

According to Winston and the internet, fondue is... cooking your food while eating with cheese or chocolate dipping. Like steamboat lah…instead of soup in the pot, its melted choc or cheese and the pot is smaller. OK…(Ely getting nervous) food dipped in chocolate and cheese. The cheese I can accept but the chocolate? I love them chocs but sugar? Ini sudah melanggar undang2 South Beach Diet! But that’s OK, I know a party would not be complete without Ely and the husband. I am still going there and will mencekik. But I might also bring salad and some healthy stuff….jangan marah Mardi :). I guess 35 to 45 minutes on the stepper after the fondue affair on Saturday night eh?

Besides fondue party, I have also heard of 'Lingerie party' and other parties. As you know America, create as you go!

Have any of you gone to any 'never heard of this kinda' party before?

*Cakap pasal fondue, teringat steamboat. Maybe I should invite friends for steamboat party eh?*

Being a lefty...

Whats wrong with being left handed? When I was back home, being left handed was not a common thing. Firstly, according to our culture, using your left hand is not a good thing unless you're 'cleaning' yourself. You're not allowed to give and take with your left hand, not allowed ot eat with your left hand, or so the elders say 'tangan syaitan'. Yes, I do get insulted when my husband takes things from me with the left hand.

I still can do things with my right hand. I use the computer mouse with my right hand, like normal people and I use a pair of scissors with my right hand too. If anyone is curious, I do eat rice with my right hand but left with cutlery.

I remember when I was little, my parents would swat my left hand when I was eating a bar of chocolate with the left hand. They would say, 'tangan mana?'…ooops! And when I was in school, the cikgu would say,'Suraya (she didn’t like calling me Ely, she said it was 'unmalay'), kenapa awak tak tulis dengan tangan kanan awak?' Eh eh cikgu nih, as if I could just automatically switch my right hand ability to write?

Until I moved here, that’s when I saw that being left handed is common after all. Just the management section alone, there are 4 left handers out of 7. Down the sales floor, a bunch more. I mean, I have never seen that many left handers in my entire life before and it sure felt good to be normal! You know, sometimes we do high fives when we meet fellow left handers.

In a forum group that I am in, there was a posting asking if it was normal having a kid who is left handed. Are there any impairments or would the kids be inconvenienced when he/she grows up? Heck no, its totally normal to be left handed

I have heard good things about being left handed. That we're more artistic, sharper in thoughts cos we think with our right brain? I don’t know how true those are (maybe all of the above?) but I sure love being left handed.

Buy, buy,buy...

"5 blouses, 3 pants…that’s not enough. Just bought 2 new pairs of boots online. The iPod is on sale, should I get a 2nd MP3 player?"….yup that was me talking to myself.

Last week had been such a bad bad bad bad week for me. I spent quite a bit of money on just about anything. New clothes, new pairs of boots….cos they're all on sale! I know, I know, I always say that sale goers are all suckers, so I am…I am one sale sucker! Our company had a travel fair, all at 50% off, and guess what I got? A backpack for myself, a leather purse, a pair of gloves to match with my scarf, a journal book, an unbrella…did I miss anything?

I know…I am getting bad. Its not that I do this all the time. But xmas sales here can make a person go nuts!

Now my only mission is looking for an iPod shuffle for myself. I just wanted a small mp3 player as oppose to the 30GB Creative Nomad that I already have. But iPods have been sold out everywhere except online, you see, I don’t want to shop online, I want to go to the store, touch it, pay for it and leave!

Well anyway, enough said, my co worker and I are going to the city at lunch to check out the new store H&M…ayu, will let you know if I get anything ok.

In the meantime, here's a happy picture of me at Jen's place last weekend. Happy giler kan?

Holidays...

The holiday season has come again. That’s when after Thanksgiving, where the stores go on sale and everyone scrambling to get christmas gifts at the best prices.

Now that Christmas is about 2 weeks away, Christmas parties are everywhere. The kids have their own party and sleepovers, the parents (that’s me and the husband lah) have our own housewarming/Christmas party/parties.

Hmm, it gets pretty hard when the party for the parents are so far away (like Sacramento, 3 hrs drive each way) and we have to drop the kids to their respective parties and pick them up if they decide that they do not want to sleepover. This problem is more for my daughter, whos gfs' places are 10 minutes drive away but 50 minutes to take a bus.

And then she wanted to get gifts for her gfs. OK ibu suggested homogenic gifts for her 2 gfs, nope, she wants unique gift for each of her friend. Aiyoh, you see, my daughter nih kan, takes a long time when she does shopping. If she does shopping for herself, it can take 30 minutes just to select one pair of earrings. Imagine how long it will take to get for 2-3 friends??? Ibu slapped her forehead when Mas said that she was going to get a unique gift for each friend.

The son, he's always the 'I don’t know, I don’t care' person. No sound from him except for whinings in the morning telling paps (the husband) that his eye was twitching, that his leg hurts, that he thought he had a fever, etc etc. We received a letter from the School District last weekend, inviting us for open houses of 4 different High Schools in the area. The husband read it and said,'Nah, Mat won't go to High School till 2 years later'. Errr, hello? Mat is going to High School next fall (next September)!!! Hah…how time flies when we're having fun. The son is going to 9th grade (Secondary 3) next year and we still thought that he is not there yet. He has been getting awesome grades this year…with 3.675 GPA, so a better school will be the one for him.

As the year is drawing to an end, I feel that this year had been a trying year for us. Our family life had been 'frozen' due to the husband's injury. So we had to put our moving project on hold. Hence, the thought of having an addition to the family will be on hold too (need more space mah!).

Now that the husband is 70% recovering from his operation, has his career path all set up for him, the search for a bigger house will be on its way pretty soon…maybe sooner than we might expect. Addition? AFTER the move…which I don’t know when..so just watch out for it ok!

My mind, my soul, my energy...

Sometimes I feel that the world can be unkind to me. A positive person that I am, I can also have the feeling of being down, of being so drained out by problems, which are not mine.

Please do not get me wrong, I live for myself, my family and for others, especially my friends who trust me. But when my job involves solving problems, management problems, I sometimes get pretty mangled by this.

My typical day…lets say a Monday…no...there is no typical day actually but here I go.

Come to the office. If I was off on Friday, my emails would have at least 50 unread messages (all time sensitive), and then there are messages on my desk from either my peers or the management for immediate attention. If there are network problems then that’s another task for me to take on apart from the projects with tight deadlines. Did I mention personnel problems too? Now this is like a one day solving task for me if it involves me being the management side and a co worker who might get 'nailed' over what she did. When the boss leaves the office at 5pm, I could just count to 20 and he would call me on the phone and starts bantering over the day's happenings. And here I am again, listening to the boss and saying 'I know how you feel.' etc etc. I love my job, I don’t huff and puff but it could drain my energy out of my system pretty bad that come 5:30pm, all I want to do is just go home.

When I get home, it’s a flip of the coin again. Ely's still so dazed from thinking all day but when we get home, the kids will have their problems as well. Mas will have her 'friend'/'crush' or even physical (like PMS) problems and Mat will have no problem (most times, thank God!) except for picking on his sister and making her scream! The husband will have his recap for the day or when we need to punish one of the kids, we have to sit down and discuss what would be the ideal punishment. Yes, we argue over making decisions, sometimes we end up not talking to each other because of that (ibu the life saviour, paps the punisher and vice versa).

And then we have online problems. Getting emails from my sister at times pouring her feelings, and my beautiful friends who pour as well. I know that I don’t or sometimes can't solve problems. But I always make a point to be available when they need me. It makes me feel good knowing that my friends have been heard and that they feel better after a nice online discussion. My friends have been wonderful to me especially when I am down or angry or feeling stupid.

And all this everyday work that I am doing, is more on problem dealings. I learned one thing though, that friendship and family ties work both ways. I give, I take, I support. Maybe I should repeat again, SUPPORT...my family and friends most times when they need me. And I am not afraid to share my views should I see anything which I do not feel comfortable with and not afraid to share my views in a positive manner. I will never bring my friends and family down should I not like what they do, or I would never call myself a good friend. Good relationship does not see the distance between friendships and ties. Good relationship is understanding and respect to each other, regardless of age. Regardless of whether you are a mom to a child so far away, a big brother to a sister so far away or a daughter to your parents.

Forgive me for bantering, I think today, I need time to myself to recover my energy from all these. I wish that I could go to a warm sandy beach and be by myself.

I am sorry to my husband for running out of energy at Mas' flute recitation. I sometimes just zone out when I am out of the office, not having enough energy to 'reroute' my mind back to the family. I am sorry to some of my friends for not being able to have long conversations when you were busy pouring your hearts out. There is nothing wrong with me, nothing at all. InsyaAllah, I shall regain my energy and pass on my positive vibes to my dear friends soonest possible.

One more thing from me :
To those who live away from home and might not have known this already, please remember that although we are far away from home, that our job as a brother, sister, daughter, wife or even friend still stays. We never know when we're going to see our family again to feel their love in person. But remember that family is a treasure in your life, in your heart. Love your family, every moment you can. Nurture them and respect them anyway you can. At least when we leave this earth one day, we know that we have not done anything to hurt our family, leaving traces of resentment for you.

*Ely can't even hold her head up to work today. Ely's reaching for her coffee and drinking it, hoping that she gets her energy back. Hey wait…someone's singing a christmas song and dancing, trying to make her smile. Ely smiles and she feels better already*

Japanese style torture...

Have you ever been 'tortured' into eating? YES…last night, the four of us were tortured into eating sushi. Ayu, Gerald, the husband and I were tortured to eat till we dropped!



Ayu and I skipped lunch (don’t know about the boys) just so that we could savor this moment! It’s an 'all you can eat' sushi 'buffet'. The procedure : we order what we like and eat till we can't eat anymore. The first round was great. Everyone was very hungry and excited. Wah…makan, makan, makan, happy sekali. As you can see, the first tray is a HUGE one…a little bigger for the 4 of us. Then came the 2nd tray…we call it the killer tray. By the time we're done 3/4 of the way, Ayu and I were laughing…we have OD'd (short for Over Dosed) on the sushi.

The husband kept reminding us that we HAVE to finish the sushi or we would get charged more for every sushi that we couldn’t eat. Gerald already said 'I did my part already', I was half awake from the rice (yes ….diet kena sabo big time) and the husband was dividing the sushi as in how many we need to eat! Ayu? She thought that she had done something really smart, by putting the sushis in the napkins and putting in her bag. You see, on the menu, it says 'no to go' means that we can't do what Ayu did hehehe (see picture).



Its Monday morning and I am still full from last night's dinner. Had a granola bar and coffee and still am stuffed.

Thanks Gerald for the lovely dinner, thanks Ayu for helping us 'finish' the sushi from the tray hehehehe. Love you!

Weekend...what weekend???

I know, I know, its time for me to update this page. But what to write about eh?

How my weekend has been so far and how am I going to spend the remnants of the Sunday before going back to work tomorrow? Hmmmm...

All I can say is, I finally have exercise machines in my room! The ole fashion 'rider' from Sharper Image and the 'Stepper'. I know, some would say 'Sekarang baru nak exercise?' yes...sekarang baru nak exercise. But I have been doing my 45 minute walking at least 3 times a week tho for the past 3 years. But only this time, its more like the lower body toning...to firm up my hiney. These machines were donated by a family friend who does property management and his clients just wanted to get rid of them...still in mint condition!

Some of my lady co workers say that I have been losing my butt. I also heard that one co worker quit doing the stepper after people commented that her hiney looked smaller. Hahahaha, I don't care, I just need to firm up after losing that much!

So...10 minutes on the rider and 220 steps per day. Yes...I know, not enough, but must build the stamina mah! So kepada sesapa yang tak sabar tuh, tolong duk bersabar OK, nanti tak lama lagi kakak kau will put in more minutes and more steps day by day.

Oh and I also bought a book (see my sidebar), A Million Little Pieces. Very insightful, very refreshing...to those wondering how come I haven't been online this weekend.

Happy Sunday night to those here, and Happy Monday to those in Asia!!!

Lil lady on diet

When your 11 year old daughter asks you if she's fat, DO NOT say that she is, even if she truly has the potential to be fat if she does not stop eating her snacks!

It first started when we were buying her a pair of jeans at Old Navy. She was at school at that time but advised me that she is size zero for women. OK fine, went to Old Navy, got her 2 pairs of jeans in size zero. Got home, she put it on, alamak, tak muat! So the next weekend, we had to take her to Old Navy again to change them jeans. Tried size 2…tak muat, size 4 tak muat, so lets try size 6…muat! So size 6 she is now! She was upset cos she felt that she has gotten fat. Well, sure, she has turned into a young woman with curves. She might have inherited the 'hiney' from her mom hahahaha. I told her that shes growing but she insists that she should go on the South Beach Diet like me….HUH??? Am I dreaming or what?

No…she is too young for this kinda diet. She needs the carbs to run and play that flag football that she plays in school with the boys and she needs the energy to run around like little kittens in school. But the husband and I recommended for her to cut down on junk food.

Its not that we have much junk food at home. They're mostly 'light' popcorn, no chips, no candies and sugar free ice cream (thanks to me!). But them cookies, she just does not know how to put down! It’s the carbs!!!! But we just listen to her whining saying that shes fat (which she truly isn't). Whateverlah budak.

Two days ago, she was wearing one of the jeans that I bought to school. The husband said that she looked 'slim' in them. She said 'Oh STOP IT!'…but that sure made her smile :)

Being abroad has taught me...

Before you read the rest of this entry, just wanted to thank my readers who come to my blog, let it be everyday or your first time being here. My page hits have been hitting the peak since 2 days ago…but with the lowest number of comments which is not my priority factor. Commenting is not a requirement when reading my blog, always been my pleasure to have visitors to this page :)

Thank you for coming!!! To the loyal readers (peminat ku semua! Hehehehe), I would be nothing without you, cewah!

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Being abroad has taught me...

To value 'my' people
Never knew that I am a true melayu until I moved far away from home. Barulah terfikir kan Mak Joyah dan Cik Kiah yang tak henti duk gossip pasal anak Makcik Tenah. Actually, that’s when I feel the urge to find and make new friends, malays who live abroad and share our experiences and to feel that we're not alone in this 'not so many melayu' country.

Pergi jalan beraya, kalau kat Singapore, sejauh2 nya rumah orang tuh, 45 mins drive jer, kalau di sini, at least 45 mins and to an hour drive or more pun sanggup.

~Takkan hilang melayu di dunia!~

To be more tolerant
I tend to hold my breath and count more than 10. Let it be arguing with the spouse, getting mad at the kids or problems at work.

Tolerant also involves
-Not interrupting when a conversation is being held (I am very bad with that)
-Eye to eye contact when you hold a conversation
-A child is to be heard and not just be seen. A child is expected to respond socially when asking how they are doing and not to look on the floor and not answer (that’s if the parents having to tolerate in training them from home!).

To be more understanding
To understand that this country does not consist of just Malays (hard to find), Indians (you can find them at the IT department) or Chinese (abundance here!) but also hispanics of all kinds, europeans of all kinds and asians of all creatures. And get this, I found out also that asians are not as ignorant as orang yang tinggal di sini.

Being married to an american and of jewish decent, it makes me excited to learn about the american (eh dorang ada culture ker?) and the husband's culture (eh dia tuh tau ker culture dia?).

And that the husband was not born a muslim. Cannot expect him to dive into the muslim culture in the blink of an eye. Mesti pelan2.

Bersyukur of the goodness upon me
Since I moved here, I do not care about looking forward to a new pay check (cos I know they go to bills) but am thankful that the bills are taken care of and that we have a job, the kids are well fed and I do not slog for money and still feel that its not enough. Alhamdulillah, I am glad that I have a husband who is the financial manager in the house (besides him coming from the decent of knowing how to be tight fisted with money).

Any good grades from the kids, any pay increment for me and any business sale from the husband is something from Allah Almighty. We're so protected by Allah, in terms of happiness and wealth…syukur syukur.

What love and true sacrifice is
I moved 8,000 miles for my love. The husband sacrificed by taking on my kids and me. The kids sacrificed their lifestyle to be with me. My parents sacrificed me and my kids for my own and the kids' happiness. My sister sacrificed her only sister for my happiness.

That you come to work to be heard too

That thongs are the BEST lingerie in the world (enough said)

That moisturizer is a must here

That sushi is meant to be eaten RAW (yes, you don’t cook the fish!)

The aftermath...

How do you get the momentum of working after 4 days holiday?

Nothing much to mention about Turkey Day. Good family day, we even had time to stroll down Fisherman's Wharf, just for the sake of it. Come weekend, the husband had 'full blown' work days. We had the kids spend the night at their respective friends' places. And Saturday, I brought the daughter and her gf to the mall. And then it was the gf's turn to spend the night at our house.

Believe it or not, I really love having the kids' friends over for the night…the only thing that I worry about is food. I always wanted to make sure that the little visitor has food and gets well fed, either when they're out with us, we feed them lunch and before we send them home. Don’t want to hear any rumor saying that I send the kids home feeling hungry.

Yesterday, Sunday, after sending the gf home, I begged for the kids to please leave me alone, on my bed, by myself with the laptop turned on and movie playing on TV. Sempat jugak tukar template hehehe. As I was watching 'Spanglish', my girl came by to say hello.

Mas : 'Hey ibu, what you doing?'
Ibu : 'Watching tv…wussup? Its my day off from taking you guys anywhere today.'
Mas : 'I know that! Well….(she starts climbing on my bed…slowly), can't your daughter just sit on the bed next to you?'
Ibu grunting : 'Hmmmmph, just cant leave your ibu alone! OK you can sit here, but I am watching this movie. Not a sound out of you OK!'
Mas : 'Yes ibu…'

She fell asleep 15 minutes later, from not talking and having to watch 'Spanglish' with me. Gawd…we're both having PMS, so we tend to have clashed all weekend.

Monday morning, the husband was already banging on the computer keyboard at 6 am, business does not recognize the time! The daughter and son arguing while having their breakfast and me…dazed…in denial, that it is already Monday!!!!!!

Back in the office, 5 days worth of reports coming to me in just about an hour. I am still savoring my supposedly strong coffee, but still feeling sleepy. The Auto Show was just over, so the aftermath process can be a pain in the behind.

In the meantime, Happy Monday everyone, or Happy Tuesday to the ones in Asia dan kawasan yang sewaktu dengannya...Eggnog anyone???