Suraya went to the San Francisco Zoo to visit her goatie relatives...videos taken from the husband's Blackjack II.

Am I over the depression yet? Yeah, kind of. The monthly best friend came and is almost leaving. So one monster down...so my husband says.

Like I said in my previous post. ALOT happened this month, most of them not too good, more on my career. As we sell more insurance, more cant afford to pay for their insurance and cancel eh? This means that, as policies cancel, they minus my production. So this month had been so trying for me. But I managed to hit $10k above target but still not my best, sigh.

When all these happens, I could say that I am still not over the fact that I have a very good close friend who is thousands of miles away from me. Would we ever be physically close friends (as in real time best friends lah not what you think okay!)? Not sure, unless her husband decides to move to San Francisco and then we could be neighbors. Neighbors, thats our fantasy each time we chat.

Its very weird this friend of mine, my twin. I always feel how she feels, I do not expect her to feel like I do but when she knows that I am feeling down, she is always here to hunt me down. She knows she can find me on my cell as my messenger is always turned on. It is always nice to know that someone thinks of me almost all the time. My phone vibrates at 4am, her IM buzzing me that a tiny Hermes purse costs $23k hahaha.

Her last posting, of her song in Juara Lagu TV3 for the week, the song, I know she did not have ME in her mind when she composed it but heck, it felt as though it was composed for ME. I get teary eyed when I listened to it. Of course, my favorite singer pulak tuh. I am so proud of her.

Anyway, twin, I know that we will be BFF (Best Friends Forever), thanks to technology. You will always be close to my heart and mind. Thanks to my Palm Centro, at least now I can chat with you when I am at a restaurant, laying in bed with breast latched on to the baby or having breakfast.

You are awesome and I love you!!!

You do not hear this from me too much....but...I am feeling rather depressed lately. I dont know why. Could it be because Kakak Mas is not here and I am in dire need of a good friend at home when the husband is at work? Or is it cos I am just so sick and tired of my current office situation and this month, I am behind in my numbers?

My boss had decided to keep me for another month in Daly City before I transfer in September. He had put up some restrictions in writing new insurance which had cut back my business quite a bit, just so that I would not get in trouble or 'canned' by not following HIS guidelines. On top of that, the other manager has been so passive in helping us to fire up for more sales.

Why am I feeling so depressed and unmotivated? Maybe its my PMS. I am having major major PMS this month. I am moody, irritated and do not feel like coming to work.

I am making kind of up to par with my production but I know that I will not hit the fantastical phenominal numbers like the past months. I just want to get out of this freakin' office....sigh.

Kakak Mas...come home quick!!!

How does it feel to be #1 Rep in the office for the month of June? I did not expect it. It was scarey. Being a rookie rep, this was not suppose to happen....right?

Contrary to that, this month started off very very S-L-O-W. The 1st week of July I could understand due to Independence week but week after that? Hmmm...I think I am a little behind with my numbers. I hope lady luck will come back from her vacation or wake up to sit on my shoulders like months before. I am very good at freakin' out before the finish line. I mean, its not even the 15th and I am freakin' out. Must be the kiasu syndrome embedded in me hhahaha.

In the meantime, my decision to move to the San Francisco office still stays very strongly. I was offered the sales rep spot, now the managers will have to fight as to when I can transfer to SF.

We are all missing Kakak Mas very much. She is having a good ole time there. She better come back or I would fly there and pull her by the ear back to SF!

I think I have made up my mind. Wasn't that a contradictory statement? 'Think' and 'made up mind' all in the same sentence?

I have made up my mind, I think (hahahaha)....that I am moving back to the San Francisco office.

5 minutes further from home, won't make or break me.

I think I will be happier and be more successful going back to San Francisco.

So Kakak Mas, if you're reading this, dont be confused as to which office I will be driving to when you get back here.

In the meantime, weekend without Kakak Mas sucks...big time! The husband works, I have noone to talk to...well Suraya's here but she can't communicate like her sister. On the up side, it makes me do more chores and quicker too!

For once, this long July 4th weekend is boring me to tears!!!

Dearest Mas,

You are right now flying in the air on your way to Singapore
But we are all here thinking of you
Its only been 8 hours since you left
But my I had been feeling so sad, lonely and missing you alot since I left you at the airport
Noone for me to argue with, noone to pick on
Suraya has no idea what is going on but she surely has been clingy to Paps and me

Its almost 8pm now, usually thats the time when we watch tv and talk about stupid stuff
5 weeks of you not being around is a long time, but we shall live
Make sure you spend good quality time with you brother as your time with him is very limited
I wish I was there to be with you guys as I miss Mat so very much

Keep me posted on happenings
We are all thinking of you here...

We love you!!!

Love...Ibu

If you had money to spend, what would you spend on? After spending so much...wait...TOO much on Kakak Mas for her Singapore trip, when it comes to my turn, I do not know what to spend on.

At first I was thinking of a pair of Oakley sunglasses that cost $185. But I just could not get myself to spend that much money on a pair of sunglasses, though I know that I deserved it. How about a Coach wallet, like the one my cousin asked for me to buy for her (with her money of course) when mak's here? But again, can't part $198 on a wallet.

Its like, boy...I do want to splurge on something tiny and nice for myself but what eh?

BTW, I hit the Silver Club end of this month which means I will be getting a hefty bonus in July and August and September...now for that, I am thinking of upgrading my blings that I have had on me for 8 years. But wait till the money's in my hands, would I really do it? I don't know.

Its frustrating sometimes cos we live for our kids. They get priority when it comes to spending, and when its ibu's turn, she doesnt know what to do!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Oh yea, last Thursday, the husband and I had a date night. Yes...a date night. It was weird. I told a co worker that the husband and I have not gone on a date since Suraya was born. Felt so eeewy cos ...date, almost non existant.

But, we did it. Ahemm, the husband picked me up from work, and we went to Hot Tubs!!! People here will think that Hot Tubs can be sleazy, generally where the men take hookers for a 'soak'. But it can be as sleazy as one wants it to be right? Just like motels and hotels and what have you.

Sushi for dinner after Hot Tubs was great. We had a great time together and we got home nad bakc to our 'normal lives' by 8:30pm. Not bad eh? 3 hour date, very very nice...we needed it!

Don't know when our next date will be. Next month? Next year? Sigh...

Here are more pics taken from Kakak Mas' brand new camera.

Kevin, Kakak Mas and Andrew

Yaya Ramen

Its been a weird summer here in Daly City. This city is known to be cold like winter when its summer. Past fiew days, it was hot hot hot. We had to get out of the house during the day just to avoid the heat in the house. Who needs AC here when you can just open the windows? But this time, we all wished that we had AC!!!

In the meantime, office politics has been brutal. Being a high numbered rep has a price to pay. The existing reps took the chance to look through my sold policies to see where I get my clients. Someone called me to give me a heads up on what was happening. I was mad...mad that they actually had the time to look through my stuff. But thats what it is, as you get higher, you get lonelier. I sounded like I was not bothered by it? I had been getting nightmares about it since Friday night. But Allah knows best, I had dreams last weekend which said 'not to trust anyone' and that something which is not to my liking will happen and that I will have to use my inner skills to deal with it.

Anyway, enough of that. Here are pics of Suraya and us at the Shoreline park in Mountain View.

Finally Kakak Mas graduated from middle school. She graduated with flying colors...GPA of 3.96.

Last week was her graduation ceremony, I cried. Cos I was so proud of her. Her friends, all grown up and some moving on to different high schools and leading their own individual lives.

With Mak

Summer break started 2 days ago. Kakak Mas will be flying to Singapore in 2 weeks when Mak leaves. We will all miss her so greatly, especially Suraya.

In the meantime, work has been great. With mak being around, forces me to leave the office on time and not work on Saturdays and still make my numbers. Maybe its mak's blessing of being here with us.

CONGRATULATIONS KAKAK MAS!!!

With Gabby

'Too cheap for caviar' bff's group...Nikki, Mas, Salam & Elenna

Of course, I have to be in it...hahaha

Got my Palm Centro and I am so in love with it! It makes text messaging a breeze with the keyboard. Yeah it does look small but trust me, it works like a wonder!

My favorite part of this phone is actualy the calendar organizer. As know myself so very well, I am a very forgetful person. With the calendar, I date and mark my calendar for busines, on when I have to call my customers for follow up, to send them cards, etc etc and I love it!

Doing shopping is easy too, pull up the memo and type whatever I need to buy. Don't feel like typing, then use the voice memo. Typing is not a chore anymore on the cell phone cos of the keyboard.

Some of you might be able to see me signed on to my Yahoo! IM almost 24/7. Thats cos my cell is connected to it. Since its the weekend, you guys will see me more :). But dont expect me to come on when I am at work cos you will be badly neglected hehehe.

I have never ever fallen in love with a phone before but I guess this is it! So twin...get it, you will not regret it!

I am learning how to download Suraya's videos and voice memo from my phone, I shall upload it here when I have the time.

In the meantime, work is great. I finally hit silver last month. The aftermath of it? The last push last week was a torture to my body an dmybody hurts!

Who would want to be flying internationally when gas prices are crazily increasing? If its not business, its not cost effective to fly right....wrong!!! According to my mother, no matter what comes, she will be here on Tuesday. Who cares if shes paying double for the ticket (actually, I am repaying her the ticket fare!)...but her heart is set to come to see her 2 grandkids here.

Sigh, which means that I am going to book a return SIA flight to Singapore tomorrow for Kakak Mas so that she could fly to Singapore in July. The cost??? Hmmm, I'd rather not say lah. The most expensive air ticket I have bought to Singapore EVER....and thats after the good 'got connection, kita orang melayu' discount.

With the economy so bad and everything is expensive, I hope we can afford to buy the 4 tickets to Singapore in December. December is getting closer, which means I have to chop chop and think of my financial planning. Gulp...

Oh and a special message to my beloved twin...

We've been friends for more than a couple of years
But it seems like just yesterday that I have known you
I met you here on cyberspace, just like the husband
We became close friends so fast, cos we have so much in common
When we first met, it was like we have known each other for the longest time
You were there for me everyday at that time
We are so far apart now, all the time
But we both know that we are very very close at heart

Sometimes when you are sad, it bothers me
Not that you tell me so, but my soul searches for you
Most times I am right about you
You have been a truly great friend
Would never trade you for anything

Happy Birthday My Dear Nazrah
My talented, beautiful, funny, entertaining, songster, confidante twin best friend
One day...who knows, we might be neighbors, maybe in our retirement years
Who knows....who knows...
I LOVE YOU!!!

Dang, I get teary eyed when I saw these pics...sigh...

Kakak Mas had a Fiesta concert. She played the guitar on a GreenDay Cover song. Shes the one on the left. Elenna is the singer and Nikki is the one in the center.

Retail therapy is always catogorized as the best therapy when you're super pissed, upset and stressed to the limit. I then realized another kind of therapy when I feel the same way...Housework Therapy!!! I know, I do say eeeewww, when someone mentiones it but, when I feel that way, I tend to lipat baju, gantung baju and vacuum ever so fast like a lightning! And then if that doesnt work and you're too tired to go shopping after all the housework, I recommend ONLINE retail therapy. It can be safe, even if you hit the 'add the cart' button cos...when its time to buy and then realize that the shipping and handling charge are too much, you can cancel and log out :)

I think I have done both last weekend. Fast quick laundry, quick pickup under the computer table (the husband loves to leave worn socks under there, sigh) and I had the time to decide which phone I am going to upgrade too. Kakak Mas recommends that I we upgrade our service with unlimited text msging with online IMs. Not that I love to IM when I am out and about but I think that would be a good communication tool for Kakak Mas and me and maybe the husband. I am not a fan of text msging cos its faster to call than pressing the letters that takes longer (I cant text with my eyes closed) but I am willing to give it a try.

This phone enables me to check corporate email, at least when I am away from the office, I wont be backed up with emails. I have contemplated for 2 years, should I upgrade from my Razr...or time to move on? Black or white???

Kakak Mas and her friends, Nicki, Mas and Elenna

.

And life goes on....well, it has to right?

Next week is the last leap to make numbers. It had been a challenging month for me. I did hit target 3 days ago, now if I am ambitious enough, I might hit the Silver award. With Monday being a holiday and Ely is so not working this long weekend, after being well rested, I do not regret having 4 days to hit Silver.

A Malaysian friend called me last week saying that she has new contacts with some professional malaysians and singaporeans and that would be a good network for me as they are requesting for an insurance presentation. Who knows, if I can sell the Singapore embassy my products, maybe I can to them too yes?

Its Sunday, husband has to work, again. Looks like the weather is wonderful out there, We just might go to the beach this time!


I am having major PMS. I have been eating whatever comes my way, no holds barred. Diet? Diet can be on hold for a few more days. I am craving for Krispi Kreme donuts, hot chocolate, Thai food cooked by Aminah and more food...I guess??? And I am in dire need of good sleep!!!!

Back to being psychic again. Last weekend, I dreamed of something weird, I could not remember what it was about but it meant that I needed to be very careful one of these days as someone whom I thought I 'trust' would be my enemy (as in backstab me). Well, I really do not have any enemies.

The dream was correct. Someone did start a rumour in the office that I had said something about a co worker...and added more juicy spice to it (imagine how brutal products rumour mills can produce).

This co worker who was the 'victim' was full of sarcasm when she came into the office yesterday which got me baffled. I knew there was something wrong but I let it go. Today, this co worker who was affected by what she thought I had said, confronted me and asked me if I really said it.

I truthfully said that I did mention something about about her but was nothing bad. I mentioned it to highlight how incompetent our management is BUT someone who started the rumour said that I said this and that which were not true. I asked this co worker (victim), why didnt she ask me yesterday instead of being sarcastic to me all day long?

Knowing that she had thought wrong of me, said that she did not think of that (duh!). She said that she likes me and why I had said such bad things about her.

Well, here's what I told her 'You and I have our numbers (production) to deal with. I dont have time to say anything bad about you. If I am not happy with you, you know I would say it out to you'.

She did not apologize for thinking wrongly of me but I guess she was kind of embarrassed that she did so.

Me? I was unperturbed by her actions. You see, I come to work to work. Sure, I dont shut up when I am frustrated with work and I do not reserve myself from that. But to speak ill of others? Hmmm...not my cup of tea.

People can be weird at times. I am glad that this 'victim' co worker came to me to clarify cos if she kept up with her sarcasm towards me, I would be asking her if I had said anything wrong. In the end, she gave me a hug, I was not emotional about it. Why? Cos sometimes I tend to not trust someone who trust the rumor mill...am I making sense?

Sales world can be so brutal. Sometimes when they cant get you, they use others to get you.

Anyway, Allah has given me this great gift of pychic in me. I thank Him for this 6th sense. At least I wasnt caught in this drama by surprise.

Have I ever mentioned that I am psychic? Not that I can read your mind but I can visualize future comings through dreams? Sometimes I can connect to people who are close to me and know if they're sick, unhappy, depressed or anything else. Makcik Melopong and mak had sent me messages through my dreams. Yeah, I know, I am THAT weird but I think its a gift from Allah.

So last night I dreamed of the ex husband. You know, I have dreamed of him quite a bit recently. Not that that he's my 'dream man' anymore (geddit, dream guy? eeew) but something tells me that he is needing some closure since our break up.

Why did I say that? Cos 9-10 years ago when I told him that our marriage was over, I never told him what was wrong. I just told him that I quit. I did not tell him that I was tired of being the one who wore the pants in the house, getting him out of debts...when I was not working and on top of that, being controlled by his ego maniac attitude.

He did not come out of the divorce well. In fact, I think he was emotionally crumbled (I heard that he was in deep depression)by all this, he chose to detach himself from any contacts with his kids, even when they were still living in Singapore. As a result, my kids now are not that close to him...although they hope everyday that their father would sometimes have the sense to call them or send them letters.

Each time now when I dream of him. I did not know how to feel. Noo...I dont have feelings for him but, should I feel guilty for turning him to this kind of situation? Was I selfish when I made the decision to end the marriage? I do feel bad for him as until today, he is still a lost individual.

He is currently living with a girlfriend (Yea as far as I know he has not married her yet), who is 10 years older than him and has 4 kids. My kids said that their father devotes his time more on his 'step' kids more than them (is a phone call that laborous?). I think he is happy...I hope he is cos at least I would feel that I am continuing to put him in depression. But why am I still dreaming of him?

Each time when that happens, I dreamed that he was running after me and trying to give me a hug, asking me to reconcile with him. And all I did in that dream was to be mean to him, yelling at him to stay away from me, or to get over it, etc etc.

Have you heard of this song called Cenderawasih by Dikir Temasek? You see, I played my bunch of malay songs this morning when I was doing massive cleaning. This song came out. You know, when we were going through the divorce, he loved playing this song. The lyrics...its like 'loser' lyrics to me but maybe he was that hurt. Of course my big munchkin does not like this song as it reminds her of him.

So am I feeling guilty for his feelings? I dont know. Maybe I am feeling guilty for not expressing or addressing the real reason on why I wanted out of my marriage. I feel guilty for not providing him the closure.

Does it matter now if I were to ever tell him? Maybe if I did tell him he would do a self reflection and treat his girlfriend better? Or would a World War III break out as always when we speak to each other as he likes to throw cheap shots at me?

I dont know...really. But for now, I hope this dream would stop buggin me.

Dont like this song? Lets be happy and listen to this song instead hehehe...

Okay okay it was I...I did it!!! Hahahaha, the husband and I would laugh each time we see this picture.

My sweet big munchkin posted something on her blog on Mother's Day. Abang Mat wished me happy mother's day, when I called him. You think he would remember? Yeah right!

Heres what Kakak Mas wrote on her blog.



Sunday, May 11, 2008



Happy Mother`s Day!
[to all mothers out there.]


So you know what i did for mother`s day?
Made my mom brownies.
BUT. it came out hard.
NOT burned.
Just hard.
Still edible.
But not my best work.
Hahhaa.



So an hour ago mom & sis & i went to the mall.
She bought me my softball stuff & whatnot.
Im such a loser.
Im suppose to buy her stuff not the other way around!
Every year during her birthday & mother`s day,
i end up broke.
Or almost broke.
That`s just sadd.
So i bought her 2 cupcakes from Mrs. Fields cookies.
To replace the hard brownies i made.
I feel bad.
I wanted to buy her a diamond necklace that costs $100+
But im ALWAYS broke.



Ibu, if youre reading this, im sorry.
I couldnt get you something besides those cupcakes.
It was all i could afford.
I know you always say its okay.
Every year i say " oh ill buy you these & these ..."
But i never keep to my word.
Im sorry.



Youre the best mom i could ever have.
You put a smile on everyone's faces.
You make my problems go away.
Youre always there when i need you.
No one can ever replace the love you give/show me.
I love you with all my heart.
Even when I die, Ill love you eternally.
Im so thankful Allah made you my mom.
I cant thank you for more.
Youre the best of the best.
I love you sooooo much.
Even if i look like you.
Hahaha.
Love you Ibu ♥
Happy Mother's Day!!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL MOMS OUT THERE...

Being a good mom is not as easy as others would think
We had the baby for 9 months in our tummy,
Hours of labor, months of hormone readjustments, months of breastfeeding for some (like me) and droopy breasts thereafter hahaha.

To those who had adopted your child, you are a mother too
You dont have to bear a child to be a mom
Your love, attention and feelings that you give to your child is enough to make you a mother.

Being a mom is hard hard work....and I love you all for that!

To my mak, you know I love you so much!
Muahs...see you in 3 weeks!


============================================

Mothers day weekend is like any other weekend to me. I feel happy. I dont know if its me or I could just feel the love floating around. My customers who called me wished me Happy Mothers Day. How nice...some would give me a hug (the ladies) and wish me a happy weekend.

I had to work today, Saturday. It was nice to be alone in the office at times when noone was overtalking you. But it was shortlived as another co worker came in an hour after me...and thats when we both get sidetracked...on office gossip lah whatelse. Last week was an 'in and out' week for me. Suraya was teething, she took a work day out of me, yesterday was Kakak Mas' Track event and I left the office at 3pm. Funny how when you're not in the office, people start looking for me. When I am in the office, they don't visit me right? But I am all updated with my office gossip hehe.

I told the husband that I wouldnt mind buyng my own Mother's day Mrs Fields Cookie cake. Not that I have given up on the husband to buy me a cake but, I love to pick my own cake for my own occasion...besides being able to pick which restaurant to go to tomorrow. The restaurants that I picked are usually no that packed. Who would take their moms to indian food anyway yea? Thai foods good too. I dont know, but my plan is to bring munchkin to the beach tomorrow.

You know, its high time for anoter new coach purse. But I dont have any model that I am salivating over.

Anyway, here are pics of me when I had munchkin and of me and my bigger munchkins.

Whats there to update about? 3rd day of May. Sales has been good so far, Alhamdulillah. I can't explain the miracle of rezeki Allah. I work for it, He gives whatever deems right for me.

The weather has been wonderful here. Bought munchkin a bikini set for her beach outing tomorrow. Last weekend, she soaked herself in the waves with sand in her pockets. The cold water left her unperturbed but happy. This time we shall revisit the beach prepared, with a camera, her bikini and sun block spray.

Mak is coming in a month. I know that she can't wait to get here, not to see me but to see the girls. I am just the bearer and the feeder of her grandkids so I am not the priority which is fine :)

Monday, May 5th, the husband will hit the big four O. Ahemm, Happy Birthday my best friend (just in case I forget to blog about it). Told you many times already, its not easy having a toddler when you're that old hahaha. Sushi buffet on your birthday okay!

Anyway, here are pictures of Yaya at the zoo, feeding the goats. This girl is not afraid of anything. The cats at home must have given her training on how to feed animals! Now, each time she eats her snacks, she would feed us too, she thinks that we're goats at the zoo...

And here are pics of us feeding the ducks. Gosh..don't we just love feeding the animals! Oh and we bought a playhouse for her too, so there's Kakak Mas and her in the playhouse.

Sigh, here I go again with this song from Avenged Sevenfold...Seize the Day. No wonder I love metal music, they express how I feel. I love metal since I was 13. When I feel angry or emotional, I have it at full blast. I remember going to work on the train in SF, with metal music blasting in my ears. Love it!

I feel do emotional today. Not the emotional cry baby feel but I feel that I miss everyone in my life today...EVERYONE...even the husband who's working right now.

I miss my son
my mak and bapak
my sister and nieces
my twin nazrah
my cousin Aliah
my relatives in Singapore


Have you ever felt like when you live so far away, one day, you wake up and miss everyone? But you're not sad, just have this sense of longing. Like you wish they're a phone call away and then tell them to meet you at pasar Geylang for some nasi padang in 30 minutes.

Many a times when I drive home, drive by the school the son used to go to, I see the teenage boys, how I long to just jump out of the car and hug one of them, any of them, like my son.

Many a times, I wish I could just pick the phone and tell Nazrah my twin to get ready cos we're going to color our hair today and lets eat lunch before we do that hehehe.

Maybe I am just going through this post-PMS crap.

Note to self : I hit Target yesterday, wooohooo, few more days to hit achiever target. Not sure if I can hit it.

Bumped my head against the edge of a metal shelf yesterday at work while bending over to grab my laptop bag. I thought I was going to pass out when that happened. A co worker came up to be from behind to say hello and when I turned and told him what just happened, he said that I literally had a dent on my forehead. Painful??? Can't explain. Walked back to my desk and told my other co worker what happened, she was so concerned and started checking up on me every few minutes, just in case I turned to be delirious. No...I did not speak Russian after that but I saw stars and was sore for hours.

Another co worker told me that I might have a minor concussion. She said that if I went home, not to go to sleep as that would lead to coma if I really had the concussion...thanks for letting me know! This morning, another co worker who works in the city messaged me. I told her what happened to my head yesterday. She said 'You better go see a Dr, Elly. My aunt passed away 12 mths after she hit her head, she had clood clot'...I panicked and made an appointment to see the Workers Compensation Dr.

The Dr saw me and started laughing. She said that I am fine. Just a tiny bump, yes she squeezed the damn bump like a zit...OUCH...I said. She said 'its nothing!'. She dismissed me and said that I do not have to panic.

Who knows that a dent on my forehead would attract so much attention in my office.

Sales this month has been pretty slow, but I am hitting target. A couple for thousands to go and I'd hit that bonus target. I sound so calm eh? Heck, I did not behave this way 2 weeks ago. I was neurotic, so afraid that I would be below target. Alhamdulillah, Allah seems to love me and my family. Apart from the rezeki thrown to us, He managed to keep this 'hamba' sane!!!

Pampered myself a little bit today. Eyebrow and lip wax, pedicure. No shopping...can't think properly when I have this 'dent' on my forehead.

Suraya is learning new things now. She whimpers like a little puppy when she wants something. So irritating that I had decided to let her know that it is not okay to whimper. Amazingly, she listens...at times, okay, most times she listens. She has learned a new way to express herself when shes mad. By throwing her toys everywhere on the floor and then looks at me. What an angel!