3rd Day

We're home! And this is 'yours Truly' writing and not the husband.

Firstly, I would like to thank my beloved husband for being the media master for this truly memorable event...the birth of Suraya Eileen. Also to other beloved bloggers for spreading the word more efficiently than CNN and Bloomberg or if you live in the US, better than KRON4!!! The well wishes, I thank you. The husband actually made the point to print out the posting and the comments from you guys. Moved me to tears when I read them at the hospital.

So...I am sure you would like to know the Birth Story yeah?

In short, I say that the birth was peaceful and painless...thank you to Epidural and the inventor of this anaesthesia.

I was induced on Thursday, 12/07 at 2:30pm with a pill (which I do not know the name) put in my cervix to encourage softening. Just a quarter of the tiny pill for 3 hours and that started the labor. I was 2cm and only 50% effaced (softened) before the pill and after that, I was still 2cm and 80% effaced. I was also put on drip to keep me hydrated. They had to poke me 3 times to get the vein...uhhhmm, my veins are too small!!!

• Then the REAL DEAL began at 5:30pm. The Pitocin which started the labor and there was no turning back (means : cannot go home and say 'cancel' okay).
• By 6:30pm, the Dr requested for Epidural for me before she breaks my water bag. She wanted my labor and delivery to be comfortable. Good deal cos I was already practiicng my breathing while watching Seinfeld on TV.
• 7:15pm, got the epidural. One thing for sure, I HATE NOVACAINE SHOTS! Although it was such a small shot (twice, once when they put the IV in and once for the epidural), the pain was like stinging of a humungous bee, it burns...but by then, I was already dealing with the burn, I didn't realize the epidural inserted into my spine.
• 8:00pm, Dr Shu came, broke my bag...tonnes of water. Like Nazrah said, I will gush out lots of water like waterfall. By then my legs were bloated from the IV and numb from the epidural. No pain and I was still watching the 3rd series of Seinfeld. Dr told the husband, 'She will deliver around 3-4 am okay?'.
• 9-10pm, I was feeling whoozy from the epidural. The anesthetic went up to my ribcage and I was having difficulties breathing. I started to feel nauseated. They repositioned me by elevating the bed so that the anesthetic would run back down below my waist. It worked. Active labor, every minute. I did not feel a thing!
• 11pm, I was 4cm dilated. Received a call from Sam and Sal asking how I was doing. The husband gave some report.
• 11:30pm, the baby's heartbeat began to drop, a vital sign of baby going into transition, meaning : baby's head is coming down. Nurse checked my cervix, 8cm dilated and I could feel the baby's head between my legs. No pain.
• 1am, Dr came, she said she got 2 hours of sleep (she lives 2 mins away from the hospital) and she was so happy that I took a short time to have the baby. She was joking around, while putting my legs on stirrups.
• 1:05am, Dr still joking around. I told her,'Errr, I am pushing here and you're joking'. She says,'Oh, keep pushing...I am not done with my jokes'. It was funny. cos we were all taking this casually. When the baby started to come out, the Dr clapped and laughed so loud saying 'Keep pushing Ely, make the baby come out like Humpty Dumpty'....could you not laugh from that? I still laugh when I think about it hahahah.
• 1:12am, Baby Suraya came, in Dr's arms and she asked 'You wannit?' hahahaha. No pain!

Alhamdulillah, although the labor was about 10 hours, it was painless and easy with just 3 pushes for Baby Suraya to come into this world. And only one internal stitch 'down there'.

Right now, I am at home trying to get more rest. I feel like I just got run over by a truck and trying to recover.

I feel so bloated from the numerous IVs inserted during labor, my thighs are like a redwood tree trunk, my nipples are sore and full, and my 'down there' are also sore though not so bad now, together with the cramps to make up from the 9 months from being absent.

Thank you again for the wishes people. They mean a lot to my family...at least we know that we are close to your hearts :)

Day Two Update

Ely and little Suraya are still in the hospital, and both are doing well. Masturah spent the night with them, making for a "girls night out." Ely says it got a bit chaotic between 1 and 4am when baby got hungry, and Mas was complaining that she can't sleep with all the noise. Sorry I wasn't there, but I think this was the defining moment for our lives in the months to come.

I'm going to spend tonight at the hospital, and Mas will go off to her friend's house for the evening. Ely & Suraya will check out of the hospital in the morning, and I'll bring them straight home. Hope Suraya will like her new home. And I look forward to spending the next week at home, learning to be a daddy...

Introducing Suraya Eileen Greenfield...

NEW! ANOTHER UPDATE: I posted photos of Mas with her new sister... Click on this link to view the photo gallery!







(Posted by David, "The Husband")

Suraya Eileen Greenfield was born at 1:12am today, December 8. She weighed 6 pounds 13 ounces and measured 19 inches long. Ely is still in the hospital and will remain until Sunday morning. Friends and family are welcome to contact her via cell phone or e-mail. I will be traveling between home and hospital, and I will forward all messages to her...

Now...what is wrong with this flavor of cat food? These cats of mine have been so picky since their mommy has been staying home past month. They love Friskies but not this flavor. Some would sniff and give it a pass. Heck no...I would not comply and open another flavored can. I am just grunting over the fuss of these cats...grrr!

Sorry, I know that you would be expecting to see the baby picture instead of the can of cat food. Still no baby yet...and I am getting numerous calls from the office asking the same question. Nazrah...thank you for calling me, I was at the Dr's office when you called. Wish I had the energy to come online at night and chat with you as usual...but I have been so drained especially after Dr's appointment lately...sigh. But you know that I still love you to death!

So...Dr says that its still close but this little one is still not budging from where she's at. She says that I have created a very comfortable nest for this little one to stay longer. Well, with the cakes and cookies and food, no wonder she wants to stay longer! And guess what? I lost 1 freakin pound hahahaha. Must be the 'runs' that I have been getting lately. Whatever comes in goes out!

Like I have promised (now I sound like my Dr), the baby will come meet mommy and see the world by this week. Heh...will still not tell you when. Just lookout for this page okay? In the meantime, your prayers and thoughts for me will be greatly appreciated from the bottom of my heart.

I might update this page one or 2 more times before the baby comes, depending on how much I have to nag and grunt! *snort*

What the...

Friday, 12/01/06

• False labor AGAIN yesterday.
• Lost my mucous plug (google it if you don't know what it is) and had a sudden nagging menstrual like cramps and back pain, as if someone was stabbing my back every 5 minutes.
• Then the contractions came. Dr says do not call until its every 5 minutes per contraction that lasts 1 minute each for an hour (5-1-1). 6 hours later, called the Dr. Told Dr its the '5-1-1'.
• Went to the hospital in 20 minutes, Dr happened to be at the hospital checking on her patient.
• Got onto the examination bed guess what???????? The contractions stopped!
• Monitor indicated that there were teeny weeny contractions...still at 1cm dilation.
• Was observed for 45 minutes and it was 11pm, tired and sleepy, I wanted my own bed!
• Went to Starbucks on the way home, told the husband that his baby is such a faker.
• This one is one of a kind, she must be laughing in my tummy.
• Don't worry, we will pull her out of my tummy by the ear (or her nostrils if we need to) by end of next week...

Thank you Salizah for checking on me. My back was beginning to hurt at that time but hey, I AM STILL HERE hehehe...

Wednesday, 11/29/06...
Dr's appointment, 6:10pm

• Gained 2 lbs in 5 days (how did I do that?)
• Dr did internal exam. 1cm dilated, water bag is so full, very mature, ready ready ready.
• She predicted by Friday (thats Saturday in Asia dan kawasan yang sewaktu dengannya), I should be popping this little 'turkey'.
• Dr revised my birth options : the 'Stop and Drop' (enhanced labor) method when I check into the hospital (yes baby, the more pain the bettah!), which Drs I would prefer to have the baby delivered and which pediatrician I would be using (how awesome, chinese Drs and an american midwife are my choice and an indonesian pediatrician, Mas' pediatrician that is...Love being Asian!).
• The husband is getting excited...I am in pain.
• My pelvis is hurting like crazy, Dr says, its 'softening' pretty fast and steadily thats why it hurts.
• Intermittent Braxton Hicks plus strong contractions every few hours.
• I am not taking the Dr's word for saying that Friday...it will happen.
• If it happens, it happens, like I said, this little turkey has her own agenda. Must be the American genes that she has in her.
  

Sigh...I am very tired...this little turkey better stop playing games with me.

Oh...by the way, I found another Coach purse that I lurve!!! Of course the husband is putting me on 'ignore' button.

YES... I AM STILL HERE! You know, I have been getting numerous calls from my co workers asking if I have delivered. It gets tiring yes, it gets irritating ...hell yes...that I have not been answering calls. Its like this, 'You will be notified when I have delivered...in the meantime, just chill alright!'.

You see, it gives me pressure when people ask me. As if I am enjoying the last few days of pregnancy, pelvis bursting, back hurting, extra weight on the hips, who wouldn't want to get over and be done with pregnancy at this level? So the more calls asking similar questions, the more irriated I am. Wish there is a delivery 'camp' that I could just stay away from people and deliver when the baby's ready. Sigh...

Seems like this posting wil be a rant session for me eh? Maybe so. I do not have the burst of energy anymore...ran out of it. Now all I do is sleep, sleep and sleep. Can't help it. I get very tired after doing grocery shopping, after Dr's appointments, after watching tv, even after eating! I can't walk, sit or lay on the bed for too long as the left side of my leg numbs after a few minutes hence, sleeping can be pretty uncomfortable (I have to shift the weight from left to right every 3o minutes). It is also not a pretyt sight seeing my trying to put my pajama pants on cos I can hardly lift my legs up!

Oh and it is shopping fever now. After the Thanksgiving holiday, I have not stepped into any store just because the husband says that we're on a gross budget cut. Nothing for me at all. But then he came out buying records for himself. Ooopps, before you say anything husband yes, I know that the records are cheap but at least you have gotten something for yourself. Not that I mind but...am I being discriminated from shopping just because I am pregnant??? If I want to go to Dianda's he would say that I have eatened enough cakes and does not want the baby to get fat. Who cares if shes a fat baby, I am not diabetic and I am entitled to eat whatever I want!

So all I do now is stay home, clean, cook and watch Baby Stories on tv, which is all FREE....

It is like 39F now...about almost zero Celcius. No snow here in California unless there is a fluke snow like last year. So winter is approaching and the only warm clothing that I could fit into is this humungous sweat shirt and my shearling coat which I could hardly zip up. If I insist on going out, then maybe I could wrap myself in a thick comforter like the homeless.

Ok...am done ranting...I am going to find something else to do.

The mommy and the 'restless'...

I am still here!!! No baby story yet, just mummy story hehehe...

Long Thanksgiving Weekend. After the 'false labor', the baby has been behaving, but she surely is getting bigger as I would not be able to sit up straight for more than 30 minutes without having her feet jabbing into my ribs. *So I am kinda panting when typing this on the laptop on the bed*.

Yesterday (which was Saturday), I went for a manicure and pedicure spa, a gift from a friend. Oh my, this place is the ultimate place to pamper yourself. Overpriced manicure and pedicure, which only mat saleh will pay for, and I was the only asian customer at that time apart from the owner and the workers there.

30 minutes of pedicure and 30 minutes of manicure, 2 ladies hovering over me, one doing the feet and the other my hands. Sedaaaaaaaaaaaaaap! Wish the treatment would not end but oh well. I was then invited to enjoy their snack spread, which they have every Saturday, from Gummy Bears to sushi and juices and pumpkin pie, etc etc etc...

That done, it was time for the Dr's appointment again. Remember...its once a week now. This time, I get to see another Dr, the only one that I had never gotten the chance to make appointment with but the 2nd most experienced one in the clinic (there are 5 gynaes and a midwife in the clinic and you have to rotate consultation).

She checked my cervix...hmmm...not dilated yet but very 'ripe' or according to Dr's term...'favorable' (which means, the cervix is very ready for labor anytime and any day). She asked me how I was doing and let me rant and complain my physical situation, on why I feel more tired, heavier and my pelvis hurts so much now. She says as the number of pregnancies progresses, it gets more difficult and uncomfortable for a woman to handle pregnancies especially during the last weeks.

Then she suggested a solution. Since the pregnancy is about 39 weeks now, why not get the baby induced on my desired date 1 week from now. In Dr's term again, it is called 'Social Induction', boleh gitu. Sounds like a good idea eh? To all conservatives out there who would like to make labor happen naturally, sorry to disappoint you...I have gone through induced labor and natural labor and I feel that the induction would be perfect for me.

Of course the Dr says that we do this IF the baby doesn't come this week (which could most likely to happen too).

So we picked a date...which I am not telling you guys until the baby's delivered. Kalau nak tau jugak, 20 sen! HUSBAND...I know that you really cannot keep secrets, if you let go of this one, you will not be allowed in the labor and delivery room!

Oh so cruel...

It was Thanksgiving yesterday. We broke the tradition of not eating turkey since last year...no more turkey (lo and behold, the husband's mom moved to Reno and next year MUST go there for turkey grrr)! So we decided to laze around all day and then go for Thai and Indian food when we felt like it.

But what I felt around 2:30pm was contractions. I was sitting on the glider chair with my feet up the gliding ottoman when the tummy started to harden. The pain travelled from my lower back to the tummy and then to the pelvis (lower uterus) area. Pain? Sedap.......!!! But I didn't want to panic. I timed the contractions. Every 15 minutes and lasted for 2-3 minutes. After 45 minutes, I told the husband that I am having contractions every 15 minutes, not frequent enough to go to the hospital yet.

Yes, the husband was excited, Mas was excited. Both of them hoping that this would be the REAL one. I told them, not to get excited yet...cos it could be the false one. Of course, I remember Mama Rock's advise, not to forget the makeup. So I packed my make up in the Harrod's mini tote bag that Alya's mom had given me when she was in London, hehehe. Love that bag!

I was pacing, back and forth when trying to get dressed. Mothers who had gone through labor, you KNOW what I mean! Upon reaching the indian restaurant, I went to order the thai food from next door which I had been craving for. Then the pain turned to 10 minutes and then 5 minutes and then back to 10 minutes. Sounded inconsistent. So I called the Dr...the hospital was just 10 minutes away.

Dr says ,'I have a feeling that its false labor cos it was not consistent. Calm down, don't panic. Start timing again. Finish what you ate and drink more water. If the contractions are every 5 minutes and last 1 minute per contraction, call the hospital and we'll check you in. I'll call the hospital now to let them know'. What she said made sense. Almaklumlah...after 12 years of not having a baby, who knows!!!

The thai food was good, so was the husband's beryani. The contractions, became milder as I filled my tank. But the tummy was still hard as a rock. That was a sign that it was 'false labor'. According to theory, 'false labor' means that the mom is experiencing painful and strong Braxton Hicks (practice contractions) but it was not consistent to be a 'true labor' or to make it sound short, that my cervix is going through 'ripening' (softening), ready for labor in a few days to a few weeks.

Oh well, what an experience. The husband was already teary eyed when I was in false labor, I think he might be having 'crying convulsions' when I am in 'true labor' hahaha.

Tomorrow's another prenatal appointment. I am sure this time they will check how soft my cervix is now. My cervix surely is painful and my back is hurting now!!!

A friend is in SF, on her way to Utah on Sunday. I told her 'Sorrylah, I wish I could galivant with you at Union Square this weekend but this ole lady can hardly walk. But we could go makan tomorrow night!'. We promised to take her and her mom for a spin in the city tomorrow, after my early morning manicure, pedicure and prenatal appointments!

Oh and I will miss the Black Friday post Thanksgiving Sale shopping craze everywhere as the household is on a 40% budget cut! So don't even think about that Coach purses sitting at Gilroy which are giong at 40-60% off Ely!

Will update you guys later...sorry for the 'false labor' hehehe.

This could be my last pregnant picture before I pop.

My pelvis feels like it is bursting any minute. My lower back is hurting and my walking mileage has slackened, I walk like Mr Snuffalupagus (the character in Sesame Street). I have not been cleaning for 2 days, just vacuumed and not major cleaning but have been sleeping alot lately. Maybe tomorrow when everyone's at work and school, I could start my cleaning frenazy again.

The hospital bag is already in the car, the carseat is also already in the car, except me, whos waiting for the time.

You will hear from me again...I might still be pregnant for another 2 weeks or maybe another 2 days....who knows!

Can you see my ticker up there ^^^? The ladybird is going towards the end of the line! How am I feeling?

Hmmm, physically...heavy, uncomfortable, nauseaus at times and my rib cage is badly bruised. This little one is growing so fast and her kicks and punches have been so merciless. Sometimes her feet are way beyond my rib cage. The husband sometimes would watch my tummy ripple and then shakes violently, as if there's an alien in my tummy hehehe. It does get painful when she hits my bladder. Thanks for the maternity belt that I wear when I was working and when I go shopping, the belt helps lift the baby 2-3 inches above my bladder, she surely did not like it at first, kicking through the lower and upper belt but I guess she 'pasrah' after a few days. Thats my baby. So to expecting mothers, like what Nazrah says, 'GET THE MATERNITY BELT'...it really helps you balance and takes the weight of the baby off your pelvis when you're doing the most important task of being a woman...shopping!

This is my 3rd day of being a temporary 'stay at home wife/mom'. MAJOR NESTING happening here :

1st day : Did not sleep in at all! Excited to clean!

Gathered all the baby clothes, blankies and what nots, brought them down to the garage and got the waching machine going. 2 full loads, tonnes of clothes! Mas says that the baby's clothes are so small, like 50 pieces in 2 loads! Then we have the mama and papa laundry too.

In the meantime, I cleaned the bedroom, vacuumed, reorganized the baby's dresser, picked up the husband's socks and what nots on the floor, vacuumed and mopped the living room. By the time I was done, I was very tired but happy!

2nd day : Aaaah, get to sleep in, fed the cats before 7am, by the time I was ready to go back to bed, I had 4 cats in bed...how inviting!!! Slept for only an hour and the sun was up. I did not want to clean today, so I had decided to go out!

The husband did not bring his lunch today, so I decided to bring him curry chicken and rice and drove to his office. Of course, that was an excuse to go shopping after that!

Went to Anna's Linens and got some drapes. Funny...that was shopping time for retiree couples to go there and bicker over what color drapes they should get. I heard some couples speaking in Tagalog, Chinese and German. Got my stuff and then went to Babies R Us. Was there for only 15 minutes when the body signalled that I needed to go home and stop spending money! If you were walking next to me, you could be hearing me speaking to myself 'OK OK, I'll go back to the car now!'.

By the time I got home...the nesting frenzy was back on! Put the chicken into the oven, cleaned the counter, changed the dining table cover and then I got on the chair, got the drill, put the curtain rods on all by myself and hung the drapes in my room!

The husband said that I was crazy to have used the drill and hung the drapes, hey...I was happy.

Night time was not kind to me. The baby was moving so much, in between strong contractions. Yes, thought I was in labor. But the pattern stopped after 3 strong ones. Not yet I guess.

Back to the 3rd day today : What am I doing today? I am going to go back to sleep, wake up, clean and then pick Mas up after school to go to the mall. Thats my walk!

Tomorrow? I might drive to my nearby office to say hi to my co workers and send some Thank You cards via internal mail...save $$ on stamps heehehe.

Anytime now, anytime now...


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My pregnancy progression...something that I have compiled along my pregnancy.

The sign at my desk and outside my cubicle

Friday was my last day at work. It wasn't as chaotic as how I had expected as I think i have successfully delegated my work back to the boss and a co worker who will take over my position (at least part of it). I know that I shall miss my co workers alot.

But right now, I am relieved. Relieved that I am finally off work and can concentrate on cleaning my cave, wash the baby's clothes and spend quality time with my girl. Also, I would be sleeping alot, as I know that I would have to say bye bye to sleep when the little one arrives.

But as the weekend approached, we had friends to meet up for dinner and another group of friends that we met up in the city. 4 hours of window shopping at Bloomingdales, I thought that I would be in labor by the time we walked back to the car. But I was fine, tired but happy, got my walk!

Alex, Me and Jennifer

Today, I get to stay in bed most of the morning. Then we went to Costco to get food, especially food for when Ely stays home like the huge Special K Cornflakes, Strawberry and Custard Danishes and Madeleines..yummy! One lady offered me to sample a cookie but had to stop serving others when she say me saying 'Mummy, you look like you're ready to burst!' and I said 'Yup! I can feel the baby between my legs!'...she guessed it right that its a girl hehehe.

Then we went to Target and finally get to complete shopping for the baby. From diapers, to mittens to her toiletries. Oh and I also got a Pilot's bag for what I call the hospital bag.

I am in bed now, 7:18pm and having rested for 30 minutes after feeling aches in my tummy. I know, its getting very very close. I just hope that she could wait till at least after I see the Dr on Friday. The Braxton Hicks are coming more often. Some more painful but the pattern is not consistent enough for me to verify that I am in labor.

Tomorrow would be my first day off. That would be laundry day for the baby and more sleep. I dont think I would be bored death. I would be treasuring every second of being home.

The Baby Shower

It was suppose to be a surprise Baby Shower. But a good friend of mine just could not keep it away from me. In short, I had to act surprised when it happened. Nah, it wasn’t hard at all.

BUT….to tell you the truth, I was truly surprised when it happened. About 40 people came to the party to 'surprise' me and I was overwhelmed by the number of people who attended the party!

There were pink ribbons hanging with banners saying 'It’s a Girl!' and a huge cake, enough for 50 people. I was overwhelmed. I was told to make a speech. As usual, Ely said 'Well, I am speechless' but ended up ranting anyway…10 minutes of the time. Those who attended were mostly my direct co workers, members from the my Asian Group and my former co workers who took half day off to celebrate with me.

Oh my…as I am writing this, I am starting to feel the joy when I was at the party hehehe. Then I was told to sit down and open the presents. So many of them that I was sweating by the time I was done. Clothes, clothes and more clothes! Girl clothes, girl stuff! And then I jokingly said out loud ,'Hope its truly a girl guys! That’s what the Dr says' hahaha! Not forgetting gift certificates too, over $400 worth of them…rezeki little munchkin.

It was too nice of my boss to come back 60 miles from his dentist and then back to the city to join the party and then back home 60 miles at the end of the day. I know that he is in a frenzy as I am taking off from work starting Monday. I am sure he will be okay. Sooner or later, I will be moving to the new office and would be geographically away from him anyway.

Last night, I spent almost 2 hours writing Thank you notes to the co workers. I know that I had to do it then or I would never get them done. Could not sleep last night, still so overwhelmed by the party. I am feeling so warm and fuzzy inside.

People are commenting that the turnout of the party was wonderful and that others must really like me…and I said 'I wonder why people like me!' hehehehe...

Get Your Own! View Slideshow

How about watching this while I try to compile the digested version of my Surprise Baby Shower?

I LOVE this song so much. But I get teary eyed when I listen to it as it reminds me of my son. Sigh...anyway, watch out for the next posting...very soon!

How much longer will this pregnancy go on? I don't know but for sure, it will not last more than 3-4 more weeks.

I was having constant mild Braxton Hicks last night and 5 nights before. Maybe its due to dehydration. But last night, I really thought that I was going to be in labor. The contractions didnt go away after I went to empty my bladder, had a snack, walked around and drank water until I drank about 2 glasses of 24 oz glasses of it. So the husband says that I would be lucky enough to last till the whole work week. To me, whatever the baby wants to do. She wants to come out, she will, if not, she can stay in me, fatten herself up and knock when shes ready.

The baby is just anxious to get out. Physically, she has been stretching herself and makes my tummy so out of shape. Once, Mas put her hand on my tummy and was so shocked at how much this little one was trying to stretch her way out of the tummy. Then she did the kungfu kick, Mas put her ear on my tummy and this little one kicked her ear.

We have finally put the dresser together. We've had tonnes of clothes, mostly 'hand me downs' that I have started to categorize and put in the drawers. I am not even halfway there as I need to wash half of the clothes as they have been in the garage.

We are still short of a few essentials. Like Alya's mom says, we are doing things at the last minute...and she is so right!

I need to stop typing now. The baby is creating a racket in my tummy again. She must be hearing me typing away!

Update : I just realized that I am 36 weeks pregnant. It feels like 37 weeks! But dari firasat orang yang telah melahirkan 2 kali, my pregnancies last only 38 weeks! Am I panicking? Yes I am...I have not even prepared the hospital bag!

Do you guys remember this song? My all time fave!!!

How much cuter can these get? Bought them from eBay for the little munchkin. They're not cheap but I was so happy when I got them. They're going to look like ballerina slippers when worn.

We've got the stroller, got the crib built and the room carpet steamed. Now we just need to set the dresser up for the baby's clothes. the munchkin isn not here yet but she has more clothes than the 3 of us in the house combined!

The Dr said yesterday that the baby's head is down. In 2 weeks, there will be a sonogram to check on the baby and an internal probe to see how ready the baby is to 'pop'. She also asked what kind of birth plan I have in mind. I said,'When I am having my contractions, I want you to break my water bag, induce me and then give me an epidural. I want a fast delivery like my 2nd child'. Then she said,' So you want the 'Stop and Drop' option....come in, have the burger and out!'. She made me laugh...such humorous term for delivery eh? Then she asked me,'Don't you want to experience the natural chilbirth again?'. I said,'I have had 2 kids, I don't have time for all these!'.

And it is true! Have the baby and be done with it!

The belly is getting bigger. A co worker who just came back from the Philipines after 2 weeks says that I have grown huge…even my butt has grown huge too! Funny? Not really cos my tummy feels so tight, I cant sit up straight but sit back. I cant eat a full meal, only half a meal cos my tummy is squished by the baby. The baby moves all the time except when I am sleeping (thank God!).

Good thing is, I have not been constipating nor having leg cramps. The cravings for cakes are oh my God…so strong. Cakes with fresh cream ooooohhh….lagi sedap!

Today will be the last day that I am able to wear my Miracle Pants…the pants that are marketed as the 'most versatile' as it has a belt and you can fasten it as your pregnancy progresses. Well………….hows this, I can't use the belt and I cant zip it up as my belly's too huge. So I am left with 3 pairs of pants. That’s okay, 2 more work week to go and then I can wear my mumus (batik dress lah) at home.

The other night, I was rolling on the bed, stretched my hand to pick up the remote control on the floor, and then I got stuck! The baby decided to shift and I could not pull myself back to the bed. As soon as the husband 'towed' me back to the bed, my tummy was 'slanted' as the baby was somewhat diagonal. Yes, very very pregnant ladies do get stuck in the weirdest position. Another time was when I was picking up stuff from the floor, no, I did not squat and pick but bent over to pick…but my body was stuck in a 'rukuk' position for a few seconds before I was able to stand back up. Sometimes I have to call the the husband to 'unstuck' me. Poor me!

Walking has indeed been a task for me. Feels like a huge rock is sitting on my pelvic bone. No more speed when I walk, more like 1 mile an hour, unless I am crossing the road, then it will be 1.1 mile an hour.

Now I am worried, if the baby's 'newborn' size clothes will not fit her if shes a huge baby! I hope Sam and Salizah will not be shocked by the size of my belly when they see me tomorrow.

In the meantime, I have my birth plan ready for now. Yes, after 2 kids of braving the childbirth pain, I opting for epidural this time round. I do have others listed in my plan too. Until I moved here, I didn't know that I can indeed have a birth plan! Now I need to start preparing my 'hospital bag'. But I told the husband, by any chance if I did't get the chance to prepare my hospital bag, do not worry, I can still have the baby without my toothbrush and toothpaste as long as I have my makeup in the purse, thats all that matters!

Happy weekend everyone!!!

Eid Mubarak and Happy Birthday to me...

Today is Hari Raya. Eid Mubarak to everyone reading this.

Received a call from Sam and Salizah last night, how wonderful and heartwarming.

Today, I received a call from Singapore, Uja called and sang me a Raya song. She is always bursting with energy. You never fail to cheer me up.

Thank you Uja and Ajun for calling me. Oh and I also received your jamu, box still intact.

At least someone from there are thinking of me.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Tomorrow's my birthday. I always receive my gifts the night before my birthday, like tonight. Got my year's supply of Womens Eternity perfume which I have run out of, a JBL iPod docking station and a Coach wallet/purse (which Mas says that Paps bought the wrong one for me). A handmade Birthday Card from London also came with the gifts. At least this time the husband knows that he would not get me the same card like 2 years back (yes, the same birthday card 2 years in a row!).

Thank you for the gifts Mas and Paps. I am now waiting for my cake from Dianda's!

Listed the ingredients for cooking today.
Went to the asian supermarket, dragged the husband, he knows that Ely's on a Hari Raya grocery shopping spree. Exciting, they have finally imported the Kara santan in the box! Got the ingredients for kuah lodeh and rendang and sambal goreng pengantin. Decided to make my own kerisik...no problem.

Hmmm, today's menu will be kuah lodeh, sambal tumis and lontong is boiling in the pot. Husband says, don't forget to cook the chicken, he must have meat...so I might make ayam goreng for tonight.

Rendang and sambal goreng will be cooked on Friday night for potluck at Sam & Sal's. Talk about Sal, just sneaked a peek at Alya's blog, got kueh raya, best nya! No kueh raya for us this year. This cook here has no energy to be a baker. Oh and thank you for the lovely Alaya Raya card and the Alya stamp...adorable. And we have also received your gift from Babys R Us...big thank you! I know we owe Alya something nice :)

It is Hari Raya for us tomorrow, Monday, 10/23/06. We paid our tithe. So tonight we will have the big dinner...

Yesterday was our hospital tour. It was refreshing for me, seeing tiny babies always lifts my spirits. I tend to compare the size of the rooms when I delivered at Mount Elizabeth Hospital in Singapore...still can't beat the large delivery room there but this will do. Then we went to 3 different megastores and finally decided on a stroller. the worst part, after deciding, they were out of stock...thanks to internet shopping, we got our stroller! Then we spent hours on the net looking for a crib comforter set for the munchkin...have decided on a Hello Kitty set but still bookmarking possibilities.

I have been emotional past days. Miss my son, anger over the whole scenario. I feel for my daughter. Somehow or rather, I think my daughter has been hit emotionally the most as she has lost a sibling who was with her everyday of her life. We all try not to talk about Raya...all I can do is cry and then recover, cry and then recover. Allah must have given me so much strength to have stayed sane and have my baby to be delivered in a few weeks...Subhanallah...only He knows how I as a mother feel right now.

To my husband, thank you for being here for me. The pain, the sorrow, the tears and the heartache, you are here.

Raya this year will be just like any other year. Since it will fall on a Monday for us, I will do my masak masak on Sunday. Nothing much really, just kuah lodeh and lontong and sambal tumis for that day. The big masak masak will be next weekend when we have potluck at Sam and Sal's house. My piece will be rendang and sambal goreng pengantin…I LOVE to cook so I am really looking forward to it.

This year, hari raya will just be the 3 of us. The husband, the daughter and me. We will be in our respective offices and school on Monday. Yes…no holidays and I know someone at the other end of the world always says that we do not respect Syawal just because we are working on that day (oh come on!).

As raya approaches, it gets harder for me. As it is, the year had not been that happy for me. This day only adds more sorrows in my heart and my daughter's…my husband always takes on more sorrows when his 'ladies' are in sorrow moods. This is my first year not listening to any raya songs for sanity sake. My daughter and I just had a huddled crying session over the emotions that she is going through (never mind ibu, I can keep my emotions). My daughter is still trying to get use to not having her brother with her all the time and running out of ideas on how to amuse herself. Sometimes we wonder if anyone on the other side of the world would even wonder how we're feeling. Sigh…

But life goes on, at least we will have a big meal on Sunday, insyaAllah go to the nearest mosque to pay tithe and be part of the celebration. The next weekend will be with our friends and then the weekend after too…with home improvements in between.

My mother in law is also moving from Florida to Reno and there will be more reunions to come. Some friends have been contacting us, some living in Sacramento, to meet up with us before I deliver. Yup, they love last minute meet ups.

To those who are with their families, please treasure your family, especially your beloved kids. They are the diamonds in your heart and irreplaceable. We always do not re

Selamat Hari Raya to all my readers, Maaf Zahir Batin and thank you for your kind wishes :)

If my son is reading this, everyone is thinking of you here.

Now where should I start? So much to talk about as usual.

Remember I told you before that I would be working all the way till the baby decides to pop? I was very adamant about it, saying that I would really be okay? Well, I lied. As of Saturday, I realized that I am REALLY beginning to S-L-O-W...down. The need for a bench or a chair is so great after every 20 minutes of walking. The constant trips up and down the aisle in tbe office is enough to make me huff and puff when I reach a co worker's workstation and then only to yawn and almost fall asleep as we are talking about work. I get tired at any time of the day and my bladder gets tickled by the little munchkin even when its empty and laying in bed when I am home. When I sit down, the tummy feels crunched up and the baby would stretch for more space, cramping my ribcage. Fun? Can't comment on that!

So what has been pre-determined as I reach 36 weeks of pregnancy? That I will go on early Disability to stay home and wait for the egg to hatch. I have no choice as I know that my body will denfinitly not allow me to run around that much. At least that will give me the chance to be home, in bed, get our bedroom+nursery ready and the only exercise I would get might be the constant visitations to the mall (what? I could hear the husband yelling at me saying 'Give me those credit cards!!!').

The boss is ready for my early take off. Maybe cos he can't stand seeing me waddling and yawning each time I see him. He is also learning to delegate tasks to his 2 other assistant managers so that I could 'dissolve' slowly while being cross trained.

In the meantime, I can't count how many times we have visited Ikea in the past 3 weeks. Can I say 3 times? Yes 3 times. From getting some essential furniture, to the baby's dresser, dining chairs, etc etc. As for the last visit last weekend, it was hard for me not to sit down when I was trying my best to complete my round at the showroom. It was HARD. The discomfort is not on the back or hips but more on the tummy, the weight of the tummy throws me off balance and gives me the stitches. Even the trip to Costco was such hardship for me, only to feel better when I told myself that I could be eating the Kosher hotdogs at their Deli after paying for the groceries!

So we have decided not to change the flooring for the bedroom but just call Stanley Steemer again to steam the carpet. Then we're going to set up the baby's dresser, crib and the husband's new computer desk. With the early disability leave that I intend to take, the room should be ready to go by the time the baby arrives. Oh and we're also going to put an old rocker in the bedroom and a glider in the living room. My new 'butt resting' nests after the husband's comfortable new living room chair!!!

Like this one...please ignore the red chairs to my right, they will be out of the house by this weekend!

Such a sucker for personal goodness I am! Especially when I in a 'round the clock discomfort'.

I was at the Hair Salon promptly at 10am. Le, my hairdresser was already busy doing someone's hair. 'A few more minutes okay'...she yelled to me and I said okay. I went to the store and got myself a bottled water and then sat on the only available chair in the waiting area, holding my Life & Style magazine...ahemm, wanted to show Le... Jennifer Lopez's picture, to look like her...eh no, to have the same haircolor like her!

While I was flipping the pages, a 4 year old who sat next to me asked,'Excuse me, could I have that magazine when you're done?' Eh eh budak nih...so I said,'Well, I need this magazine to show to the hairdresser how I want my hair to look like'. Thinking that I am some kind of nut, she said 'Ohhhhhh, okay' but she kept poking her head in front of me to see the pages as I was flipping through them. NO...I am not giving her my magazine!

Le's few minutes turned into 30 minutes. Not that I really care...I could see her straightening this 4 year old mom's hair, and then said hold on to her and took in another customer to do her eyebrows and then went back to the mom. Busy busy busy.

Then it was my turn, and at the same time, a regular customer nyonya came in and said that she needed her hair colored and wanted it quick. This lady is always there when I am. But Le, attended to me first, I showed her the Jennifer Lopez picture, dark base color with skinny streaks. I told her 'I want this haircolor but you really do not have to make me look like her!'. To make the story short, the whole process was about 2.5 hours, which I did not mind at all.

I loved my hair and scalp being massaged, my head put into that hairdryer bubble thingy that almost put me to sleep. Then the manicure/pedicure girl came up to me and asked me for the 6th time when I am due to deliver (she asks me each time I come by) and asked me if I would like a pedicure while my head is in the bubble. No, I really could not spend more money!

By the time I was done, the manicure/pedicure girl was on her way to selling me a ceramic straightening iron that costs $100...errr...'No sister, I really do not need that iron as I have one at home' (though not as good as hers lah).

But I left the place happy, feeling pampered and having the haircolor like Jennifer Lopez...and a substantial amount of money poorer.

At least when I was at a gf's birthday party after that, they all said that the haircolor looked great!

Remember the last time I colored my hair at the salon in Singapore with Makcik Hopes? Well, I have grossly outgrown on the color and the roots have grown up to 4 inches in length and I surely do look like a skunk. Time for me to spend the money on a different color and highlights again! Of course, it will not be as cheap as when I did it back in Singapore.

The husband was asking why I am not coloring my hair out of the box like I use to do. My answer? Cos I am pregnant and this is the only way for me to make myself feel that I am trying to make myself look better. Well it is not a lame excuse right right right? I do need to feel good about myself especially during the last few weeks of this pregnancy when I am feeling fat, full and heavy. Also, I know that the husband will be taking tonnes of pictues when the baby is born so hopefully, the colors and highlights will not be outgrown and my hair would still look perfect when the time comes!

So I have made the appointment to see Le, my hairdresser. 10am Saturday morning. I am excited!

Everyone's talking about raya preparation especially when you are living back home I have read some bloggers posting about Roti John, kueh Badak Berendam, Kueh keria and all. And some bloggers are already posting about how much they have covered for raya preparation. Baju raya warna aper, kain sampin warna aper. And me??? All I talk about is work and pregnancy eh?

Sigh...it is surely different when you live in another part of the world. Life goes on of course, puasa tetap puasa (not me lah but the rest of my family members), buka tetap buka. But no bazaar, no baju raya (I can't fit into mine) and maybe plans to visit a few friends on that raya weekend. Very quiet ramadan and very quiet Eid for us. Sometimes if Eid falls on a weekday, I do go to work and the kids go to school (of course this does not sit well with one of my parents who think that we do not respect Eid).

Do I wish now that I would be home to celebrate Eid? Not this year. With happenings back home, I also sometimes wonder why I went back 2 months ago, only to come home with hurt and depression.

Now that we're busy preparing our home for this little munchkin, I have to avoid from feeling depressed for fear of pre-term labor. 8 more weeks to go, I am always 10 days early so can I say that I have 6 more weeks to go? We'll see...

To readers back home and anywhere in the world, happy preparing for raya okay. Ingatlah daku ketika makan rendang dan lontong tuh. Don't worry, rendang and lontong will be on our table on raya, not forgetting sambal goreng too!

ps : ooooh, I know that I have to call our friends here to meet up for buka puasa. Sorry ladies, insyaAllah, I will call soon, just need to find time and put my Swiffer duster and garbage bags away!

Is this nesting too?

Like I mentioned in my previous post, the home improvement stops on weekdays and we really mean it.

But my progression of being cross trained in 3 job skills within a time period of about 8 weeksn from now, is 1/3 off the ground. I have completed the training in cashiering, now I am going to the 2nd stage of cashiering. That would take me 2 weeks to complete (as its more complicating) and then proceed to another job skill which is totally different but involves money too.

Imagine me, a person who never carries more than $100 in cash (only ATMs and credit cards please) being trained at the front line to receive cash everyday, sometimes large amounts to balance at the end of the day. I thought I was going to be a nervous wreck when I started doing it but seems like I was enjoying it. Counting money which is not mine and not having to think on how to spend it (hahahahaha...!), and then putting them into the huge safe.

But what amazes me is being in my last trimester of pregnancy, with huge tummy hanging out and with a bad bad bad memory (pregnancy brain) and keeps dropping her pens and papers expecting co workers to pick them up for me, but can still absorb and learn new skills. Of course, I have to write them ALL down, every step and procedures.

Forgetfulness...it is so bad that

• I forget to go lunch with a co worker and went with another instead

• forget to order business cards for the new office which opened last week, only to remember 2 days before opening (boss had to bite his tongue and he knows I have the pregnancy brain but he was pissed as hell!)
• forget to water my office plants a few times that some leaves turned yellow (but they decided not to die)
• and guess what...even forget to take my 15 minutes coffee breaks!

My co workers jested saying that I will forget what I have learned just as fast. But God help me please....I hope not!

I guess I am nesting at work too eh?

The nesting begins...

I have approximately 9 more weeks before the baby arrives. Yes...9 more weeks. So much to do and so little time.

We are 95% completed on the hard wood flooring project in our living room, with just the wood siding to be fixed. The husband painted the living room with a very warm orange. We brought down all the wall deco and are going to start over including the drapes. We need to change the futon mattress to a fluffier one. Then we need to get 2 armchairs to complete the furnishing. We also need new lighting.

And then we have our bedroom to change the floorings on, maybe paint it, buy a new king sized bed and then baby furniture.

Realistically, we do not do home improvement on weekdays. So we're down to about 8 weekends...thats 16 days in total. Do you think we can complete all these in 9 weeks?

We'll see...

Firstly, RAMADAN MUBARAK TO ALL MY READERS here. Didn't mean to ignore such a much gifted month from Allah at all. But the spa experience was too much for me to miss blogging about :)

3rd day of Ramadan here. So far so good. Being 7.5 months pregnant, I would be lying if I say that I have been fasting. But I shall not go into further details to give respect to those who are fasting.

It has been a quiet Ramadan. Unlike in Singapore or even Malaysia where gerai makan would be opened after zuhur to let the muslims be feasted their eyes on food, food and abundance of food. Not until I moved here when I realized that you can literally swim into a reservoir of food during Ramadan and Eid. Except unless we visit our Arabic foster parents when we get the dates, samosas and dessert from them.

The husband doesn't cook dinner till 30 minutes before Iftar. Simple dinner tonight, pasta. Maybe pasta for Sahur as well. Then the daughter would go back to her books, she has a Science quiz tomorrow and the husband looking at the living room walls...trying to think if he should paint the living room walls tonight or maybe not. Seems like the answer is the latter one.

In the meantime, work has been unkind and kind to me at the same time. I have exactly 10 weeks before the baby arrrives and I have those 10 weeks to be cross trained before I go on maternity leave. In order for me to move to another office and run it, I would have to be able to know the functions of the office. 3 job skills in 10 weeks, mainly something that has to do with CASH apart from the insurance skills that I already have.

Easy? Today was my first day being cross trained. I was put with the cashiers, taking insurance payments, run credit cards and observe balancing of cash. After 2 hours of observation, I was already taking in payments. I was excited! I am always excited with changes. Some people might think that I am nuts but hey...I love changes. By the time it was 2pm, I was tired. My brains were tired, too much fun, too much laughing, too much figures.

It's 8pm now and I have Stinky the cat climbing on my shoulder, Puffy nudging his head on my elbow asking for love and Pinky sitting in front of me, waiting till I am done with the laptop to give her attention. How more relaxing can this be?

ps, just reminded Uja that she needs to come back in 12 weeks so that she could come visit me when I have the baby.

The best Anniversary ever...

No really, I did not expect anything from dear husband when this day approached this morning. 'Just another day, the day that we were married'. Like previous years, the husband would suggest to take the kids for our anniversary dinner which I usually reminded him that it is our anniversary and not theirs. Last year, we managed to go out alone at a Thai restaurant when my close co worker walked in on us and we ended up at their house!

But Friday night, before I went to bed, he said that he would be taking me somewhere special and we had to be there at 8am. My overwhelming curiosity was too much that I didn't have twist the husband's arm to tell me what was up his sleeves.

Its a prenatal spa...no wait...a LUXURIOUS Prenatal Spa at Huntington Hotel on Nob Hill . Ooooooooooooooooh...I was very excited! Maybe that was why I slept like a baby.

Got there at 7:45am, luxurious hotel which we knew that we would never afford to stay a night at this hotel. The husband checked me in and the lady walked me through the spa. Aaaaah, of course, yours truly has never been to a luxurious spa like this before. I was assigned a locker to keep my stuff and a nice robe and slippers. Slipped into them and waited at by the Facility Room (see the picture above) to wait for my masseuse, drinking decafed tea by the heated pool, with a couple of other ladies (pst, they're asians too hehehe) sitting on their own lounge chair waiting for their masseuse.

Helen, my masseuse, came promptly at 8am and we went into a private therapy room. Very quiet, very dimmed with songs of nature. Of course, she couldn't make me lay on my tummy but to my side with all the stylo mylo special pillows for pregnant women, very nice...surrounded by pillows. Then there was this pregnancy therapy oil (dont ask me what it was) which smelled so good.



The 50 minute massage was HEAVENLY. Not like the Mak Joyah and Mak Minah's massage at home smelling of minyak gosok. But very relaxing, I almost fell asleep. Helen really found the tender points of pregnant women, the legs and the hips! Sedaaaaaaaaap! By the time she was done, I was not ready to leave...hello!



Oh heck, I left the therapy room and went for my shower, weighed myself (yeah i gained 4 lbs past 4 weeks), and was contemplatng if I should sit in the steam room, just so to say that I did it. But no, I had my shower and the husband was already waiting. But the whole process of getting dressed with the music playing and the quiet ambience...heavenly.

By the time I saw the husband, I sounded so mellow and happy! Got home at 9:40 and guess what I did? Went back to sleep with numerous pillows surrounding me and imagined that I was still at the Spa.

What did I get for the husband? I can't afford that Spa for him, maybe on his birthday eh? But got him a couple of stuff that he needed, 1/4 of the price that he paid for my spa!

Next time when if I were to go there, I would plan for another massage, a medicure and pedicure and maybe with a facial. Ahemmm...hear that husband? Hehehe...

But the day was not over yet. We went to Trader Vic's in Palo Alto for a late dinner or should I say berbuka puasa. This restaurant is Hawaiian influenced serving fusion asian food.

The atmosphere of the restaurant was splendid, good for a mellow, pleasant and long dinner. The food is overpriced, but I guess we were paying for the atmosphere eh? Nice seafood and jumbo shrimp!

By the time it was 9:30pm, we were stuffed and tired and I was ready to sleep...now that's a sign of age and that our marriage has matured...hehehehe.

Thank you husband for the lovely day. You know that I could not have enjoyed it without you :)

Dearest Best Friend...

Us...5 years ago

Another year…has gone by
5 years since you became my best friend
5 years since you came into my life
5 years since we said our vows

But the time has not changed my love and trust for you
If they have, the feelings are just even stronger.

Thank you for being a wonderful husband and stepdad

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO US…my best friend!

Love you always…your wife.

Do you believe in standing up for your own rights when you feel that your rights have been violated or are you a pushover (let others push you around)?
Would you do it only to the people closest to you or are you a natural when it comes to this?
Do you feel guilty when you stand up for your rights or do you regret after that?

Just some points to ponder upon...

To me, I am 'yes' to all except for the last one. Don’t ask me how I adopted this behaviour but it is definitely not through being married to an american (or so people say that I might have picked this attitude from him). I dare say that I married an american due to my behaviour! I have been like this since I was in school. I stuck out like a sore thumb just because I 'said my piece' (besides that 'new wave' hairdo and that ala 'Pretty in Pink' outfits…so not malay!) and then I feel good about it. But not every 'standing up' works for me. Some backfire but that’s when we learn to understand others better. Do you believe that I tend to 'stand up' for someone else too? Call me busybody but it bugs me to no end when I see someone gets trampled upon.

But don’t get me wrong, this does not mean that I am quarrelsome. I can be the most rational person to work and get along with. Just don’t catch me whining at the wrong time hehe.

So…why am I talking about this in this posting? Cos I feel good about standing up for my rights now and and still standing up for it.

Do I sound like a rebel yet?

ps : maybe these Dansko clogs on my feet makes feel like I 'stand' 2 inches taller hahaha.

My Danskos!

Finally, finally, FINALLY, I own a pair of Dansko Clogs!!!

I know, some of you might be asking if I am insane, happy to buy a pair or Danish Clogs for US$114.

Here are some reasons as to why I decided to buy a pair for myself:
- Cos I am pregnant. Comfort is the ultimate priority right now.
- I know that I can't wear kitten heeled boots due to my fat ankles especially when pregnant, so need to make up for the 'loss'.
- I bought a pair of dark gold ballet flats, love them but still need more comfort.
- Bought myself a pair of Skechers Mary Janes, love them too, but still need another indulgence.
- Bought myself yet another pair of Scholls Airpillow sandals, which are so comfortable but...
- Fall is coming, errr no, summer in San Francisco is like fall, what am I talking about...so I need to cover them toesies.

Enough reasons/excuses already? These pair of clogs are so comfortable! Took me a few weeks to justify if I would really spend that much for a pair of clogs. A co worker who owns the clogs says that these clogs last for years (well, at least 2 years). She's never pregnant but it really is a pair of comfortable shoes that could add to her boots collection.

Well anyway, Ely needs to stop her excuses for buying a pair of US$114 clogs (guilty babe!). Here's another pair of Danskos that I would die for...maybe for the next fall.

My gem...

Sometimes being a mom, you do not know what kind of gem you have given birth to regardless of how many kids you have. No… let me rephrase that. Every kid is a gem to a mom. You can have 20 kids but each and every one of them is different and special in every ways and you love them all the same, but in a unique way yeah?

My daughter has so far been my strength and will to drive to positivity in life. She has shown such loyalty and love towards me. Her attention to me and her efforts to keep me happy had always been felt from her.

She once told me when we were going through hard times…that she will never turn her back on her ibu. She will stay loyal to her ibu no matter what. I like to not take her seriously and say,'Yeah yeah, you're just saying it! Then you forget ibu just like that!'

When I am down and crying, she will make fun of me and say 'Alah, dia nangis pulak! Dah lah ibu, don't cry! Stop being a cry baby!' then I would start laughing. But there are also times when she would just tell me 'Ibu, its not your fault okay. Things happen and theres nothing we can do. Other people can be so stupid you know! Feel better okay!'.

I remember when she was only 9 and I was sick. She just moved to San Francisco and when she came home from school, she saw me sleeping in bed. She came up to me, kissed me on the cheek and pulled the covers on me and said,'Feel better ibu!' and checked on me every hour to see if I was still breathing.

You know, sometimes we do not realize how good we get from our kids until we sit down and think of them. How they also tend to be as nurturing as how we have been to them. Only this time, it’s the other way round, that they can also love us the same way as we love and care for them.

Thank you Masturah, thank you for being such a wonderful friend and daughter to me. You have been my strength and my light of hope for your paps and me.

Sympathy pregnancy...on the internet, psychologists say that this is due to husbands trying to take the pain away from their wives. It is also said that this is bonding time between, the husband, wife and the baby.

Why did I even mention sympathy pregnancy? Cos it is getting more apparent now that the husband is growing more than me. The circumference of his tummy is 3 inches larger than mine. Some friends are beginning to ask if it was him whos pregnant or me. Cos it also seems like he is the one whos craving instead of me and he was the one feeling so 'out of the weather' in my first trimester compared to me. (ps. I am craving for apple pie now!).

So yesterday the husband asked,'So in December, my weight should go away when the supposedly sympathy pregnancy is over right?' and I said,'Well, I lost 27 lbs before I got pregnant but you didn’t. I am sure I would lose my weight after I give birth, don’t know about you!'.

Theres nothing much to update about my physical factor right now besides feeling depressed of not being able to buy more clothes just cos I don’t fit into the regular clothes. Can't buy them fall boots cos I am too clumsy for them, can't even walk in the mall for too long cos I would feel lightheaded and would prefer the bed instead. Bed? Can't sleep in one position for too long as my hips and legs would hurt. And the queen sized bed is definitely too small for us and the cats now that I have been nagging for a bigger bed!

Am I whining too much already? Wait I have more...I waddle and can't walk fast but I can surely walk long distance. This means that my body is telling me to slow down. I am also due for a 'promotion' (ahemm) which needs to be done before I go for my maternity leave as I would be moved to a totally new office in the city when I come back to work. Which also means that I have to be moved to a totally new section and learn new things. We will be interviewing the lady who supposedly will be replacing me this week and I would be included in the panel interview. The boss told me that I will be fully responsible in looking for the 'perfect replacement' for him and he does not want any skill glitches when I move to another section. Actually, I know secretly he does not want me to move but he has no choice and needs me in another office to be his 'eyes and ears'. Besides the 'pregnancy brain' (absentmindedness) that I am having, I am sure learning new things at this time will be oh so dandy!

Enough of pregnancy talk, we had a good time last weekend. Besides grocery shopping and potential bed shopping, we went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium to see the great white shark which is in captivity. Nothing great about it...this little guy was tiny. Yes…little…I think the sea turtle was bigger than this one! Here are some pictures. No sun by the ocean…just some fog as usual until we reached Gilroy.

Anchovies!

We took similar picture at the same spot 5 years back, before we were married hehe!

Do I look big yet?

The child has spoken…Mas wants to go to a musical High School in 2 years. This would be her 5th year playing the flute and she wants to study music full time.

Hmmm…that leaves paps and me thinking, does she really want to do it? We also told her that if she were to go to a music school, it will be Chamber Music…classical and not the Singapore/American/Whatever country Idol and not a punk rock music school either. We know that she is going for guitar lessons this fall and we told her that she surely is not going to play rock guitar if she were to go to that school as she will be auditioned on her best talent. She says 'Okay, I'll go!'.

Next comes the cost. Over here, the school will be called the San Francisco Conservatory of Music. It’s a wholely private school where the students range from high school kids to post graduates. They will also be academically educated with music being the main major. Sounds good? Lets look at the tuition fees….

US$26k per year which breaks down to about $2.2k per month. A lot? YES…but according to the website, 80% of the students are either on scholarship/aided or on loan to go through the courses. Hmmm…we also have the 'jewish granny' scholarships if we tried hard eh?

First things first, Mas will not be going to high school until the year 2008. By then she would then have made the decision of going to the Conservatory or not. Whichever choice she might choose, we're here to fully support her decision. I remember 3 years back when she was in soccer, her soccer coach told me that from Mas' movements and agility, she is musically inclined and should go to the Conservatory. How did he know that? Our optametrist said the same thing too. Maybe someday she will be the flute version of Vanessa Mae or even an artist. Some girl she is…

The boy? He has other dreams. He is more inclined in sports and academic. He is the more 'matter of fact' kind of person who would fit being either a sports star, an accountant or a scientist. He loves being challenged, that’s his cup of soup…or so he says.

The baby? Too early to tell. With the jewish blood that she will be carrying, hopefully she will start a family business in 20 years.

27th week today. According to Alya's mommy, I really do not look that big. But I do feel big, huge, heavy and breathless.

Last Friday was the gynae appointment. Had the Glucose Tolerance Test and I gained a whopping 8 lbs past 4 weeks! Yeah...got yelled at by the Dr, she says 'Cannot...must gain only 4 lbs per month okay! All these weight goes on to the baby you know, big baby can be harder to give birth'. Love this Dr so much! She says that doing the South Beach Diet is okay as long as I drink 3 cups of non fat milk each day. Aiyoh, I so cannot gut too much meat this time, all I want is rice, noodles, and other carbs! She says that she will look at my Glucose result and if I do have gestational diabetes, yours truly will have to go on that South Beach Diet!

Its a holiday today. Need to hit the mall, need more maternity pants!

This is what we did yesterday...at Alya's, Sam's and Sal's place. Thank you for the lovely time. Alya never fails to amaze me :)

I really need this. I know it will cost at least US$75 for an hour session but I am sure it will be worth it. The thing is, once I get it started, I might want more!

Heck, its all about me now right right right???????????

Maybe I need to touch up my roots in a few weeks time too, and I need some nice pedicure just to have someone rub my feet and cut my toenails since I can hardly see that part of the body these days.

Heck, its all about me now right right right???????????

HAVE A GREAT LONG LABOR DAY WEEKEND Y'ALL!!!

Craving for...

I am typing in front of the computer and all of a sudden, I could see cupcake images floating in front of me.

Lunchtime today, will be a mission to look for that perfect cupcake! Its hard when I am in the city as the supermarket is not within walking distance...but cupcake I shall find, if not this afternoon then tonight will be the night!

UPDATE : THURSDAY 08/31/06
Its a late update but I DID find the ultimate cupcake yesterday, just a few hours after blogging about it.

Went to Citizen Cake and got myself and my good friend a chocolate cupcake each. The cupcakes were not cheap...$2.50 per tiny cake but heck...I was happy cos it was good and the cake was moist! Yummy!

Newest craving....another Coach purse muahahahahaha!

I think I am back for now. Yup, the hormones of a pregnant woman, one day she's like a crazy woman, sad and hurt beyond believe and another, she's back to her own self. Believe me, I think I will go through a few more of this before it might (I repeat. MIGHT) go away for good (which I doubt). But I know that I can't stay miserable forever yeah?

Listening to Barry Manilow makes me feel better. Then I discovered this romantic comedy movie called The Wedding Date...watching Dermot Mulroney kinda cheered me up (no husband, you're still the cutest to me!). I also have been watching Shall We Dance (Richard Gere and JLO) for the upteenth time. Besides that, work has not been kind to me, busy to the brim of my 'inbox' in my Outlook email at work. Yes I get busy through emails as my boss works on the 1st floor.

Our San Francisco office is branching to 5 different offices and last week was the 1st move. No, I am not scheduled to move yet but somehow or rather, I get dragged into this process. Listening to the boss whining, asking for opinions of mine (might as well they pay me to be a manager eh?) and dropping last minute (which says 'I need the spreadsheet sent to Real Estate TODAY) bombs to me. Well, made my work week go by very fast, no time to think of high emotions.

I will be 26 weeks pregnant tomorrow. How have I been doing? Heavy, achey, stretchy in the tummy and wobbly. Hungry? At times, and I try very very hard not to eat too much empty calories as my Dr says that 4 lbs of weight increase per month is good enough. I don't know, maybe this time am 5 lbs fatter cos I feel huge!

Some maternity clothes are in their last days use, can't stretch as much as my tummy anymore. The baby has been very merciless to me. Stretching and kicking as and when she pleases. Last night, she kept me up every hour while she was doing her aerobics and bhangra moves. I wonder if the cat could feel the kick as the cat had her head leaning against my tummy!

I just discovered something unique when pregnant:
1)that my tummy is a good 'dock' for putting post it notes when I am away from my desk or having a meeting while standing up.

2) that things would fall off my hand and onto the tummy before hitting the floor, so if I am fast, I could catch it and not have to bend down!

3) that my tummy can be a good cup holder.

4) that I put my dining napkins on my tummy instead of my lap, as the food falls onto my blouse on the tummy instead of the lap.

5) the laptop does not fit on my lap anymore...it gets pushed out by the belly.

6) the cats and kitten love sitting/sleeping/perching on me when I sleep on my side as the belly makes my side wider. Most will end up on the side of my belly...like papasan chair.

7) my loafers that I did not wear for 5 months seem to be 1-2 sizes smaller!

Again, some say that I look like I am having twins, the husband also said the same thing (yes, I am bigger than the other lady who is due for delivery in 4 weeks!). But I am enjoying every moment of being pregnant, except for some discomfort I get while sleeping.

We did also receive some bad news about our friend who were about 28 weeks pregnant. The wife lost her baby boy at 28 weeks. Didn't know how it happened, its just fate. So she was at the hospital last week...I am sure it was an induced labor to remove the fetus. It is sad, as they bought the baby crib and clothes a week before this happened. Thats why I do not prepare for the baby until my 8th month of pregnancy due to this. All this is Allah's destine, I won't be certain that I will have this baby until I deliver and bring the baby home.

I shall try to coax myself to take an updated picture of my body 'bouy'. So stay tuned.

As days go by, I know that life will get better
Like I mentioned before, my emotions are like a roller coaster

For now, I have nothing to say except words of comfort for myself
I don't want to talk about what I feel for now, or how to solve my problem
All I want to do is to start over again and heal...
Maybe until school term starts

Till then...



Honesty by Billy Joel

If you search for tenderness
It isn't hard to find
You can have the love you need to live
But if you look for truthfulness
You might just as well be blind
It always seems to be so hard to give

Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you

I can always find someone
To say they sympathize
If I wear my heart out on my sleeve
But I don't want some pretty face
To tell me pretty lies
All I want is someone to believe

Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you

I can find a lover
I can find a friend
I can have security
Until the bitter end
Anyone can comfort me
With promises again
I know, I know

When I'm deep inside of me
Don't be too concerned
I won't ask for nothin' while I'm gone
But when I want sincerity
Tell me where else can I turn
Because you're the only one that I depend on

Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you

It is not easy to eliminate and heal the hurt
Sometimes when I feel that I am okay,
It turns out that I am not okay
Alot of things will trigger the hurt.

The neighborhood around me
The school....school term is starting in a week
The situation will not be what it is giong to be
Of what I have always taken for granted for it to be.

A mom will always be a mom
She will never forget
She will still love her 'treasure no matter what
Her treasure will always be in her heart.

Hurt, I am feeling the hurt now...
But I have to be strong,
But...I am human after all...

BIG BIRD Nesting...

I still feel that I need more sleep. The jet lag is gone but I just could not seem to get enough sleep!
Since I got back from Singapore, I felt as if I have so much to do! We need to finish the border of the hardwood floor that we had installed before we went to Singapore, then we need to change the flooring in our humungous room before we start changing the bed and buying baby furniture.

Cleaning frenzy…am I starting to indicate the 'nesting' period already? I want the kitchen and the living room cleaned all the time! Can't stand clutter on the counter, the armoire or even the floor. Each time I see dishes in the sink, I would rinse them and put them in the dishwasher. The husband can't keep up with me cos I seem to have a sensor when there are dishes in the sink…one minute and dishes are in the dishwasher! But my room is still messy. Sorry to say this but it cant be helped as most of the stuff are NOT mine (geddit husband?). We plan to have a bigger bed and put the baby crib in our room. The daughter also said that she wouldn’t mind us putting an extra playard in her room just in case the baby wants to sleep with her (would mostly be the other way around).

Shopping frenzy…not that I have 're adopted' the shopping habit again, but when I came back, like I mentioned in my previous posting, I needed to replenish my makeup. Die die today I had to go during lunch. So I went to Sephora, first time buying my favorite makeup products under one roof at a place without persuasive sales people. I left the place happy, $55 poorer, but knowing that I have 2 more major products to buy still, excluding makeup brushes (wait till next week lah).

Back to how I look now….arrgghh! Some are asking how come I am not 'bloating' as they had expected. Well actually, my tummy has been growing but my face hasn’t. They wanted to see me grow all around, which I am blessed with the that kind of bloating resistance (for now). Some say that my tummy is huge, thinking that I am having twins. All I could say is 'Ohhhh, wait, I have 3 more months to go…hold on to your seats ok'.

Went to Benihana in Japantown last night for teppanyaki (where the chef cooks in front of the griddle for you). Wasn’t our first time there so we were not that excited to see the spatulas flying around and the onions turning into volcano. We just wanted our food! The funniest part was when there were birthdays for the patrons. They had the Japanese drums and sang the happy birthday song in japanese. You see, each time the drums were played, the baby started dancing and kicking! So there were up to 5 birthdays last night and by the time I was ready to go, the drums were going off right across our table…I could not take the shaking in me and we all ended up laughing.

Here's a lame...or the husband would say SUPER LAME song/video from Barry Manilow. I love Barry and there's nothing you can do about it :)

Glad its Wednesday. The sun is melting the fog in the city. Happy Hump Day!

I did miss San Francisco after being away for at least 4 weeks.

The cool weather, the peace in my neighborhood and the half empty malls here. No trampling of people trying to get the same sutff as I do, no one cutting my line when I am lining up for food, and cars here slow down for pedestrians (ahemm, besides the point that pregnant women walk slow).

Please do not get me wrong, I do love my country. But now I remember why I vowed to myself that I shall live far from home when I grow up. Even my favorite cousin says that I have the 'Most likely to stay abroad' tag pasted on my forehead since I was little. He knows me so darn well. And with the crisis that came upon me on my last visit, being away from home helps alot in terms of sanity and recuperation. Noone here to bother me, to say bad things in front of me (at least I wouldn't hear them) or even 'snatch' my precious things from me.

When Uja came to visit and we sat in Union Square itself drinking Diet Soda, it was scattered with tourists but the feeling was very serene, hearing the cable car running every minute and the bells ringing. We could sit there for hours with Uja repeating herself saying that its oh so beautiful here in SF and me kept saying 'Kau tak tinggal sini Uja, suma nampak wangi lah' ('you dont't live here Uja, everything looks beautiful here). But she still could not hide the truth that San Francisco is a beautiful city by itself.

If you dont like the crowd, then take the car and drive 20 more minutes to the cliffs and the beach. Our family's favorite place to sit and rot during the day, provided there's sun to keep us warm. Still bored? Lets go hiking, 10 more minutes of coastal driving and we're there to climb down and the cliff, explore the untouched beaches and then climb back up. (No wonder Ely's so fit eh? Still can climb and walk when shes oh so big now).

Let's snap back to reality. Ely and family has not finished unpacking...no we have not. Why? Cos we're too lazy and tired. Our first week getting back to work was such a joy to the husband and me...as long as we don't touch the luggage. Its Sunday now and what am I doing? We just watched an Alfred Hitchcock movie marathon since last night. The husband went to see a client who's selling his vintage car via eBay ($5k potential earning for us) and the daughter is rotting in front of the TV with pretzel crackers in her hands. No topic of the untouched luggages has been mentioned. In fact, the cats have been making the luggages their temporary bunk!

But I know that I need to update on my makeup...my foundation is almost at its last drip and the compact is sitting to its side container and the makeup brushes look more like used toothbrushes now. So this means that Ely needs to go shopping right? Just yesterday, I went for my haircut. My hairdresser was appalled to see my colored hair with split ends...she managed to cut the ends but still keep most of the length on my head. Looks so much better!

We have also found another halal buffet indian restaurant in San Mateo (15 minutes drive from our place). The food was heaven! Setting of the restaurant was also like heaven, siap dengan langsir and Bollywood dvd. Good place to bring Mak when she comes here in December.

Did I also mention that half of my maternity clothes are very fitting now? Yes, the baby just had growth spurts since I got home and she is kicking her way out of the maternity clothes. Eventhough I just gained 4 lbs from the trip, the baby surely is telling us that she had absorbed most of my food intake. So this means that I need to go get more clothes which I am violently resisting. I have 3 more months to go...I am so NOT going to spend more money on clothes that I am going to wear for a few more weeks. Oh wait! This reminds me that I DID buy a maternity pinafore when I was in Singapore...now i just need to go find it!

Now I feel that I need to sweep and mop the living room and the kitchen. Alah, malaslah...the cats are sleeping on the bed...maybe I should join them!

Things happen for a reason. Allah has His reasons to determine when this person needs to be tested, to make the person stronger? Or even to give inner strength to this person?

To me, every bad thing comes with something good. I have not seen it yet but I am a strong believer of it. That’s how I force myself to stay positive, to maintain the strength in me.

It does get harder when I have another soul in my body. Which means that healing takes longer time. To me, the process of healing is feeling the maximum hurt, cry about it, mourn over it…and then get over it slowly. But I can't allow the experience of maximum hurt due to my condition. And so the hurt gets intense gradually. Each stage of intense came with much tears.

I guess I have reached the maximum hurt and cry and I am coming to terms with it. I feel stronger, more positive and focused on how I am going to deal with this situation. Do you also believe that after the hurt comes anger? Thats seemed to have been happening too.

For now…at this moment, I feel at peace, that I am able to get into deep sleep since a few nights back. Alhamdulillah, may the strength always be with me and my precious family.

To readers out there who are going through healing for your own reason, I feel for you and you're not alone. Stay strong…its all from within you.

*************************************************************************

Readers, please do not worry for me. I am OK, I promise. I am getting stronger each day and I have promised myself that I have to think of happy things.

My baby is kicking harder each day. Maybe she wants me to be okay and happy as when I am happy, she is too. It hard when you are half dazed and quite not awake yet and have your tummy working like a tumble dryer!

My rendezvous with Uja? Heh...we get to meet up 3 days in a row, last night being our last supper together (pancakes, hashbrowns and eggs for dinner last night?). Shes flying to Vancouver right this very minute. She also had a day with Mas on Wednesday. Ran the juice out of my girl who was out of energy when I picked her up! But Mas had a great time with Uja. She said that she had never seen anyone as funny as Uja (which Uja said that she is no different from me!). Having Uja and Ajun (yes Ajun, you rock too babe!) here was a Godsend to me, like I had Nazrah when I was in Singapore. Great friends hard to find.

Anyway, here's my favorite song from my favorite band, Cake...my version of 'I will Survive'. You need to turn up the volume a little bit to hear the song.

I have an announcement to make. My daughter has updated her blog for the summer and she is seeking audience to comment on her blog.

Don't forget to visit her HERE.

*okay, ibu's amanah has been fulfilled hehe

Yes, I know that everyone's worried for me and I truly thank you for your concern. At least I know that I am in your hearts.

I told you that I would bounce back soon. I am on the way to emotional recovery, as the days progress, I tend to feel better.

Here's prove to say that I am better...Uja and me, last night, in San Francisco.

Haven't gotten enough of Uja yet, we're meeting again tonight and maybe tomorrow night before she returns to Vancouver.

I have returned to San Francisco.

Firstly, I would like to apologize to my blogger friends in KL and Singapore as I did not have the time to meet up with you guys as planned. I had my reason...

Actually, I came home with a heavy heart. Something beyond my control had happened and I am recuperating from it.

Since this is my journal, I know that I have every right to write whatever's in my heart. Not yet...time will determine my 'luahan' from my heart in this blog.

If you do not see me updating, I might have taken a break. InsyaAlah, I shall return when I am stronger.

ps - its not my baby, she is still going strong.