It was not until I moved to the US when I found out that friends do indeed come and go.
When I was in Singapore, life was so much simpler. My two girlfriends and I would go out window shopping after work for an hour, hung out at each other's house over the weekend and cooked. I was the only one with kids then, so my kids became their kids too. We stuck together from beginning to end. If one cries, the other 2 will cry too.
When I was in Singapore, life was so much simpler. My two girlfriends and I would go out window shopping after work for an hour, hung out at each other's house over the weekend and cooked. I was the only one with kids then, so my kids became their kids too. We stuck together from beginning to end. If one cries, the other 2 will cry too.
Deeny, Ely & Angie-The 3 gila girls
Its different now. I get friends who thought that they liked me. Friends whom I thought I could keep forever. They are what I call 'vanishing friends'. They disappear without a word. Would not answer my calls and left me hanging asking myself what I had done wrong. To me a friend is someone who would tell you when your face is dirty and not turn their backs on me.
But right now, I have a best friend who would stand by me, day and night, rain or shine...my husband. He is the closest friend and a person who give his shoulder when I needed to cry, gives me a 'high five' and tells me that he is proud of me when I have done something out of ordinary (hai busuk busuk pun suami aku jugak aku sayang!).
David & I
I am sure that I will come across more of such vanishing friends, who come and go. Feeling the hurt of losing a friend and still wondering why they left...was it cos of me? Was it was I said? What I did?
But that's OK. I think I have decided to be tougher the next time if it were to happen again. Keep telling myself that friends come and go, if one goes, many others would like to be my friend (thanks Lilac for your support and encouraging words).
OK, enough of being serious. Ely tells herself that she can't save the whole world.
20 comments:
I love the picture of you and David. Its such a happy photo!! sigh...
kawan suka, bergumbira ramai tapi kawan menangis memang kurang... my hubby pun my best friend
thanks anedra, begitulah kita kalau tak bergaduh hehehe. kalau dah gaduh buruk pulak rupanya hehe.
1na, betul tuh. susah lah nak cari kawan yang honest kan?
I had the same experience as you did. "The Vanishing Friends" they only look for you if they want something out of you.. then they disappeared..this is what I called a user too.. happens to me many times that I decided to ignore them and learn to not get too involved with them. However, I have few choices of words for them though in my deep pocket...*LOL*.. That is why I only have plenty of acquitances but as for having friends, they can only be counted with one hand perhaps less than 3 fingers.
ely ely,masa gaduh macam nak cekik, ye?? Nice one!
Ely, I have a friendship poem in my archive. Kalau rajin gi lah korek, malas lah nak copy paste ni.
David and you look like a happy couple. Although my hubby suka merajuk but when he is "sober" he is my best friend. We talk on evrything or almost.
Best Friends: How to Grow a Friend
[The best time to grow a best friend is before you need one!]
1. People Equal Friends.
There is a certain chemistry with friends just as in a love relationship. Therefore, contact with other people is the first building block to grow a friend. Friends can't grow in a vacuum. Best friends take time.
2. Talking Is Essential Among Friends.
Talking between friends requires reciprocity. In a mutually satisfying friendship, both friends talk and both friends listen. Friends talk appropriately to each other.
3. Friends Acknowledge Friends.
Friends acknowledge each other when talking. Many conflicts in your personal relationships can be avoided if you will take the time to acknowledge other's feelings and points of view.
4. Friends Listen to Friends.
Listening to friends is an important step in building a closer friendship. We often take listening for granted, never realizing what it means to really listen to a friend.
5. Friends Attend to Friends.
Friends focus during conversations. Friends pay attention in conversations. It means that your ears, your eyes, your body and your feelings are all focused on that person at the time.
6. Friends Show Empathy With Friends.
Empathy is identifying with your friend's feelings and seeing life through your friend's eyes. Confidences are freely given when they are received with empathy among friends.
7. Friends Touch Friends.
Touching is a warm form of communication between friends. When you see best friends communicating, you will notice friends "listen with their eyes," stand close together, and touch comfortably.
8. Friends Praise Friends.
Affirmation is a powerful tool for growing a friend. Genuine praise can affect your friends' lives. Be liberal with praise for all of your friends, including your casual ones.
9. Friends Are Loyal and Trustworthy.
Trust and loyalty go hand-in-hand for friends. Friends can trust you with their secrets, both large and small, because good friends never break a confidence. Good friends are forever loyal!
10. Friends are Equal.
Friends are on a seesaw. In a healthy relationship, friends are equals. Not 50/50 every time, of course, but with a true, lasting friendship it always evens out in the end.
11. Friends Reveal Their Feelings.
We feel closest to our friends when we are suffering together, when we feel like our friend needs us, or when we feel a friend has shared something of great importance with us.
12. Friends Do Not Mind Read.
The person who thinks, "If you really liked me, you could read my mind" can not have an adult friendship. No friend can read your mind. And you can not read your friend's mind.
Hi Ely,
Now I can see you clearly and you & David make a good-looking couple. Happiness & peace are evident in the photos.
Anyway just for a tease & this is my last one...
"What do I say...what do I say...
but
THANK GOD, ITS FRIDAY!
*love*
Hi Ely,
For me, personally on a different level where friendships are concerned, I do realise that
a) sometimes familiar friends can outgrow each other depending on experiences & circumstances, a friend or I, may hit a different wavelength and then the road changes.
b) Sometimes, after the initial niceness, you realise sadly, that you don't talk the same language - I mean in a way, that is philosophical.
b) As for me, if someone cannot accept me for who I am and I have to conform to that person's ways to keep them happy and sacrifice my own creativity, energy, thought patterns which help me explore deeper issues or simply that my space gets suffocated, I will move away. I would not change anyone and would prefer that someone just accepted me for who I am and not try to change me. Maybe it is the bane of having being a world traveller for years - I find it difficult to accept someone else's rules that I may have long outgrown in another country and in a different time or place.
c) I think betrayals cause the biggest wounds or gossip that is regular & also slightly judgemental or vicious. If it goes on a regular basis, then you know the same can happen of you. I have been badly hurt by vicious gossips before who have said terrible things behind my back that are not even true - so now I just quickly move away if I sense a situation to be similiar.
At the end of the day, I'm very private, my friends are very few but they love me for who I am. That's all that matters.
You can delete all of this if you like, Ely. It's really not important.
*love*
suriyati, memang betul tuh, thats what i husband kata, i shall see more of this to come! the vanishing friends.
kak teh, kalau gaduh,buruk, mcm lembu bergaduh gitu hehehe.
auntyN, ok besok kan weekend, i shall korek ur archive, which mth btw?
1na, very nice! i shall cut and paste and give to my other friend at work, she loves those.
massy, thanks dear. betul friends memang easy to cme by but hard to 'stick'. nak sakit hati pun buang karen i rasa.
susan, happy friday! i saw ur insight on friendship and u can be so right. that is how complicated friendship can really be and how sour it can turn into kan? thanks for sharing dear. no, of course i am not going to delete ur comment...ish :)
Hi again Ely,
apa makna nya "...ish"?? hee-hee!
I also wanted to add that I think you have a bright beautiful smile, straight from the heart and very much of a rare commodity these days. For added bliss, apply generously to all.
*love*
susan, 'ish' mean like 'geez'..as in geez, i wouldnt delete your comment. hehe
thank you for your kind words. and make sure that you won't forget to smile too ok :)
In life, we'll meet many of these "David Copperfields" :D but only maybe nastier and not as handsome *LOL*
I've had my fair share of these "friends" and learn thru the experiences I have had with them, good or bad.
My mom is my best friend. She will be with me thru thick and thin. I couldn't ask for a better friend :)
Forgot to mention: Nice pix!!! :) David and you look good together!
alamak so malu, everyone complimented abt the pic.
hartini, and another best friend that i forgot to mention was my sister. we would hang out for hours and whine abt life. she was so sad when i moved. now we only whine through emails :(
Ely, what a small world!
Deeny and me go a long way! Ask her about 'Bom' - and I am sure she will squeek!! hahahaha...
we were classmates in TKGS - that day we were just talking abt her asking how she is. She married Donovan, yes? Such a sweet couple!
uja...OH MY GOD!!! u know deeny??? she's one knuckle headed lil monkey hehehe. i love her to death! dia kata nak dtg SF when i get preggy and give birth haha.
yeah she married Donovan. hes such a funny guy. he liked to sibuk2 and make merry when the girls were at their house. did u know that he participated in the a marathon in december?
oooh, now i am so excited. i will email her and ask her who Bom is.
i guess that's life...friends do come and go...because everyone changes :)
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