I wish I could update this blog as often as I would like to. Tapi...apekan daya, tangan memang tak sampai. I hardly have time to even read blogs when I am at work, needless to say at home.

Past week had been super and king of all kings stressful week for me at work. To tell you the truth, no, I do not enjoy managing an office. Compared to working with the management, knowing that my responsibility was to make them look good, this job now is to strive to make the office look good...and me look good I think? And...I do not like that.

Maybe someday, I will be moved to the other side of the department....sigh!

Anyway, thank God for this Memorial Day long weekend. As usual, we do not know what to do and where to go.

In the meantime, mak called last night. Menangis dia cos she misses us so much. She said that she even kissed the computer screen when she sees Suraya's pictures. Kesian orang tua tuh. We all miss her ever so badly too. I know that she will come back soon!

Here's what daddy David and Suraya had been doing while I was working hard in the office.

How did it feel like to be working 6 day workweek for 3 freakin' weeks? Tired, penat, burned out and totally 'rest time deprived'. Who cares if you tend to earn at least half your pay check if you work on Saturdays. My rest time and time with my family is irreplaceable.

Being in a new office, I had to be there on Saturdays to ensure that all systems work well and everyone gets into the groove on working on Saturdays. Saturday crowds are different. They are tourists, 'youngins' who do not work Saturdays (except for losers like us at the office), and leisure customers.

Thank God last weekend was my last weekend working on Saturday.

How I missed time with my family.

Sigh...its Sunday night, I have to be at work in 12 freakin' hours!!! Penat belum hilang dah kena pergi kerja....arrrghhh!

Daddy Daycare

The husband has decided to take care of Suraya since mom left. Its been almost 2 weeks. What perfect timing especially when Suraya is beginning her teething process.

Yes, she is teething. Poor husband thinks that it is him who is not doing anything right as Suraya can be so happy and bubbly for hours and then yells, screams and cries like a girl in pain in one minute.

To daddy David,

You are doing a wonderful job with our daughter
Your baby might not know how to say it
But you can see from the look in her eyes that she loves you!

In the meantime, realized that I have not been updating my blog that often now? The new office opened last week and besides still trying to adapt to being at work and a mom when I get home, this new office demands my attention demands a whole lot more of my attention as it's a small office. But like I told my subordinates, we can party everyday hahaha.

With a small office, everything is incorporated. From the bathroom tissues to the mechanical breakdowns to speaking to the owner of the building. From learning how to open the door at 8:30am to learning how to handle funds for the entire office, balancing them and authorizing them.

Driving to work is also a new thing for me. You see, I was so used to public transportation. The best way for me to get to work now is to drive. Knowing the streets of San Francisco, thank God for automatic cars cos I really DO NOT know how to drive manual (or 'stick shift') cars. I might even bust the clutch if I drove up and down the hillies! I am beginning to enjoy morning talk shows. Lamont and Tonelli morning show makes me laugh on the way to work.

The office is also on Lombard St, where most tourists stay and roam the streets. Its the same street as the crooked street. To the locals, it is known to be the Marina District, where the 'baby boomers', 'cookie cutters', yuppies live. Beauty parlors everywhere, thats an advantage to me cos like Nazrah said, I am in dire need of eyebrow grooming. I need pedicure too. Kesian my toesies, got neglected!

Anyway, back to the office topic, today's the start of the grand opening for the new office. Aiyoh.pening pening and more pening! But our team will make it through!

As for kakak Mas, she had the symphony concert at the Cow Palace last night. Great, great performance! I am so proud of her.good job kakak Mas!

It is that day again. The day of wonderful women whom we call Mothers.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL WONDERFUL MOTHERS OUT THERE!!!

Caramel Macchiato....non fat, sugar free vanilla and light caramel. Thats my breakfast everyday. At times when I am sleepy, I would get the triple shot of this bugger. It is soooooooooooo good, no words could describe the goodness of it in the morning, especially when you're sleepy and tired in the morning.

Mak is leaving in 2 weeks, sob sob. She is already planning the dates of when she's coming back already. Wait wait, she's not gone yet, but shes already planning to come back. She says that she would like to bring home one of Suraya's pyjamas that she has worn so that mak could smell this little girl when shes thousands of miles away. I cannot mention about mak leaving to her cos she would get teary eyed. She surely will miss Suraya and Mas...forget me, I am just the surrogate mom hehehe.

Teary eyed, yes, I do get teary eyed when I think of mak leaving. Last week, I did not know what hit me but I cried all the way to work. I will miss my beloved mak....sigh.

In the meantime, I know that you never get enough of Suraya, here's a picture of her in the snow, trying to be a snow angel last weekend when we were at Reno visiting the mom in law.

My Little Einstein

Suraya had her '4 month old' check up last Friday. It gets more fun bringing her to places these days. Every outing is an exploration for her....especially the pediatrician's office where they have butterflies hanging on the celing and walls, strikingly colored wallpapers, wind chimes at the corner of the room and also cartoon characterized 'measuring sheet' where we put her on.

She is 15.12lbs now. The Dr asked what Suraya can do now. I said, the roll from tummy to back and back to tummy, eating solids and she would say the word 'Neng' when she wants milk. The Dr stopped writing and asked me 'Wait wait, what did she say when she wants milk?', I said 'She said Neng' and she asked me again...4 times to be sure and I answered 4 times as well. Firstly, she said that babies learn to roll onto her back from her tummy at age 5 months or so and babies surely do not say a syllable jabber like 'Neng' until they're 6-7 months. Then she said 'This baby is advanced Ely. I wonder what she can do at age 6 months when I see her'.

Well, to me, I did not feel the difference maybe cos she is my 3rd child. But hey, maybe Suraya is my little advanced Super Baby!!!

Kakak Mas was so happy when she heard that Suraya is 'advancing' pretty well. She said 'I told you that my little sister's a genius!'...my Little Einstein :)

Since I got back to work, my whole housekeeping duty has been a blur. Yes...a big blur! I do not even have time to do laundry, more even folding them. Why? I cannot explain why.

Most times when I am home, I have Suraya pelted on me. She would not want anyone with her except for me. When I try to fold the laundry and put her on the bed, sure, she would cooperate for a few minutes and then she would want me to sit next to her and entertain her.

So for the past weeks, my bedroom was filled with clothes. Work clothes, pajamas, socks, underwear, all in different corners of the room. Actually I am (or WAS???) very particular about laundry laying everywhere but lately, I get too tired to even touch any laundry. That I would just be happy laying in bed and fall asleep with Suraya right after dinner.

I can't stand my bedroom now, its like a pig sty to me. God forbid if anyone were to call to visit the baby. I would need ONE WEEK'S NOTICE in order to let my visitors in. Well, thanks to mak, at least the living room and kitchen is always clean.

But I have to tell myself to get up and start 'lipat-ing' the kain baju. I shall let you know if my intention succeeds, in a week's time. No...give me a few weeks okay.

In the meantime, Ely has been somewhat 'fixed' permanently. We did the procedure on Saturday. Its not tubal ligation but a new technique called 'Essure' (Google about it to know more). I was at the clinic at 8am on Saturday, bright and early. The nurse gave me 3 pills...2 Vicodine and 1 Valium (great, Ely will be so doped out, she thought). Then 20 minutes later, I was brought to the examination room and given a painkilling shot (yes, got such thing). Give Ely 20 more minutes and she became delirious. The husband was enjoying seeing me in half 'La La land' and talking nonsense. 10 minutes later, my OBGYN came in and gave me 2 more loooong needle shots in my uterus to numb it. Yes, more shots. Painful? Actually no, I could feel the pinch on the first shot and the second one was nothing at all.

Nope, it wasn't over yet. I was then moved to the surgery room. Great...1 OBGYN, 2 nurses, 1 Essure technician and the husband in the tiny room. I was doped up, I was happy to see everyone in there, with my legs on stirrups, draped with the blue surgery disposable garments, lights turned out and a camera scope in my womb. And then the second OBGYN came in...ahhh, I know her. Feeling my uterus flushed by the cold water, seeing the inside of my tubes via camera on tv, the Dr putting in the Essure on both sides of my fallopian tubes, she then said 'OK done! You're a great patient Ely, not a whimper out of you and you look great!' (remember, don't ever get caught with no make up haha!). The Essure even asked me to rate my pain from 1-10, being the most painful...I said 'No pain'. Was that abnormal?

Heh, but I was waaaaaaaaay dopey when I got back in the car. Got home, I was still dopey like a zombie but feeling the cramps when I carried the baby. But I didn't fight it. Suraya and I took 3 hour nap that day. Who's complaining, even the husband was glad that I was out for 3 hours.

I still feel bloated from that surgery. The girdle didn't work today. I still feel slight cramp especially when I carry Suraya. But I shall recover...enough to finish folding my laundry!

Stuffed cabbage

Mak did the sweetest thing last night. She cooked a Jewish meal for the husband...Stuffed Cabbage.

It was funny, I called mak at 4pm last night and asked her whats for dinner. Firstly, mak surprised me for even cooking dinner (cos usually I would cook dinner or she would wait for me to get home) and then she said that she prepared a 'surprise' dinner for the husband. She told me what it was and made me swear not to tell the husband.

In short, it was a WONDERFUL dinner. Mak moved me to tears. She said that she will go home with the recipe and serve her family and friends with this Jewish Delicacy.

I love you Mak!

Sometimes I thought that things could just be forgotten....easily
But it isn't so
Sometimes I thought that things could just jump back up to normal as if nothing happened
But it isn't so

The hurt, the pain, the sorrows the betrayal, the intrusion
All of the above are not even enough to describe how the heart feels.

Do I think that one day things will get better?
I really don't know
With so much feelings hurt and trust broken
It will be a long while...a long while.

This is the hurt of a mommy who feels violated
A mommy who use to trust everyone in the world...but is finding a hard time doing so now.

She's eating!!!

She will be 4 months this Friday and guess what? She has started eating solids!

Suraya has a hefty appetite. Nothing wrong with that but Mak says that she is drinking 6 ozs of milk and is always hungry. So on Saturday, I have decided to 'test run' and see if she is ready to accept solids. So here's the new mommy who went to target and got her her own bowls, baby spoons, some cereal and some packed Gerber mashed fruits like Applesauce, Pears and Sweet Potatoes.

We got home, sat her on her rocker and tried feeding her some applesause, she took it like a charm! No spit outs, no gagging. She opens her mouth and swallows the half spoonfuls of applesauce. I say that she is truly ready to start solids! I was so excited that I could not sleep on Saturday night thinking that my baby has grown!

Suraya had some cereal yesterday at 10am and a little bit of applesauce at 5pm. She seems to be taking solids pretty well...I am so proud of her!

Yessss, Ely has been frustratingly busy that she almost was in distress yesterday. Luckily there is this process called 'scream, yell, kick and jump' that made me feel better this morning.

I am getting into the groove of the super fast pace of the office (and getting pulled on many sides) and the fast pace of having a baby at home. There were times when I felt such a failure, underachieved as all I had been doing were doing things for others. But like I said, that abovementioned process worked really well for me and now I have been feeling more refreshed...or maybe cos the management was not in the office today (but boss managed to find me on MSN somehow) and tomorrow and I get to concentrate on other stuff.

In the meantime, Suraya has learned yet another new skill yesterday that is..eating her favorite book that Alya had given to her when she was born. She loves her cloth book that each time we read to her this book, she would coo with us, reaches for the book and puts it in her mouth. Her new motto 'If you like it, eat it!! If u restrain her hands from holding the book, she found another way, to lean forward and put her mouth to the book! It is almost comical to see her do that hehehe. Of course apart from this book, she has few other books that Alya had given her and some others that we rotate reading to her. We have ordered more books online and I can't wait to see her library collection grow!




Kakak Mas has also bonded beautifully with her litle sister. Each time kakak Mas comes home from school Suraya would get so excited as her sister loves to amuse her with dancing, making her dance too, ticking her and talking to her. It warms my heart each time I see that. Such genuine and relationship, my 2 girls bonding and my Mas having another sibling...all over again. She now feels that she is not lonely anymore.




Needless to say about the husband, he is the professional daddy in SF now. He is Suraya's favorite man in her life, like me hehehe. Suraya loves being with her daddy and gets really excited when her daddy returns from home as thats her time with daddy. But sometimes paps/daddy has to rotate his attention between his little girls as on Tuesdays, he takes Mas to guitar lessons and waits on her till shes done and also takes her on her regular CD shopping at Amoeba Records (as ibu does not like to do CD shopping, thats paps' department!). The husband has done a great job, such a wonderful husband, such a wonderful daddy/paps.



Did I hear someone asking about my Mak? Of course she's still here! She never gets enough of Suraya. Dare I repeat this again, that she has been such a blessing to us for being here. My mak will always be that beautiful, peaceful and non invasive favorite lady in my life. Mak and I could talk for hours without end, just talking about tv shows, food, cooking, gossip...anything. I love mak so much.

Oh and I need to say something important before I pen off...SALUTE TO THE MAKERS OF FOOTLESS BODY SHAPERS. These non living creatures are the super thick hosieries that really tucks your post pregnancy tummy and smoothens your hopelessly teruk/koyak and thunder thighs to fool others making them think that I have lost that last 10 lbs that I had to. If not for them, I might still be walking around in my work pants looking like a deflated balloon!

Aaaaah, what wonders can garlic pills do to you? They're perfect anti oxidants for me, helped me pull through the cold in 24 hours.

Work has been crazy. The move will be in 1.5 months and I am being pulled in all directions. I am being briefed on how to run this new office (HR wise, function wise) and in the meantime, picking up new service function skill in the office so that I could be an 'all rounder' leader and at the same time still doing some work for the boss. YES...I sometimes get into a daze at the end of the day.

In the meantime, Suraya has learned to do the flip!!! I called mak today and she said that this little munchkin flipped twice. Now I can't wait to get home and see this!

Glad its Saturday tomorrow. I badly need to go to the hair salon to retouch my roots and get my hair trimmed. I have been having my hair pulled back in a pony tail just so that the grays will not show.

In the meantime, I keep staring at the window...oh how beautiful it is outside. But I am still in here working.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!!!

Now I am having a cold. Chills down my spine since last night. It could be my body getting adjusted to ther changes. But another co worker called in sick...could it be a bug? I don't know but I wonder why the heck I am in the office when I am not feeling well? Maybe not for too long. I might have to go home to recover.

Ely seldom falls sick...maybe this time Ely has admitted defeat!!!

Sigh...

I finally have the time to blog...from work.

Sigh...the pressure is starting to hit me now. Pressure starting from work, to baby and looking for the perfect daycare/babysitter for Suraya.

From trying to finish my chores in the morning to coming home and finishing even more chores. The past few nights, we have been visiting daycares after work, sometimes spending up to 45 minutes at each daycare just to interview the care provider, lots of things to look at, inspect and consider in every aspect. Getting the hunch that the particular daycare is the right one for Suraya can be tiring. BUT finally, we have found a daycare that is up the hill, only a block away from home.

At the same time, pressure at home can be domineering. Having mak taking care of Suraya is such a blessing. But you know, most times, I have to make sure that my mom is very well taken care of and I have to control what I feel most times. Don't take me wrong, mak has been wonderful. Its just that, I have to tone down with my bad attitudes.

I think since I gave birth, I do not have time to relax, emotionally...in the sense of not having to visit or see anyone and let me hang loose, with my bad attitudes and laziness, you know what I mean?

I am not regretting of having my beautiful baby. I am loving each and every moment being a new mother again and also having a companion relationship with Mas, but sometimes, I wish I am given the chance to not have to put up a face (like putting a prop on my face) in meeting someone or visiting anyone for a long period of time...it is really tiring. Its like making everybody happy except myself.

But I shall recover. I'll get my positive zen back...I hope.

1st day at work

Me and my sippy cup

My first day at work was yesterday. How did it go eh?

It was a mixed feeling at first. Well, a sad feeling when I nursed Suraya in the morning. I cried...told Suraya that Mommy wouldn't be around to take naps with her during the day and she MUST drink from the sippy cup. But that's okay, Ely could cry only once and the day goes on yes?

Can't believe the 1001 things that I need to do from now on before I head out to work. Feed the baby, take a shower, get dressed, put on make up, feed the cats, give Tuco his diabetis jab, pump milk, get sippy cups ready, feed Suraya again, put on shoes and go to work! Yes, alot of things to do!

But as soon as I left home and took the train, I started to feel rejuvenated...I could not explain the feeling. Happy that my life is semi back to normal, with my own friends and career, sad to leave Suraya but in good hands of mak. As I get closer to work, I get the adrenaline rush. Yes, you guys might think that I am crazy, for missing work. But I did! It felt so good to be back.

Its hard being popular...now I know how Britney Spears feels hahaha. Seemed like everyone missed me, from the Credit Union Bank (needed to get money mah), to the Engineering guys, to the cafeteria ladies, to the boss and of course, my co workers. I turned on my work MSN and boom....I get up to 10 instant messaging, some even as far as in Livermore (60 miles from SF) to welcome me back. To add on to the warm welcome, I was given a promotion in December (I was the last one to know about this, duh) and given another raise yesterday. So not bad, 2 raises in one day. Happy? Well, I felt that the promotion was long overdue. Raises? Since I don't pay the bills, I might not know the difference, but when the husband tells me how much MORE I would be able to spend, then I can feel happy, am I making sense? hehehhe...

Pumping milk in the office was not difficult. Twice a day 2 bags full. I think it is such pleasure being able to provide milk for my baby eventhough I am busy at work reading 200 unread emails. If you can't deal with the unread emails, just hit 'delete', hows that???

The day ended to be very hectic too. It felt soooooooo good to have Suraya in my arms again. She looked so glad to see me as well and heck, she was immediately latched onto the 'milk machine' the minute I got home. It felt so heartwarming having my baby stare at me after the feed and smiled at me in appreciation.

Since my mom was so pooped out from taking care of this chunky baby, I took the honors of cooking dinner, cleaning the kitchen and while dinner was simmering, the husband and I and the baby took off to Target to get Suraya's essentials. Well, it started with just getting her diapers, then came the wipes, then a new bathtub, then sun hat, sunglases, spring time shoes and a couple of toys for her. Isn't it great to dress up little girls? They're still too young to say that they do not like what we got them hehehe.

Its almost 5am now, guess what? I woke up at 2am this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. So here I am, ready to start my day again.

Where did I get the energy from? Thanks to the Dark Roast Coffee at the Cafe which caffeined me out yesterday morning...I am ready for more!

Its all about timing...

AlFateha to my beloved friend's, Nazrah's, mom who passed away on Friday, 3/2/07. Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat Allahyarhamah, InsyaAllah.

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Taken 3 days ago at 6am, both in our robes :)

The time has come...for me to return to work in a few days, waaaaaaaaah!!! Oh so tidaaaaaaaaak!!!

I have been away from work since November last year. Oh what a wonderful time it had been. I had time to relax and slum before Suraya was born. I had the time to just do nothing at all.

After Suraya was born, I can say that I did quite a whole lot...let me see :

Delivery - Hello? That was the reason why I am away from work anyway yes? And that the reason how the following actions came about. Epidural is the best invention in the whole wide world.

Breastfeeding - Allah's greatest gift to humans, the breast milk. I am sooooooo happy to be able to feed Suraya with my own manufactured milk shake. Suraya is almost 15 lbs just by drinking my milk. The top shelf of the freezer is stuffed, almost full with my milk. She still has not taken on the bottle...but she is happily...yes happily drinking from the sippy cup (no choice! she has to drink). I will be lugging the electric breast pump to and from work everyday in order to keep giving Suraya milk. Let's see how long this will last!

Travel - We went to Florida, Reno, Napa and even Santa Cruz after she was born. Went to tonnes of buffet restaurants and numerous trips to the sushi bar/restaurants.

Visitors - We had 3 distinctive visitors, one before Suraya was born. We had Emi, Abang Wan and Mak whos still here. AND we were visitors to my father in law, grannies in law, cousins in law and mother in law. I say that the baby has truly brought the whole family closer.

Got fixed? - Yes...after delivery comes the fixing part. We (I really wouldn't mind one more kid but..) had decided that our production factory will be officially closed. Bye bye Size 1 Huggies Diapers...forever and bye bye birth control pills. Whoever's thinking of an alternate tubal ligation, look up Essure...no incision, no anaesthesia.

Let me talk more about getting myself fixed. Yes like I said in the earlier paragraph, I really wouldn't mind another baby but senses tell me that my body is done in this department. Dah lah, dah tua rasanya, compared to when I had a baby some 13 years back. But like I told the husband, getting myself irreversibly fixed brings a sad feeling to me...which means that I will be forever barren. Its like this in humans don't you think? Sometimes you still want to make a choice 'just in case' you change your mind. But oh well, I will be 35 this year...I think I need to concentrate on letting my kids blossom to beautiful adults and menopause in some 20 years or so hahaha!

#7 - Time with Mak

This shall be my LAST post of blogging with no pictures. Frankly, I really have enjoyed creative blogging. But heck, I am so NOT going to do this anymore...geddit Moby???

Mak has been here for almost 3 weeks. Mak is nothing but a blessing to us for being here.

Mak and I had a weird (not a bad one) relationship when I was young. Mak was the quiet, demure and loyal homemaker who filled her time being a seamstress, a caterer and a cookery teacher. Everyday when I came back from school, I would see mak busy sewing someone's baju or cooking in the kitchen. She was so quiet that we hardly spoke when we were home except for the occasional 'Jangan degil nanti mak sebat baru tau!'.

As I get older, my relationship with mak got closer. We had more things in common to talk about. I subconsciously had picked up the interests and skills of cooking and baking from helping her with catering and her cookery classes and we bonded by me wanting to experiment cooking an impossible dish or just by helping her out in the kitchen. We even would divide our tasks or cooking for Hari Raya...she would cook 3 dishes and me 2.

As I get older, mak and I were able to have heart to heart talks. When she had arguments with bapak, I would be her lending ear. Most times, I tried to be the peacemaker. I don't keep my opinions about whos wrong or right cos I always ended up talking to either one who could have said something that he/she had said. Maybe that made us bond even stronger.

Now that mak is here, we had long long talks about our family. How 'last summer's' incident could have been avoided. Mak updated how my son was doing, how mak is parenting my son who obviously still pines for his ibu but too scared to admit. Mak and I talked, laughed, cried, talked again, laughed again.

So it is true that when you are in the deepest pit of your emotions, you do need your mom. Like me needing my mak, and maybe my son needing me (though he never admits it). I am glad that mak is here to listen. She is so levelheaded and her ulterior motive of being here is to be with me, Kakak Mas, the husband and especially, Baby Suraya.

We all love mak being here...our angel!

#6 : Another Tag

Got tagged by dearest Mr Hangloose CB

6 weirds things about me.

I am psychic - I dream when any of my close family members or friend are sick or in trouble, especially my mom. She and I have this telepathic relationship. When she was in Mekah, I dreamed that she was in bed, under the covers shivering. I called her cell phone and asked her if she was sick, she said yes. Then I asked if she was wearing white, and was shivering under the covers, she said yes. Eerie yes? To me, this is a gift from Allah. I get dreams when something not too good is going to happen. My son whos thousands of miles away, I get senses of what hes up to. If I dream of him, it means that he is up to something not good.

If I am psychic, I can also gauge others' personality - Which means, when I meet someone, I can gauge if I could trust this person to be a good trusting friend or not. The husband first thought that I was a judgemental person. No I am not, I love making friends, but I can also see if this person is weird, untrustworthy, full of sh*t or sincere. Most times, I am right but I still make mistakes... some people can be full of good and bad surprises.

The husband and I are twins - To me this is kinda weird and the husband and I will never get over it. We think of the same things at the same time almost everyday and we say things at the same time too. Sometimes, I would yell at the kids in malay and 2 seconds later, the husband yells at them in english and the kids would go,'Paps, ibu just said that in malay already, you don't have to repeat'. Maybe thats why our relationship is very very close...the BEST I ever had!

I am Lefthanded - Is being lefthanded weird? Some say that its a specialty, some say that we do things with tangan cebok. Who cares, some americans here also cebok with their right hand...yucks!

Chocolates are for sniffing - Yes you all know that I LOVE chocolates. But when I am on a diet, I would still buy them chocolates, put them in my drawer and SNIFF! Ahhhh, it feels good just smelling them!

Love them thongs - Yes, I wear G-strings, thongs, butt floss, whatever you call it. I even wear them when I was pregnant. So comfortable, so non invasive (to me) cos there's no panty lines.

I kill my own cats' fleas - Gross eh? Believe me, I can catch fleas in the dark and kill them too. But I stopped that habit once we have the baby, we use Advantage to mass kill the fleas.

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Who wants to be tagged, will get tagged. Whoever thinks that they have enough weird characters to blog about, please go right ahead and then let me know so that I can read your weirdness!

Maybe next time they should have a tag of 6 habits that you have...I am sure everyone would jump on it!

#5 : Touchy subject with Happy Ending

The husband told me yesterday that my blog does not sound as fun and emotional as before. I sounded more 'general' when I post and he does not get the 'feeling' of my expressions anymore. I did not realize the impact of this particular reader when he reads my blog until he told me.

It is true that I somewhat had curbed a good amount of my expressions when blogging since I came back from Singapore last year. Too much things happened, too much emotions were expressed and too much trust were broken. With the healing process which took months for me to even reach the 'sanity' level and still am trying to heal, my blog has turned to be just a notebook and not a monologue of my feelings anymore.

I have lost my touch. Lost the feeling of expressing in my blog. I looked back in my previous post. My first post said 'Blog virgin', then other silly short posts which sounded fun and happy. Then came the Summer blogs...of my kids. How happy I was expressing how well they were doing, how much they had achieve since they moved here. But one incident just switched the tempo of my writing. Dare I say that I am still not over the incident and never will.

To my readers, sorry if I sounded distant in my previous blogs. I am sure this page will be different once I return to work.

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ON A LIGHTER NOTE (must have happy ending right?)

Suraya is sleeping throughout the night since 2 weeks ago! Wooohoo? Its more like THANK GOD!!! We did not know how it happened and no, I had not been surpressing her milk intake during the night okay! She has a fixed schedule now, cuddles at 7pm, sleeps at 8pm and good morning time at 5 or 6am. But there's a catch. This baby does not sleep during the day. If she does, 30 minutes maximum naptime is all that she would take. I know, very tiring during the day but at least we get full night's sleep.

I can't wait to get back to work. I miss my life outside home. I miss the work stress...my brains need some exercise! With mak being here, sometimes I ended up speaking malay even to my husband. Sorry, it takes a while to do the auto 'change channel' lingo mode at times.

But then...I will miss my baby, she will miss me terribly too. I know that she will not be any babysitter's dreambaby during the first couple of days...she will adapt.

As for Kakak Mas, she complains that I have not been blogging about her much lately. Girls!!! They whine when you blog about them, they whine when you don't blog about them!

Mas has colored her hair with red streaks...yes,RED. Got the hair done at my hairdresser's salon after she made me promise to not even dare attempt to streak her hair (what? I got no talent meh?). When she was at the salon, Le, the hairdresser asked her what color she would like, she said 'Anything loud, as PUNK as possible okay'. So there...red, thats the only color that would last long compared to blue, purple or orange. Mas is still not done being punk. She has been picking up guitar notes from her guitar teacher who happens to be a little punky like her and had been strumming her guitar with punk songs. Whatever makes her happy.

As for the husband, he is still busy being that exemplary worker, and the perfect husband/stepdad/dad. His mother says that he's the mother hen in the house. He surely is! We do still have our occasional arguments but we both get too busy with the baby, sometimes we forget to pick fights on each other.

Mak, she is adapting very well being here. She has invaded the kitchen since she came here. So we had mee rebus, laksa, nasi tomato, mee goreng, epok2, kueh lompat tikar (yes, it exists!) and many more since she came here. She has bonded with Suraya so well that I would have no second thoughts of leaving Suraya with her when I go to work. But one thing about mak...she's always sejuuuuuuuuuk (cold)! She's even too afraid to go for a stroll in the neighborhood as its too cold, according to her. But it would not make her think twice if I bribe her with the trip to the mall and Starbucks!

#4: Snowy trip to Reno

So the grandmommies met for the first timeat Reno. One asian, one jewish...this picture says it all. It was weird to see 2 besan (in laws) meeting for the first time with totally different backgrounds. But in the end, they both have one great interest in their lives...their new granddaughter, Suraya.

The drive to Reno was a smooth one although the weather had been threatening to be severe by the end of the day. Seemed like we were not perturbed by it. It was beautiful when we reached mom in law's place...we could see the thick back clouds hovering over the sierras.

When we left at 5:30pm, snow chain law was already enforced at Donner Summit. That was when the REAL DEAL started. We had to pay the chain installers to install the whEel chain for us as the husband's hands were frozen from the snow. We had to drive at 22 mph for 50 miles and it took us about 3 hours to complete just 50 miles. The total driving time from Reno to SF was a whopping 7 hours and got home at 12:15am. For the hundredth time, I can say that travelling with a young baby is 5x more tiring than normal...sigh!

Thank God its Sunday today. The husband and Kakak Mas get to rest the entire day before returning to work and school the next day. For me, I have about one more week (waaaaah!) being home with the baby before I start working again.

#3 : American Idiot...eh no Idol

What is up with this American Idol Fever??? The only part that I love about American Idol is the preliminary audition round where you can see the good, the bad, the ugly and the wannabes. To tell you the truth, I never liked American Idol since it started few years back. The kids were also not keen on watching them UNTIL this year when mak is here to Idolize the Americans!!!

Its like the invasion of mak at home. At first she was the only one so hooked on American Idol, Mas and I have no choice but to sit and watched with her just to be social...little did we expect for that stupid show to get us hooked like her!

But geez, 8pm is 'husband and wife' time for the husband and me as he sleeps at 9pm every night. So no chance nak tengok...but I do get sneak peeks or updates from the 'people outside' in the living room. That asian guy from San Jose...aiyoh, luckily he's not labelled as a representative from the Bay Area...sungguh tak sedap suara dia, he might be able to sing better with shoes on hahaha! I think I could sing Careless Whisper 10x better than him. Till this minute, I am still telling myself 'Geez, what the heck am I doing?'.

We're off to Reno tomorrow, if the snow chain law is not enforced for all cars. Time to visit the mother in law. This visit will be different though. The 2 grannies shall meet! This will also be mak's first time experiencing the fresh powdery snow.

#2 of Takdak Gambar...

Note: Since I can't put a picture, I have increased the font for easy reading, hehehe...

Suraya has outgrown her Size 1 size of Huggies Diapers and has transitioned to Size 2. Same goes with her Onesies, can't button the crotch and her ibu was scrambling in the closet taking out her '3-6 month' size of her clothes. Some specifically indicated '3 months' and Suraya has about 4-5 more wears on them before they look like 'sarong nangka'.

Besides outgrowing her clothes, Suraya is beginning to coordinate her moto skills, learning to reach out and grab. Her cooing and gurgling has also improved. I don't know if it was just the husband and me or that we're crazy, that Suraya gurgles and coos, mimicking our sounds. It surely is amazing to us!

The husband has given me a job that I have never before done in my life...to go to a Lube Shop and get an oil change for our Mazda5. What makes him think that I am so ready to go when he asks me to? I am even too lazy to fill up gas, inikan lagi change oil? Oh well, since I am the one not working, guess I'm it.

In the meantime, I have 2 freakin' strips of metal vials at the back of my 2 shoulder blades for allergy testing. They will only be taken out tomorrow. Imagine me living with these 2 strips on my back, can't sleep in comfort, can't even take a shower, just sponge bath...which means, I can't wash my hair today!

Picture-less entry #1

Yes, I have been challenged by Moby/Ajab's Daddy to this...'Creative writing without Pictures'. So in the next 14 days, a minimum of 7 posts, this blog will have no pictures posted, but there will be picture links okay? Sorry folks, I am sure you will enjoy reading my blog just like looking at pics in the previous posts.

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I will be back to work in less than 2 weeks...yes less than 2 weeks! Excited? Happy? Yes and no. Yes, cos I miss my co workers, the fast pace of working life, the work stress and the 'pakai baju kerja' fashion (got new pair of boots yeeehaaa!). NO...I will terribly miss my baby Suraya, she has not quite successfully been bottle fed. She does it only when she feels like it but she doesn't cry anymore when we put the bottle in her mouth. She just needs to depend on the bottle now to feed (which most of the time doesn't happen as she throws a fit wanting her ibu's booby). Mak says that she will take on the bottle insyaAllah, I trust my mak, I trust my mak.

Going back to work after being absent from it for 4 months needs alot of preparations you know. I have to go to the hair salon to retouch my roots, arch my brows and maybe buy a couple of new tops (depending on my budget) to physically prepare for my return, without charging any on credit cards. The husband has imposed a 'no credit card usage anymore!' campaign to restructure our spending habits.

I have totally stopped looking into my work email just cos I want to mentally be surprised of the happenings in the office. My office is going through massive restructuring, so I know that I will hear at least a couple of juicy ones from my boss.

We are also looking for a babysitter for when mak returns home in May. We put up on Craigslist...most of them wanted $15/hr. Can't afford it! But got some 'lobang' from girlfriends recommending fantastic sitters for $600/mth. Ahemm, sounds alot? Not here in Northern California. So we will be interviewing these $600/mth sitters pretty soon and stick with the ones we feel safe with. By then, Suraya will be 5 months old and I am sure she will not have bottle feeding issue as she would be eating solids and drink from sippy cups if she refuses the bottle.

I have more to write but will save it for the next post...urrgggh!!! Thanks Moby hehehe.

We do not have the Chinese New Year Holiday here but coincindentally, its a long weekend for most of us here as its the President's Day Weekend. For the kids, its the President's Week as they will be off all week this week.

The weather was so beautiful last weekend. So we went to the Golden Gate Park and down Highway 1 to Santa Cruz the next day to enjoy the sun.

Like people always say, mom knows best about their kids. No matter how far your kid may be, mom will always know how the kid is feeling and what he might be up to. No matter how much the kid might have hurt the mom, the mom will always think of her kid. But I do believe in fate, I do believe in Allah who knows that the truth will prevail one day.

On a lighter note, here's Suraya taken a few days ago.

In the meantime, Kakak Mas is busy practicing her guitar. She is very excited to have learned more after every lesson. We are so very proud of her.

What is Valentine's Day? To the husband and me, everyday is Valentine's Day. Almost 6 years that we have been married...each time this day comes, we tend to not even plan it as a special day but always end up going out to dinner, just to have some alone time together without the kids. This year, mak is around, so this means that we could go out to dinner, just the 2 of us. Hopefully Suraya will take on the bottle soon when ibu's not around.

Dear husband,

Its this time of the year again,
Dare I admit that this is just an ordinary day,
Not our anniversary neither is our birthdays,
Each time when we do not want to celebrate,
We end up going out to dinner,
But to me, everyday is a special day for you and me,
And I hope that you feel the same

Oh well, for Valentine's Day sake, I should say that...

I Love You and always will!!!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Taken last weekend

Suraya had her 2 month check up yesterday. She has gained 3.5 more lbs making her weighing in at 12.5 lbs. Its amazing how breastfeeding could make her grow like that too. Dr says that babies normally grow at a rate of 1-2lbs per month...but this little munchkin has hit the growth highway! But the Dr says that Suraya is very healthy and her weight growth is amazing. Must be the M&Ms that I had been indulging past 2 weeks as....I did not lose anymore weight since last month due to this junk indulgence. So no more candy for me. This mama needs to lose more weight before she goes to work in 4 weeks, eeek!

Suraya also had 4 shots on her thighs yesterday, making her the fussiest baby on earth last night with a slight fever. But thats okay, I am sure she will pull through as soon as we take her out for a drive this weekend.

I am trying to bottle feed this little one with my breast milk. Mak says that this girl is too sedap with her ibu that she has no patience for the bottle. But thats okay, this mama will make sure that Suraya likes the bottle soon!

Now we're thinking of enrolling her for Baby Gymboree...I am sure Kakak Alya will have good advise for us :)

Mak is here! Mak is here!

As we all know, when we have a relative or a friend come to visit us from home, its like they came with a container load of food. This time, mak brought us her homemade pineapple tarts, choc chip cookies, kueh lopes, tapai ubi, kueh baulu (or bahulu like what Kak Teh says) and many other gifts for us.

It was so nice to see mak at the airport. Of course, she cried when she first met her newest grandchild. Tears were rolling down her cheeks, I had to divert her emotional feelings to asking how her flight was. Suraya took a liking to mak right away. She must have felt that mak and her ibu is somewhat the same. Same voice...same feel but one wears glasses the other one doesn't. Mak will be of such great help when it comes to Suraya.

In the meantime....

HAPPY 13TH BIRTHDAY KAKAK MAS!!!

13 years ago, this day was a miracle day for you and me,
You woke me up at 6am in the morning wanting to come into this world,
It was the eve of Chinese New Year and there were no available taxis to ferry me to the hospital until an hour later,
It was a painful but fast delivery...3 hours into labor and you were born at 7.7lbs,
But that was 13 years ago...now you are such a beautiful and loyal daughter,
Smart and musical too...
I love spending every day with you and forever...

We all love you Kakak Mas,

Love,
Ibu, Paps and Suraya

I have learned something...if the husband says that he will help with cleaning the house or take something to the garage...DO NOT ever hold my breath for it! Not that the husband has not been helping with housework. He just does not like to clean. He cooks and shops for groceries better than me but when it comes to cleaning, he thinks that I am very particular. But but but, he is a great husband and I love you :)

Mak will be in the land of the US of A approximately 28 hours from now. I am pretty excited about mak's arrival. I have been buying her warm robe, thick socks, thick comforter and new pillows so that she will stay comfortable in this cold weather. With mak around, she will be of so much help around the house especially with Suraya. Knowing that Suraya will be in mak's arms and half the time when she's here, I have been holding Suraya all day today. Can never ever get enough of this little girl :)

Today will also mark my return to work in exactly a month's time. Sigh..I am having mixed feelings. Don't want to leave my baby but I do miss the fast pace of working life. I know that it will not be as bad as I think. I am sure the transition between the baby and me will be minimal. I am still trying to plan on how I can schedule my pumping of breastmilk session when I am working. I am determined to make this work.

Diet? Nope, I have not been cutting down on anything. In fact, I still do not understand how I can feel hungry all the time...maybe its due to breastfeeding. I am literally eating for 2! But I feel that I have lost another 5 lbs but I can't confirm until I go to the baby Dr's office this Friday and weigh myself. As for Suraya, I know that she has gained at least 2 lbs.

But whats diet when mak's here? She has planned to cook mee rebus as soon as she arrives...bring it on mak!

Nada...

Its been days since I last blogged. I so much would like to blog again but don't know what to write about. Asked Makcik Hope what to blog about...she says 'Blog about cooking lah'...but you see, I have not cooked in ages! Well...since the baby was born, cooking has been the husband's task every night.

I was going to blog about how excited I am that Mak is coming to town next week. I was also going to blog about my weightloss, which did not shed much from the scale either as I have been eating alot due to breastfeeding. Rasa macam longgar sikit baju tapi not satisfactoryh yet. Last 10lbs always the hardest. Was going to blog about the baby...but there should be something else to talk about besides the baby right?

So there, an entry was born without me writing about anything. Just like Seinfeld, "A Story About Nothing".

We had my cousin, Abang Wan come visit us in the midst of his business trip here.

Thank you Abang Wan for coming to see us. Every visit with a family is always a happy one. Till we see you again next year (as you have promised!).

In the meantime, Ely is addicted to M&Ms. From the plain M&Ms to the MEGA sized ones. Care for some M&Ms for breakfast anyone?

Baby talk...

Who says babies can't speak? This was taken when Suraya was 5.5 weeks.

Aftermath...

"More than Suraya handling herself well, my beloved wife handled Suraya well. In fact, Ely had to spend the majority of the time with her out of necessity. I am forever grateful to my wife for all she did on this trip, as are my grandparents and other relatives. I've said from the beginning that this trip is no vacation, but it's just something we must do, as my grandmother may only have one chance of ever meeting her only great grandchild. We couldn't have asked for a better family visit, and I hope Grandma can hang in there a little while longer so she can watch little Suraya grow. And I hope that Ely and I can see 65 years of marriage just like my grandparents...

Posted by sid presley 1/22/2007 1:46 PM"


With that comment, it means that I do not have to explain why we went to Florida.

Its been 48 hours since we came back from the trip. Suraya is still trying to get use to the Pacific time...being 3 hours later than Eastern time. Her bedtime is 3 hours earlier and she wakes up 3 hours earlier too.

The flight to Florida was a breeze. It was night time and both flights were not fully booked. Staff gave an an extra seat so that I could put Suraya in the seat next to me. It helped me a lot of not having to hold her all the time. We were not so lucky on the way back to SF. Since it was a Sunday, no extra seats available and I had to hold Suraya most of the way...that explains why I was so mangled. Every limb of my body ached. Took me 2 days and a 600mg Ibuprofen to take the pain away.

But we experienced watching a very scarey situation on our way out of Florida en route Charlotte, North Carolina. We were boarding the plane and there is a mother with a baby (about 1 year old) in hand. The baby was crying non stop for 15 minutes as soon as he boarded. Then all of a sudden we heard 'Hey, you need to BE QUIET YOU HEAR ME???'...I thought that was the father yelling at the baby but it was another passenger yelling at the baby! The mother in defense, yelled back and said not to yell at her baby. Then the ignorant passenger said 'Well, your baby is disturbing my peace and I am sure others feel that way too!'. But I also heard one passenger said 'No we don't' and I said 'Go get a first class ticket next time buddy!'. Geez...I think I would have reacted worse than the mother if Suraya gets yelled at. How ignorant some adults can be. It was not as if the parent was not trying to quiet the baby.

Well anyway, thats how travelling with an infant was for me. Suraya will be a world class traveller by end of this year. So many relatives to visit for a little baby lke her. For me, I am sooooo done travelling either by car, plane or train. My mother in law in Reno can wait until I am up to travelling again cos this mama and her baby is done for now! This goes to the husband too...ya hear me husband?

We're home and I am so mangled from the trip. Like I said, the mother is always the one who suffers after vacations.

Click here to take a look at all the photos while I take my time to recover...

If I did not have time to update this page before our trip to Florida, I am leaving these smiley pictures for you.





See you soon...

How to travel with a baby

Our Florida trip will be on Tuesday, January 16th...

Now now, I have not done this for the longest time....travelling with a baby. Yeah sure, my 2 older kids are excellent travellers since they were babies. We travelled by bus to Malaysia all the time and my parents used to haul my son by plane to Indonesia and the kids were never missing (like Home Alone) neither were they fussy travellers. Their 1st trip to the US several years back were also pleasant for them as they knew what to bring with them in their packpacks to keep them entertained for 21 hours in flight.

Infant? Baby? You can't entertain them but pray hard that they will not scream on top of their lungs during take off and landing in 2 separate planes on the way to Florida and back.

Like what the old people say 'Orang kecik, barang segerobok' (means : small baby but so much stuff). The smaller the baby is, the more troublesome it is to travel. Seems like the husband is oblivious to this...but he will know pretty soon!

Stroller : Suraya's stroller is the car seat/stroller seat and it combines with the car seat frame to turn it into a stroller. Since Suraya will be flying on our lap (or should I say MY lap?) and using the Baby Bjorn barrier...so lugging the car seat with us into the plane would be too much of a hassle. Our only option is to check the seat and the stroller frame into cargo. As we all know, cargo men DO NOT give a rat's ass if the stroller is new or not yeah? so we shall anticipate some broken parts and scratches when it reaches Florida.

Milk : No problem, just take ME and the breast pump along, this one's settled.

Clothes and diapers : Again, I shall bring half of her wardrobe with us for constant changing. Don't forget the lingerie net, don't want to clog the in laws' washer with her mittens and tiny socks (we learned it the hard way...a mitten got caught in our washer...$100 to take it out!). We shall bring about 20 diapers with us for the plane trip and the rest we could get at Target...if you're still in America, Target is always just around the corner.

Anything else? : Don't forget her gripe water! This will be the life saver for ibu and paps and the in laws! The in laws will borrow a crib for a few days for Suraya. To me, she could always sleep with ibu if there's no crib. Oh and don't forget my beloved Kakak Mas. Mas is so independant, she knows how to pack and what to bring so I never worry about her. She will also get her own room when she gets to the grannies house. We just owe her a good time.

Yes I am nervous flying with an infant...so leceh! But I have to remind myself...it will be as leceh as I want it to be yes???

Monday, January 8th

Today's Kakak Mas' first day of school after the fortnight winter break. Its 8:46am and the house is so quiet. I don't hear a 12 year old waking up and kelentang kelentung fixing herself breakfast...as she did the same thing at 6:30am this morning! No ticking of the laptop in the living room, no tv....very quiet.

So its just Suraya and me (and the cats) again since everyone's busy fulfilling their responsibilities at work and school. I know, now that Suraya is sleeping, I should be in bed catching up on my sleep. But I can't sleep until the cats are fed, dishwasher started, the breasts get pumped and milk put in freezer (must keep up the supply mah!) and blog hop or update my blog, where applicable.

Today will be Suraya's 1 month check up too at 3:45pm. Told the husband that he does not need to take us there as I could drive the baby to the Dr myself, picking up Kakak Mas from school on the way.

I also need to bring my pre-pregnancy clothes back up from the garage. Have to tell myself never to stick to pregnancy clothes as I am not pregnant and need to force myself to 'loosely fit'...I repeat 'loosely fit' my body back into those tiny clothes. Ohhhhhh and I also need to beg the husband to lug the stepper machine back upstairs...but first I have to think of where I could put this thing.

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Tuesday, January 9th

The pediatrician visit was great. Suraya had gained 3 lbs since she was born. I told the Dr that she was very fussy yesterday. Yes, I had to take a 2 minute shower and put on my jeans and blouse with one hand, the other hand holding on to her while she was crying hysterically.

The Dr said that she is 4 weeks. Babies get fussy and are at their peak of fussiness at age 4-6 weeks. In short, Suraya is at the peak of her fussiness and in 2 weeks, her fussiness will go away. Errr, well, I was not convinced as I insisted that she had gas.

Dr said that all babies have gas. He checked her tummy...nope, not that much of gas and if the baby is fed and clean, means that she is fussy. He also told me that giving her an ounce of Camomile tea will help her body to be more relaxed. Oh and another thing, the Dr says that baby girls tend to be more dramatic when they go through this phase...gee, thanks for letting me now!

Alas, when we got back from the Dr's the Colic Calm that I ordered online was at the doorstep! Yay..could be the end of her fussiness tonight! Yeah right...took her 2 hours to calm down and 2 dosage of Colic Calm to knock her out...which means, she slept from 9:30am and did not ask fro milk till 3am. Being used to getting up every 3-4 hours, I was awoken by her peacefulness. I made sure that she was breathing...who knows! And when she finally woke up for milk, at least I knew that she was alright.

Suraya is such a good girl today. Maybe the remnants of Colic Calm is still in her body...maybe till about 6pm when she starts her fussiness again!


Here's Suraya, sleeping peacefully last night before I put her in her crib. Such an angel especially when she's sleeping. Click on image for larger version.

Quick note : Lost another 5 lbs since I last weighed myself 2 weeks ago. 15 more lbs to go. And no, I have not started my diet yet, just eating 'smart'.

The Jalan jalan

Was a wonderful day today! We went to Muir Woods this morning and had a long 2 mile walk. I say that that was the first walk I ever had since I was 7 months pregnant! Doing brisk walk also energized me...oh how I miss walking so much!

Suraya is 4 weeks old yesterday. How time flies when we're having fun! As per my previous posting, we could say that Suraya gets more gassy nowadays hence, she has been crying a lot past few days. So we got her Mylicon (Walgreens brand) drops and for now, she is sleeping soundly and not fussing around. I have also bought a Homoepathic 'potion' called Colic Calm. This 'potion' is said to reduce gas and fussiness in babies. It also helps calm teething babies. It is not cheap, but hey, I'd do anything to make her a pleasant and happy baby.

Tomorrow will be the end of Kakak Mas' 2 week winter break. Mas has been such a wonderful big sister/nanny to Suraya and a daughter to me. She helps tend to the baby when I was in the shower or when I cook. I will miss her greatly when she starts school on Monday. No more couch potato Kakak Mas hehehehe.

Mak could not get an early ticket to fly here. So she is coming after our Florida trip...that would be on the 23rd of this month. I am getting excited. Yes, I do miss my mak, have not seen her for about 5 months. Having her around would be of a great help to me.

The Florida trip will be in 10 days. I always LOVE going to Florida. Love the hot and humid weather, the husband's family and the jewish deli. I am still nervous about flying with an infant. It is also going to be a night flight via Las Vegas. I don't like night flights, hopefully it would not take a toll on my body and the baby's.

I have also decided to take the Family Paid Leave all the way till mid/end March. I do miss my work however, work can wait, I know that I will not regret this time bonding with my baby and mak.

Sometimes you wonder how a baby that looks and behaves like an angel when you see them would behave like a monster when noone's looking? I could not believe it myself...

Like my mom says 'Baby dalam hari, banyak kerenah' (baby who are younger than 40 days are very fussy), which of course, is true. How could I forget when Mas was crying non stop for hours and days, me not knowing what was wrong with her. Sometimes you felt like you wanted to squeeze her or just give her a sleeping shot. And then comes Suraya. She is not as bad as her kakak Mas but she does have her fussy times and she surely knows how to make it known to everyone in the house.

Sorry to paps, this happens when he comes home and when its dinner time. This little girl would behave like an angel until we're ready to eat dinner. Her crying would continue till about 10pm or if I am lucky, maybe around 8:30 or so. You should see her when she refuses to sleep but is sleepy and tired, she would stiffen her body like a piece of hardwood, looking at me and eventually cry at the top of her lungs. Each time without fail, when she finally goes to sleep, I would crawl into bed, wasting no time to catch sleep as I know that she will start her siren again for milk in 3-4 hours. There was once when I crawled into bed at 6pm when she was sleeping and did not wake up till her next milk time...poor me!

Last night, she started to get fussy from 6:30-10pm. She always stops fussing by 10pm. I was already mangled by then, the husband was already snoring and into lala land. Kakak Mas was feeling so bad for me, knowing that I had been trying to put this baby to sleep since 3 hours ago!

Sometimes I could see the husband getting super irritated with her fussiness especially at dinner time. Its amazing how we mothers do not feel perturbed by the baby's ridiculous behaviour...maybe cos we're so used to missed meals and sleeptime, and the baby's fussiness during wake hours are nothing...or is it the mom and baby bonding that would make everything seem so easy? I guess this is our way of life that paps need to know and as the baby grows, it might get worse!

So this morning, after her 6am feed, I tried to catch some zzz's which did not happen till about 9am...45 minutes of naptime for ibu. Better than nothing. Let me see if I could catch some more zzz's after this.

Nazrah : This is why you have not seen me during these hours anymore. There's a soap opera happening right here in my house each night!

Good ole days...

Tip for new mothers : Blog as much as you can while the baby is sleeping to prevent withdrawal symptoms due to lack of internet time!!!

Reading my niece's blog and her friends' reminded me of when I was her age. So young, the time when we learned to NOT be innocent (which apparently, over ratedly showed!).

I stumbled upon words like 'seh' (example : aper seh, boring seh), 'silent break' (when you have a boyfriend and then he avoided you, means he doesnt want you lah, wonder if there was even a relationship? haha), and then this disturbing word 'siak', which is actually a substitute for another bad word. Example of these words, can sound so disgusting when I hear kids saying them back home but...when I chat with Nazrah, once in a while, it was kinda fun rekindling the pass...with Nazrah playing along, testing her adoptive Singaporean bebudak slang hahaha. We always end up laughing when typing such silly words.

Remember when we hated school work so much but loved school cos of our friends? I think all teenagers feel that way. Kakak Mas feels miserable now as she is on winter break and my niece is celebrating today being her first day of school.

I also remember the time when I kept telling my parents not to 'pressure' me and I was already highly pressurized. What was 'pressure' at that time? Well, tonnes of homework, tuition, tests and all. I loved to study when I was in secondary school. Always in my room with the radio blasting, doing my homework and catching up with my History, Math and Literature...to catch up with those chinese classmates who were so kiasu (meaning : scared to lose).

School shoes and bags. Since we wore uniform to school, those were the only 2 gadgets that would measure our coolness. No cell phones then...just those stuff.

And I must admit, having been to an Anglican school with very few malay kids, I was labelled as the 'belacan terselit kid' who dated non malays, dressed and had a haircut like Ah Lians...well it was more 'new wavey' style. I didn't care what people said to me. Some said that I 'tak sedar diri' (forget my roots) and sombong (snobby) as I didn't mix with the malays. But that was not why I did not mix with them.

Some of the malays in my school tend to have the same style. Hair braided in 2, long socks that look like stockings, short skirt 'wannabe' style and talked trash. For me, I had pointy canvas shoes, short new wavey hair, normal looking skirt and Depeche Mode posters on my folder instead of Search...and I didn't really talk trash, well, I spoke how the valley girls say their stuff hehehe. I sounded like an american wannabe eh? No wonder my girlfriends kept telling me that I have the 'Most likely to marry a Mat Saleh and move somewhere else' statement on my forehead.

Oh, talk about dates. I once dated this half malay and half chinese guy who could not speak malay for nuts. Very 'cina' in his style and to me, he was cool! But the malays called him 'ah beng' cos he did not project himself as a malay. I was 14 then. But we broke up after 5 months...maybe he got scared of me hahaha.

And remember the numerous crush we had on boys? Those underaged and under'haired' boys? I once had the longest crush on this guy. He ended up liking my best friend instead who ran away 10 miles as soon as she found out as she totally oh so did not like him hahaha.

Sigh...those were the days...miss 'em so much!

This is the beginning of a new year....2007, it came as fast as when we were in 2006 and then gone again to another year.

What have I achieved in 2006? Alot I can say. From achieving a satisfaction in my job, to losing 27 lbs on a diet, and then got pregnant, gained 40 lbs and have a baby! Of course, there's always a 'down' part of 2006...where my son decided to live in Singapore, 6,000 miles away from me...in the most 'unidealistic' way.

But that was 2006. It is 2007 now. Mak called last week and said that she would love to come and stay for 3 months to bond with Suraya. After what my family had gone through, having mak here would be a good boost for us. Maybe my family will mend someday, but I am not hoping for a miracle. So hopefully mak will come in 2 weeks or so.

Whatelse do I anticipate in the year 2007? A promotion when I get back to work. A new office in April. Talk about work, I am contemplating on taking and extended Family Bond Leave until April or so. At first I was thinking, should I go to work ASAP or should I send more time with my baby? 9 out of 10, it is best for me to stay home longer as there is nothing to lose but gain stronger bond with my family yeah? And insyAllah, maybe a new house to purchase (don't know where). Oh and don't forget, to lose more weight!

Thank you to Sam, Salizah and Alya for coming to visit on Aidiladha yesterday with rendang, daging masak merah, large sambal prawns, tahu telor and nasi kuning. Yes...such a large spread for us and I did not even lift a finger on the cooking (guilty me!)...but I shall come back with a vengeance okay Sam and Sal...this time maybe rope in my mother for the spread hehehe. By the way, Mak called this morning saying that she did qurban aqiqah for Suraya...maybe her kambing is kambing #6!

Oh and also...HAPPY BIRTHDAY SALIZAH!

To all readers, hope that your 2006 was a good one and may the year 2007 be a better one for you!!!